The smoke billowed, red flames shining in Maya's blue eyes, but it's not from a house this time, but instead, the camp fire that she just finished setting up.
She stuck her hands out in front of the heat, rubbing her palms together to try and warm up her cold body.
Maya stands up from her knees, hands on her hips as she admires her work in front of her.
"Not bad," she mutters to herself, causing Carina to laugh from behind her, reminding her that she's not alone.
"It's just a fire, bambina," Carina chuckles as Maya turns around, shooting her a sly smile.
A breeze from the cool wind flies through their campsite, the fire staying in tact, but Carina cuddling further underneath her thick blanket.
"We should've went camping in the summer instead," Carina states, her body shaking, unable to get warm.
"September is the best time," Maya calmly argues. "Perfect weather for camping."
"Maybe during the day, but it's freezing," Carina sighs, a smile chasing her lips, telling Maya that despite everything she's saying, her wife is still having a good time.
"Don't worry," Maya starts, sauntering over to Carina's side, and plopping down in her own lawn chair. "I'm here to keep you warm."
With a grin, Carina stands up, deciding to sit on Maya's lap, the blonde wrapping her arms around her body, keeping her safe within the dark woods.
"I know it's cold, but i'm happy we did this," Maya says softly, thinking back on these last few months.
Six months ago, Maya hit rock bottom. Falling off the treadmill led to many injuries that left her bed bound for weeks and Carina understandably worried.
It took a lot of time and convincing, along with battling Maya’s stubbornness, for her to start seeing a therapist, not exactly by choice, but hospital policy since her fall was from self-destructive behavior and was classified as a form of self harm.
At first, she refused to talk, and stayed completely silent, definitely not keen on the whole therapy idea.
But Diane was subtly determined.
Without Maya's knowledge, Diane managed to get her to speak, starting off with simple stuff, until things got much deeper, talking about the accident, her recent moods, and even her childhood.
It's been a long road and she's still not completely back to her normal self, but Diane suggested doing things that bring her happiness and help her destress.
Thus the idea of camping was born, much to Carina's disappointment.
Carina wasn't too fond of the activity, but she would do anything to see a smile on Maya's face. So she sucked it up and joined her on the trip.
And she's got to admit, it isn't as bad as she originally expected.
"We should make s'mores," Carina suggests with a smirk, hinting towards the marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers in the bag that she secretly brought.
The smile faded from Maya's face as she silently contemplated the idea. Her disordered eating was a topic that she constantly struggled with after previously going months straight of dieting or barely eating at all.
Carina encouraged, but tried not to push too hard, for Maya to try foods that she would formerly avoid.
And sweets was one of those foods.
"Okay," Maya nods, going quiet, as she usually does when her anxiety starts to become present.
Carina leans over and pulls the bag closer to her, taking out all the necessities, placing them on the dirt path next to them.
"Did you get the skewers?" Maya asks and Carina froze, causing the blonde to laugh.
And Carina loved that sound with her whole heart.
"I thought campers use sticks? Is that not the case?" Carina questions confused, knowing that although she doesn't camp often, or really ever, that she heard that people cooked marshmallows with sticks.
"Some people do, but it's kind of dirty," Maya explains as Carina frowns, not even thinking about that possibility.
"Oh," Carina replies dumbfounded, a pout on her face, making Maya giggle as she leans over, setting a kiss to her lips.
"Okay," Maya starts, tapping Carina's shoulder a few times. "Get up."
"But it's cold," Carina argues, wrapping her arms tightly around Maya's shoulders and resting her body against her wife's chest.
"I thought you wanted s'mores? We need to collect some sticks," Maya explains and Carina pauses for a second, taking in all of Maya's warmth, before ultimately nodding as she stood up from her lap.
Carina subconsciously takes Maya's hand into her own as the blonde takes the lead, walking away from the fire and towards the trees surrounding their camping site.
They don't have to take very many steps into the darkness, which Carina is grateful for, before finding multiple sticks scattered across the grass.
Maya bends down, picking up two sticks, quickly examining them to make sure they are the right size and not too dirty.
"That was fairly easy," Maya states, walking back towards their fire, taking a seat on the chair, Carina wasting no time before plopping down directly into her lap, catching Maya off guard.
She puts one end of the sticks into the flames, doing her best to sanitize them in any way.
"Marshmallows?" Maya asks, holding out her hand and gesturing for Carina to place two on her palm.
Carina quickly opens the bag, handing over two of the fluffy snacks, Maya sliding one down each of the sticks, giving one to Carina.
The brunette rests her back against Maya's chest, the only thing separating their bodies from molding together are the thick coats that they both have on to help fight against the cold temperature.
They both hold out their sticks above the fire. Maya practically burning hers as Carina delicately holds her marshmallow close, but not in the flame to get a nice golden hue.
Only a few seconds pass by before Maya pulls out her marshmallow, the once white color now completely black as it's still on fire.
"Maya!" Carina practically shouts as she moves to the side, avoiding the flame as Maya brings it close to her mouth, blowing out the fire.
"Sorry," Maya says with a shy smile, patiently waiting as her wife finishes with her own marshmallow.
Once Carina's done, hers looking way less burnt and crispy compared to Maya's, she sets up the graham cracker with a piece of chocolate in each, both sliding their marshmallow in to make a sandwich.
Carina takes a bite, the gooey goodness causing her to moan from delight. "Perfetto," she sighs in content.
She notices how Maya eyes her s'more, internally debating if she wants to give it a try.
"I used to not be allowed to have s'mores growing up. My dad said it was too unhealthy and that I needed to maintain my diet," Maya admits quietly, her eyes not leaving the dessert in her hands.
"You're in charge of what goes into your body, not him. If you want to eat a s'more and it will make you happy, then do it," Carina states softly, placing a finger underneath Maya's jaw and forcing her to look up. "It's your choice. I won't make you eat anything you don't want."
Maya silently nods, taking a moment before bringing the s'more to her mouth, trying to ignore all of the negative thoughts regarding the food, focusing on how delicious it is.
"Buono?" Carina questions, smiling when she sees Maya's eyes light up.
"Mhm," Maya nods, going in for more, Carina doing the same. "Have you ever had a s'more?" She asks curiously.
"Not many. It's a very American thing," Carina points out, snuggling closer to Maya's body, searching for her warmth as another breeze flows through.
"Yeah," Maya agrees. "What about camping? Did you ever do that?"
"Maya, I love you, but I wouldn't willingly choose to do this," Carina jokes, her smile fading as she sees Maya's face fall. "No, hey, I didn't mean it like that. I love doing anything with you, camping included," she assures.
"Thank you for doing this with me," Maya replies, a small smile chasing her lips. "I love you," she adds.
"Ti amo tanto," Carina responds, yawning a little as the days events start to take a toll on her.
The bushes rumble and a noise of a branch being broken causes Carina to flinch, fear confining her.
Between the darkness and the cold, Carina's very alert, watching her surroundings carefully.
"What was that?" She whispers nervously, Maya pausing to listen, hearing nothing but silence.
"I don't hear anything," Maya replies. "It was probably an animal," she explains as Carina's eyes widen at the thought.
"An animal?" Carina questions, her voice high pitched, not wanting that to be Maya's answer. She also doesn't understand how her wife is so calm about the prospect of an animal roaming their campsite.
"Well we are in the woods, babe," Maya replies with a small chuckle.
However, Carina's heard enough as she stands up, pulling Maya with her, practically running towards their tent, gently pushing the blonde inside as she zips the door closed.
"Carina," Maya laughs. "We can't just leave the fire."
"There's no way i'm going back out there," Carina states defiantly.
"I didn't peg you for the scared of the woods type," Maya teases. "Let me just go put the fire out," she says as Carina hesitantly nods.
Maya leaves the safety of the tent, putting out the fire, and picking up all their blankets, bringing them with her as she rejoins her wife.
When she walks in, Carina's already in her sleeping bag, shivering, making Maya laugh.
"Can I join you?" She asks, having previously bought a much bigger sleeping bag so that they could both share.
"Please," Carina answers, making room for Maya to slide in, the blonde covering them up with piles of blankets, the bag not doing enough to keep them heated.
Maya tucks her head into Carina's shoulder, her arm resting over her stomach protectively.
They both lay in silence, listening to the sounds outside. The birds hiding in the trees, the bushes moving, the crickets chirping. It's so peaceful to Maya, but terrifying to Carina.
"When I was younger, the only family trips I went on that didn't involve track were camping trips," Maya reflects, Carina listening intently. "I remember when Mason and I would run around the campsite chasing each other." She smiles at the memory.
"We had our own tent and we used to tell ghost stories, but he would come up with the silliest stories which often led to us laughing. Sometimes we were too loud and Lane would yell at us to quiet down," Maya recalls, her voice fading off at the end as the grin leaves her face, sadness taking its place.
Because of her therapy sessions, Maya's spent a lot of time thinking about her past. It's not uncommon that a new uncovered memory will come back to her. But every happy memory that she has, always has a negative connotation to it.
She has a hard time thinking about her childhood without feeling sorry for herself. Wishing she wasn't so naive so that way she would've realized and healed from her father's abuse a lot faster.
Diane would say that she has to be kinder to herself.
"What kind of games did you and Mason play?" Carina asks curiously, wanting to help Maya take her mind off of the bad and focus on the few good times.
"We played tag a lot. I obviously loved running, but he didn't like it so much so he would often create a base so he could take a break and I wouldn't be able to tag him," Maya explains. "Sometimes we would play hide and seek. He was really good at it," she chuckles, bringing a smile to Carina's face.
"Andrea used to get me to play tag, especially on the beach," Carina adds, figuring that if she also shares her own stories, Maya won't feel as alone.
"I can't imagine a little Carina running around," Maya states softly and Carina nods.
"I did for a few minutes to please him, but it didn't really last long," Carina explains, pausing for a moment to recall some of her past memories with her brother. "I miss him," she admits with a sad sigh.
"I know," Maya says quietly. "I miss Mason all the time."
The blonde frequently thought of Mason, wondering where he is, if he's okay, or even alive. It's been years since she last saw him and while she wishes they still had a relationship, she knows it wouldn't be the same as when they were younger.
There's too much trauma and memories now. So much resentment that Maya doesn't think that they would be able to reconnect again.
And that's something she just has to live with.
"He liked to swim," Maya declares, wanting to share more about her brother. It feels healing to talk about the sibling she loves so much with the woman she's in love with.
"He used to want a pool growing up. When he was really young, maybe five or six, he used to draw our house with a pool because he wished that we had one," Maya explains. "I'm actually surprised my dad never put him in swimming because of his obsession with sports. I don't know why it was always track."
It's hard for Maya to separate her brother from her father. They seem connected in every way. Like a memory of her brother can't exist without her father being in it in some way.
It's an instant buzz killer.
"I'm glad he didn't though," Maya admits, sighing contently when she feels Carina rub circles on her back, bring her some peace. "It would've taken away his joy of swimming."
"He probably would've been good friends with Andrea. He could've lived in the ocean if he was allowed," Carina states with a smile, picturing a small Andrea with soaking wet and salty hair from a long day spent at the beach.
"I wouldn't be surprised. They could've complimented each other well," Maya declares. "I wish you could've met him."
"Me too. He sounds wonderful, bambina," Carina states tenderly, placing a kiss to the top of Maya's head.
"Diane suggested that I talk about Mason more with the people I love and it feels a little weird and personal, but it also makes me feel lighter," Maya attempts to explain. "Does that make sense?"
"Sí," Carina nods. "I feel the same with talking about Andrea. It's my job to keep his spirit alive and i'm trying to fulfill that as best as I can."
"Carina?" Maya questions after a moment of silence. "Thank you for supporting me and being there for every step these last few months. I was an ass and you're more than I deserve."
"I love you like i've never loved anyone. I made a promise on the day that I married you that I would be here through the good and the bad and I intend to keep that promise," Carina states. "You were struggling, whether you knew that or not, and you deserve everything good in the world."
Maya chuckles at her words, not quite able to believe what she's saying.
"I promise," Carina reassures. "I'm proud of you too, for taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do to become healthy. It's not easy and it takes a lot of work, so i'm proud of you for putting in the effort."
"Thank you," Maya whispers sheepishly.
A silence passes through them as they just enjoy each other's presence, reflecting back on just a few months ago where their relationship was rocky and they didn't know if they would remain together by the end.
And they are both so incredibly relieved that they worked, and continue to work, everything out.
That they are here, in this moment, together. Bodies so close that Maya can hear Carina's heartbeat as she lays against her chest.
And Maya's warmth filling up Carina's body, reminding her of home, even if they're miles away in the woods.
"You know you can tell me anything, right? If you ever want to talk about your brother, i'm here to listen," Maya states quietly, Carina's fingers finding blonde hair to play with to help keep her tears at bay.
"Grazie," Carina replies, trying to not get overly emotional. "I am here to listen to your stories too. Your past, your present, all of it. I want to hear all of your stories."
"I think we need to go on more camping trips in the future," Maya jokes, knowing that by Carina's rapid heart beat, she isn't exactly extremely calm.
"Mio dio, Maya," Carina replies, playfully rolling her eyes, even though her wife can't see due to the darkness. "How about a fancy suite at a nice hotel instead?" She suggests, Maya giggling, but ultimately nodding, agreeing with the choice.
"Deal," She answers, closing her eyes and allowing just the simplicity of Carina’s presence lull her into a sleepy state.
"Maya?" Carina questions after the blonde doesn't speak minutes later.
"Shhh, i'm tired," she replies groggily, Carina chuckling as she moves her hands from Maya's hair to wrap around her body instead, holding her impossibly close.
"I'm here," Carina soothes, physically feeling Maya's body melt into her embrace. "I've got you. Buonanotte, bambina."
"Good night, my love," Maya replies quietly, her words slurred with exhaustion as she quickly falls asleep, Carina closing her eyes and beginning to do the same.
Carina decides that their first camping trip was a success and hearing her wife's light snores combined with the noises of the nature surrounding them brings her all the warmth and happiness she needs to get the rest she was chasing.