Emily Prentiss had been seeing JJ for a little over a month, their connection nothing short of genuine. There was a catch to their relationship, one underlying factor that neither were willing to bring up. JJ had been going out with a local detective, William Lamontagne, for six months.
JJ realized in a bar one night, with Lamontagne, the alcohol stinging at her throat as her mind clouded with hazy imagery. Her drunken mind had driven her mad that night, fabricating fantasies and scenarios in which Emily was the star of it all. JJ felt dizzy as she wondered what it would be like to kiss Emily, her stomach bundling up in knots. These thoughts never came without the guilt crashing seconds later, the way a wave crashes over the shore, gently wearing down all that it touches.
But as she kissed Will, she couldn’t help but picture soft dark hair tickling her face, and even softer lips moving against hers. The sort of softness that only exists in a woman. JJ pulled away from Will whenever she imagined Emily instead, the feeling too much for her to bear. It was after one of these moments when JJ couldn’t take it anymore. She disappeared from Will’s presence, making her way to Emily’s apartment. JJ had the way memorized—she had memorized just about everything when it came to that woman. Emily’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, surprised. It was the kind of surprise you were glad for, the type of surprise you wish for. Though JJ wasn’t a profiler, she could see something in Emily’s eyes, the way they dipped to her lips for less than a second. That was all it took for JJ to exhale and press her lips to the dark haired woman. Emily reveled in the kiss, her brain short circuiting. Any sort of rationality exited her brain as JJ kissed her. She pulled away to shut the door behind her, press her up against it, and kiss her again. One thing led to the next and they were a tangle of bare limbs, clothes stuck to the floor. They lay on Emily’s bed, wrapped up in each other. Naked, but not in the way one would think. One would think their nakedness is nothing short of lust driven and hazy, but in a way their minds were laid as bare as their bodies were. They picked at each other’s brains as easily as they had picked off their clothes.
And so they laid bare, body and soul.
No one dared to mention Will, the moment was too sweet to even think of it. It ashamed JJ to admit she had forgotten all about him, too focused on the feel of Emily’s skin. It was 5 in the morning when Emily woke up to see JJ sitting straight, her head in her hands as her blonde hair falls over her shoulders. JJ had put on a loose fitting t-shirt, whether it was hers or Emily’s didn’t matter. She reached a hand to her shoulder, asking her what’s wrong.
“Will.” was all she could say. Emily pressed her lips into a thin line, staring into her eyes with such a yearning. “I…”
“JJ, listen to me.” Emily held JJ’s hands, looking at her with an intense gaze. “Look, I understand if you’re confused and you don’t know what the hell just happened. I’ll understand if you go back to Will. I just need to kn–”
“No. No. I-I don’t know.” JJ interrupted her, squeezing her hands as she tries to hold back tears. “Emily…you don’t understand. I have to be with Will. My..my mom would…she…I just…” JJ struggles to form sentences. She’s a stuttering mess, her brain cloudy with guilt.
“JJ, I do. I understand it completely. Please just talk to me.” Emily does that pleading voice that makes JJ go mad. JJ bit the insides of her cheeks, tears threatening to fall. She wasn’t planning on admitting anything that night, but the look Emily was giving her made every wall she had ever put up disappear.
“I…I don’t think I’ve ever felt this before.” JJ breathes out, continuing as Emily rubs a thumb to the back of her hand. “And it scares me. It scares me a lot. But Emily, I don’t think I can do it. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I just…I can’t…”
She’s crying now, sobbing into Emily’s shoulder. Emily knew exactly what she was feeling, because she had felt it too. Long ago, when the daughter of one of her mother’s friends kissed her for the first time. With her mother’s teachings she resented herself for it, feeling disgusted whenever the memory showed up. Now, she hardly ever does. Although a part of her winces, her mother’s voice echoing in her brain. Some wounds truly never heal.
“JJ…it’s alright. It’s okay, it’s okay. Listen, I’m not mad, okay?” Emily reassures her, stroking her back soothingly. “Look, go to Will. Tell him you were sick, it’s that time of the month, something. We can forget this ever happened, sound good?” It pained Emily to say that, because she knew she’d never be able to forget it ever happened. How could she?
JJ mindlessly stared, the question not sticking the way it should. Forgetting was the last thing she wanted to do. Yet she finds herself nodding. “Y-yeah. Sounds good….”
Emily laid flat on her back, her mind felt numb. She stared at her ceiling for god knows how long, thinking of nothing but JJ. JJ went back to her own place, laying on her stomach and holding a pillow. She called Will and apologized for her disappearance, explaining how it was an emergency with a friend. When she hung up, JJ felt incredibly empty. She couldn’t figure out why. It drove her utterly insane, the weight on her chest. It dragged on, especially heavy when she laid flat on her back. Her mind would wander as she stared at the ceiling, wandered to Emily. The weight pressed tighter, almost suffocating her. Her throat went dry and sleep became a stranger. With every kiss JJ and Will shared, came the emptiness. She had kissed him and he had kissed her; she had tore off his shirt and he did the same. After, JJ laid her head on Will’s chest listening to his heart. They laid in silence, Will’s breathing being the main source of sound as sleep took over. JJ barely blinked, unable to close her eyes because she knew who she’d see when she did. It was then when she realized why sleep had slipped from her so much, why that feeling of emptiness never let her go.
It wasn’t the same.
When it was with her, silence never fell between them. Spurs of conversation would spark, laughter would ensue, and she’d get a warm fuzzy feeling in her chest. JJ never felt empty then, she realized. She was full of energy, of life, of joy, and of love .
The following week she knocked on Emily’s door again.
It became a habit, almost routine. Every other day JJ would see her, and every other day she felt so alive. It was inexplicable, the connection they had. It was something special, they both felt it with every touch. They were lying in JJ’s bed, topless. The blanket covering them as JJ raised her hand all the way up, stretching it. Emily did the same, but only to lace her fingers with hers, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. JJ laughed and kissed her jaw.
“Hey, this is nice…” Emily mumbled, earning a squeeze from JJ.
“Yeah, it is.” JJ’s eyes were wide open as she stared longingly. She remembered Will saying the same thing once. This is nice . But something about the way Emily said it, the way it fell from her pretty mouth in her muffled yet husky voice. It was different. It was incredibly different.
They would do this for over a month; knocks on doors, lips crashing, clothing dropping one by one. A haze of pleasure, marked by half bitten necks and heavy breathing. It was addicting. They’d lay in bed wrapped up in each other, JJ’s hair sticking to Emily’s chest. They’d lay in bed and just talk. They’d talk about so much, words falling from their lips the way their pants fell from their hips. It was something, something indescribable. It was the makings of real intimacy. The sex just being something secondary. Underneath the markings on their necks and chests, underneath the heat and sexuality, there was something beautiful. It was the type of beauty that is not seen or heard, but only felt. And they both felt it. They felt it when they talked, when their conversation would flow much easier than with others, when they'd admit things they’d never admit to anyone else. They felt it when their legs were tangled as they slept, when they breathed on each other. Neither wanted to admit they were in love. Hopelessly and desperately. It would complicate things, they both thought. But they both knew.
During their month of heavenly rendezvous, were many instances of JJ having to leave early. It didn’t bother Emily at first, but over time it became increasingly annoying. She'd be pressed up against the wall, relishing everything about her when the phone would ring and within ten minutes she was gone.
“I’m sorry…it’s Will.” JJ pulled away from Emily, her breathing heavy. Emily’s lipstick was all over JJ’s lips.
“Goddammit, his timing is awful ,” Emily’s arms stayed wrapped around JJ’s waist from behind, swaying her lightly.
“He wants to see me. Now. ” JJ looks down at the floor.
“Tell him to get in line,” Emily presses soft kisses to her neck. JJ gives her a look. “What? He’s not special, I also wanna be with you.”
“Don’t say that..”
“I was only–”
“Just…stop. I have to go.”
“JJ…?” Emily stared at the door JJ had just walked out of, the faint smell of her hair still lingering. Her brows furrowed in confusion, wondering what that was that about. Emily spent hours with no call, no messages from JJ. She grimaced at the thought of her being with Will right now, jealousy panging the strings of her heart, and tugging them rather harshly. It dawned on her thar despite everything, she can't help but feel like she’s nothing more than the typical other woman . She grows angrier with every call that pulls JJ away from her, wishing she would stay.
At work, their gaze lingered on each other. JJ was always first to look away, her face reddening. There was this air of tension between them, you could see it in the way they looked at each other. They looked at each other with nothing but longing shining through their eyes, it drove them mad. They were a mess that day; bumping into one another accidentally, brushing their hands when they sat next to each other, lingering stares.
“...Emily? Emily .” Rossi’s voice cut through Emily’s train of thought, her gaze lingering on JJ.
“What’s that…?” her voice is almost disconnected, just as her mind had been seconds prior.
“Nothing. Oh, Nothing.” Rossi gave Emily a strange look before droning on about victimology. Emily’s gaze wandered back to JJ and this time, JJ didn’t look away.
It was midnight when JJ knocked on Emily’s door, her hair a little messy. Her chest was heaving and her gaze darted down to Emily’s lips. She lets herself in and shuts the door behind her, never breaking eye contact with Emily. Emily’s lips parted a little, itching to kiss her. She lets her fingers brush JJ’s, letting them lace through hers as she squeezes. JJ inched herself closer, rubbing her thumb on the back of Emily’s hand. Not a word is spoken but no word needs to be, the intensity of their gaze speaking enough for the both of them. JJ couldn’t take it anymore and kissed Emily, her hands running up and down her forearm and holding onto her elbow. Emily gasped into her mouth, the sensation addicting. Emily parted her lips and inhaled deeply, her mind dizzy when there was something unfamiliar clouding her senses. She pulled away when she realized what it was. It was a musky scent, the type you only find in men’s cologne. As soon as she realized it she couldn’t ignore it, it filled her nose and clouded her brain. She felt lightheaded and there was a pit in her stomach that grew. The air was thick between them. JJ, still desperate, tried to kiss her again only for Emily to back away.
“Emily…” JJ said in a low voice, her eyes scanning her face. She reached out to touch a hand to her face but Emily moved away from it. The scent suffocated her, truly. In everyway a person can be. It served as painful reminder that Emily will never have her the way Will does, openly and freely . Their love could only be confessed in secrecy, in clandestine meetings and longing stares. And quite frankly, Emily had been growing tired of having to conceal this. Now, she could never grow tired of JJ, not in a million years but secrecy will drive one mad. Emily let out a deep sigh, meeting JJ’s confused gaze.
“JJ. God, I can’t…” she bit her lip. She couldn’t get the words out. “For Christ’s sake, I can smell him on you. It’s sickening.”
"Sickening? I…what?” JJ shook her head, her brows furrowing in confusion. “Emily.”
“God, JJ, can’t you see? I–” Emily sighs deeply, taking a sharp breath, biting her lip.
“What? Emily, what ?” her voice broke, in such a way that made Emily not want to say anything. But the smell of masculine cologne hit her face, making her sick.
“I don’t think you understand how hard this is on me. On us.” Emily’s voice is tired, almost exhausted. “I mean, god, aren’t you tired ?”
“Of what…?”
“ Of what?! Of what?!” Emily took her head and looked up at the ceiling as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Of everything. Of-of the secrecy, of the sneaking around and making excuses. Come on…”
“Oh, Emily. I mean…I’ve gotten used to it at this point. I-” JJ starts but Emily threw her hands in the air and interrupted.
“Used to it ? Jesus Christ, JJ. I can’t do this anymore.” she sighs in defeat.
“What? Emily…I don’t understand.”
“JJ. It drives me crazy when he calls. I hate it. I hate it, and I’m tired of pretending I’m fine with it. Because, I’m not fine with it.” her tone is heavy and her eyes shone with so much emotion, JJ would’ve cried if she kept looking into them. She avoided eye contact, unable to meet Emily’s gaze.
“Neither am I! I just…I don’t understand this , I-I have never felt anything like this with someone like you and it’s…” JJ starts to tear up, looking everywhere but at Emily. “It’s tearing apart everything I ever thought I knew about myself, Emily. Don’t you understand that?”
“Yes, JJ! Of course I understand, that’s all I’ve ever done in my life, is understand. Just because I understand doesn’t mean it makes this any less exhausting. You wanna know something, Jennifer?” Emily said her name with a sting, JJ felt it. She winced when she called her by her full name, a tear gliding down her face.
“What, Emily?” her voice is quivering, she barely got the words out as she suppressed her tears.
“I don’t want to do this in secret, anymore, I don’t. I can’t. JJ, I cannot do this anymore, it is going to drive me crazy. Every single time you go to meet him, I feel sick. I feel sick . But whenever you show up at that door, God…it’s everything. I couldn’t help but wait for your knock every night. But I can’t wait for you anymore. I just can’t.” Emily’s eyes bore into hers, her gaze intense. Her eyes were glossy as she looked at her. “ Jennifer, look at me please.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry…I don’t know what to do, Emily. I don’t. Will is a good guy but you, Emily?” JJ shook her head, tears starting to fall. “You’re special.”
“No. No, no, no, don’t do that. Don’t stand there and say I’m special, don’t do that.” Emily’s tone is angrier now, her voice rising. “If I was special, Jennifer, you wouldn’t leave me to go meet up with him . If I was special, you wouldn’t only see me at ungodly hours, you wouldn’t look away immediately when I look at you. If I was special , Jennifer , I wouldn’t be a secret.”
“Emily…please.” JJ didn’t know what to say. She was crying now, every tear burned her cheeks as they fell. She found it hard to swallow as her head pounded.
“You don’t know what to do? I’ll tell you what to do. You break up with him. That’s it.” Emily’s voice went quiet and soon, she couldn’t bring herself to look at JJ.
“Emily…you know I can’t do that–”
“Why the fuck not? What the hell is stopping you, JJ? Because I swear to god, I am losing my mind here.” her voice had cracked and Emily looked up at the ceiling to stop the tears from falling. JJ knew she was right but she couldn’t admit it to herself, her mother’s voice echoing in her mind. She remembered her parent’s teachings on how appalling queerness is to them, how utterly disgusting it is to them. That same sentiment is consistently weighing her down, like shackles holding her in place. Each link of the chain representing some lecture, some sermon, something from her parents that held her and wouldn’t let go. It wouldn’t let her accept.
“I–I don’t know…” JJ mumbles, her brain taking her back to when she was twelve and her mother telling her bible stories.
“You don’t know? Jesus Christ, I’ll tell you why. I know why this is hard for you, JJ. Your parents instilled this belief in you since you were a kid and now that you’re going against it, you’re questioning everything you ever knew. It happens. But goddammit, JJ! I fucking love you for Christ’s sake.” Emily’s mouth went dry and she regretting admitting that immediately. But once she said it, she knew it was too late.
“Emily.” JJ blinked, shocked. What Emily didn’t know is that JJ had fallen for her as well, hopelessly. JJ knew it deep down. She knew it when she laid in her bed, Emily’s hair sticking to her face as their bodies meshed together. She knew it when she simply just looked at her, and felt what she could never feel with Will.
“Yeah, fuck it, I love you. I’ve been in love with you, JJ, which is why this has been so fucking hard for me. But, you know what? Just forget it, forget I ever said anything. You should leave.” Emily didn’t dare look her in the eye, knowing she’d break. JJ’s tears fell silently on her shirt.
“Baby…” JJ said in a small voice, looking at her through tear stained eyes. The last time she had said this was when Emily was in her bed, laying on her chest. They were talking mindlessly and baby slipped from JJ’s lips and fell to Emily, who leaned up and kissed her the second she heard it leave JJ’s lips.
“Don’t call me that. Please, just…” Emily swallowed, her voice hoarse.
“I'm sorry…Emily, I–” her phone had rung. It was Will. Emily gave her a look and her cheeks flushed.
“Go. Be with him, I’m sure you love him so much.” Emily could help but deliver it with sarcasm as she opened the door for her. “Jennifer. ” it stung. It stung in so many ways, ways that hurt to a point where your own name should never. But it was hearing it from her that hurt so much.
“I’m leaving now. ” she spat back, eyeing Emily with a look that could be mistaken for hatred. And Emily sure as hell mistook it.
It was the sort of look that crosses your face when you realize someone is right. It was right there where it truly hit her. But by then, she had seen the look of heartbreak etched onto Emily’s face when she saw the look she had. She had mistaken it. Emily shut the door almost the second JJ was out, sighing to herself. There was an emptiness that followed them both, it chased them down. It was there as Emily walked around mindlessly through her home, silently crying. It was there as JJ made her way home, silently crying. It was there when JJ spoke with Will. It was there when Emily laid down. It even followed them in their sleep, keeping the women from the luxury of slumber. It was awful.
They haven’t spoken to each other in almost two months. They avoided each other during cases, awkward tension between them when they were assigned together. Will and JJ were getting serious as every weekend was spent looking for apartments together.
“What about the one down Fuller Road? That one was a real beauty.” Will said to her, walking along the sidewalk with his hand in hers. JJ’s mind wandered more than usual and she zoned out a lot more. It was common for Will to have to repeat himself, JJ’s mind constantly being in a hazy fog. It was clear something was wrong.
“Hm? Oh, yeah it was nice…” she mumbled, barely looking up to meet his eyes. Will falls into conversation, almost talking to himself about decorations and room assignments if not for JJ’s absentminded “mhm’s.”
“JJ…helloo? Feels like I’m talking to myself here, is everything alright, babe?” Will said after a while.
“Hm? Oh, y-yeah everything’s fine.” Fine. The word felt empty when it left her mouth, as if it bore no meaning. And well, it hadn’t. They slept comfortably in each other’s arms at night, Will holding onto her rather tightly. JJ’s mind wandered to Emily, as it usually tends to. She thought of the nights where she was wrapped up in her arms, how right it felt. Suddenly, Will’s arms were too heavy and too tight. She felt like she was suffocating, she struggled to take deep breaths. She removed his hands from her torso and sat upright, running her hands through her hair and breathing deeply. Will stirred, rubbing her back affectionately. JJ couldn’t take it and she silently got up and went to the bathroom. She stared at herself in the mirror for a long time, as if she was trying to see what on earth people saw in her. She couldn’t see it. She did, however, remember something Emily had told her once when JJ was at her place.
“Oh my god, JJ, I just realized! You’re like a painting.” Emily had said, giving her a stupid grin.
“Emily, what?” JJ laughed in confusion, wondering what the hell she meant.
“You know when a painting catches your eye, because it’s beautiful. And then you get closer and the more you look at this painting, the prettier it gets and it feels like no matter how long you’d stare at it, its beauty will never fade.” she had said it so casually, as if she were talking about the weather and not as if that was the most romantic thing anyone had ever said to her.
“Oh my god.” was all she could say. “Emily, I am truly speechless.” JJ shook her head and curled up against her, feeling the soft press of Emily’s lips on her forehead. She’d never felt more loved.
Now, as she looked at the man in her bed and the reflection in the mirror, she couldn’t see them together. Not in the way her and Emily were. JJ took a deep breath and that’s when it hit her; the scent of his cologne was all over her shirt. It made her dizzy. Through tear stained eyes she changed, not standing to bear him anymore. It was four in the morning, but JJ didn’t care. She dug through her clothes and found a large t-shirt. She immediately recognized it as Emily’s and threw it on. Emily’s faint perfume still hung on the fabric. Will stirred in his sleep, catching JJ’s attention as she walked to him. She tried to feel the same way with him as she had with her, staring down at him. It just wasn’t possible. Nothing could ever come close to how she feels when she’s with Emily. And so, despite the rain, JJ would walk all the way to Emily’s apartment at four in the morning.
When Emily heard a knock on her door she immediately went to get it, not bothered at the time considering sleep was a luxury. Her mind couldn’t comprehend who was at the door, however. It was JJ in nothing but sweats and a hoodie, her blond hair wet with rain and sticking to her face. They stared at each other for a few seconds, barely blinking. JJ didn’t realize how much she missed Emily until she was at that door and staring into her deep brown eyes.
“What are you doing here, JJ?” Emily finally breaks the silence, but never the eye contact.
“Emily. You were right. I can’t do it, I thought I could…I really did. But—” JJ looks away only for her eyes to make their way back to Emily. “I… I couldn’t.”
Emily crossed her arms. “JJ, what exactly are you saying?”
“I think….I don’t know but—” JJ stopped mid sentence, her gaze dropping to the floor.
“But what, JJ? Hello, my eyes are here.” she tells her and when JJ meets her gaze, it was exactly like how it had been before.
“I think I… love...I love you,” she said in a shaky breath, her mouth going dry. Emily’s mouth parted open.
“Oh, JJ…” she stepped closer, carefully touching a hand to her face. “You’re freezing.”
“I walked all the way here.” JJ muttered, leaning into Emily’s touch.
“Why on earth would you do that?” her voice was tender, concerned even.
“Because…I love you.” it came out more natural that time, more secure. Emily’s face softened.
“Don’t look at me like that, JJ, you’re making me go crazy.” Emily couldn’t help but let her eyes wander over her body, almost instinctively. There was another voice heard from Emily’s apartment and JJ immediately fell silent and looked at the floor.
“Em? Who the hell is at the door?” a woman’s voice called out. She walked into Emily’s kitchen and JJ caught a glimpse of her. She was in Emily’s shirt, her hair tousled.
“Don’t worry about it.” Emily told her. She couldn’t bring herself to look at JJ, guilt swallowing her whole. A whirlwind of emotion hit JJ all at once as she became almost overwhelmed. Anger quickly replaced all of it.
“ Em?” JJ scoffed and shook her head, muttering unbelievable so quietly, Emily almost missed it. Emily furrowed her brow in confusion.
“Oh, don’t do that. Don’t you dare do that, JJ.” she crossed her arms. “You don’t get to judge me.”
“I don’t?” she rolled her eyes.
“No, Jennifer , you don’t. You wanna know why?” she gave a harsh look and JJ nodded. “Because I waited, goddammit. I waited for you to accept yourself and this, but you never did. I felt like I wasn’t important enough for you, and I was tired of it. I was exhausted. I was done.”
JJ pressed her lips to a thin line. She saw the mystery woman in Emily’s apartment as she walked back to Emily’s room with some snacks. JJ felt a pang in her heart, something almost paralyzing. She could barely speak, as tears started to pool.
“I guess I should go then. Wouldn’t want to…interrupt your night.” JJ said roughly and Emily nodded.
“I guess you should.” her voice was harsh, harsher than it had ever been.
“I’m sorry for everything.” she muttered and looked at the floor so Emily wouldn’t see her tears.
“Yeah, me too.” Emily said and shut the door, the scent of her hair still lingered. And there it was again, that emptiness. It hung around JJ rather tightly, weighing her down. She cried the entire way home, her chest panging sharply. Emily stared at the door, her mind dizzy as tears filled her eyes. She blinked them away, ignoring it all. The woman placed her hand on the small of Emily’s back, urging her to go back to sleep. Emily let the woman lead her back to her room, a heaviness in her step she couldn’t ignore. JJ made her way back, her eyes puffy from crying. She couldn’t bear to be in the same room as Will, because she knew that when she’d lay down, it wouldn’t be Emily’s arm around her. It never would be.
Emily lay next to the mystery woman, her arm wrapped around Emily’s torso. Emily’s eyes stared into the dark room, a sense of longing in her gaze. She let her mind wander to JJ and her heart nearly exploded as regret came crashing over her like waves, wearing down everything over time.
Neither would know but it would eventually wear down their hearts over the years as neither would ever really get over it. It would swallow them whole and burn a jagged indentation into their soul. Neither would know, but they would have matching scars burned into their heart.
Emily didn’t show up to JJ’s wedding, and JJ didn’t show up to Emily’s. Perhaps the knowledge of the fact that it should’ve been them both on that altar was too much to bear. Perhaps they knew that on each other’s wedding day, they’d both look at each other instead of their spouses. Perhaps that’s the thing about affairs; maybe they aren’t built to last. Maybe they’re built on a rotted bridge, where every step is one closer to it collapsing under their weight.
But none of that would matter, the maybes and what ifs. It was all insignificant to the rings on their fourth finger. Sometimes, really late at night, JJ would sit up and twirl her ring around her finger, staring absentmindedly at it. Sometimes, she would think of Emily when she did, she couldn’t help it. What she didn’t know was that Emily would often do the same, fidgeting with her ring as JJ made her way through her mind. They couldn’t seem to let each other go, it was as though something prevented it.
Emily would see JJ in every glimpse of blonde hair she passed, she’d see her in the corner of her eyes. Her head would never not instantly turn when someone said, “Jennifer.”
JJ saw Emily everywhere she went. She saw her in the black cats she saw on the street. She’d see her in everyone with jet black hair and pointed nose. Her face would cloud her mind, as if to haunt it.
And it did, it would always haunt her. It would haunt them both. They’d never be able to let each other go, not because of something, but because deep down neither wanted to.
Maybe they weren’t meant to.