Knowing the Moment
32 weeks
Pepper had picked a theme for the baby and finished the decorations for the nursery. Seeing the room painted, decorated and a white crib against the wall with pink bedding made Natasha feel something she hadn't felt prior to the moment that Pepper unveiled it. She was standing beside the crib, running her hand along the smooth wood, taking in the room. There was a mural on the wall: a ballerina princess beside her fairy castle, holding a cute little frog and about to give him a kiss. A plush rocking chair with an ottoman sat by the window, pink gingham curtains hung over sheers. A bookcase sat beside the rocking chair, an empty toy box in one corner. The floor was covered with a pink and white rag rug. The closet door stood slightly ajar, showing the empty closet. Natasha caught sight of a set of figurines on the dresser - Tony, Steve, Bruce all Hulked out, herself and Clint - and laughed. "That's a nice touch." Clint looked over and laughed too.
"This is amazing, Pepper," Natasha said.
"Do you like it?" Pepper sounded so excited.
"Pepper, I love it. I truly do." Natasha turned to smile at her. "I never could have done this. You're a natural. It's perfect."
Pepper blushed. "The closet and chest-of-drawers are empty, but you'll get clothes at the shower, I'm sure. And I left wall space so you could put up what you wanted. The painter is on retainer so you can have her name painted into the mural if you want."
"We decided on a name."
"No we didn't."
Clint sighed. Pepper laughed.
Clint walked over to Pepper and gave her a hug. "I don't know how we could ever thank you. You've been a godsend."
"You let me snuggle that baby to pieces, and we're even."
Clint smiled. "Deal."
Pepper waved and left. Natasha was holding a teddy bear that had been sitting in the crib, studying it. Clint walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her belly lightly. "You ok, sweetheart?"
"I wonder...do you think your mom was excited when she was pregnant with you?"
Clint stiffened a little. This wasn't his favorite topic. "I don't know."
"Do you think she tried to give you her best?"
"I don't know that either. I don't believe so, but I wasn't old enough to know or understand."
"I don't remember my mother at all. I don't remember if I had a loving family and was stolen, or if they hated me and gave me away, or if I ran away, or was orphaned, or what. So I don't know if my mother wanted me. I don't know if she tried."
"You're trying, Nat. You're doing everything you can to give your baby the best."
"Do you think maybe that will set me apart from our mothers? Will it make me good enough?"
He kissed the back of her ear. "No parent is ever good enough. The only thing that sets them apart is that the good parents are the ones who care and try. The others are those who don't. You care, and you're trying."
"I think I'm starting to care."
Clint closed his eyes and whispered a prayer of thanksgiving. "I'm glad, sweetheart."
~*~
33 weeks
At 1:24am, Natasha rolled over and cried out in pain. Clint jumped to his feet in a defensive position, then just as quickly was hovering over Natasha, who was curled around her abdomen. "Sweetheart, what's wrong? What happened?"
"It feels like something tore in there. Or like she kicked something loose. I don't know, but something's wrong."
"Jarvis, page Dr. Heist and alert medical. We're on the way."
"Yes, Mr. Barton."
"Come on, sweetheart, let's get you downstairs." He tried to help her roll over and she cried out again. "Jarvis, get medical up here right now. Right fucking now, d'ya hear me?"
"Don't be mean to Jarvis, Clint."
"Sweetheart..."
"I'm okay as long as I don't move. I'll just be very still. It's fine."
"You can't be perfectly still for seven weeks, Natasha."
The baby kicked and she groaned. "How long until medical can be here, Jarvis?", she asked.
"Three minutes, Mrs. Barton."
She groaned. ”Please make them hurry."
~*~
Dr. Heist came into the room where Natasha lay on her side, wires running from her belly to monitors. Clint sat in a chair beside her looking haggard.
"Well, here's the deal. You have a minor uterine hernia, which is to say a weakening or a bulge in the wall of your uterus that isn't supposed to be there. These can be dangerous because a hernia can rupture, and a uterine rupture is typically fatal for both mother and fetus. However, yours is very small and we're not overly concerned about it. In fact, we feel fairly certain that given your body's regenerative capabilities, it'll probably heal itself before your due date. But, to be on the safe side, you're on complete bed rest from now until you deliver."
Nothing about that statement had fully made sense to either Clint nor Natasha.
"Any questions?"
"Wait. Are you saying she and the baby could both die?"
"It's very highly unlikely, given her constitution and regenerative abilities. But we're placing her on complete bed rest just to be safe."
"Just how complete?"
"You may get up to go to the bathroom, and walk a short distance every two to three hours to make the blood in your legs flow. Other than that, you are to be off of your feet with your feet propped up. Until you deliver."
"Will the baby come early?"
"We don't think so, Mr. Barton, but it's a possibility."
"Please, call us by our first names. Am I still going to be able to have a natural delivery?"
"Maybe. If you do, it will be very closely monitored. We'll have to be ready to do a c-section at a moment's notice. You should plan to have a c-section at any time now."
"It's too early now."
"A bit. If we feel like the baby needs to come, though, we can give Natasha steroids to mature the baby's lungs and take the baby as soon as next week."
"My God."
Dr. Heist smiled. "But we have no reason to think that will happen, if you stay off your feet and keep them elevated. The longer that baby stays in, the better. Mr. Barton - Clint, keep her comfortable, keep everything low stress. Stay close to home. Consider yourself out of work until after the baby comes."
~*~
35 weeks
Natasha was handling bed rest about as well as anyone expected her to, which is to say she was being a complete pain in the ass. She knew that she was and tried hard to be more pleasant, but she was bored, uncomfortable, in pain and - much to her humiliation - had starting peeing on herself a little when the baby stretched and pushed her head down. How humiliating. The Black Widow was pissing on herself. Fuck.
She was trying really hard to be pleasant, but the baby - (who they were still butting heads about naming but were maybe both okay with Claire Elise) - kept pushing her feet into Natasha's lungs and stealing her breath. Whenever she did this, Natasha would grunt and Clint would come running.
"I'm fine, dammit! She's just in my lungs again."
"Okay, okay."
She always felt like an asshole when she snapped at him, but she really couldn't help it but so much. The Avengers came by to sit with her, but Tony had seen the baby roll over, causing Natasha's whole abdomen to shift and excused himself. Steve came but was a bit aloof. Natasha noticed that when Steve was there, Clint hovered over her a bit more, kissing her, stroking her belly, generally making a display of being her adoring husband. He was always her adoring husband, but he wanted to make sure that Steve knew just exactly who the husband was here. She didn’t like being pissed on like a mailbox, and made sure to let Clint know it when Steve wasn't around. Clint absolutely did not give a fuck, and they butted heads. Meanwhile, when Bruce came over, Clint would slip off and take a break for a couple of hours. They both needed the break, and she was glad for time with her friend. She enjoyed time with Pepper and Jane, but the girly shit got exhausting. It was nice to just sit with Bruce and talk about things that had nothing to do with the baby. It was nice to feel like an adult whose life didn’t revolve around her abdomen. And as much as she adored him, it was nice for Clint to go away every now and then.
Yes, Clint was being a saint, and she knew it. He rubbed her back and brought her food and drink and listened to her whine and was just generally the best husband ever. But Natasha was sick of bedrest, sick of the couch, sick of TV, sick of inactivity, sick of reading, sick of being swollen in weird places, sick of having to pee every thirty seconds, sick of everything. She was trying very hard not to resent him or the baby for putting her in this position, but she was having a hard time with that just now. She argued with Clint sometimes for no apparent reason, just out of sheer irritability. He recognized it for what it was and tried not to engage.
She did talk more to the baby than before, and she realized that she had stopped apologizing for being a bad mommy. She didn't know when that had happened, it just had. She still felt ambivalent towards the baby, but she had more hope that things may go Clint's way. She really did hope he was right.
~*~
37 weeks
"Well, there's good news and better news."
Natasha looked at her doctor suspiciously. "What?"
"The hernia appears to have healed itself, and I think you'll be able to labor without much problem. We'll still have to monitor you very closely, but I think you'll be okay. Still on bed rest, though."
Natasha sighed. "What's the better news?"
"You won't be on bed rest very long. You're two centimeters dilated and 50% effaced. I'd say we're going to have a baby within the next three days or so."
Natasha just stared at her. "But...I'm not due for another two weeks or so..."
"Looks like the baby's ready now."
"How will I know...?"
"You'll know. When it happens, get down to medical. The nurses will know when to page me." The doctor patted Natasha on the shoulder. "Get ready, Natasha. You'll be a mom before the week is out."
~*~
Clint was beside himself. He had called and texted everyone to tell them, and of course everyone had come to the apartment to see Natasha before the arrival of the baby, wishing her luck.
Natasha grew increasingly uncomfortable, noticing her belly getting hard every now and then, but didn't mention it. Even if it were labor, it could take hours. She just smiled and laughed with her friends while Clint idly traced circles on her belly. He noticed it hardening and her tensing as her belly tensed and asked her, "You ok?"
"Yes, just a cramp."
"Is it labor?"
"No. The doctor said I would know. This isn't it."
"Okay, if you're sure..."
They went back to entertaining their friends, but Clint watched her carefully. He timed her 'cramps' and noted that they were coming every seven minutes, then every five. They went to bed discussing the Halloween party the next night, joking about what costumes Natasha could wear. Clint watched her belly harden and her hands clench every few minutes though, and worried.
~*~
Natasha woke up the next morning feeling as if she hadn't slept at all. Her back ached as if Clint had kicked her all night, but she knew he hadn't. She rolled over and looked, he was sleeping soundly. His hair stuck up in at least five directions, his face was buried in the pillow and she wondered how he could even breathe like that.
She lumbered out of bed, went to the bathroom, brushed her hair and teeth, and walked into the kitchen, determined to make her own coffee for herself while no one was watching her. She reached into the fridge to grab the cream and felt something warm on her leg.
Shit. Did I pee a-fucking-gain? Goddammit!
She looked down, and there was a steady stream of liquid running slowly down her leg, puddling on the rug in front of the refrigerator. Her belly tightened and she doubled over a little.
"Clint!"
She heard him scramble out of bed and he came running around the corner in his boxers. "Yeah?"
"Remember how the doctor said I would know when it's time to go?"
He rubbed his eyes. "Yeah?"
"My water broke. It's time to go."