In The Garden
It was chilly in the garden, even though the sun was high in the sky. It felt unnatural. Willow was used to afternoon breezes that carried hot steam from the boiling sea, having to wear lightweight sweat wicking fabric instead of heavy wool. She was used to the Boiling Isles. Helping Ms. Camilla grow a vegetable garden was both comforting and heartbreaking. On one hand, plants were the one thing she was good at, it was what she had always counted on. On the other hand, none of these plants were familiar, they weren’t trying to eat her, they never sprouted legs to run away, it was all so strange!
Sure, she could grow Boiling Isle plants with her magic, but they required way too much upkeep to be a reasonable venture. Forlornly, she grew a tiny venus witch trap and watched as it tried to reach the finger she held out. It was the first plant she had learned to grow. She remembered that day so clearly.
She had been practicing magic for hours and nothing was working right. She had been tired, frustrated, and close to tears when she tried one last spell. It had worked maybe a bit too well, and she was now standing in front of a venus witch trap that was a big as her. She was so excited that she started flapping her arms happily. It was such easy bait. Her dads ran out to her as she cried and wailed, half from pain, half from happiness, as her arm was stuck in the mouth of the plant. Her dads kissed her better and warned her to be careful. For a while she thought that they didn’t care that she just performed the best spell of her life, but an hour later they hurried her out of the house to take her to a celebratory dinner.
Tears dripped slowly down the curvature of her face, piling unsteadily on her chin before dropping to the ground. Willow felt pathetic, like she was still that little girl, once again crying in the garden. The difference was that now she didn’t have her dads there to comfort her.
“Willow? Are you out here? Lunch is ready,” Hunter called out. He hesitantly stepped off of the porch when there was no reply. He knew that Willow was out here because he had seen her go out the back door a while ago, he had just asked to be polite, but now with still no reply he tried not to jump to conclusions. A new Realm means new dangers and they were all still learning about them.
Swallowing thickly he turned towards the new garden Willow had been working on, guessing that’s where she would be if she wasn’t already taken, or eaten, or, or…
A sniffle in the wind made his ear twitch and heart pound.
He rushed forward, his former training causing him to instinctively check for whatever impending danger awaited him. He knew it had to be bad if even Willow hadn’t been able to stop it before it hurt her. Because she must be hurt, that was the only reason that made sense as to why she would be crying like she was, shaking and heaving with the weight of her sobs. But there wasn’t any threat here. No creature or beast or titan forbid a witch-hunter. Whatever it was must have fled already for some reason.
Even though there was no threat present at the moment, Hunter still had adrenaline rushing through his veins as he went through his mental checklist.
Survey the area. Done.
Neutralize enemy. Done?
Check team members for injury. Not done.
Willow hated this feeling. The helplessness that would grip her heart. The numbing fingers. The sweat building in all the worst places. The nausea. The shortness of breath.
Unfortunately she was somewhat used to panic attacks. She realized that that was what was happening, there just wasn’t anything to do to stop it. Not even the breathing exercise was helping, no matter how many times she tried. This would be one she just had to wait out.
The cool touch of leather slipped through her dissociated daze, and she held on to it in hopes to bring her back to her senses. But maybe she didn’t want to get back to her senses. If she did she’d have to feel the slickness between her rolls, the gagging feeling of not being able to take in air, and everything else awful about this panic attack. She almost preferred this out of body experience.
But then she noticed those eyes. Those beautiful burgundy eyes that shone with concern. Concern for her. She could hear him talk to her. Did he just ask something about poison?
As Willow pulled her mind back to her body she had to push Hunter away. She heard a protest die on his tongue as he watched her expel the bile that had risen in her throat.
“Good, good! You should get the poison out of your system before it can take any more effect,” he said, patting her back just a little too hard to be comforting.
She was confused why he kept bringing up poison. Until she wasn’t confused anymore. “I-it-it-it’s a pan-ni-nic atta-ack…. N-not poi-so-on.” She told him through rapid breathes and another bout of vomit. She watched as his confidence in his ability to handle the situation evaporated. It was almost funny how her want to comfort him helped calm her down.
The jolting pats slowly turned into a warm, steady presence on the small of her back. “Wh-what can I do to help?” He asked softly.
“Nothi-ing r-really,” she replied miserably. She felt the hand on her back clench.
Hunter was absolutely sure that uselessness was the worst feeling in the world. Worse than anger, sadness, pain, and maybe even guilt. At least he could do something about those feelings. He could alleviate them somehow. But uselessness just bred more uselessness.
All he wanted to do was help Willow. If she had a physical wound he could at least patch her up, or give her medicine, but his training never included what to do if a team member’s soul was the thing hurting. He was so unequipped to deal with these kinds of things.
He searched his brain for what people would do to try and comfort him through the years. His uncle would wipe his tears and tell him to be stronger… Somehow Hunter didn’t think that would help here. Darius and Flapjack would ruffle his hair, but Willow had told him once that she didn’t like when people messed up her hair. Raine had given him candy once, but Hunter didn’t have any on hand. She was already attempting the breathing tip Gus had taught him. Luz always tried to help rationalize his feelings with him but that would be hard to do without knowing what upset her. Then he thought about that one early morning about a week ago. Willow had held his hands and pressed her head against his. It had felt like the touch had halted all his thoughts— all except the incessant one telling him that she was the most exceptional person he’d ever met, but that was neither here nor there. It was the perfect way to comfort her right now!
Ignoring the hard thumping of his heart, he tentatively wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his brow against hers.
Willow stiffened against the sudden contact. “H-Hunter, don’t! I’m-I’m gross-ss!” She protested.
“I don’t care,” came his instant reply. It was suddenly all too much. The hurt of her fathers not being there, the pain of having her first panic attack in almost a year, the confusion that came from being in a place so different from home, but most of all, how simultaneously amazing and guilty it felt for her to be the one being supported instead of being the supporter. And now she didn’t care either. Not about the sweat, or the snot, or vomit. So she just melted into the comfort that was being handed to her on a golden platter. She held on to Hunter as if he was the only thing keeping her alive. She shook and sobbed and screamed, letting her guard down completely for the first time in years. It felt like Heaven and Hell meeting, like pressure and relief, like peace and chaos, all wrapped together in Hunter’s arms.
Luz, Gus, and Amity rushed to the back door to see what the cause of their friend’s screams were. They stood shocked for a second before Luz tried to rush forward. She was stopped by a squeeze to the shoulder. She looked back with tears swelling in her big brown eyes. Gus shook his head forlornly. “Willow doesn’t like when too many people see her like this,” he said. “Besides, it looks like Hunter is there for her.”
So the trio made their way back inside, collectively sighed in relief fifteen minutes later when they could no longer hear their friend’s pain, and pretended to be busy playing cards when the door opened an hour later. Hunter had his arm around Willow and was making sure he stood between her and their other friends so they wouldn’t be able to tell she had been crying recently.
“Do you guys want to join us? Luz is teaching us a human game called ‘Uno!’” Amity said. She hoped she didn’t sound too eager, but she wanted to make sure her best friend was okay.
Hunter gave a small smile. “Thanks,” he said. “But we were just going to get some tea, and then hang out downstairs. Willow said she wanted to see my current sewing project!”
Once Willow and Hunter were in the basement Amity looked at the friends around her. “Do you think they’ll ever tell us what was going on out there?” She asked quietly.
“I hope so,” Luz replied. She was holding her cards with white knuckles and forced herself to put them down before she seriously damaged them. “I want her to know that she can trust us with anything. She does so much for all of us, I just want to be there for her.”
Gus sighed heavily. “Whether they tell us or not should be up to Willow. Even if she never tells us, it isn’t about her not trusting us, she just doesn’t like burdening others.”
“But I want her to burden us! I want her to realize that we’d never judge her about anything!” Luz exclaimed.
“She knows that, Batata, but sometimes it’s just too overwhelming to have other people know everything you’re feeling. Willow is just the kind of person who keeps things close to her chest, she feels more comfortable knowing she has privacy about some things. She shows that she trusts us by being friends with us, by telling us she loves us. Maybe one day she won’t mind being more open about her negative feelings, but right now she needs to know that we respect her space,” Amity said.
Luz rested her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder and held Gus’ hand. “I guess you guys are right. I hope she’s feeling better now.”
Down in the basement Willow was sitting comfortably on the couch, a soft smile playing on her lips while Hunter enthusiastically showed her everything he’s learned so far about sewing. Both of them felt a warmth in their chest and their cheeks that they were a little too embarrassed to think about in the presence of others.