Semantics of Free Will

The room was growing darker with the setting sun. Shadows around the perimeter of the hall elongated, reaching for the dimly lit occupants of the table at the center of the hall. They were long since alone, the rest of convent having retired for final preparations or to sleep or to simply be alone or with close friends. A chill was seeping into the air through windows that were left open to the twilight. The warriors sitting at the table appeared to be unbothered by the approaching night.

“I never thought I would see the day when someone would be able to get Beatrice to do something she didn’t want to do,” stated Lilith, shaking her head with a bemused look on her face.

“It actually doesn’t happen that often,” replied Ava quietly with her head on Bea’s shoulder. Her face was hidden in the gloomy line that had formed between them due to the awkward lighting. “Usually she just ignores me.”

“That’s not true,” said Bea placing a kiss on the top of Ava’s head.

“I promise, Lil,” said Camila. Lilith raised her eyebrows at the young nun but said nothing. “Bea gives as good as she gets—and it’s not any easier to get Ava to go along with anything either.”

“They’re both stubborn asses,” agreed Dora.

“You know we don’t always have to make fun of Ava and Bea, right?” asked Ava.

“We don’t have to,” admitted Yasmine brightly.

“But you two are the most fun,” said Dora.

“You know…” Ava tripped over her words a little as she sat up straight, bringing her face back completely into the light. “I’m the Warrior Nun. Aren’t I, like, the boss around here?”

Four sets of raised eyebrows stared back at her in disbelief. She looked over to her girlfriend. Beatrice blinked at her silently, her mouth a thin line.

Ava looked down at the table. “Ok I’m done,” she mumbled quietly.

“Did you say you’re done?” asked Dora, “Or you’re dumb?”

“I think either one applies,” said Lilith. Bea snorted quietly and Camila, Dora and Yasmine began chuckling. Only Lilith held her expression. Bea put her arm around her girlfriend.

“Lighten up, Lilith,” she said to the former sister warrior.

Lilith narrowed her eyes slightly at Ava before she smirked. “I still can’t believe what’s happened around here,” she stated, looking around at the dark room as if the building itself had changed. “It’s completely different from what I remember.” She saw the dark looks that she was getting from around the table and elaborated. “I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I just wonder where I could fit into this place.” She looked over at Beatrice. She was half covered in the shadow that was cast between her and Ava. “It’s not anything like what you and I grew up with.”

“No it’s not,” agreed Bea. “But things change. None of those women would have dreamed of going against the Vatican. Sure Mary, but could you imagine Shannon?” Lilith smirked at the thought as she looked down at the table.

“You saw the reaction earlier, Lil,” said Camila. “We are a group of sister warriors willing to sacrifice everything in order to do what’s right for the world, no matter the cost. The OCS is stronger now than it has ever been.”

“It’s an OCS that would make a place for you, Lilith,” said Ava, “if you wanted one.” A murmur of ascent went around the dusky table.

Lilith smiled at the Warrior Nun. “Perhaps—let’s destroy the Arc first before we worry about that.”

“Speaking of which—what can we expect in Madrid, Camila?” Bea asked.

“Not much, hopefully,” she replied. “Father Vincent is optimistic. The Guard commander at the Arc has been checking in hourly reporting no threats from outside or inside the cathedral. He thinks the man might just let us in to destroy it.”

“Isn’t it a little strange that the FBC hasn’t made a move yet?” asked Ava, looking to Lilith. She shrugged.

“The FBC is organized and fanatical but they aren’t suicidal. It’s not weird that it would take them time to plan an assault on a fortified position—they’ve never done something like that before.”

“It’s still something we should be prepared for,” said Bea.

“I had already thought about that, actually,” said Camila. “Michael’s Samaritans are still around and have been recruiting and organizing. They’ll be joining us.”

“The Samaritans?” asked Yasmine, her face lighting up. “Is Todd going to be there, Camila?”

The women at the table immediately perked up. “Who’s Todd?” asked Ava with a grin.

Camila’s bright red face practically glowed in the fading light. “I am a nun, Yasmine,” she said formally.

“Camila, who’s Todd?” asked Dora.

“He’s—just—one of the Samaritans,” she stammered.

“A hot Samaritan who likes her,” teased Yasmine. “And she was flirting with him.”

“Camila!” cried Bea with mock outrage.

“Yasmine coming through with all the good gossip!” cheered Ava. “Why haven’t we heard about this guy before?”

“The FBC forced a wraith on him and then sent him to do the same to me,” responded Camila in a slightly raised voice. Her blush had faded and she wasn’t smiling anymore. The reveal had seemingly brought the group back into reality. The shadows around them had blended together as the sunlight had completely faded.

“He came to later and I stayed in touch to keep tabs on the Samaritans,” she said quietly. When she continued, her words were a little unsteady. “Besides, as I said, I’m a nun.” She avoided looking in Bea’s direction. Yasmine put an arm around her.

“It’s okay Camila, you’re still allowed to be human,” said Dora.

Bea leaned forward and reached across the dark table, taking Camila’s hand in her own. When Camila looked up, Bea was giving her a small smile. “There’s nothing wrong with being a nun, Camila.”

“I know,” replied Camila, returning the smile. “And I’m a damn good one.”

It was not much later when Ava and Bea arrived back to their room. They had moved quietly through the halls, unwilling to disturb the silence that had slowly taken over Cat’s Cradle throughout the evening. With the door shut behind them, Ava finally spoke. “Seems like everyone is kind of freaking out tonight, huh?”

When Bea didn’t answer, she turned to see the sister warrior leaning back against the door staring at her. Her eyes were passing up and down Ava’s body and her tongue briefly ran along her lips before disappearing back inside her open mouth. She took a half step forward and the younger woman met her immediately. Ava leaned forward and braced her arms against the door, trapping Bea between them. She brought her face up, reaching to connect with her lover, only to have Bea pull away, keeping just out of reach—a teasing smile on her face.

She tried a second time only to be denied again and let out a low growl from the back of her throat—a primal noise conveying all of her wants and needs to the taller woman. She pressed her body closer into Bea’s forcing her back against the door. She was breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling to match that of her partner. She leaned up again, barely brushing the sister warrior’s full lips with her own, then she smiled and hovered there, refusing to complete the joining and forcing Bea to lean in if she wanted more.

They both stayed in their minor struggle for power as Bea brought her hands up under Ava’s shirt and they began their agonizingly slow journey up her exposed skin, her fingertips leaving burning tingles in their wake. Ava moaned as she stood up slightly, freeing her hands to work on the fastenings on Bea’s pants. When Bea had unhooked Ava’s bra and Ava had finished with Bea’s zipper, their lips had still not met.

The broke away for only a moment so Bea could remove Ava’s shirt before their lips were again millimeters apart. Bea’s right hand was cupping the Warrior Nun’s breast as her left caressed her back, working its way down and sliding into the back of Ava’s pants. In an unusual move, foregoing her typical teasing, Ava sent her right hand down the front of Bea’s pants causing her to gasp. She tilted back slightly, catching Bea’s permissive smile before she continued. They moved together in rhythm. A shudder ran through Bea’s body as Ava moved her fingers and a gasp escaped from Ava’s lips with a brush of Bea’s thumb and still neither woman would give up the kiss.

Eventually, Bea brought her left hand back up and, placing it on the back of Ava’s head and neck, pulled the younger woman into her. They moaned into each other’s mouths as the teasing finally ended and Bea walked Ava backwards onto the bed.

Tranquility. There was no other word for it. Nothing else could have so perfectly described Bea in this moment as she lay naked in bed holding Ava close to her. She inhaled deeply, filling herself down to her toes, and completely emptied her mind as she slowly expelled the air—the long breath out taking all of her worries and fears with it, leaving nothing behind except her and Ava.

“What do you think will happen after we destroy the Arc?” It would appear in this moment that tranquility did not describe the Warrior Nun.

She thought for a moment, taking her time as she squeezed her arms around Ava, letting her lover know that she had heard. “I’m not really sure,” she said. “That will depend on how smoothly this goes—how angry the Vatican gets. Either way, I suppose, you and I get to relax for a while, relatively speaking. With the direct threat from Reya’s realm gone, the OCS will be back to hunting wraiths that come through, maybe some missions against the FBC.”

“Do you think the Vatican will go after us?” Ava asked in a small voice.

“I don’t know. If they do we go into hiding. Then we could go wherever you wanted.”

“Really?” Ava moved off of Bea and flipped over onto her stomach, propping herself up on her elbows. Beatrice couldn’t help but notice the way the sheet slid down as she moved, leaving the top of her exposed when it drifted down gracefully landing on the small of her back. She flipped herself to match Ava’s pose and they gazed softly at each other.

“Where would you want to go,” asked Bea, “if you could go anywhere?”

“I would want to swim in the ocean,” said Ava right away, causing Bea’s lips to curl. “I would explore Europe, although I guess Italy is out.” She smiled and her voice quickly became excited. “We could use Switzerland as a base. I mean, I know it’s out of the way and a pain to get to but we could spend our downtime at the bar with Hans and our friends and then pack up and head off to wherever.”

She paused for a moment and Bea could see Ava’s frown develop and watched as her face gently dropped. What she said next, she said in a whisper. “I would like to go back to the States—try to find where I grew up. Maybe find someone there who knew me.”

Bea looked at the woman lying next to her and found herself falling in love all over again. How could this person constantly find new ways to make her feel this way? How could a small display of innocent vulnerability cause her to want to give up anything and everything she had ever known and loved just so she could try and make Ava smile? She sighed quietly.

“We could do that, you know,” she said seriously. “Go search the States. I’ve never been.” She smiled at Ava’s surprised look. “It would be fun. We could do all of it. Anything you wanted.”

Ava looked away. “I asked you to do that with me once,” Ava responded quietly. She looked back at Bea with a steady gaze. “What about the mission?”

Bea barely chewed the right side of her bottom lip for a moment. “I’m not even sure there will be a mission after this. With Adriel and the Arc gone…” she trailed off for a moment. Then she fixed Ava with a small smile. “Whatever will be with the OCS will be. But if you and I have a chance for some happiness outside of the mission, well—like I told you before—I intend on enjoying every moment with you that I can.”

Ava smiled back though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. She leaned over towards the older woman and brought the foreheads together before reaching further and joining their lips. They stayed like that, quietly kissing without pushing further, each enjoying the taste, the connection and the innocence of the sweet action. When the Warrior Nun pulled back, she was blushing. Bea wasn’t quite sure why considering the things they had just done but she wasn’t about to complain—Ava looked adorable.

Ava cleared her throat as she grinned. “So what about you? Where would you go if you could go anywhere?”

She thought about it, aware that Ava’s eyes were watching—searching—and more than just her face. “No one has ever asked me that before,” she said, almost as surprised at the words as Ava. “I think Greece.”

“Greece?” Ava asked skeptically. “It’s like right there. You’ve never been to Greece?”

“I’ve never been to Greece,” Bea confirmed as she looked past Ava. “But not just Greece, I mean I would like to explore the Med,” her smile widened as she went on, “the islands and the North African Coast and the old Phoenician provinces—the birthplaces of Western civilization!” She didn’t quite mean to get so excited by the idea and was a little surprised to see Ava chuckling at her.

“You’re such a dork, I love it!” she said with a grin. Bea could feel the heat rise from her chest as she began to blush.

“Well that sounds amazing to me,” continued Ava. “When this is all over, we’re going to do all of this!”

“When this is over,” agreed Bea quietly.

As they got ready to finally go to sleep, she found herself hoping that they could.