Helping Hands
Bea left the meeting quickly. Having no desire in that moment to speak to the Halo Bearer, she practically ran from the room while Ava was waylaid by Mother Superion, presumably for the older woman to find out if there was anything else Ava had kept to herself.
I cannot believe her!
Beatrice was charging through the halls of Cat’s Cradle, working herself deeper into the maze that makes up the bowels of the place, eventually emerging into a seldom used hallway on the far side of the library. She stopped in one of the alcoves to look out the window as she worked through her anger and frustration towards the woman she loved. It was unlikely that anyone would find her here.
Ava watched helplessly as Beatrice left the meeting room while she was confronted by Mother Superion. It was only a minute to convince the woman that there was nothing else to her story but that was all it took. By the time she was through the door, Bea was nowhere to be seen. She looked up and down the halls frantically, panic starting to work its way from her gut through her chest and out into her limbs until she thought she might collapse from the sensation. Before that could happen, though, a gentle voice called her back. “Ava.”
Ava whirled around to see Camila looking at her. She wore a small smile that didn’t quite reach her worried eyes. “You won’t find her until she wants to be found. I don’t think it will be very long; Beatrice doesn’t typically avoid people when she’s mad at them. Come," she took Ava’s arm, "walk with me." She led the poor woman away from the meeting room and the crowd of nuns.
“Do you want to tell me why you hid it from her?”
“I don’t intend to go back, Camila.” Camila stayed silent. “I was trying to avoid this reaction. I know what it cost her to send me through last time. I figured since I wasn’t going to go back then she wouldn’t find out it was even an option.”
“That worked out well,” said Camila lightly. “Let me know your next great plan so I can avoid watching it crash and burn.”
“I’m not in the mood for a lecture, Cam.” Ava was starting to get angry at the young nun now. “If you’re not going to help me find Bea…”
“Oh, I’m not trying to help you,” interrupted Camila, still holding her infuriatingly calm tone, “I’m just here to make sure you don’t do anything else stupid to try and draw her out—like summon a Tarask.”
Ava turned to look at Camila to see her grin. “Damn it Cam…”
“Oh come on Ava,” interrupted Camila again, now talking to the Halo Bearer as she would if she were scolding a wayward teenager, “you fucked up.” Ava blinked at the nun, not quite believing she heard the obscenity. “She’s mad at you. You will both talk. You’ll apologize and it will be alright in the end. You love each other, right? She might not like it, but Bea won’t hold it against you that you were trying to protect her.”
“The last time I tried to protect her, Cam, I left her in Adriel’s cathedral and turned myself into swiss cheese.”
“Okay,” agreed Camila, “so you’ll apologize a lot.”
Beatrice was surprised to hear footsteps. In all of her years of disappearing to the solitude of this hallway since joining the OCS, no one had ever come upon her.
Who could that possibly be?
She stepped out of the alcove and back into the hallway to find an unexpected face.
“Beatrice?”
“Sister Dora!” The two women hurried together in a quick embrace. “It’s wonderful to see you!” said Beatrice. While they hadn’t really have the time to become close, Beatrice would never forget how the other sister warrior had saved her life. In what little time they had to get to know each other, they had bonded over their shared marshal prowess.
“I heard you and Ava were back,” said Dora, as they separated.
“Yes,” replied Beatrice. “Only a few hours now.”
Dora looked around quickly as if searching for the young woman. “Where is she?” she asked with a confused smile. “From the things I’ve heard I’m surprised you’d let her out of your sight.”
“Yes, well—I needed a moment. As I’m sure you remember Ava likes to hide things under the guise of ‘protecting those she loves.’” Beatrice let out a sigh and then looked at Dora apologetically. “I’m sorry I can’t really tell you much more, at least not until Mother Superion updates you. Suffice to say I just found out about another one.”
Sister Dora looked at her consolingly. “Another self-sacrifice?”
“It looks that way. At the very least she didn’t tell me it was an option.”
“But you think she hid it to protect you?” Dora asked and Beatrice nodded.
“Well, protect my feelings at least.”
“Because she loves you?”
“I know what you’re going to say,” said Beatrice, cutting her off. “And I know that you’re right.”
Sister Dora smiled at her. “We live hard lives Beatrice, and not very long ones. If she loves you and makes you happy—it seems to me getting mad at something like this is just a waste of time.”
Bea sighed again. “I know. I just can’t believe she lied to me about something like this—again!”
“Did she say she was going to do it?”
“No, but she did hide it—just like last time. Why else would she do that?”
“To protect your feelings, like you said? To prevent this exact reaction? You told us yourself how her plan with Michael went. You really don’t think she would’ve learned from that?”
Bea paused, considering Dora’s words. “You’re right, of course.”
Sister Dora smiled at her. “Then what are you still doing here? We’ll catch up some other time.”
Bea returned her smile. “Thank you Dora,” she said as she went off in search of the Halo Bearer.
It was not long before Bea found Ava sitting on her bed in the Warrior Nun’s room.
“Bea!” Ava charged across the room, practically tackling the sister warrior as she walked through the door. Bea grunted as the air was forced out of her lungs by the small wrecking ball. Ava seized the back of Bea’s shirt as if afraid the older woman would blow away. “I’m so sorry, Bea. Please. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you…”
“Ava…”
“I never intended to go back! I swear! I just want to be here, with you…”
“Ava!” Bea tried again a little louder.
“Please don’t leave me…” Ava continued.
Upon hearing these words, Bea put her hands on Ava’s shoulders and pushed her away to look into her eyes. The young woman was on the verge of tears. Desperation was clearly written on her face as her bottom lip quivered. She took Ava’s hands in her own.
“Ava,” Beatrice said more calmly now, “what are you talking about?”
“Please don’t leave me,” she repeated, eyes glistening. “I’m sorry.”
“Ava,” Bea repeated yet again. She was completely confused about where this could have been coming from. She directed Ava back towards the bed and sat down next to her. It was apparent to Bea that she had to get this conversation under control before Ava spiraled even more. The Halo Bearer was looking extremely agitated. Stroking her thumbs over the back of the young woman’s hands, she took a deep breath. “Let me just be clear before we say anything else. I do not have any intention of leaving you; I never did. I was mad and we still need to talk about why you lied to me, but Ava, I love you. I couldn't possibly leave you. Now, stop apologizing and please tell me what’s going on.”
“I’m sorry,” responded Ava, wincing at Bea’s exasperated look. “I just—it’s just that you left and Camila tried to help but when I got back here I just got in my head.” Bea waited expectantly, giving the younger woman time to gather herself.
Ava continued in a small voice. “You’re my only reality, Bea,” she said, squeezing Bea’s hands. “I’m scared. I’m scared if I go to sleep alone tonight I’ll wake up back there, on that white table, alone again. During the days I’m okay. You can do your thing and I can do mine but at night—I didn’t even sleep in the bed the night you passed out in the bathroom. I stayed in that chair.” Bea was watching the woman intently. Tears were forming in the corners of her eyes as she listened to Ava. “I’m sorry to burden you like this. I know it’s not fair, probably not very healthy. I guess I’m just…”
“Desperate,” Bea finished for her. Ava looked up at her, tear streaks running down her cheeks from the edges of her dark chocolate eyes. She gathered the Halo Bearer into a hug and pulled her head against her chest. “I’m not sure either of us is approaching this relationship in a very healthy way at the moment. But I did watch you die multiple times and you got sent away to another dimension so I think we can give ourselves a pass. After all, you’ve only been back a week.” She sighed in relief as Ava let out a small chuckle.
“I am sorry I didn’t tell you about Reya’s last offer. I didn’t want to worry you. I am sure as fuck not going to take it. I am not going back there,” Ava paused. “And I’m sorry about lying to you about Michael and Adriel. I guess I never really told you that.”
Bea was silent for a moment. When she started to speak, it was in a whisper, “When I left the meeting I wanted to scream at you. I wanted to hurt you. I couldn’t believe that you’d lied to me again. I quickly convinced myself that the only reason you would do that was because you planned to go back.” She paused, still working through her thoughts.
Ava prompted her, a hopeful lilt in her voice, “But?”
“But,” agreed Bea. “I ran into Sister Dora who very kindly pointed out that my line of reasoning was stupid. She also reminded me of something I’ve known for a very long time, something that you and I need to acknowledge and embrace if we’re going to continue this without driving ourselves insane.”
“What’s that?” asked Ava, now looking up at the older woman.
Bea moved Ava back to arms’ length so she could again look at her face to face. She gave herself a moment to marvel at the beauty that was Ava; at the shining hair that framed her face, the expressive dark chocolate eyes, the slight blush in her soft cheeks and the half smile that was almost a constant on her lips. Bea took a deep breath before she began.
“You are the Warrior Nun and I am a sister warrior. Until recently I was, and still may be, the next in line for the Halo.” She watched as Ava’s half-smile dropped into a frown but Bea knew that Ava needed to hear what she was about to say just as much as she needed to say it. It dawned on her at that moment, just before she continued, how young Ava was; how young they both were. “We’re not going to grow old together. The women who’ve preceded us have shown, almost without exception, that we will likely die young. Time is not on our side.”
“Bea,” Ava finally interrupted quietly, “why are you telling me this?”
“Ava,” she continued, “this is something that I’ve known since I joined the OCS. I was warned before I joined and to be honest I had forgotten as I began falling in love with you. I also know that it’s something that no one expressly told you since you had that weapon inserted into your back. I am telling you this, quite frankly, because I want you to know that if our time in this life is limited, then I don’t intend to waste it being angry and doubting you.” She gave Ava a bright smile. “I intend on enjoying every moment with you that I can.” Leaning forward, she pressed her lips to Ava’s in a hot searing kiss that Ava couldn’t help but return.
Bea’s hands worked their way under Ava’s shirt, feeling the smooth bare skin warm against her fingertips. Ava responded in kind as a soft moan left her throat. She pulled back slightly from the kiss to remove Bea’s top and placed her forehead against the older woman’s, telling her breathlessly, “We’re not done talking about this,” before rejoining their lips.
“Mmhmm,” was Bea’s only response.
They emerged together from the room in time to join the nuns in the dining hall for dinner. Walking hand-in-hand, much to Ava’s delight, they spoke softly together as they moved down the hallway. In a twist from their norm, Ava was playing the quiet one.
“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Bea, concern evident in her voice.
“Which part?” laughed Ava darkly. “The many secret deaths I’ve planned out or the inevitable one lurking around the corner?”
“Ava…” began Bea before the Halo Bearer interrupted her.
“I’m ok, Bea. You aren’t wrong. It’s a responsibility that I can’t pretend I’m still willing to run from after everything that’s happened, although I wouldn’t complain about a break from it now and again.” She squeezed Bea’s hand at these words. “I was actually thinking about something else you had said.”
“Oh?” asked Bea, clearly relieved at the change in subject.
“You called the Halo a weapon,” said Ava, contemplative. “What kind of weapon do you use without your hands?”
“Well,” answered Bea hesitantly, “perhaps weapon isn’t the right word.”
“No.” Ava was quick to respond; sure she was on to something. “Adriel used it as a weapon to fight the Tarask when he first came to Earth. I saw it in my vision as Areala. He used it in his hands. He cut off the Tarask’s head. What if I could do the same?”
They continued the discussion until they arrived to the dining hall, both agreeing that it was too dangerous to test right away as the Halo being outside Ava’s body could immediately summon a Tarask. They agreed to ask Mother Superion to contact Jillian Salvius about creating a Halo-safe room.
When they entered the dining hall, Ava spied Camila, Yasmine and Dora sitting together at a table. The three women cheered when they saw the pair enter the room. Ava wondered briefly what had gotten into them when she felt Bea’s hand squeeze hers.
“We probably should have guessed this would happen,” she whispered to Bea, who had started blushing.
“They’re ridiculous,” responded the older woman as she rolled her eyes, but Ava happily noted that she had not tried to let go of her hand.
“You guys finally figured it out?” asked Camila as the pair sat at the table.
“It was one argument Camila,” responded Beatrice, still blushing. “It’s not as if we were dragging this on for days.”
“Yeah but still this is the first time today I’ve seen you two holding hands,” she turned to Ava. “And you—you owe me.”
“Come again?” Ava asked, clearly confused.
“How could you have your first kiss in front of Yasmine? You barely knew her!”
“Sorry, Cam,” responded Ava, happily, “next time Bea and I have a first kiss I’ll make sure to let you know.” Camila glared at her.
Conversation carried on effortlessly as the women reminisced, shared stories and laughed easily. Their raucous behavior, not often seen in other convents, attracted many of the newer sister warriors to the table.
“You should have seen it,” said Yasmine to the table at large, all eyes on her, “I was watching an artist at work. The way Beatrice cut through Adriel’s priests to reach the elevator. I don’t think a single one of them even touched her. It was the most amazing thing I ever saw. She was a—a badass!” The table roared in laughter at Yasmine’s cuss while Ava saw some of the newer nuns cringe at the language.
“I wish I’d seen it, Yas!” replied Ava as she turned to Beatrice. “You’re going to have to show me that someday.”
“Maybe next time,” said Bea primly.
Slowly, as the evening wore on, the table emptied leaving the five original occupants alone again.
“So, you two have no secrets from each other now?” asked Camila after yet another Switzerland story.
“Nope,” said Ava, smiling as she put an arm around Bea, “open books, Cam.” She noticed that Bea had found a spot on the table and seemed to be paying a little too much attention to removing it. “Right, Bea?” she asked a little nervously.
“Well, there might be one thing I haven’t told you about yet,” replied Bea, the blush creeping up her neck, “from while you were gone.” Ava looked away briefly to see the other three women were giving them their rapt attention.
“What do you mean?” asked Ava.
“W…well,” said Bea, slowly as if trying to pick her words, “it happened the night before I called Camila and Mother Superion asking for help.”
“I thought you woke up in your bed with no memory of how you got there,” interjected Camila.
Beatrice rubbed the back of her neck. “Yes, well, sometimes rumors can be misleading,” she stated.
“You told me that!”
“Bea, what happened?” asked Ava. She watched as Bea rubbed her face with her hands and sighed.
“I didn’t wake up in my bed,” Bea relented in a rush. “I woke up in bed in an apartment belonging to a man named Daniel I met at the bar the night before.”
The table fell completely silent as all four women stared at her with their jaws on the floor. She immediately turned to Ava. “I swear nothing happened. I was fully clothed. He slept on the couch.”
Ava simply tilted her head to the side as if she wasn’t sure who she was looking at. She then burst out laughing and quickly the other three sister warriors joined her. I took Ava a few moments to catch her breath. “Damn Bea,” she said, “I didn’t know you had it in you.”
Bea spluttered. “I—I think the whole point was that I did not have it in me, thank you very much.”
The table again burst into laughter. Dora, who had been in the process of taking a sip of water, spit it across the table at Yasmine as she started choking with laughter.
Ava, taking a sip of her own drink, watched as Bea was patting the coughing Dora on the back while Camila started helping Yasmine dry off. “Good job, Bea,” laughed Camila, “now you’ve made Yasmine wet.”
Ava snorted into her glass as Bea put her bright red face in her hands. “I hate you all,” she groaned.