'Tis the Season
Hardison looked up at the large house, unable to feel anything but intimidated. When Parker had invited him home for Christmas he hadn't anticipated anything like this. Eliot and the other two he'd met, maybe a few others, but this… this was something else entirely. Especially when taking into account the number of cars parked outside. He swallowed hard.
“Come on,” Parker said, pulling at his hand. He followed along reluctantly, wondering what a family of Parkers would be like. Or a family of Eliots. The thought sent a shudder through him.
“Welcome home,” one of the men he'd met before said; the tall one with the large nose.
“Daddy!” she yelled, jumping into his arms. Hardison blinked at them. The man looked to be about their age and Hardison really didn't want to explore their family dynamics. “Where are my presents?”
“Under the tree where they always are,” the man said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Hardison shifted uncomfortable, wondering what he'd gotten himself into.
“Hardison, this is my dad,” she told him when she disengaged from the man.
“I'm older than I look,” the man said reading his expression, then held out a hand for Hardison to shake. “Adam.”
Hardison went through the motion of shaking his hand without really realising it. He wasn't sure what to make of that and decided to let it slide since he had other things to worry about, like trying not to make an utter fool of himself in front of Parker's probably crazy and undoubtedly dangerous family.
Parker pulled him further into the house and Hardison tried to swallow his dread. It looked like the perfect suburban house, but that just meant there was probably something terrible lurking beneath the surface. His fears felt justified when he was pulled into the living room, which opened out into a patio, and he was met with almost 20 faces staring at him. There were three kids running around on the lawn.
“Family, this is Alec,” Parker told them with a sweeping gesture. “Alec, this is family.”
“I can see that,” Hardison said faintly, letting Parker pull him to the couch. As they passed through the sea of people, Hardison sought out Eliot or Oz, but couldn't find the former and the latter was deep in conversation with the dark haired man that had accompanied Adam to confront them when Nate and Sophie had still been part of their team.
“Ground rules,” the pretty woman sitting next to him said, expression serious and eyes hard. “Under this roof, cops turn a blind eye as long crooks don't advertise. And you treat Adam with respect.”
“Sure,” Hardison said, swallowing hard. At his easy agreement, the woman relaxed and smiled at him, her whole face lighting up and Hardison felt like his whole body breathed a sigh of relief. He might not have been able to read people like Nate and Sophie could, but he was definitely not going to mess with anyone in this group, especially not Adam.
“Faith,” she told him. He had the feeling he was going to struggle remembering everyone.
“Alec.”
There was a knock at the door and someone went to answer it, Hardison wasn't sure who. And then a surprised and confused exclamation of “Tony!” A moment later a pretty, dark-haired woman and a tall, handsome man wearing leg-braces entered the room.
“Tony?” the newly arrived man asked. “I have a cousin Tony.”
“Hah!” said one of two identical men. “I knew it.”
“Alec,” the other identical man growled.
“Ben,” Alec said with a roll of his eyes.
“He's in the kitchen,” Faith told the man who apparently wasn't Tony. The man nodded, kissed the woman on the cheek, and headed back into the passageway.
Hardison twitched when the tall, burly man in the corner moved from where he'd been standing with his arm folded and looking extremely uncomfortable. He sneezed once and then again.
“Sandburg,” he yelled. “Why does half your family smell like animals?”
“Only three of them,” Sandburg yelled back from the kitchen. At least Hardison was assuming it was kitchen from the sound of pots and pans being moved around. Alec and Ben snickered at each other.
Hardison was in over his head. He had no idea what was going on in this house, just that he was in over his head. All he could hope was that Parker had some kind of plan to get him out alive. She seemed rather partial to that, it was likely.
It took Hardison a moment to realise that the man and woman posturing at the the short, bald man were actually Hawkeye and Black Widow. The little man squeaked.
“It's not kind to tease the funny little man, dear,” a woman said, slipping her hand into Hawkeye's and tugging him in the direction of the patio. “What sort of example are you setting for the kids.”
Black Widow didn't so much smile as construct a face that happened to resemble one and the little man squeaked again.
“Don't worry, Moz,” Neal Caffrey said. Since when did Parker and Eliot know Neal Caffrey and why hadn't they told him. “There's a strict no permanent damage rule in the house.”
“Yeah, and Adam may not have many rules, but you don't want to break the ones he does,” the man who had accompanied Adam to see them said.
“Or just don't get caught,” a tall man with tattoos and a grin said.
“None of us is quite that good, Steve,” Oz told him. Hardison wasn't sure which was more prevalent, his curiosity about Adam or his sense of self-preservation.
“Food's ready,” Eliot said, coming into to the room, wiping his hands on a kitchen towel and distracting Hardison from his thoughts.
“Great,” Faith said. “I'm starving.”
“You're always starving,” one of the twins told her.
“Like you can talk,” Faith said, nudging him as they exited the room.
“Is it always like this?” Hardison asked Parker as he hung back. Even Christmas with his Nana hadn't prepared him for this. They hadn't even got to the food yet.
“Like what?” Parker asked.