The Calling
Blair nodded when Jim said he couldn't take the trip with him, smiled blithely and wondered if the cold water of the fountain, if the nothingness of dying, had seeped into his bones.
It was a relief when Adam, Neal, Tony and Faith entered the hospital room. Jim was immediately on his feet at the influx of strangers, even if Jim had met one or two of his foster siblings or smelled even more of them on him. Of course, given who or what some of his siblings were, Blair had kept a distance between them and Jim. Some weren't human and Jim would be able to sense that. Most of the rest were criminals and Jim wouldn't have been able to let that go either.
"Adam," Blair greeted with a tired smile, which settled Jim but not by much.
"I saw your chart," Adam said, ignoring Jim and resting a hand on Blair's arm, subtly taking his pulse at the same time and verifying Blair's health for himself. Neal came to stand on the other side of the bed. Jim shifted to stand at the foot of the bed so he could act quickly should any of them prove to be a threat. Faith stood near the door, Tony beside her, and her gaze sweeping over Jim, assessing him, before landing on Blair. She gave him a small smile which he couldn't help but return.
"You lot end up in the hospital far too often," she told him, tone half amused, half older sister.
"At least I won't be the only one with everyone worrying about my lungs," Tony said with a grin which caused Blair to groan. He wasn't looking forward to the next holiday together with everyone hovering over him. He couldn't quite bring himself to wish a near death experience on one of the others between now and then. Unfortunately, he was sure, given his foster siblings habits, that there would be one anyway. Statistics were against them.
"This is my foster family," Blair told Jim. "When I wasn't with Naomi, I grew up with them."
Adam patted Blair's arm and Blair instinctively leaned toward him, the one adult in Blair's childhood that he'd been able to always rely on. His solid cornerstone.
"Blair's told us all about you," Neal said, reaching out to shake Jim's hand. Blair knew Jim was probably cateloguing Neal with his senses. Blair was just glad that the siblings who had come were the ones walking the right side of the law, even if Neal was only relatively recently of that persuasion. Jim grunted in reply, not warming to them at all.
"We're glad you're recovering well," Adam told him, though he could tell Adam knew there was something else going on. Suddenly, Blair wanted to tell him everything that happened. If anyone could possibly understand, it would be Adam. Tears began to pool in his eyes and he gripped Adam's hand tightly. Blair was only vaguely aware of Tony and Neal having a quiet word with Jim before they all left the room. Blair was sure Jim would still be keeping an ear on what was going on.
"I died," Blair said when they were ostensibly alone. Adam's hand ran soothingly over his curly hair, but he didn't say anything. Blair wondered how much he himself dared say. "I experienced something."
Blair tried to gather the words to explain, but the experience was still just something that had happened to him. It hadn't had time to settle inside him and become part of him yet.
"Every culture in the world has lore about near death experiences," Blair said, falling back on his anthropological knowledge to explain what he couldn't. Adam nodded and, Blair knew he already knew that, but Adam didn't look anything but patiently interested in what he was saying.
"I thought it meant something," Blair said and there were tears again. He blinked them away furiously and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. Adam didn't tell him it was going to be okay or that he wasn't alone. He didn't even tell him he wasn't the first person to go through something like that. Instead, he said,
"I can't tell you how true any of it is, but I can tell you that they almost universally agree that an experience like that can be a positive and transformative one."
"I thought it was," Blair said, remembering the wolf and the panther, and the feeling of life and meaning and wholeness when they'd collided.
"What changed?" Adam asked.
Jim, Blair thought. Jim's discomfit with what they'd experienced and what it might mean. He couldn't say that, not when Jim might be listening. He didn't want Jim to feel guilt for something he couldn't help and Blair knew how uncomfortable he was with the spiritual side of things. He also didn't want to pretend nothing had happened.
Adam hummed noncommitally in that way that could have meant he understood exactly what Blair refused to say or that he was just pretending until it became clear and it seemed as though he'd known all along.
"Oz would probably appreciate hearing from you," Adam told him.
Blair smiled properly at him for the first time, wondering why he hadn't thought of that himself. Although, he had died, so he figured he could cut himself some slack. Oz had been exploring the spiritual for years and was in touch with his inner wolf. Probably not in the way Blair wanted to be, but he would be a useful touchstone when Blair explored his own spirituality. It would have been preferable to do it with Jim, but that wasn't an option. Not yet, at least, but hopefully Jim would come around eventually.
"I'm glad you came," Blair told him, already feeling better about everything.
"Always," Adam said, patting his arm. Blair relaxed into the pillows, secure in the knowledge he wasn't alone.