Lily pov
When Pandora closed the door behind her she felt like collapsing in their sofa, she actually did just that
"Oh my God James she looked so pretty" she said hiding her face between her hands and she heard James laughing out loud at her
"Merlin, lils control yourself" he said laughing "gods, she comes here to tell us shocking information and your first thought it's how pretty she looked?" He asked her mockingly
She groaned in embarrassed at his words which just made him laugh harder
"Oh shut it, if it had been regulus here you wouldn't be acting any differently" she said to him but he didn't even blinked at that
"And you would be laughing at me, so really you can't complain" he pointed to what she rolled her eyes.
After some seconds they just stood there in silence before the reality of events finally caught up with them
"Merlin, James" she said in a whisper, horror showing in her voice
"Merlin indeed" he said in the same tone, choosing to collapse at her side "can we unpack all this piece by piece? I think my brain is collapsing" he said and she nodded at that because she could certainly understand the feeling
"Regulus betrayed you know who" she started with, because that was the most bigger point and the one that started it all really. And also, the one she knew James was stuck in
"And I am the one with a hero complex" he chuckled dryly "it's just- I can't" he struggled with his words
"You can't believe it?" She tried to prompt him but the man after some seconds of consideration shook his head
"That's the funny part" he said "I can believe it, I can because I always knew he had it in him" he said passing a hand through his hair "I always knew he wasn't like them, so yes I can believe" he paused for some seconds before continuing "it's just feel unreal, because I've dream with this many, many times and now it's just- it's just happening" he ended with a chuckle that sounded suspiciously wet but Lily decided to not comment about that
They stood in silence for some seconds, processing that part until James spoke again
"Pandora came asking for your help" he mentioned "how do you feel?" He asked her and she almost decided to dodge the question and just keep talking about regulus or about the still not mentioned fact that he had found a key to defeated Voldemort but at the end she choose to just answer
"Honestly? I don't really know James" she said in barely more than a whisper "I was completely sure that she hated me" and she was, until the exact moment where Pandora greeted her at their door she was sure the blond hated her
They had started dating in the beginning of her sixth year and it had been beautiful and amazing, Pandora was amazing.
She was smart, kind, brilliant and so on. Everything had been awesome, right until the rumors of Rosier and crouch sympathizing with death eaters; both boys were the blond best friends and Lily had decided to confront her about it
She had broken her friendship with Severus for this same reason, he had made her feel ashamed of herself, hurt and betrayed; she didn't want to feel that way ever again
So basically, she had tried to made Pandora broke her own relationships with her friends, trying to keep away anything related to those people away from her and the people she loved, but of course,. The blond has refused and Lily had felt too hurt to try to understand the other girl reasons.
She had felt like Pandora had chosen the death eaters over her, just like Severus had done. And that had been all, Lily had broken things off with Pandora that same day, she had also said many hurtful things she regretted almost immediately but was too proud to admit it and they haven't spoken since then
And now Pandora had come there to ask for her help, had confessed to been fighting in her own way against the dark lord, had come to show that she was never the person Lily accused her to be
What was she supposed to feel?
She turned to look at the man who was looking at her with sympathy, they stood like that for some seconds before James broke the silence
"Merlin Lily" he said, hands fidgeting "what the hell are we doing now?" He asked, and that was a good question wasn't it? And it was not even about the decision about helping Pandora and regulus because that was settled, they will helped them
It was about many other things, regulus apparently had a key to destroy the dark lord. How were they going to proceed?
How would they get the order's help? In who they could actually trust?
And another question that she new was going through both of their minds
She loved Pandora, she had loved her in Hogwarts and she would be lying if she said the feelings went away. Watching her in the doorstep had just remembered her how much she felt for the blond, she had even hoped that Pandora was there to talk about theirs, about their relationship and she was ashamed to admitted that when that haven't been the case she had felt disappointed , which was such a silly thing to feel but she had. And the worst thing?, if Pandora had actually been there to do that, Lily would have accepted, would have choose her
And she was no fool, James haven't told her everything about regulus and him but she knew. She knew he felt similar to her, maybe even stronger, because James Potter always felt stronger and harder than anyone else so yes, she knew that he loved him, that if regulus had been here James wouldn't have let him go, that James loved him
They were both still completely and irrevocably in love with their exes, that had been how they had bonded, that had been why they had decided to start a relationship. Because they thought that if they couldn't be with who they really loved they could at least be there for the other, be together
That had been what they had thought at the moment, they had thought it was a good idea. And now they were fucking engaged
They were engaged and the loves of their life were coming back to theirs. What the hell were they going to do? Indeed
"I don't know" she answered him honestly "I think our only option is to wait" she said, because it was, they had to wait until they had the whole information from regulus, they had to wait until they could make a plan. A plan for the (very important point) war they were living and a plan for their very complicated relationship status
James agreed with a nod before offering to make some tea for the both of them. But of course, as if they haven't have enough thing to deal with today, not even a full minute after James had served the tea they received a Patronus.
They have an order meeting
Just what they needed
They were quick to get ready to go, it wasn't uncommon for the order to do surprised meetings considering they were in the middle of an active war but the feeling of uneasiness inside her skin was bothering her. The words of Pandora in her mind, they didn't know in who to trust, and another important part.
Dumbledore could read minds, and he probably did it whenever he saw fit.
She turned to look at James, the man was an open book. He looked as if someone had relieved a weight from his shoulder at put a new one. He looked happy and worried, exciting and stressed. All at once, and she worried that might attract the curiosity of the old Wizard.
Well, Good thing she had learnt occlumency by herself for pure challenge and that she had also learnt a way of using it not just on herself but in others so she could protect other people's mind too.
She set her magic with this goals as they apparated outside of the meeting place.
When they got there half of the order had already arrived and the rest started to appear not long after them. Dumbledore and moody were at the front of the room observing everyone as they gather around, it was still weird being under the gaze of the eye of Alastor, if he was intimidating before the new scars and weird eye certainly add on it
She got out of her thoughts when sirius greeted her
"Hey Lily flower, how are you doing?" The man asked her with a smile that she reciprocated
"As good as I can sirius, and you?" He looked tense she noticed, and exhausted. Which was not a weird look for anyone considering their situation but Sirius was better at hiding it. Not this time though
"Have a fight with Remus again" he said shrugging catching the attention of James with that answer
"What happened Padfoot?" He asked concerned for their friends
"It's just- he doesn't want to tell me anything about his missions" he said not more than a whisper, more people was arriving and they knew that wasn't the best place to have this conversation but Sirius looked as if he really needed it
"It must be a Dumbledore order" she said, the words of Pandora hunting her mind "and you know Remus wouldn't disobey a direct request of him" this was a fact, Remus felt In debt with the old man for allowing him to study at Hogwarts so he did almost everything he said
"But not other partners hide things from each others, you two don't as an example and I don't hide anything from him either, why he has to?" He asked exasperated and obviously distressed
Nervously, Lily took a look at their surrounding, the others were busy in their own conversations but it wasn't long until the reunion started. She also saw Remus looking at them from his place at one of the corners, he tried to look nonchalantly about it but the redhead could see the pain and exhaustion in his eyes, whatever this was it was hurting her friends much more that she had imagined. Luckily James seemed to reach to the same conclusion
"Padfoot, you have to talk about this with him, and don't tell me you have because I know you two" he stopped him when Sirius opened his mouth "You haven't reach the real problem In your conversations, tell him how you feel, ask him what you are asking us and bloody talk" he ended sternly and Sirius could just blink at that. This whole situation was draining all of them and it was obvious. Lily also thought about how motherly James had acted. It was endearing to see really, James passion for taking care of others was truly beautiful. She got out of her thoughts when Dumbledore clear his throat loudly. Calling everyone attention to him
"I'm afraid I didn't call you here to share good news" he said looking at everyone in the room. Lily vaguely hear Sirius murmuring that he had never called them for anything but bad news "Fabian and Gideon prewett had been murdered" and that was it, not running around the topic
Gasps could be heard around the room at the news. Oh God the poor prewett twins, she wasn't close to them beside order business considering they were four years older than her but they were such kind souls. So funny and nice and they- they were gone
She turned to look at James, remembering that even if she wasn't close to them James was, they had bonded over quidditch very quickly and they were in fact friends
She wasn't surprised to find a heartbreaking expression on his face, he looked devasted and like crying at any second. She took his hand but he barely reacted at that, actually no one did until Dumbledore spoke again
"They were in a safe location that almost no one knew, that's why you need to be careful and why the rules about sharing details of personal missions had changed" he said, and that was it. Two important members of the order dead and he was moving on from that topic as if it was nothing. She wondered how many times he had done that. If she was just noticing because of what Pandora said of just by herself "no one shared missions information with no one that is not involved in it"
"That's it?” she almost flinch at how cold James voice sound when he talked "two members of the order die and we move on like nothing and the new strategy is to be more suspicious of one another?" He asked
"There is a war going on mr Potter" Dumbledore answered with an easy voice "we don't have time to mourn and we have to made sure the rest are safe" he ended and when she felt James ready to snap again she took his hand. She was mad too but that wouldn't solve anything. Not now and not here "I imagine it's hard for all of you but we need to focus on this and not the past" for the sake of everything Lily decided to ignore the part where he insinuate that this wasn't hard for himself, just for them and instead tightened her hold on James hand to stop him for making any comment
That way they continue with the meeting, no one was really into the information but all of them were doing their best to pay attention to it. To the small advantages they had find and the general new missions of the order. That of course before moody decided to talk
"Another good new is that another death eater is dead, Ronald Aubert" he said cheerfully "he was trying to fool me asking me for help to left the dark lord when another one heard him. I imagine he didn't knew about any plan that kid might have because he killed him immediately, and gave me some time to capture him" he mentioned. As if it had been a really good thing. She felt sick at his words and felt James vibrating from where she was holding him. And at that moment she knew she couldn't stop him for exploding
"Beg you bloody pardon?" He asked his voice vibrating with contained rage "that's a good new?, that you get someone who was begging for your help killed?"
"Mr Potter" Dumbledore intervene but was rudely interrupted by James again
"He was asking you for help and you are celebrating his death? How dare you?" he spit angrily
"It was an obvious scam" moody answered though he didn't seem very confident of that "and anyways, they already choose a side. It doesn't matter the situation they are death eaters, that's all" and oh well, if she thought James was mad before those words would turned him furious
"That's all?! That's fucking all?!" He started to yell and people winced around him "they are bloody humans!, some of them didn't get a chance to choose in the first place!" He started to point "and that's all?! We are supposed to be the good ones! We are supposed to help!" He continued even when Frank tried to easy him "did you even know how old that death eater was?" He asked the man but moody didn't get a chance to answer when James kept going "because I know, Ronald Aubert was fucking 18"
that seemed to affect the one eyed man. Because he physically flinch back at that but James didn't stop
"he was barely an adult, he was in fourth year when I bloody graduated!" His voice was growing and growing as he went on "and he had a fucked up family so no, I don't think he had a choice. But when he tried to have one he got fucking killed and you are celebrating it?" he spit the question with more venom Lily had ever heard in his voice and Looking at moody with so much anger and despise that she wasn't surprised to see everyone there with shocked faces.
James was never like that, he was never this kind of...angry, but she knew what had triggered this.
Of course he was mad about moody attitude she was too but there was something else there. He was thinking of regulus and that much was obvious to Lily. Of the younger man situation, similar to the Aubert Boy. And of his actual situation. How he almost was Ronald
And of course. Of how this would be this people reaction if it was him. Of how if it had been regulus the one to die trying to betray the dark lord they wouldn't care
Regulus black deserved better than this. Specially in James eyes.
Ronald Aubert deserved better too and James would at least gave him this. For who he almost was and for what he almost did
Lily didn't have to read minds to know all this. But she knew of someone that did. That was why she was concentrating in making the mind protection as stronger as possible. Trying not to look at the old man
"It's not that I disagree with you James" she heard Frank talked "but a death eater will always be a threat" he said but immediately noticed his mistake when James turned to him with fire in his eyes
"Really? So if they tried to change sides we are going to deny them? As if we don't need more allies right now?" He started to shot his questions "as if the didn't deserve a second choice?" Frank raised his hands a mood of surrender at James words but it wasn't he who talked to Lily's surprised
"They had a choice a first choice" Sirius voice brought the attention of everyone in the room the him "they choose" he emphasized
"Oh Yeah, they chose, They chose between suffering under a cruciatus curse or following you know who. Not to much of a choice is it?" He asked and Sirius visible flinched back at that. Lily knew James haven't intended to hurt him and she saw the regret in his eyes when he brought that up. That had been Sirius experience with the death eaters. She didn't know too much. Just that He had arrived barely alive to the Potter's house and he had been disowned after it but she knew it had been horrible, for all of them. And James had crossed a line at saying that
Remus seemed to think that too because he left his position in the corner of the room to put himself in front of Sirius. As if protecting him
"James. That's enough" he said sternly "this is not the moment or the place for this. Can we give help to a death eater? Yes if they proof to be in our side and under vigilance but that's it" he decided, his voice not leaving place for a discussion. it was time like this that she understood the joke about Remus been the leader of the Marauders. With an even voice he had ended the discussion in the room and made everyone pay attention to him. Even giving an order that no one questioned. No one even dare to talked
At least until the older person In the room decided to open his mouth. And worst of all. He directed to her
"There is no need of a mind protection spell miss Evans" he said and a cold wave passed through her body "if you received a solicitation of help from a death eater we can discuss it later but in general. Protecting mister Potter mind is not necessary considering he had always had a protection" he mentioned as if it was nothing
"What?" James asked taken aback and Dumbledore sighed
"Young miss Evans is using a protection spell in both of you. Which is obviously not necessary considering mister Potter have an acient artefact that do that job" he said shrugging and she saw from the corner of her eyes how James hands move to his wrist
"Were you trying to read our minds then?" She asked him. The protection still in place. She couldn't believe he was just admitting it "interesting choice of where to use your powers. All things considering" she said coldly. And she could see everyone getting to the point she was implying very quick. But as expected Dumbledore didn't let her talk any longer
"It's also an interesting change of topic. Mis Evans, first answer me. what death eater asked for your help?" And that easily everyone attention was again in James and her. She wanted to scream. How were they not seeing the main problem
Still, she had to think in a quick answer. James was in shock at her side. Still touching his wrist and probably still trying to hold his tongue.
She remembered Pandora's begs. How they couldn't trust anyone. Not really. So she just used the first thing that came to her mind as an excuse
"There is no death eater asking for our help" she said "but James and I are thinking about having a baby. You might guess that as we are soon to be parents celebrating the death of a child it's not something we can agree" she lied and could feel everyone's surprised gaze on her "it was a secret but if you are so eager to know. There it is" she ended and mentally pray for James to understand the plan and follow along. As well as she pray for Dumbledore to just buy this answer
"Oh my God Lily, that's amazing" Alice interrupted the silence "maybe if you decided to have it my baby and yours could be friends" she said sounding exciting about the idea, and Lily almost felt bad about the lie. Except for the fact that her lie was probably saving lies so she just gave Alice a small smile before turning her attention back to Dumbledore
The old man wore a blank expression but he didn't made any comment. Instead he just observed as everyone start to gave their congratulations. Well everyone except for Remus and Sirius who were looking at them suspiciously, obviously they haven't bought the lie but at least they weren't Making it too obvious
The reunion topic change once again to the new rules and this time no one made any comment. She kept her magic in place though in case Dumbledore wanted to test his luck with reading her mind one more time
She wanted to have another confrontation with the man, about all the things he was doing wrong. Of how no one was questioning anything he said, of how his rules and bad decision were ruining people here
But she wasn't an idiot. She knew that the moment was too delicate to do that. With the whole regulus situation they needed to act more carefully, to think through every movement they made. And trying to make a revolution against Dumbledore wasn't the best idea right now
Maybe later, when she have a better plan and more importantly when lives weren't hanging on her hands and when she had more support. Because now she knew even her best friends weren't going to back her up in that
Talking about best friends, she had been so focus on the guys, Dumbledore and James that she had forgot her very best friend who now that she noticed was glaring at her
Right, if she believed that lily was saying the truth she was most certainly mad that lily haven't talked to her first
And if she knew her to be lying then she was most certainly mad that she didn't know why
Fantastic
She risked to throw a look to James and realize he was still touching his wrist absently and glaring at Dumbledore and Moody. Right, she kicked him subtly in the chin shaking her head. They needed to be in the same page now. He finally got out of his trance and after some seconds nodded understanding their unspoken plan
The meeting finally got to an end And everyone started to said their farewells. She counted in her mind exactly 90 seconds before taking James hand and bolting from the living room. Saying they had a doctor appointment just for good measure. Dumbledore shot them a weird look but otherwise said nothing
She really thought they have got out of this uncomfortable and horrible situation when she felt a hand take her arm as she was walking outside the safe house
And for her not so much surprised she was face with Remus, Sirius, Mary and Marlene glaring not so subtly at them
Fantastic
"I think we need to talk" Marlene said arms crossed and Lily sight at that
"Marls I love you, but I'm really tired right now" she tried "and James has stuff to do at the house too, so can we do this tomorrow?" When I have a lie more planned? She added in her mind
"Oh don't worry" Mary said, and by her voice Lily knew she was in trouble "Sirius and Remus can go and help James with whatever he has to do and you, Marlene and I can have a relaxing day while you fill us up with everything" separated them to try to catch them in the lie, it was a good strategy she had to admit, a strategy usually used in police interrogations if the books she read where correct. And that's exactly how this whole situation felt, like an interrogation
Before she could even as much as make a sound each girl took one of her arms and start to walk to the opposite side of where she saw Remus and Sirius taking James
Oh well, fantastic
She sighed in resignation and decided to follow them, she knew what she had to do, she hated to lie to them but she had promised Pandora. It's not that she didn't trust them, she knew Mary and Marlene would never betrayed her, she knew they were safe
But Pandora didn't, and she had promised to not tell anyone so she knew what she had to do. She could ask for forgiveness later on, when she convinced the blue eyed to trust them, but for now pretending to be pregnant was the best choice
She just hoped James stuck up with the plan