Part 1
Clint Barton does not exist.
Instead, a man broken and remade, a tool, a weapon with no name has taken his place.
To those who knew him, he simply vanished, disappeared without a trace. No explanation, no reason, he was just gone.
What Natasha Romanov and Phil Coulson did not know was that Clint Barton had been meeting someone in secret, which he’d been doing for years. They didn't know that he'd gotten to know them, or that he'd fallen for that someone so hard it hurt.
That someone was the Winter Soldier.
They’d encountered first on a mission in Romania. Clint had taken the Soldier’s kill, though unintentionally, he hadn't even been aware the Soldier was there, but when he did see him, he sent him a smirk Clint was pretty sure the assassin could see from across the canal he'd been holed up near. He was also pretty sure he'd pissed him off. But before anything else happened he was gone.
The next time they came across one another the Soldier had taken Clint’s mark.
Clint had only seen his arm the second time, and then the mark was down. He'd come to the conclusion of who he was with a little research and was a bit blown away by the fact that he had taken his kill the first time and they now had a bit of a grudge against one another, or it felt like anyway. Even though their tally's were even, they both had to be competitive by nature, otherwise they would have never really met the third time, or the fourth, it carried on like that for a long time until things changed a little, until it became more of a game.
Whenever Clint caught wind of a ghost he always made sure to leave him messages, bragging about which marks he'd gotten, after awhile, he started getting them back. They were rarely words, usually something only snipers could pick out, signs or misplaced markers. Something that only they seemed to get. Later, it was other things, just random stupid messages that meant nothing, he found out that the Winter Soldier had a snarky sense of humor. He figured they'd get along great in person. Didn't mean he could let him win, of course.
Clint liked the game and he didn't want to lose, but he also didn't want it to end.
Clint didn’t tell anyone, he was kind of worried of it being stopped, or of the Soldier being found out and it ending badly, he had no idea what would happen now that he was in so deep, at first it might have been something to share, but now, it seemed more personal, like having a friend he only shared this part of his life with, it was more intimate of a relationship than he'd ever had before, and he'd felt that long before they'd even met in person. Besides, he was pretty sure shit would go down if people knew he was having a weird sniper message fling with a guy that supposedly didn't exist.
But he would do some good with it. He wanted to do something to get this guy on their side, that was sort of Clint's thing, he'd recruited Natasha after all and she was a great asset to SHIELD, and he was extremely close to her now. He figured the Winter Soldier was doing what he did for a reason, Clint wanted to give him a good reason to come and work with them. Like he had Natasha. Clint knew from the few times he'd actually glimpsed the guy, he was not doing this of his own will. He had orders to follow. The set of his shoulders. The way he moved, just how he held himself let Clint know he had a job to do, and he was going to do it, even if he didn't like it. Clint was going to help him, he was going to ask him to change sides, to join SHIELD, and do whatever they could within their power to help him anyway he needed.
But then things got a little out of his control and really a lot more complicated than he'd meant them to.
The first time Clint encountered the man in person, it was an accident. Clint had stumbled into the Soldier's nest...while he was still in it.
They stood there and stared at each other, taking each other in, Clint could jump out of the window if he really needed to. He wasn't an idiot, he knew the Winter Soldier could take him in a hand to hand fight, he'd seen the man fight from a distance, though it was not often he had to resort to that, he was still incredibly skilled. Clint would only have an advantage from a distance. After a small, quick sweep of the room his eyes returned to the man, the room was dark, there was a table in the corner, the light from the streets flashed over them each in turn. Clint was in his uniform, SHIELD insignia clear on his chest. The Winter Soldier was covered nearly head to toe in black, everywhere but the top of his head was covered in some kind of armor, which was odd, Clint thought, he figured he would have a helmet or something for protection, not just a mask. But he didn't have time to dwell on it as there were muffled words coming from the mask.
"You are Hawkeye." It was not a question.
"Yeah," he replied anyway, "I got your last-" he started to say, it was about their messages, which was a little stupid, he didn't know who was listening, but then he was interrupted by a hand over his mouth. Damn the guy was fast.
"No," the soldier said, and then he was moving his hands insistently, tying to pull off Clint’s uniform, and Clint hadn't really followed that sudden change in the conversation or mood, he managed to get the hand off his mouth with a little insistent tugging.
"What are you doing?" because this sudden change in dynamic was not something he had expected, he wouldn’t deny that he was maybe a little bit attracted to the guy, even though he had never actually seen his face. But the way he moved and fought and his own sniping skills was enough to make his pants a little uncomfortably tight. But still, he needed more than that. And a good reason, he wouldn't just drop it for every pretty face he saw or didn't see as the case may be, despite what people thought.
There was a long pause, he could see the soldier's eyes, he wasn't wearing the goggles today, too dark out. His eyes blue, bright blue, and in them is something Clint didn’t expect. He had seen it before, reflected in his own eyes many times.
"Please," was all the soldier said and that was all it took. Clint helped him take off his own clothes and then started on the soldier's. It was hurried, rushed, too quick. It wasn’t enough, but all they could do. Soon they were dressed again and separating as if nothing had happened.
Desperation and longing, and so much loneliness... The man that was in the Soldier looked so desperate for something, anything other than what he was used to. Longing to have someone who wouldn't tell him what to do, someone who was on even ground with him. And so desperately lonely for some kind of human contact he would ask someone he'd never been in the same room with before. But someone who he trusted, it seemed. He'd needed Clint in that moment so much that Clint couldn’t deny him. He figured the soldier was kept on a tight leash. This was his act of defiance. Clint could respect that. He didn't expect anything more after this one time thing.
However, it happened more and more, and more. Clint got so caught up, he wanted the other man so much, he barely knew him, but he felt like he should. He felt like he needed to get to know him. And that led to him finding the other man more and more, and eventually getting to know him, as much as he was able. And from what he did know, Clint liked, really quite a lot.
They'd had a few close calls during their moments together, someone had tried to kill Clint while he was with the Soldier, Clint knew there were people out there who wanted him dead, he just didn't know any stupid enough to try and do so while he was with the most notorious assassin in history, not that anyone would know, but details. Though after it had happened, the soldier hadn't let him go, like he'd been worried about losing him. It made Clint wonder a good many things.
Another time, he'd almost been found by Natasha, that had been scarier than almost being killed. But the soldier had vanished no trace seconds before she opened the door. And then yelled at him in Russian for about ten minutes, probably for him being an idiot and what not about having sex on the job. At least she hadn't caught on with whom. But still the next time, the soldier hadn't let him go for a moment while they were together.
It made Clint want to protect him. To save him from whoever had broken a man who seemed to be far from a murderer, and use him as a heartless tool and weapon.
He always forgot to ask though, it was so fast and they had other things that always seemed to be more important at the time, but he didn't make it a priority until Natasha saw one of the bruises that damn metal hand -that Clint actually really liked- had left on his hip. It was hard to miss, it was purple, and hand shaped, between missions in the showers. They showered in the same room, yeah, that was about it, they had seen each other naked more times than they could count they didn't care, so he'd forgotten to worry about it.
He was able to tell her it was something he was working on, a relation of sorts, to help, it had just gotten a bit carried away, it wasn't a lie, he was going to try and bring him in, for SHIELD, to work for the good guys. And he was trying to work on the Soldier's grip, because yeah hand shaped bruises were hard to explain away during post mission physicals, and people were probably starting to wonder. It was just hard to remember when you had the Winter Soldier's tongue in your mouth and his hand down your pants. He'd make an effort to talk to him about it next time.
However, the last time Clint met him, he was ready to talk, ready to help him make a change, and more than ready to offer him the chance of leaving the people who used him, and he'd planned to do this before anything else happened. He’d stepped into the room that he'd been led to that the messages had told him to come to, then he'd seen him in the corner of the room, sitting, waiting, face neutral. Clint knew what that meant, he’d had something done to him that made it harder for him to remember sometimes, but he always knew Clint's body, he knew what it felt like to have his lips and hands on him. Clint didn't worry. They still managed to make it through every time. Clint must have been memorable. That was a lot of things Clint wasn't willing to admit, and a few he was, as long as it meant they were still able to be together.
This time he looked a little worse than he usually did, if the way his eyes stayed on him like he was a threat was anything to go by, but that wasn’t anything really new, it had happened before, it just meant things would go a little more slowly than before. He stepped in, putting his bow and quiver on the table, easy, telegraphing his movements, he stepped over to the other man and then slowly sank to his knees, letting him know who was in control at that moment. That was what Clint gave him. The soldier needed to be in control of himself, something he never seemed to get, and he was with Clint, he was able to do anything and everything with Clint if he was willing, and Clint was pretty willing about ninety-nine percent of the time.
"Hey, soldier," he said easily, he didn’t have a name, so that was what Clint called him. He'd asked before, but the man didn't know, and Clint left up the idea of a name to him, but it was always taken from him. So soldier it was. (Secretly in only Clint's head he was Clint's Soldier.)
There was a long pause, Clint worried for a fraction of a moment when the eyes stared at him icily, but then there was a metal hand on his cheek, gentle and cool. He smiled and then leaned up a little bit, mirroring the move gently, then he pulled him forward into a soft questioning kiss, it took less time for a reaction than usual when he was like this. It was a bit of a relief, knowing he was remembering again, Clint was always a little worried he'd lost him completely.
Lips moved against each other, it was slow and gentle, Clint pulled back to ask a question once they broke for air, but didn't get the chance as suddenly something was stuck in his neck, it worked fast, and Clint could only look at the soldier's calm face in shock as he blacked out.
~
Clint disappeared after that. Natasha couldn't find him. Coulson couldn't get anything. He was simply gone. They never stopped searching for their lost teammate, knowing surely, there was something, some kind of clue that would lead them to him. But they found no trace, ever, as if he'd simply vanished, leading them to believe they would never know.
The truth however was far worse than never knowing. Their relationship had been found out by the wrong people, The Winter Soldier was not meant to be anything other than a weapon, he did not get to have anything, he could not have Clint and that had to be fixed. However, Clint Barton was too valuable to simply kill, so he was put to use by Hydra.
Clint Barton was wiped away, in a cold and damp underground facility that was nowhere, his memories were taken on the breath of his screams, all of them; of Natasha and Coulson; of Barney and the circus; of SHIELD and Fury; of his soldier and their time spent together, it was all gone. His personality. His free will. Every piece of Clint Barton was striped away to create another asset. Built with screams and pain, and enhanced as he was needed.
He had no name, nothing to be tracked. Nothing to be documented. He did not exist.
They were kept separated, they never saw each other. Didn't even know of each other. One in cryo while the other was carrying out a mission. It was efficient, and useful. They were never let out at the same time, to keep them from seeing each other, because it was too risky. And it stayed that way for a long time, that was until things became more difficult and Hydra was getting closer and closer to their goals, and they needed more work out of their assets.
SHIELD was no longer a secret which also led to more work, Hydra had to work twice as hard to carry out its’ missions undetected. They needed both of their assets taking care of the problems in the world. Making a difference. Creating the change Hydra wanted.
It was only meant for them to meet again, on a mission with no handlers around to guide them away. No one to tell them they can't.
At first there was no recognition, the sniper and the soldier, the soldier wears what he always has. The sniper can not be recognized and has a hood and a mask, it hinders his sight somewhat, but precautions had to be taken.
But the sniper, his eyes sharper than ever, he noticed a scar on the soldier's face, above the mask, it sparked a sense of familiarity, like he had seen it many times before. The soldier learned of the sniper, learned he used bows and arrows to carry out his missions. It was an odd thing, really and it was really easily recognized. He didn't understand why they were so familiar. He'd never seen them before and seeing them now, it made him think that he’d not only seen them, he’d held them before, cradled them as the sniper showed him.
It was a very long stand off as neither of them moved a muscle but slowly, the sniper takes off his quiver and bow and put them off to the side, like it was something he was used to doing, he dropped his hood and looked at the soldier, confused.
The soldier removed his mask, he stepped forward and then placed his hand on the sniper’s cheek, like his body was telling him to, the other man relaxed immediately, his whole body accepting the touch. He wasn't used to being like this around anyone, but with this stranger, he felt like this was where he belonged.
It only took their eyes connecting a fraction of a moment for the kiss to start. The rest that followed was only natural, something they needed.
It didn't take long for the same pattern to start, for them to get caught, for them to be punished, and for the cycle to start again.
They could not be separated for long without finding each other, eventually their handlers didn't fight it and used it to their advantage. If they did well, they got time together, if not...well so far there hadn't been an 'if not', they were the perfect team. The Sniper covered with the Soldier carried out the mission, the Sniper took out the mark while the Soldier was back up, they infiltrated facilities faster than some of their best Strike teams, all while doing it so efficiently, they left no trace.
They were unstoppable, and as long as they were together, they had little to complain about.
But soon the world would change and that would make things more complicated, for everyone.