Nightmare
Ash found herself awakened by a sudden thrashing against the bed that caused the whole thing to rattle. Alarmed, she raised her head, thinking for a moment that she was back in her old room at university, which had been right next to a train line and sometimes picked up the vibrations from heavy goods trains. Of course, such disruptions were rather infrequent, and even when they did happen, they were soothing rather than alarming, as if the train were attempting to rock her back to sleep as it passed by with a load of lead sheets or whatever it would be carrying that night.
But then as she began to piece together what was happening, she realised that she wasn’t back in her university bedroom, but rather in her own room in her own flat. So what was making the bed shake like this?
A sudden terror gripped her. An earthquake? Her fellow university friend had once gone to Japan and witnessed one, or rather, he had slept right through a mild one that everyone else had felt. But then, she thought, wouldn’t everyone else in the building have been roused by it; and wouldn’t there be a lot of screaming and breaking glass and things like that?
No, it wasn’t an earthquake; this was Britain, after all.
So, what-?
And then, as another jolt almost sent her flying off the mattress, she realised what must be happening. Pushing herself upright, and remembering that she no longer slept alone in her own bed, she cast a frightened look at Loki. Their day had been a reasonably pleasant one; she had worked and, for once, not had to bring anything home with her; he had read, moving on from Shakespeare to whatever else she had on her shelf; and when she had come home they had set off for the library together. Loki had been completely in his element, surrounded by so many books, and surprised to learn that public libraries on Midgard were free to enter. Ash had begun to wonder about getting him his own library card, although she wasn’t quite sure what they would do about filling in his personal details on the paperwork (since she was certain that the librarians wouldn’t buy that he was truly a God from Asgard) due to his complete fascination with the place.
They had managed to find a great copy of The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, and she had giggled at Loki’s wide-eyed look at the size of the thing, along with several other books that Ash felt might be of interest to him, mainly classics, like The Collected Works of Sherlock Holmes, the Moonstone by Wilki Collins and The Once and Future King by T.H. White. The librarian who was friendly with her had been on the desk that day, and after introductions had been exchanged, he had chuckled at the vast amount of books in Loki’s arms.
“Are you sure you’ll be able to read all those in two weeks?” he had laughed, taking Ash’s library card to scan.
“I’m a fast reader,” had been Loki’s reply.
And yet now, here he was, the man who had previously been so awed by the vast splendour of the library, and so calm and collected all day, thrashing on her bed as though he were being attacked by a thousand...a thousand what? What enemies did Asgard have? Frost Giants? Or something worse? At any rate, all Ash knew was that whatever nightmare he was in the middle of must be a particularly terrifying one, and it was terrifying her, seeing him so worked up like this.
“Loki!” She wasn’t sure how to approach him without getting hit by his thrashing limbs, or how to soothe him. In the end, she took a deep breath, and decided to just go in, whatever the consequences, like a soldier approaching a minefield.
“Loki!” she repeated, moving closer to him, wondering whether to give him a shake, in fact her hand was reaching for his shoulder, ready to. “Wake up! It’s not real! It’s just a dream-!”
She was abruptly cut off as his arm caught her, delivering a blow like a rolling boulder, and this time she was sent flying off the bed with a soft shriek and a yelp of “Ow!” as she hit the floor, banging her elbow, shoulder and the back of her head. Still, she couldn’t be bothered with that as she scrambled to her feet. Her cries hadn’t woken Loki, and he was still thrashing around like a man possessed by whatever it was plaguing his dreams.
“Loki!” This time she was ready as she leapt back onto the bed, avoiding his thrashing limbs and she managed to get him pinned down underneath her, like when she had used to wrestle with her siblings, and she thought, let’s face it, they had been a lot bigger than her and she had still been able to pin them down. He didn’t wake at her touch either, even when she had both his wrists pinned above his head and was having to straddle him to keep him from doing either of them any further damage. “Loki!” This time it was more of a beg than a shout, and, running out of options, she did the only thing she could think of to wake him up.
All Loki was aware of was the shadows, and the darkness, and the demons closing in around him, and that he had to get away from them, but they were so close, practically on top of him, and then they were on top of him, pinning him down even as he fought back, and then one of them kissed-kissed him?
His eyes flew open at the soft but definite touch of lips against his own and he ceased struggling, blinking up as everything came into focus. Breaking away, Ash looked down at him, worriedly. “Are you ok?”
Loki managed to find his voice. “I’m very aware that you’re on top of me.”
Blushing, Ash released his arms and sat back on her heels, tucking her hair behind her ears, awkwardly. “Sorry. You were having a nightmare and I thought you might hurt yourself.” She quickly rolled off him and the pain that he had caused her by knocking her off the bed suddenly caught up with her. “Ow!” she added, rubbing the back of her head. It hadn’t hurt that much, it was more the shock of injury than anything, and she didn’t want to make too much of a fuss.
Loki, however, sat up in alarm. “Oh, Norns, did I hurt you?”
“No.” Then, seeing the expression on his face, Ash added “Well, you sort of...threw me off the bed by accident...and I hit the floor...but it’s fine, really. It’s just a few bruises.”
Loki felt the back of her head with one hand, feeling for a lump or a cut, and thankfully finding neither. “Ash, I am so sorry. If I’d known what I was doing-”
“Loki, it’s fine, really.”
“Sometimes I don’t know my own strength.”
“I’m not made of glass.” Ash looked up at him. “Really, I’m alright. You didn’t mean it.”
Feeling a mixture of remorse for his actions and bitterness at himself for having hurt her at all, Loki flopped back onto the bed, and then rolled over onto his front, burying his face in the pillow. Ash pulled the covers back around both of them, and then rolled over to look at him, or what she could see of him in his position. “Would it help to talk about it?”
“I’d rather not,” Loki said into the pillow.
As best as she could manage, Ash reached over and gave him the closest to a hug she could get to in his position, before pulling away from him. To her surprise, however, Loki reached out an arm, and wrapped it around her, pulling her down beside him. Ash didn’t object, sensing he needed to the closeness right now, and when he rolled onto his side, pulled her against his chest and rolled onto his back so that she was cuddled up against him with her head against his heartbeat, she moved with him, allowing him to wrap his arms around her and bury his face in her hair.
“You know, I never took you for a hugger before,” Ash murmured. For a Frost Giant, she noted, he was surprisingly warm. “When we first met.”
Loki exhaled into her hair, feeling suddenly emotional at being so close to her. He was a monster, but she was willingly returning his embrace. She didn’t mind him touching her, even after what he had just done to her. And she was so kind it was unbelievable; checking out all those books for him today at the library for a start, as well as putting up with him in everything else. Now she was doing her best to comfort him after another terrifying nightmare; the first he had had in a long time. “There’s a lot people don’t know about me when they first meet me.”
Ash said nothing. It was strangely relaxing, being held by Loki, and though she was aware that this wasn’t something that commonly happened amongst typical flatmates, she was also very aware of the fact that Loki wasn’t a typical flatmate, and, to be perfectly honest, she felt that right now he needed more than just a little TLC, considering what he must have been though in his life.
“You know, you kissed me just now?” Loki said, presently.
She smiled. “Sorry. It was the only thing I could think of to wake you up.”
“There’s no need to apologise,” Loki replied, quickly.
Ash was so surprised by the rapidity of his response that all she could manage to reply with was “Oh.” They were both silent for a moment, and then she dared ask “So...how was it?”
Loki finally allowed himself to smile. “I’m not entirely sure. I mean, I was asleep for the most part of it, so I was only dimly aware of it happening.”
Ash giggled. “Ok, good. I wouldn’t want you to remember it being awful.”
“Well, perhaps you should try it again now that I’m awake,” Loki replied as he lifted his head, only half-teasing her.
Ash laughed and tapped his chest, lightly, pushing herself out of his arms. “Nice try!” Loki chuckled as he finally let go of her, and she smiled down at him, flipping on the bedside light. “Look, do you need anything, like...tea? Or maybe a hot chocolate?” She had introduced him to the beverage earlier that day, and he was still marvelling over the fact that this chocolate could be both eaten and drunk, in different forms.
He returned her smile. “I think I do need one of those, thank you.”
She scrabbled off the bed and left the room. Loki sighed as he wondered again what in Hel was happening to him. Now that she was no longer cuddled up to him, he felt oddly hollow, his arms feeling oddly empty now that they weren’t wrapped around her anymore and his heart racing. He shook his head. No, this couldn’t happen. He wasn’t losing his head, and certainly not his heart, to a Midgard girl. He would not fall like his brother.
‘It’s just because she’s a friend,’ he thought, trying to convince himself that this was the case. ‘It’s a new experience for me; an actual friend who’s nothing to do with Thor or Sif or the Warriors Three; something I can finally have for myself. And because she’s a lot more caring than anyone else I’ve ever met on Asgard before; isn’t it only natural to want to protect what belongs to me? Touched,’ he finally decided, ‘that was it; I feel touched by her kindness, and after all, let’s face it, she’s not as unappealing as I originally thought. I’m perfectly happy to have her as a friend.’
He was roused from his thoughts as Ash came back into the room, kicking the door open as she held two large steaming mugs in her hands. Loki sat up to take the one she handed him with a grateful smile.
“Careful,” Ash advised, climbing onto the bed beside him. “I think I might have had the microwave set up too high.”
“You know, you really must show me how to work your Midgard contraptions,” Loki replied, grateful for the warmth emitting from both the beverage and the girl who had handed it to him. “That way I can do this for myself when you’re out.”
“You could use your magic,” Ash pointed out.
He wrinkled his nose. “I doubt I’d get it right.”
“Well, it’s easy to use a microwave,” she replied, sitting up against the headboard and crossing her legs. “I can show you in the morning.”
Loki took a sip of the hot chocolate, allowing the thick warm sweetness to soothe him. He closed his eyes, allowing a moan to escape as he was reminded of how delicious the drink was.
“You really did need that, didn’t you?” Ash smiled, sympathetically.
He met her eyes. “Yes, somehow you always seem to know what people need when they need it. You must have magic of your own.”
“Not magic,” Ash corrected him. “Just human empathy.”
They both fell silent again, their individual attentions on their hot chocolate rather than each other.
“Darkness.”
Ash glanced at him. “I’m sorry?”
“That’s what my nightmares are usually about.” Loki glanced at her. “Darkness and demons.”
“You mean, they’re recurring?” Ash asked.
Loki nodded. “Always the same; darkness and then demons chasing me.” He shuddered. “And no way of outrunning them.” He glanced at her. “I think it all started when I was a child. Thor and I were playing in the forest near the palace, and I got lost. I kept shouting out for Thor, but he never came. Then darkness set in and I could barely see where I was going, so I just kept running in the hope that somehow I’d find my way back to the palace again. And I kept thinking that I was being followed, perhaps I was, because there were so many noises and I didn’t know where they were coming from-”
“Ok, it’s ok,” Ash interrupted, touching his arm gently.
Loki roused himself, realising he was on the verge of hysterics. He took a deep breath. “Probably just because of all those stories Thor used to tell me, to scare me.”
“That’s happened to me before,” Ash sympathised. “Sometimes your imagination just runs away with you.” She hesitated before asking “How did you get out?”
Loki shrugged. “Eventually Heimdall brought me back with the Bifrost. Of course, Frigga was hysterical, fussing, checking I was alright, and scolding Thor for not looking after me properly. Odin pretended to care too, although now I think he was just putting on a show for her.”
“And what if he wasn’t?” Ash asked, gently, hoping that it wouldn’t provoke an argument. “What if he was really worried?”
Loki thought about it, and then shook his head. “I doubt it. He might have raised me, but I don’t think he could ever bring himself to truly care about the son of a Frost Giant. They’re all monsters.”
Ash was silent a moment before she finally dared say “I don’t think you are.”
Loki glanced at her, although he didn’t have to look into her eyes to know that she was telling the truth. “Ash, you barely know me.”
She shrugged. “Maybe, but I’m usually a good judge of character. And speaking from a personal point of view, I think you’re just someone who needs looking after; who’s always needed looking after but never really had anyone to do that for him.”
Loki broke the awkwardness by flickering his eyes to focus on her empty mug instead of her face. “Why; are you offering your services?”
Ash smiled. “I can try, but I doubt I’ll be any good at it. I mean...I’ve sort of gone through the same thing. Sometimes I think it must be hard to love an adopted child as much as you love your own, so, maybe that’s why I always felt like the outsider. You know, I was actually adopted to replace the child my Mum lost when she had a miscarriage. But it’s never quite the same, really; like trying to replace an old coat that’s gone through everything with you and finally wears apart. It’s always going to be strange wearing a new one.” Then, to his surprise, she smiled and ducked her head. “Sorry, I’m just babbling now. Why didn’t you tell me I was doing that?”
Loki met her gaze with a smile of his own. “I was enjoying your babbling.”
“You’re weird,” she giggled.
He frowned. “Weird?”
“Um...strange,” she explained, blushing furiously. “But in a nice way.”
His smile returned as he reached over her, revelling in the closeness, to place his mug on the bedside table. “I like listening to you talk. It’s refreshing to have a conversation with someone intelligent for once.”
She smiled. “Thanks, Loki.”
“You’re welcome,” he muttered, trying to get comfortable.
Ash put her own mug beside his and switched off the lamp, snuggling beneath the duvet again. Presently she asked “Loki?”
“Yes, Ash?”
“Would a hug help you get back to sleep?”
He stifled a laugh. “It might.”
She shifted closer to him and Loki folded his arms around her, one hand beginning to stroke her hair, soothingly. Just being close to her was enough, and when they were both woken the next morning by her alarm, Ash was surprised to find just how refreshed she felt. Watching her swing her legs out of bed, however, Loki felt a twinge of worry; worry that he might be starting to go the same way as Thor after all.