Coulson regarded the monitor closely, arms crossed. He didn’t blink. His eyes focused unerringly on the black and white image of Skye standing in the corridor outside the detention area. He focused on her and tried to will her to be calm. His heart hammered in his chest like a prisoner trying to break free. He willed himself to be calm, too, before May caught on.
He had to appear nearly infallible to his team; primarily to the new recruits, but his core team needed to believe in his strength as well. It was of the utmost importance for them to believe that he knew what he was doing, even though he didn’t entirely. He was flying by the seat of his pants, and he was frankly terrified. But they couldn't know that. He had to be unshakable in the face of anything. Coulson had to resurrect a dead agency while emulating a legend and carve his own path while doing it. It was uncharted territory. It was a Herculean task, he felt like it was impossible sometimes. But he'd do it. Phil Coulson would get it done. He'd do it because he believed in what he was doing, he had the courage of his convictions, and he clung to that. But oh, how the doubts assailed him sometimes.
May knew he didn’t know what he was doing and was watching over him. He was fine with that, Fury had given it as his last directive. Coulson trusted May. He didn’t like that he trusted her sometimes, but he did. She saw his insecurities after years and years of working together and because he let his guard down.
Skye saw his insecurities, too. Skye saw everything. He revealed nothing - he didn’t have to, she saw right through him. And she didn’t try to use it against him; it wasn’t blackmail material for her. It was a bonding agent. It brought them together. It made them closer than he had ever been with any other agent. Or, at least, it created a unique bond he hadn't had with any other agent. The connection with her had been quick, but the urge to protect her had been instantaneous. He couldn’t explain it — not even to himself — and after a while he quit trying. He just accepted that, in his mind, she was his.
And she knew it. Skye knew that Coulson had claimed her, he hadn’t had to tell her. She had claimed him as well. It was unspoken and solid.
It was also secret — at least he hoped so. Coulson didn’t want anyone to know how much she meant to him, not even May. He hoped that Skye herself didn’t know the depth of his emotion for her. He didn’t want her to know that he sat on airplanes and worried about her, wondering if he was doing the right thing. He didn’t want her to know that he’d wake in a cold sweat thinking that she’d been taken.
He’d let May think that he’d asked her to keep a close eye on Skye because she was an 084 and needed all that that entailed. He never wanted anyone to know the truth - that it was all he could do to fly off to parts unknown recruiting for S.H.I.E.L.D. and leave her behind without him to personally watch over her. He’d never worried about her with Ward: he knew Ward would have taken multiple bullets for Skye. That had been clear early on.
Coulson watched Skye on the monitor; she leaned forward against the door, getting her bearings. He brought his hand to his mouth without realizing, chewing on the skin around his thumb - a nervous habit he’d never been able to break.
Footsteps approached behind him, he didn't flinch.
“I don't feel good about this, Coulson.”
“It’ll be fine, May.” He didn't look away from the screen.
“She’s finally -“
“It's fine.”
He knew that May would rather get stabbed than admit it, but she felt the same way about Skye that he did. Her urge to protect Skye was powerful, but the bond he shared with the young agent wasn’t there with May. Coulson knew it bugged her, but he wasn’t all that worried. He hoped that now that he was becoming more distant, Skye would realize that she has May to turn to. It may work, it may not. He was less concerned about that. He didn't like thinking about it too much, the fact that he was distancing himself was killing him and he could see it was hurting Skye, too.
“She looks scared.”
Coulson gave a non-committal grunt and dropped his thumb back down to his elbow.
“Are you sure -“
“May, don’t.”
She stopped, wisely. Grant Ward had told nothing but the truth since he had come out of sedation, every word had been the absolute truth. But he also refused to say anything else to anyone but Skye. Coulson wouldn’t put anything past Ward, except harming Skye. It was the only thing he trusted about Ward anymore. He trusted the depth and truth of his feeling for Skye. Coulson knew that as much as he cared about Skye and wanted her safe, so did Ward. He’d never hurt her. Coulson didn’t doubt Ward there, not one bit - but seeing her afraid made him afraid. And what if he was wrong? What if Ward hurt her? He was gambling with Skye for a little intel. Was it worth it?
Skye put her hand on the touchpad and Coulson released a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. “She’s going to be fine. I wouldn’t put her in any kind of danger. You know that.” May nodded.
The truth was, he knew that she was going to have to go back after today. It was inevitable that she was going to have to go back in there. He’d put Skye in there when he needed her to go in as long as he felt that she would be emotionally safe, and he’d watch like a nervous father every single time. This wasn’t a job to be trusted to May, this was his job. Skye was his responsibility. The whole team may look out for each other and he'd protect any single one of them, but not like he’d watch out for her. He’d watch Ward like a hawk and at the first hint of duplicity he’d shut the whole thing down.
Skye trusted him implicitly, and he valued that trust over anything. When he’d asked her to go down to Ward’s cell, she’d barely put up a resistance because she’d known he would never put her in any jeopardy. She asked if she had a choice and he didn’t have to answer: she knew that she did, she knew that he’d never make her do anything. But she also knew that he needed this and she would do anything he needed.
They knew each other. They trusted each other. They loved each other.
This must be what it's like to have a daughter.
He closed his eyes and took a breath, the same way he always did when he caught himself thinking of her that way. Bringing his thumb back up to his mouth he exhaled and watched as she put her hand on the handle and squared her shoulders.
“She’s got this.” He dropped his thumb and didn’t notice May watching him as he muttered under his breath, “I’m right here, Skye. You’ve got this.”
Skye opened the door.