Nerves shook her whole body, which was strange because she was lying down. Her cellphone lay in her hand, his number on the screen.
She could call him, saying something came up. He was gentleman, he’d understand. She’d done it before, the last two times. Because it was joke, wasn’t it? She was being set up, right? Even with everything that had happened in Chicago, thinking he really meant all that was scary
The worst part was is that she wanted to go, she wanted someone to care. At least she thought it was the worst part. She never used to want someone to care. No one ever really had, not in that way. She had friends, sort of. Coulson and May-they counted as friends if you looked closely enough.
But this was different. Someone had offered to spend time with her-willingly in not just a good friends kind of way. And not just anyone. Captain Rogers who’d been introduced to all the rumours about her before he’d met her. She’d seen it in his eyes when they met.
But here they-or she was, exactly one year later. Lying on her bed in a towel, make-up and hair done trying to find something to wear. Because he was taking her out to dinner. Somewhere nice and she had taken her first evening off work in 2 years.
They had been friends for almost a year now, 9 months if you counted but who was? Certainly not her. And then one and a half months ago he asked her out. Like on a date. She had given a half –hearted laugh and walked off. To cry because she thought she might be interested in him that way. But he had fallen in with every other S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and done what they all had hoped someone would do. Break her heart. Though some of them didn’t believe she had one.
She had avoided him for two weeks before he asked her again. And she realized he was serious. She told she’d get back to him. It had taken 5 days for her to do so. But she had said yes. And then cancelled one hour before, lying about work coming up. They rescheduled and she did the same thing again.
Could she give it a try this time?
The reason she was afraid to go was a complicated one. Or rather it was quite simple but made everything else quite complicated. She knew no one could ever love her. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t love anyone back. And while she didn’t love Steve, she could feel affection growing on her like a beautiful weed. She knew if she entered something with Steve-a dating game, a relationship, a friendship she would lose it eventually. She had already braved a friendship and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to risk anything else. Her heart said yes but her mind said no.
She would do something, let something slip and she would lose whatever they had. And she didn’t want that to happen.
Her phone rang once.
Twice.
He answered on the third ring.
“Maria!” he said and he sounded so happy. “Is everything okay?”
She swallowed and sat up.
“Yeah it’s just-”
“Work? I thought so” he sounded so disappointed.
She was silent.
“I’m sorry. I get it. I guess I’m just disappointed. I was really looking forward that’s all”
“Actually I-I was just wondering where we were going. I don’t want to wear the wrong thing” she hoped she didn’t sound as nervous as she felt.
She heard his grin through the phone.
“Just wear something nice-though I’m sure all your clothes are nice” he said, slightly stuttering.
“Okay” she said softly and hung up.
And it was a wonderful night. She showed up right on time, dressed in a button-up shirt and dress pants with white violets in hand. He took her to a beautiful restaurant and afterwards they walked by the water. He kissed her on the cheek when he left and she sat down at her kitchen table with a smile when it was all over.
Until she realized she had no one to call and talk to about her beautiful night.