chapter thirteen
Chapter Thirteen
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Felix picked at his food. You shoveled it down your throat, unaware of any taste it might have had. Everything tasted like ash, even the pudding. Ava had joined you both, and was chatting about her new book. You felt like you hadn’t seen her in years, you’d been spending so much time in your avatar.
It was late, later then you should be awake—especially with your early schedule.
“Okay,” said Ava. “I gotta ask—what happened between you too?”
You looked up, already shaking your head. Felix had no such qualms.
“She’s having an affair with the olo’eyktan,” he snapped. You blanched.
“No,” you said sharply. “That’s not what is happening.”
“Oh?” he said snidely. “My apologies; I didn’t realize there was another explanation for your tongue being halfway down his throat. I thought Ronal was your friend, Hana.”
You blinked quickly, feeling your eyes sting. Ava’s eyes were wide. “What?” she hissed, bemused.
“I’m not having an affair. It was just a kiss,” you protested weakly. “Ronal knows.”
Felix looked furious. “Are you fucking serious right now? How is it any better that she knows? ‘Oh don’t worry, Ronal knows I’m fucking her fiancé so there’s no problem.’”
You looked up sharply. “Metkayina can have more then one partner. Ronal wants this too.”
His expression shifted so quickly from shock to anger that you thought you had misread it for a moment. “It doesn’t matter,” he said furiously. “What’s gonna happen when they want to mate with you and you can’t say yes?”
You stood up, slamming your hands on the table. “Do you think I haven’t tried? That I haven’t had this fucking conversation with them already? Do you really think so little of me?”
You left before he could reply.
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Tonowari told Ronal what happened—you knew the instant you saw her face. Rage bubbled under the surface, her muscles tense as she forced out your conversation with Felix from you.
“He has no right,” she hissed, pacing. Stomping. The anger in you had died a swift death. Felix was right—you couldn’t do this to them.
“He’s right,” you told her, defeated. Her sharp eyes turned to you, and you burned under her gaze.
“No,” she insisted. “He is wrong. He does not know this.”
Her hands gestured between the two of you. “He does not know.”
“He knows I’m human, that this isn’t even my real body,” you snapped.
“I do not care!” Ronal exploded. “I do not care about that!”
“I do!” you practically screamed. She went silent instantly, swallowing harshly. “I care. I can’t be responsible for anything bad happening to either of you.”
She rocked on her heels, her eyes brimming with tears. “Do not say this.”
You wanted to hold her. You stood firm. “I won’t do this to you,” you said. “Don’t make me do this to you.”
Her lips turned down, and as she turned from you, she said, “You already have.”
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A week. Felix was not speaking to you. Ronal would not look at you where you could see—but you felt the burn of her gaze more often then not, and when you looked up, she was nowhere to be found. Tonowari was short with everyone, something that surprised you perhaps the most. Even in a bad mood, he was almost always pleasant to people. All the Na’vi in the clan had been giving him a wide berth.
It was Ìweii, ironically, that confronted you.
“Ronal is very sad,” she said, scowling at you.
You sighed. “I’m not doing this with you.”
“Tonowari is very angry,” she continued, completing ignoring you. “And you are moping.”
You pretended to be very interested in your basket, picking at a loose thread.
“Ronal is spirit sister to my spirit sister’s sister,” said Ìweii. “She is very important to me. She is tsakarem. She is important to the People.”
“Do you have a point?” you asked, raising a brow at her.
“I do not like seeing her sad,” she said. “You have caused this. Fix it.”
“Ìweii,” you began, resisting the urge to throttle her. “It’s not that simple.”
“Why?” she asked. “They want to mate with you. You want to mate with them.”
“I can’t, okay?” you sat back on your heels. “Just drop it.”
“No. You fix this, or I keep coming.” She was gone in an instant, and Tsonu’e was wise enough to not say anything about the thunderous expression on your face.
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She kept good to her word. Ìweii came back everyday, needled you until you thought about taking her beyond the reef and feeding her to an akula, and then disappeared without another word.
You missed Ronal dearly, fiercely. You missed her quick humor and tempestuous nature. You missed Tonowari’s sharp observations and quiet presence.
You missed Felix too, how he sassed you without hesitation and called you on your bullshit. You felt very alone, and if not for Tsonu’e, you would have been.
Ìweii was not helping.
“Have you stopped being stupid?” she asked, appearing from behind you. Startled, you dropped the basket you’d been carrying, sending the fruit inside everywhere and into the path of a running child. The fruit squished between his toes, and even with his quick apology as he kept playing his game—you bursted into tears.
Ìweii’s mouth popped open in shock. “No,” she said. “Do not cry!”
You dropped to your knees, sniffling as snot and tears rolled down your face. You began picking up the sandy fruit.
Ìweii dropped to help you, quickly dusting off the fruit and putting them into a bag. She moved quicker then you, not blinded by her own tears.
“Do not cry,” she practically begged. “All you must do is apologize!”
Your throat felt like it was closing up. You wanted to scream; to crawl into a dark hole and never come out. You stood, your head bowed and hair hiding your face. You rubbed your face harshly with your hands, feeling ridiculous but unable to stop yourself. You breathed in shakily, even as Ìweii’s arms wrapped themselves around you tentatively.
“You will be okay,” she whispered into your hair. You relaxed into her grip, allowing her to comfort you.
After a few minutes, you pulled back, feeling a lot calmer. Ìweii’s face was a lot more open then you’d ever seen her. And she bent down to grab your basket before offering it carefully.
“Thank you,” you said quietly.
Ìweii looked away, suddenly looking uncertain, like she wasn’t sure about her next words. “Yitì still likes you.”
You laughed, surprising yourself. It was raw, and your eyes were still red and stung a little. “He is a fool.”
She shook her head. “No, I do not think so.”
You glanced at her, shifting your basket awkwardly. “Tonowari and Ronal are very lucky,” she decided. “You must care a lot, if you would be so sad to not be with them.”
You shrugged, feeling a little exposed as you started walking beside her. “I guess.”
“It is true,” she said positively. “Yitì never stood a chance with you.”
“No, not really,” you admitted.
She smiled, a little sad. “You should talk to them, but I will not make you.”
“I don’t even know what to say,” you said.
“Tell them the truth,” said Ìweii. “That is all you can do.”
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You found Ronal and Tonowari together in the surf. Their hair was wet, and Ronal’s arms were full of tekre clams as Tonowari held a basket out to her.
Ronal’s eyes followed you, her gaze heavy. Tonowari looked away, his expression closed off as you approached.
“Can we talk?” you asked, voice quiet and nearly drowned out by the waves.
For a moment, you thought they didn’t hear you. That you were drowned out by the waves and were about to repeat yourself, louder, when Ronal threw her clams into Tonowari’s basket. She turned on her heel, eyes blazing as she demanded, “Why?”
“I was trying to do the right thing,” you told her, eyes shifting between the two of them. “I was trying to be better then ai wanted to be.”
Tonowari exhaled sharply, silencing whatever was going to come out of Ronal’s mouth. “Not here,” he said. “Come.”
He led the way to his marui, Ronal’s feet landed harshly with each step, her expression sour. You sulked along behind them, feeling like a child being taken to the principal’s office after getting caught putting gum under the desk.
Inside, he set down the basket. He said nothing for a few moments, so Ronal took that as her cue to continue.
“You do not get to make this choice for me—“ she raged, throwing her hands up. “—for us!”
“It’s not that easy!” you yelled. “You think I wanted to be away from you both? You think I liked this? You think I didn’t miss you?”
Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears, and your heart clenched guiltily.
“I’m sorry,” you stuttered. “Ronal, that was inappropriate and I apologize. I am nothing to you and—“
Ronal’s hand drifted up, ghosting over your cheek and effectively cutting you off. You leaned into her touch, sniffling as she grabbed your arm with her free hand.
“Hana,” she said softly. “You are everything.”
You smiled, breath catching as a tear rolled down your cheek. Your hand came up to rest over hers. “I just, I need you to know that, Ronal I… I can’t.”
Her eyes glistened, and she blinked rapidly. “You can.” she swore. “I do not care if you turn into an ilu every night—or return to a human body. You are Hana, and that is all that matters to me.”
Your eyes watered. She pulled you into a tight hug, her body warm against yours. You wrapped your arms around her, burying your face in her hair. Tonowari’s arms came over you both, pulling you too him. There, with your face in her hair and your body against his chest—you felt warm.
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