glimmer had seen many people fall in love. she had seen countless couples rise and fall, especially throughout her school years. she never thought it'd happen to her, though.
it started with adora.
adora was dorky and genuine and funny and beautiful and she captured glimmer in her web immediately. she reminded glimmer a lot of bow, the same nerdiness and determination. the same way she could trace their freckles and think of the constellations they made for days on end. the feeling she got around them, like ladybugs fluttering in her ribcage, threatening to burst.
glimmer could only think about adora. it was bad, to the point where she stayed awake most nights thinking of the lilt to adora's voice when she was tired and the way she had the subtle country accent many villagers had.
(adora had offered her the jacket she wore one day when glimmer had started shivering.
later, after glimmer was confirmed to be sick, adora and glimmer had disappeared into the princesses room. glimmer had never told anyone but bow that the blonde had taken care of her ander her cuddle the red horde jacket until she had felt better.)
god, glimmer was infected with the sickness of cupids arrow. she was infected and she never wanted the cure. the illness was painful, it twisted her throat and constricted her willingness to say no when asked to do something insane and she wished that would stop, but she never wanted to let go. it was worth it.
her cheeks felt warmly lit like the candles in her mother's study every time adora was around. sometimes, it hurt to even look at the girl, especially when she was excited and flashed her thousand-watt smile. but glimmer bared the pain, smiling back and giddily teleporting away at the first chance to gasp for the breath she had been holding.
but, no matter how much glimmer loved adora, she wasn't oblivious. she could see the looks adora would throw catra whenever she was monologuing, the way she held back whenever she went at her. glimmer noticed the way adora folded in on herself when asked about catra, the way her cheeks adopted a slight pink, her eyes welling up as she attempted to quickly change the subject before she cried.
it was painfully obvious that adora loved catra. it went far past a crush, clear due to the unknown history they had that trailed back through their childhood, something glimmer couldn't pester out of adora no matter how hard she tried. it hurt, seeing the way adora loved somebody else. but that was something glimmer could deal with, something she could ignore for a while until she absolutely had to confront it.
she didn't think that time would be when adora knocked on her door after everyone had gone to sleep.
"mm, adora?" glimmer rubbed the tiredness out of her eyes, squinting at the blonde outside of her door.
adora fidgeted with her hands, looking anywhere but glimmer. her cheeks were pink, but her eyes were cast downward and her eyebrows were furrowed. "sorry, I know it's late but.. can I talk to you?"
glimmer slowly nodded, stepping aside to let her in. adora hurried towards one of the cushions near the wall, sliding down against it. glimmer followed, sitting next to her.
"what's up?" glimmer asked.
adora took a deep breath, grounding herself by holding onto the cushion.
"I like you."
there was a pause, a heavy silence that fell on them like a weighted blanket. glimmer felt as though all her dreams had come true, but as she looked at adora, she knew they had fallen apart. the girl was looking out the window, towards the whispering woods. she was rubbing a hand up and down her forearm, her knuckles white as she finally settled and gripped it tightly.
"how do you know?" glimmer tried to form a small smile, letting adora know she wasn't being malicious.
adora gulped. "um... you're nice to me, and you make me really happy and, um.. you make me want to be better." adora nodded, though it looked less like it was meant for glimmer and more like she was convincing herself.
glimmer looked at her hands, picking at her fingers. ".. how does bow make you feel?"
adora looked confused. "he's a good friend, I guess. he makes me happy, too. I want to get stronger and be able to make him happy, too."
glimmer chuckled inwardly. "adora, those are things friends do. we're nice to each other, make each other want to be the best person we can be. there has to be something, something uniquely me that makes me stand out."
adora's eyes were glazed over, her mind in a different place. everything she thought about that was "uniquely glimmer"... was also uniquely catra.
glimmer let her think for a few minutes before sighing.
"you love catra, dont you?"
adora snapped out of it, looking up quickly. "what do you mean? she's the enemy!"
glimmer looked out of the window, looking over the horizon. "she wasn't your enemy for a while, was she? she was your friend, from what you've said. you two grew up together, right? that's got to have some lasting effects." glimmer knew she wouldn't hate bow, even if he suddenly became the enemy.
adora looked conflicted. "she was... more than my friend. but she's hurt so many people, I can't love her."
adora was right, catra had hurt many people. but it had happened so fast, glimmer couldn't help but think it hadn't settled in.
"but you do. I see the way you look at her, the way you hit her. I've seen you hit the punching bags in the training room harder."
adora blushed with embarrassment. she stayed silent for a moment, covering her mouth with her hand.
"I haven't been covering it up well... have I?" it was muffled, but glimmer heard it. she gave a sad smile.
"bow doesn't know, so I think you have. it's easier to recognize the look on someone else when you see it on yourself."
adora looked up, searching glimmers eyes. her own widened as she seemed to find something.
"oh... me?" she asked, pointing at her chest.
glimmer nodded, leaning her head against the window.
adora looked mystified. "how long?"
glimmer smiled, remembering the early days of her puppy love. "since you joined us. you've always been so nerdy and sweet and genuine about wanting to help other people, it's hard not to. I'm sure you've captivated other's eyes before."
adora rubbed her hands on her cheeks. "um, not really.. at least, nobody's confessed anything. I don't think anyone has ever liked me like that."
"that's a surprise."
there was a silence before glimmer cleared her throat. "I'm not going to let you try and fill the hole catra left with me. I don't want to be with you just because you can't have her."
adora looked somewhat hurt, but she nodded. "I couldn't do that to you. catra, she... she means the most to me. more than anybody else. I can't just, leave it all behind."
glimmer pursed her lips. god, she wished adora was talking about her. she wished adora was speaking to somebody else, singing glimmers praises and yelling to the rooftops about how much she meant to her. but, it was always going to be catra. deep down, glimmer had always known this.
"I know. I was never going to ask you to do that. I could see that you were never going to choose me from the moment you saw her leave."
adora bit her cheek. "I'm not choosing her over you, glim." glimmers heart clenched at the nickname, thinking about the countless times adora had called her that when they were alone.
"I just... can't let her go." adora continued.
glimmer nodded. "I know."
they left themselves in silence, hardly looking at each other. glimmer felt adora's hand ghost over hers before the other girl got up, making glimmer look at her.
"I should, uh... get going. going to wake up early tomorrow."
glimmer took the exit fast. "yeah, me too." she thought it over as they walked towards her door, grabbing adora's wrist before she walked out.
"I'm glad we talked. I needed that." glimmer said, the corner of her lip turning up.
adora smiled softly. "yeah, I needed it to. we're still.. friends, right?"
glimmers smile became more genuine. "of course, dummy. we'll always be friends."
adora winced, her smile faltering. "goodnight, glimmer." she left, glimmer closing the door and turning around.
the tears she had been holding back finally broke free, falling down her face. she choked back a sob, sliding down the door.
god, she hated this. she hated it more than not knowing, not getting the confirmation that she wasn't the first choice. she couldn't stand it, the hope she had felt finally crushed.
fuck, she was so stupid. stupid for ever hoping that adora would like her back. she had nothing on the relationship adora had formed with catra, and that broke glimmer. how could she stand a chance against that? why should she have to compete against their biggest enemy? why couldn't adora just, like her back?
glimmer shouldn't have asked if adora liked catra. she should have went along with it, living in blissful ignorance of the truth. maybe it would've been broken someday, but it didn't have to be today. god, she was such a fool for wishing.
glimmer sat there, crying her broke. heart out until she felt too tired to move, falling asleep against the cold door.