Chapter 9
A few weeks had passed since it had happened. Hiro’s older brother was around a lot more now, but it didn’t seem to be doing the good that he thought it would. Even with Tadashi on break, it was still inevitable that Hiro would end up alone in a room with Aunt Cass again. She was just taking greater risks now, becoming more and more opportunistic by the day. The two of them would pass on the stairwell and she couldn’t resist groping him in some way, or saying something that would make his face burn fiercely.
Tadashi had already been somewhat of a social butterfly – at least, compared to Hiro – and he had friends in various disciplines at the institute whose schedules had been just as hectic as his over the semester. He had been looking forwards to finally sitting down with some coffee and just hanging out with them. But every time he mentioned it, Hiro would speak up. He’d try to put his older brother off the idea, and he tried almost every time.
It was unbelievable, some of the things he said out of desperation just to make his brother stay with him. Sometimes he thought he was beginning to sound like Aunt Cass. Don’t you love me?
But, despite Hiro’s efforts, Tadashi just couldn’t stand to stay home and play games and watch films with his needy little brother allday. He had friends to see, but he also had errands to run for himself and others. Sometimes he’d be patient enough to let Hiro accompany him, but other times he made it clear that he ran unnecessary errands just to get awayfrom him for a few hours.
As Tadashi left, he always apologised profusely, in a way that became less and less sincere over time, and promised to buy his little brother something while he was out, anything he wanted. But it didn’t matter to Hiro whether he brought back something or not. He still acted like Tadashi was dead to him.
Tadashi never missed a chance to say goodbye to Aunt Class. She liked to keep track of her nephews – in case of emergencies, she always reminded them. Where they were going. How long they would be. If there was anything else that she needed Tadashi to pick up while he was out, prolonging his trip…
It usually didn’t take five minutes after Tadashi had gone for Aunt Cass to visit Hiro in his room. She always approached him, smiling kind and dressed as a domestic goddess, holding some cake or a slice or something. Hiro thought that maybe it was some kind of conditioning tactic; she was trying to make him associate her visits with the sweet delight of dessert foods. But it was starting to have the opposite effect on him. He felt sick to his stomach whenever he so much as looked at a piece of cake now.
Each and every time she touched him, he returned to the same puppet-like state. With glazed-over eyes and unmoving limbs. But lately, she’d been pulling on his strings and quietly making him do things he never would’ve done on his own. But then, afterwards, she always made it seem like everything he’d done was of his own volition…
Tadashi must’ve felt guilty on some level for leaving him at home. Even when Hiro was rude and aggressive, he still often came home with one or two packets of candy he’d picked up at the closest convenience store. It must’ve tasted great, Hiro thought. It must’ve cost a bit of money too.
But it was starting to have the same kind of effect on him as Aunt Cass’ cakes.
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Every few days, Tadashi was caught trying to sneak out an hour or so before the two of them usually woke up, with a note to explain his albeit brief absence. And when Hiro just happened to awake to the sounds of Tadashi screwing up his swift and silent abscond, he would be up instantly. He yelled hurtful things he didn’t really mean, not in a million years, and he hurled all sorts of figures and parts and junk he no longer cared about at his brother’s retreating back.
Hiro didn’t always act this violently when his brother left. Only when he left when he knew that Hiro was still sleeping. Because, if Hiro wasn’t woken up by his brother’s departure, then he was woken up by something else entirely.
Sometimes she didn’t even wake him up before she started on him.
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Some days Aunt Cass liked to just sit with him and hold him and play with his mess of hair, while he continued to watch his movie and pretend that she wasn’t there. It wasn’t worse than any of the many other things she did, but it wasn’t any better either. Because sometimes she talked to him and Hiro could start to sympathise with her. And that was the very, very, very lastthing that he wanted to do. But he couldn’t shut her out. She talked about how lonely she had been, and how she hadn’t had a real boyfriend for some time now. She talked about how some men could be cruel and repugnant and domineering.
She said that Hiro was nothing like that, though. Hiro was different. Hiro was kind, he was cute, he was loyal. He would never hurt her. Being with him was so much more effortless than being in any real relationship with an older man. And it didn’t matter that he was so young, she reasoned. He was young, but he wasn’t a little kid; he was smart, and so mature for his age. He wasn’t like other men. He wasn’t like other boys.
She laughed and told him how it was a shame he didn’t have any friends his age to brag about her to. Boys his age would’ve been so jealous, she told him. He was a lucky boy, she told him.
Hiro felt many things these days. But ‘lucky’ had never been one of them.
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One day when Tadashi came home, some few hours after he’d left, Hiro was found hunched over the bathroom sink in their shared bathroom. He had the tap running, taking up handfuls of hot water into his mouth and spitting them back out again. And again. And again. He’d been repeating these motions for a while now. His mouth was starting to feel good and scalded.
“Hey. Genius.” Hiro didn’t turn to catch the bag of gummy bears Tadashi had tossed at him. They hit his back and fell to the floor, and Hiro just left them there. “I got you some bears. They were pretty cheap today so I’ve got a few more bags for you once you’ve finished those… Uhm…” Hiro saw through the mirror that his brother was leaning against the doorframe, appraising him with half-amused curiosity. “Uh… What are you doing?”
Hiro paused and shrugged. “Just…” It was hard to talk with his mouth feeling so sore and swollen. “Washing it out.”
Tadashi raised an eyebrow. “Washing what out?”
“The taste.”
The amusement had left Tadashi’s smile. He continued to stare for a few more moments before he picked up the dropped bag and placed it by Hiro’s hand. “Well, why don’t you wash out that taste with some gummy bears…” He started talking and he didn’t stop. “You know you can soak these in vodka? They taste so good. Not that you’ll get to try them for another few years yet. Honey made some for us the other week – I think she said that someone at SFIT is actually trying to make an ester that will…”
Hiro was falling apart right in front of them. And neither of them seemed to care.