Never Grow Up
Hiro holds tight to Tadashi's hand as they weave through the crowd. The carnival is in town, which means arcade games, pony rides and loads of cotton candy. The sun is setting, and the Ferris wheel near the entrance of the park is lit up in bright, neon colors. It's the main attraction. Strings of white lights connect booths and criss-cross the whole place. The aroma of different fried foods and the cacophony of noises from various shooting galleries saturate the air. Hiro is nibbling at his second poof of hot pink spun sugar when circus music catches his attention. He turns, and his hand slips out of Tadashi's. A clown is by the red and white striped Big Top, making balloon animals. A group of kids are circling him, shouting requests. Hiro's eyes widen. He wants one. A tiger. No, a monkey. Maybe a sword so he can have pretend jousting battles with Tadashi. Hiro spins around to alert his brother. He freezes. Tadashi is gone.
"'D-Dashi?" he calls out. He scans his surroundings, but he can't see him anywhere. His heart skids to a stop.
Hiro cries his brother's name again, but there's no response. Throngs of people stroll right by. No one even seems to notice him, or the fact that he's lost.
He drops his cotton candy and pushes through the swarm. He recognizes one of the refreshment stands. Hiro remembers that Tadashi likes the caramel corn they sell; maybe he's buying another one. His little legs carry him over, but it's pointless.
Tadashi isn't there, either.
Hiro backs away, tears pricking at the corners his eyes. Where did he go? Why did he leave? Did someone steal him?
The circus music from before gets louder, almost like a signal. He goes towards it. His sneakers make squishing noises as he walks, the soles sinking into the damp earth. It had rained earlier in the day.
He sees the clown standing in the same place, now all alone; Hiro can ask him for help.
Tugging on the clown's multicolored oversized suspenders, Hiro sniffles. "'Scuse me?"
There is a pause, and the clown peers down at him. Hiro wishes he had never come here.
The clown's eyes glow red, the painted smile on his face stretching into a sickening grin.
His mouth opens, revealing rows of razor-sharp fangs that glitter in the moonlight.
"Yes...?" he hisses. "Can I help you...?"
Hiro bolts upright, heart pounding. The thudding echoes in his ears. He looks around, eyes darting back and forth. It's dark, but he recognizes his bedroom. Grabbing his teddy bear, he clutches the well-worn stuffed animal to his chest. He wants his brother. Hiro's door is open, and he can see a faint light coming from the room down the hall. He pulls his blanket away and scrambles out of bed, his bear tucked under his arm.
He arrives at Tadashi's room in seconds. His brother is sitting up in bed, laptop at his side. The lamp on the wall above his nightstand is casting a glow on a pile of books on the small table. It's a sight that Hiro knows all too well. Tadashi is studying for school.
"'Dashi?"
Tadashi glances up from the screen, blue light reflecting off his reading glasses. "Hiro. What are you doing up? Are you alright?"
Hiro shakes his head, stationed at the threshold.
Concern replaces his confusion. "What's wrong, bud?"
"I had a bad dream."
"Oh... come here." Tadashi closes his computer and beckons him over.
Hiro's bare feet patter against the wood floor, running right into Tadashi's waiting arms.
Tadashi scoops him up and situates him on his lap so they are facing each other. "What happened?"
Hiro's shoulders droop. He leans forward, burying his face in Tadashi's chest. Tiny hands cling to his brother's shirt like a koala. He sniffles.
"Do you remember what your dream was about?"
Hiro lifts his head to meet Tadashi's gaze. His memory is spotty now, but he recalls it the best he can. "We were at a carnival. A-and we were walking, but then you went away. I looked everywhere, but I couldn't find you. And there was a clown, but he turned into a monster. Then I woke up. I was scared."
"Aw, my little Hiro-chan," Tadashi soothes, holding him in his comforting embrace. "It's okay. It was just a bad dream. There are no more monsters."
Hiro rubs at his eyes where fresh tears have gathered. "You won't leave me, right?" His voice trembles, fearful of the answer. He doesn't want Tadashi to ever leave him. Not like their parents have. One minute, they're a whole family; the next, it's just the two of them. That's the part of the dream that terrifies him the most.
"Of course not," Tadashi whispers, cradling Hiro's face in his hands. "I will always be here for you, Hiro. I am not going anywhere. Never, ever."
"P-promise?"
"Cross my heart," he says, his tone resolute. A peck to the top of the child's head cements his words.
Hiro snuggles closer, wrapping his arms as far as he can around Tadashi's middle. He doesn't know what he would do without his brother.
"Are you okay?" Tadashi asks a minute later, after Hiro has relaxed. "Ready to go back to bed?"
Tadashi receives an anxious whimper in response. Hiro doesn't want to be by himself just yet. "C-can I stay here with you?"
He feels Tadashi nod against his hair. "Sure."
After a drink of water and inevitable bathroom break, Tadashi tucks Hiro underneath a mound of blankets. He hands him his teddy bear as the final piece of the puzzle.
"There. Snug as a bug. Are you comfy?"
Hiro giggles. "Uh-huh." He lays his bear next to him on the pillow.
Tadashi gives him a warm smile, leaning down to kiss his cheek. "Try to sleep, okay? School tomorrow."
"'Kay."
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
Hiro watches Tadashi pull his computer onto his legs and get back to work. He then closes his eyes and waits for sleep to come. It doesn't. He hears Tadashi clacking away at the keyboard. He mutters something, followed by the scratch of pencil against paper. Tadashi studies a lot, Hiro notes. The heat is on in the apartment. It's kicking in, rumbling and creaking along the baseboards. He can even hear the gentle hum of the cooling fan in Tadashi's laptop.
It's a little noisy, but that's not what's keeping him up. He can't sleep because every time he begins to drift off, the image of the demonic clown from his dream pops up, jarring him awake. He tries to think of happy things to distract him, but nothing works. Not even gummy bears. Hiro cracks one eye open, then the other. He peers at the window. It's pitch black outside. There's not even any shiny moon to bring extra light into the room.
He sinks farther under the covers and looks over at Tadashi. "'Dashi?"
"Yeah, bud?" Tadashi turns his head in Hiro's direction, but his eyes stay locked on the screen in front of him.
"I...I can't sleep." Hiro lowers his voice as if someone is listening. "Scary clown."
Tadashi breaks his gaze from the computer and refocuses his attention on Hiro. His expression melts into something soft and sympathetic. "No?"
"Mm-mm."
"Well, let's see... How 'bout if I read to you?" Tadashi offers. "Any book you want."
Hiro considers it, but then rejects the idea. A story will mean that Tadashi has to leave the room to go get it. He doesn't want to be alone, not even for a second. He has a plan, though.
"Can you sing to me?"
"Like a lullaby?"
Hiro nods. He hesitates before continuing. "But... can you call Honey?"
The request throws Tadashi for a loop, evident by the bemusement plastered on his face. "Honey? Why?"
"I like when you guys sing to me together."
Tadashi quirks an eyebrow. "When was that?"
"Last summer," he says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. How can Tadashi forget that?
The event in question occurred well over six months ago. Tadashi had invited everyone from the Nerd Lab to the house for a celebratory end-of-the-year barbecue. There was at least twenty-five people crammed into the small apartment, and Tadashi grilled hamburgers and hotdogs for everyone. Hiro ran between the living room and kitchen, introducing himself to all of Tadashi's friends. If you asked anyone, he was the life of the party. With no fire pit, Tadashi made s'mores with the microwave for dessert. Hiro hung around his brother during that time, stealing marshmallows straight from the bag when he wasn't looking. When night fell, people trickled out one by one. Honey was the last remaining guest. Hiro, on a sugar buzz that would last him through high school, couldn't get to sleep for anything. That was, until Honey came in and sat beside him on the bed. She sang one of her favorite songs to him, her voice soft and calming. Tadashi joined in soon after, and in a matter of minutes, he was out like a light.
Tadashi looks at Hiro and shakes his head a bit in disbelief. His mouth twists into a little smirk. "Unbelievable. I can't believe you remember that."
Hiro smiles. "Call her," he prods.
"Ah... I don't know, bud. It's kinda late. I'm sure she's super busy with her own stuff."
Hiro's eyes double in size, blinking in rapid succession. The oldest trick in the book. "Pleeaaseee? I'll go right to sleep. I promise."
Hiro takes full advantage of the fact that Tadashi can't say no to him, and he claps when his brother relents and dials Honey's number.
He likes Honey a lot. She's pretty and smells like vanilla. Whenever he visits SFIT with Tadashi, she always has little candies and stickers waiting for him in her purse. Sometimes, she sets up a small table next to her chemistry station so he can conduct experiments of his own. She even lets him borrow her safety goggles and special lab coat to use. It's way too big for him, and drags on the floor when he walks around, but she doesn't mind. She just pinches his cheeks and says how cute he is. Hiro also knows something else. He knows that Tadashi likes Honey a lot, too. He smiles whenever he sees her, and tells funny jokes that make her laugh. Hiro has a feeling that Honey likes Tadashi, too.
Tadashi puts the phone on speaker. Hiro counts the rings as they pass.
Brrriiinng!
One.
Brrriiinng!
Two.
Brrriiinng!
Three.
He's about to lose hope that she's going to pick up when he hears a faint click on the other end. A second later, Honey's cheerful voice comes over the line. "Hello?"
Hiro gasps, eyes brightening.
"Hey, Honey. It's me," Tadashi says. He reaches over and gives Hiro's hair a playful ruffle. Knucklehead, he mouths. Hiro shoots back a cheeky grin.
"Tadashi! How are you?"
"Good, good. How are you?"
"Ask her!" Hiro interjects with an impatient whisper.
Tadashi brings a finger to his lips, shushing him.
"Is that Hiro? Hi, Hiro!"
"Hi!" He clambers out of his mountain of blankets and snuggles up to Tadashi's side so she can hear him better.
"What are you boys up to?" she asks with an amused giggle.
"Trying to get this one to bed," Tadashi answers, putting his arm around Hiro's shoulder. "That's actually why we're calling. Hiro was hoping we could sing to him to help him fall asleep. If it's okay with you, I mean. I don't want to bother you if you're doing something important."
Honey squeals. "Not at all! Anything for Hiro. Hiro... what song would you like?"
"The same one from last time," he says. He lays his head above Tadashi's rib cage.
Honey seems to remember just what he's talking about, because she chuckles. "You like that one, huh? Me, too. Ready, Tadashi?"
"Ready."
Hiro lets his eyes slip shut as they begin to sing. At last, he is able to rest without a single worry. He doesn't have another nightmare.
Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you, everything's funny; you got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up...