It Feels Too Real
“No, I can’t do this,” Sif suddenly burst, pushing Loki out of her arms and ripping the pins out of her hair. “I need a break.”
As she stormed off set toward her trailer the director called after her, begging her to come back and finish the scene while they still had the sun in their favor, but Loki just huffed indignantly. This was the third day in a row they had been working on this damn scene. It should have been easy, especially for a big time action star like her. She played the hero, he played the villain, and this was their stunning finale when she finally drove a knife through his heart and rescued her love interest through a hail of gunfire. The rest of filming had gone off without a hitch, but she couldn’t seem to get herself together. By now the whole crew was exhausted and more than a little fed up, but kept their patience. Sif escalation from stuntwoman extra to Oscar-winning actress had made her Hollywood’s darling, and no one wanted to be responsible for pissing her off too badly.
The director finally gave up trying to get Sif back and called for everyone to take an hour. Loki groaned and waved at the girl from the costume department to get him out of his heavy coat that was drenched in sweat and fake blood. Almost as soon as he was free, Thor walked up from where he had been behind the camera. He and Sif had gone to the same acting school and worked on several stunt teams together. Even though she went on to play leads while he became a fight director and stunt choreographer, they still for the most part remained a killer team producers coveted to hire together.
“She’s still got something eating at her?” Thor asked, throwing his brother a towel to dry his hair.
“Something she doesn’t feel obligated to tell her costars about apparently,” Loki grumbled, trying and failing not to be bitter. To him, trust was an essential part about working on any sort of intimate scene, and nothing was more intimate than death.
Thor shook his head.
“This isn’t like her at all. Have you tried talking to her in private about it?”
Loki scoffed.
“Are you insane? I don’t know about you, but I like the idea of keeping my job. The last thing my career needs is her telling all her adoring directors that I can’t handle working with her.”
The Odinson family had a big name in Hollywood. Their father had worked on thrillers and action sets long before they were born and there wasn’t a Shakespeare lead their mother couldn’t play flawlessly on screen or stage. The press was thrilled that both sons had chosen to continue the legacy, but it was just in the last few years that Loki had finally branched away from indie films and caved to his family’s wishes to seek out mainstream studio roles. His name could only protect him so much if Sif decided to speak against him.
“Trust me on this,” Thor assured, putting a hand on Loki’s shoulder. “You two have amazing chemistry on screen and she’s told me a hundred times that she thinks you’re amazing to work with. Just try talking to her alone.”
“Fine,” he finally caved. “But only because if I have to spit out one more mouthful of corn syrup I might go on a tirade through the props department.”
Getting off as much of his now disgusting costume as he could, Loki hesitantly approached Sif’s trailer but confidently knocked three times. A few minutes passed and he was beginning to wonder if she had actually gone home for the night, but just as he was about to walk away she cracked the door open just enough to peer out and show a single hazel eye before opening it completely. She had gone back into her street clothes and washed away the layers of makeup, and Loki felt his own layers of frustration wash away too. She looked tired, worn down, cracked to the brink of shattering. It wasn’t the face of a pouting diva, but an exhausted woman giving away so much of herself that she had almost nothing left.
“Oh, hello,” she said politely with a yawn, despite her demeanor. “Come in.”
Her trailer was in shambles. Clothes here, makeup there, plastic salad containers and protein bar wrappers strewn left and right, but she cleared off a space on the couch for him and gestured to sit. He still looked twice to make sure he wouldn’t accidently crush a pot of eyeshadow or a blood packet.
“I’m sorry about storming off today,” she apologized before he could even offer a proper greeting. “It was unprofessional and inconsiderate to you and the rest of the crew. I… I just can’t… I just can’t…”
She covered her mouth with her hand as if to hold back a sob, but her eyes remained dry. Loki found himself twisting his hands uncomfortably. He could talk his way in and out of anything. Charm men and women alike with only a few words, and break them down with ever fewer, but giving honest comfort was way beyond his boundaries. He rose out of his seat and gently took her free hand in his own, causing Sif to suddenly shoot her gaze upward.
“I’m your partner. You can tell me anything,” he finally pieced together, running his thumb over her palm.
She shook her head, biting her lip as fear rushed into her eyes.
“No, no, no, I can’t. It could ruin everything for both of us.”
He cocked one eyebrow curiously.
“Us? Sif, I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to. Not even Thor, I swear it. Everything is going to be okay,” he assured, putting both his hands of her shoulders to emphasize his sincerity.
After what felt like hours of them both holding their breaths, she let out a sharp hiss and twisted her fingers up into her hair, looking like she might break at any moment.
“I can’t keep killing you over and over again. You’re too fucking good and it feels too fucking real and it hurts too fucking much even when I know we’re just pretending. I can’t handle it, I love you too much.”
The words spilled out of her mouth so quickly that neither of them realized what she had said right away. It took several seconds, but the full weight of it hit them both at the same time. Before Loki could even make full sense of what was happening, they leapt into a tangle of limbs and lips and moans. Sif’s legs were around his waist and he had her back pressed up against the wall. Her mouth found his neck while his fingers wrapped in her suffocating tresses that seemed to engulf them both. He was spouting some nonsense, something along the lines of ‘I love you,’ ‘I’ll never leave you,’ ‘I need you,’ ‘I trust you,’ but he couldn’t even hear himself over the pounding blood in his ears and every minute detail of Sif’s skin. Was someone knocking on her door? Was someone calling their names? Fuck, it could be God himself and he wouldn’t have put her down.
***
“Alright, people, that’s a wrap!” the director called, and everyone on set let out a collective sigh of relief before clapping and cheering. Nearly every person gathered around Sif and Loki, congratulating them on what they were calling their best performances yet.
“Absolutely brilliant!” the producer praised. “That kiss wasn’t in the script but that will definitely stay in the final cut. Great choice, you two. It has to have been at least a decade since I’ve seen a performance that convincing.”
They took the compliment gratefully and humbly, but Loki saw the grin Sif was biting her lip to hide and her eyes briefly met his for the briefest moment. It was only a matter of time before the tabloids found out, but for now they would enjoy their little secret.
“I look forward to seeing you two work together again soon!”