“What’s love?” Tony laughed as he tinkered with the pieces of metal in his hands. “Jesus, kid, couldn’t you find someone better to ask than me?”
Tony didn’t look up, just kept rolling the bolts around his hands, his brow furrowed as he thought to himself.
“I’m really not the guy you should be asking, Frostbite. I’m the man without a heart, remember?”
Tony looked up, a small, forced smile colouring his face. Bucky just blinked back at him, slow and understanding. Tony heaved a sigh and leaned against the table behind him, pushing away some of the scrap so he could sit against it. He hummed tunelessly before sighing.
“I dunno. I mean I really don’t know but seeing as you’re kind of pushing me into a corner here I guess it’s…it’s about looking past the parts of the person that maybe you don’t like so much and just accepting them for who they are, y’know? Warts and all.” Tony chuckled. “Not that Pep has any warts. She’s all good but in her case she’s got some pretty hideous things that she has to ignore when she looks at me.”
Tony laughed again and gave Bucky a curious smile.
“What’s this all about, huh? You got those cold, dead eyes set on someone?”
.
“You’re not perfect.” Bucky told Steve, a painfully intense look in his eyes.
Steve glanced up from his dinner and looked around the table, a confused look on his face as he watched his friends watch Bucky. He swallowed his mouthful and cleared his throat, giving Bucky a small, encouraging smile.
“Okay. Thanks, Buck.” He teased with a good-natured twinkle in his eyes.
Bucky licked his lips nervously before wincing and clapping Steve on the back, a small flush colouring the tops of his cheeks.
“It’s…it’s alright, though. I…I don’t mind.”
Steve looked completely perplexed as he nodded at Bucky and Tony bit down on insides of his cheeks to stop himself from smiling.
So, there’s the object of his cold-hearted affection. Interesting.
.
“Love?” Natasha repeated, her nose wrinkled in distaste. “Love is for children.”
Bucky huffed and flipped her over so he was the one pinning her to the ground, a slightly pleading look in his eyes. Natasha looked up at him before heaving a loud, over-exaggerated sigh and relaxed beneath his touch, rolling her eyes dramatically.
“Love is stupid.” She warned. “It makes you do…foolish things.”
Bucky wedged his thigh between her legs and tightened his grip on her wrists, making Natasha grin and let out a small huff of laughter.
“Alright. It’s…I guess it’s about feeling safe, right? About finding someone who doesn’t care how much red is in your ledger.”
Her voice was softer now and she offered Bucky a gentle smile, a rare thing. She can see the frightened look in his eyes; an animal caught in the headlights. She wasn’t surprised when he let go and rolled off of her, a scowl darkening his face. She didn’t follow him when he stood to leave. She understood his need for privacy.
“He doesn’t care about your red, James.” She called after him with certainty. “He never has.”
.
“Do I make you feel safe?”
Steve dodged yet another bullet and rolled behind an abandoned taxi, a distracted look on his face. He looked over his shoulder to see Bucky standing behind him, his rifle raised, firing bullets with ease. Bodies were dropping all around them, like dolls falling from play-pretend houses. Steve plastered himself against the ground as Bucky threw a grenade in the general direction of Hydra troopers and shrugged.
“I guess so.” He shouted over the crackle of gunfire. “You got my back.”
Bucky’s eyes met his and Steve was a little concerned by the look he found there.
“You make me feel safe.” Bucky shouted before dropping to the ground to avoid a flaming arrow. “I feel safe around you.”
Steve didn’t miss the grin on Natasha’s face as she charged past them with Clint flanking her and shooting arrows with ease. Steve turned back around to face Bucky and wasn’t surprised to see that he had already gone.
.
“Love is complex.” Thor told him wisely, licking at the mead dripping from his beard. “I have loved many, Soldier of Winter and each time it was different. You cannot simply explain love. It is a feeling; it is something that is tailored to each individual; a unique experience for each coupling.”
Bucky sighed into his tankard of beer, a downtrodden look on his face that made Thor’s heart ache in the strangest of ways.
“You remind me of my brother, Loki. He too found it difficult to express how he felt. Words were always his allies but when it came to love, Loki was clueless.” Thor laughed warmly, a fond look on his face. “He was never a tactile person and so to show his love, he would touch me. He would hold me close as we made love and I knew then that Loki was content.”
Bucky frowned and gave Thor a sidelong glance, a look that Thor did not miss.
“Of course, this was before incest was an issue, although, Loki is not my true brother so I suppose we never really broke those laws. Aye.” Thor remembered wistfully. “Those were good days. We were young and carefree and his heart had not been consumed by rage.”
Bucky’s shoulders slumped even further and he rested his head in his hands, a miserable expression on his face. Thor clapped a large hand on his shoulder, almost sending Bucky face first into the table.
“Look not so troubled, Winter one. If you cannot say the words; show him. Your captain is a tactile man, a man who craves the comfort and heat of others. Hold him. Show him your love. He shall not reject you.” Thor promised.
.
“Well, I for one am more than happy to follow Agents Barton and Romanoff out there but-”
Both Steve and Maria fall silent and go still as two hands wound their way around Steve’s waist and pulled him bone-crushingly close. Steve placed one of his hands over Bucky’s metal fist and patted it awkwardly, a strange blush burning his cheeks.
“H-hey, Buck. You okay?” Steve asked as Bucky pressed his forehead between his shoulder blades, his breathing slow and deep.
“Yes.” Came the rough answer. “I’m touching you.”
Maria covered her mouth with her hand and gave Steve a small wink before stepping backwards and giving them some space. Steve rode out the incredibly awkward embrace until Bucky let go. Steve turned to face him slowly and saw that Bucky looked just as embarrassed as he felt.
“Thank you.” Steve told him with a nod.
Bucky’s brows furrowed and he sucked in his bottom lip. He looked as though he were about to say something when Thor appeared by his side, a wide, blinding grin on his face.
“There!” He boomed. “That was not so difficult, was it? Touching is good, Soldier of Winter. It helps remind us of who we are.”
Steve looked at Thor, completely and utterly lost and Bucky only blushed even deeper, muttering something in Russian before slipping away, his shoulders hunched and his fists clenched.
“I’m…I am so confused right now.” Steve told no one in particular.
.
“Why do you wanna know about love? Do you have a crush?” Darcy asked as she chewed on her gum obnoxiously, watching Bucky paint her toenails distractedly.
Bucky glanced up at her and gave her a withering look. Darcy simply giggled and threw herself back against the pillows behind her, frowning thoughtfully as she looked up at her ceiling.
“This is hard.” She decided. “I don’t think I’ve ever been in love, unless you count that time that I was crushing on Mr. Smithson, my English professor. I don’t think I should count that. Hmm…I guess it’s being with someone who makes you happy? You know? You know when you’re with someone and you just can’t stop smiling and everything they say is just hilarious? That’s love. Love is when someone makes you smile.”
Bucky sighed defeatedly and gave Darcy a disappointed look. She rolled her eyes and gave him an equally unimpressed look.
“You do smile. Remember that time Tony tripped and twisted his ankle? Or the time Steve forgot to wear boxers and he had to strip in front of everyone? You laughed then.” She pointed out reassuringly.
Bucky still looked doubtful and finished painting her toes with a mournful expression.
“You make Steve smile all the time.” She shared quietly. “Even when you’re not in the room and someone will tell him something you did or said; he’ll get this big, goofy smile on his face and goes all doe-eyed like Bambi, like- like that!”
Darcy pointed at the gooey look in Bucky’s eyes triumphantly.
“He looks just like you do now! Aw, gross. You guys are cute.”
.
“It’s a suicide mission.” Steve told the boardroom seriously. “It’s not our typical reconnaissance mission. We’re not trained for those kinds of conditions and…”
Steve trailed away at the soft sound of laughter, frowning when his eyes fall on Bucky, grinning and giggling like a maniac. The rest of the Avengers watch him with a mix of looks, varying from concerned to terrified. Steve cleared his throat and gave Bucky a searching look.
“You…are you okay, Bucky?” he asked carefully.
Bucky nodded, still laughing and smiling like some kind of serial killer.
Steve cleared his throat before shuffling his notes and tried to find his place.
“But…uh, as I was saying, the conditions in which they want us to fight are ones that the majority of us have never…”
Steve sighed distractedly as Bucky’s laughter grew louder and he looked around the room for help, wishing one of his teammates would step forward and confess.
“What is it?” he demanded. “Have I got something on my face? Is my fly down? Do I have some kind of stupid Post-It on my butt?”
The only other person who looked vaguely amused was Darcy so Steve fixed her with a stern look.
“Are you sending him dirty messages through Facebook?” He asked crossly, aware of how he sounded like some kind of over-bearing parent.
Darcy smirked and rolled her eyes.
“No. I think you just make him happy.” She said simply and that shut Bucky up fairly quickly.
His eyes widened and he shot her a betrayed look before sitting up in his seat and giving Steve an apologetic look.
“Sorry.” He mumbled.
Steve felt even more confused than before by Bucky’s erratic behaviour and just gave his friend a weak smile.
“That’s…whatever. Okay, as I was saying…”
.
“Hmm…” Clint hummed as splashed around in the pool, his orange armbands distracting Bucky as he watched him swim his short lengths. “I don’t do love. It’s silly.”
Bucky rolled his eyes and splashed water at him, careful not to scare him too much. Clint spluttered a little bit before glaring at Bucky and giving him a small, resentful pout.
“What? It’s such an overused word, a fake emotion. I don’t know what love is, all I know is that if someone tried to hurt Nat, I’d hurt them. I’ve killed for her before and I’d do it again. I don’t care who it is; even if it was you. I’d make sure they couldn’t ever touch her again.” Clint exclaimed passionately.
Bucky nodded; an interested look on his face. Finally, something he could relate to.
“Your Steve wouldn’t like that, though.” Clint continued apologetically, noticing the saddened look on Bucky’s face. “Your guy…he’s more of ‘it’s the thought that counts’, isn’t he?”
Clint hummed thoughtfully as he doggy-paddled passed, his chin raised carefully out of the water. Bucky skimmed the water’s surface with his fingers and waited patiently, an expectant look on his face.
“I guess you could just stand up for him? You know, Steve wouldn’t want you to actually kill someone but you could just show him that you’d defend him no matter what, I guess.”
Bucky gave Clint an anxious look and Clint smiled at him sympathetically.
“I know you’ve killed before and he does too. It’s not that he’s gonna love you less because you’ve done it before it’s just…he wouldn’t want you to do it now, because of him, you get me?”
.
“And how does it feel to come under criticism for your actions at the latest LGBT parade in New York last week?”
Steve blinked at the various camera’s flashing around him and tried to focus on the woman who had asked him the question, a thin, polite smile on his face.
“Well, I fully support my decision to-”
“You’ve offended a lot of people by attending and the entire Avengers initiative is being called into question because of-”
“We all support Steve’s decision to attend the parade and wish we could have joined him ourselves.” Bucky quickly interrupted, stepping in beside Steve.
Steve shot him a questioning look but kept the smile on his face.
“He shouldn’t be criticised for supporting a minority group; he should be praised. The people of America should be following suit, should be praising his actions.” Bucky continued, a fierce look on his face. “And I’ll kill anyone that questions his decision.”
The shocked gasp that echoed around the press hall made Bucky’s eyes widen and he glanced at Steve uncertainly, a small, uncertain smile on his face.
“Metaphorically speaking.” He quickly added.
.
“Love?” Dr. Foster asked sweetly as she scribbled down notes into her small, battered notebook. “Love is…jeez. I dunno. What did Thor say?”
Bucky shrugged, picking up the nearest telescope and pointing it towards the sky. He heard Jane sigh behind him and the soft sound of her feet scuffing against the carpet as she came to stand beside him.
“I guess, love transcends time. Like, it doesn’t matter how long you guys have been apart or how often you see each other it just…it’s there and it’s real and you can feel it?” Jane offered, folding her arms across her narrow chest.
Bucky slowly lowered the telescope and gave Jane a worried look. She saw it and smiled at him warmly.
“The first thing he said was your name when he woke.” She told him quietly. “He shouted it, actually. He was heartbroken when they had to tell him that you were dead.”
Bucky winced and swept his gaze along the floor, still anxious and uncertain.
“You could just tell him how you feel.” She urged him gently. “I find that honesty is always the best way to go. Just tell him; he’s your best friend.”
.
“I remember when you were skinny.” Bucky said abruptly.
Steve tore his eyes away from the movie screen and gave Bucky a small, encouraging smile.
“You do, huh?” he asked. “What else do you remember?”
Bucky watched the leading lady shout at her lover for a moment before shrugging.
“I remember you loving me. Do…did you?” He whispered, so quiet that Steve is the only one who heard.
Steve straightened up in his seat and licked at his dry lips slowly, inching closer to Bucky with a concerned look on his face.
“I still…You know, I…” Steve swallowed the lump in his throat and gave Bucky a tight smile, the butterflies in his stomach somersaulting.
Bucky watched him for a moment, waiting. When the words don’t come he gets to his feet and slips out the door. Steve’s eyes followed him out the door but he made no move to follow him. When he turned back to face the movie, he saw Jane glaring at him from the corner of the room. He raised a questioning eyebrow at her but she just shook her head and made a disgusted sound.
“Idiot.” She hissed before wriggling closer to Thor and resting her head on his chest.
.
“Oh, boy. You got it bad, don’t you?” Sam crowed, clapping his hands together with glee. “I wondered how long it would take. I heard about you slipping off to ask everyone else and I just waited patiently, knowing my day would come.”
Sam grinned triumphantly and stretched out on the sofa like the cat that got the canary.
“Love is a many splendored thing, my man. All you need is love.” Sam declared passionately. “Love lifts you up where you belong. Where eagles fly, on a mountain high but, love makes us act like we are fools, throw our lives away for one happy day-”
Sam stopped when he saw the look on Bucky’s face.
“Alright, alright, I keep forgetting that Moulin Rouge is in your top three.” Sam sighed. “Ok. You love him, right? You know that much?”
Bucky nodded slowly. Sam smiled.
“Good. Right, Barnes, Steve is a simple man, I know you can recall that much. Grand gestures, public displays of affection are not his thing. But he’s slow on the uptake. He’s oblivious; he doesn’t get it unless it’s right there in front of his face so…you need to just come out and say it. Just walk right up to him, grab him by the balls and tell him.” Sam advised with a dramatic wave of his hand. “Trust me on this; he only ever kissed Peggy Carter once and we both know how sweet he was on her.”
Bucky’s eyes widened and he gave Sam a hurt look.
“Oh…oh, you didn’t know about that? Well, to be fair, he thought you were dead.” Sam explained quickly.
Bucky relaxed slight before giving him a conceding nod. Sam’s smile relaxed and he winked at Bucky encouragingly.
“If you’re brave enough to take this first step, you won’t be disappointed. I promise.”
.
Steve listened to the sweet voice of Taylor Swift blast out over his radio as he showered, humming along to her infectious music. Sure, he missed showbands and the kind of music that he used to dance to as a kid, but Taylor Swift still blew his mind in a way no other musician had in a long time. He was humming so enthusiastically he missed the lock being picked or even the bathroom door opening behind him.
…make the bad boys good for a weekend….
“So, it’s gonna be forever, or- Jesus, Bucky!”
Steve practically threw himself against the tiles as he spun around and saw his friend watching him through the glass of the shower door, his eyes wide and scared looking. He pulled back the shower door with his metal hand and stepped inside, fully clothed. Steve’s heart was hammering against his chest but he moved up the shower, giving Bucky the space he needed to clamber in.
“You okay, pal?” he asked gently, trying to readjust the spray of the shower so Bucky didn’t get wet.
It was a futile attempt but Steve liked to think that Bucky appreciated the gesture.
“I’m sorry I can’t remember things.” Bucky said softly. “I know it annoys you sometimes and I know…it’s hard. I’m hard.”
Under any other circumstances, Steve would have laughed at his choice of words but not this time. He remained still and waited, could feel the air changing between them. Bucky took yet another step closer until he was crowding Steve up against the cold tiles, a terrified look on his face.
“But there’s…there’s one part I can’t forget and that’s when you kissed me. You kissed me on the Helicarrier and you told me you loved me.” Bucky continued, his hands coming to a shaking stop on Steve’s hips. “And I’ve only just remembered what love is and I…I love you too, Stevie.”
Steve didn’t get a chance to reply and he’s glad he didn’t because nothing would ever explain how he felt better than the press of Bucky’s mouth against his or the sensation of their tongues sliding together wetly.
And when Bucky pulled away with his eyes still round and nervous, Steve smiled and brought him close once again, promising him that this was all he ever wanted.
.
“What’s love? Aw, jeez, Buck, why do you gotta keep putting me on the spot?” Steve laughed as he wriggled closer beneath the duvet, a wide smile on his face.
Bucky traced the shape of his smile with his fingers and grinned back, his cheeks flushed from their earlier exertions. Steve heaved a hugely, over-dramatic sigh and shook his head.
“It’s…it’s getting your best guy back and he’s even better than before.” Steve chuckled softly. “It’s knowing that no matter what you do there’s someone there who’s gonna have your back. Love is…I dunno, Buck. Love is this, I guess. It’s what we have, it’s…it’s that special thing that we’ve always had between us.”
Bucky swallowed and brought their faces closer together until their noses were touching.
“What do you think love is?” Steve asked him gently.
And Bucky shrugged, biting down on his bottom lip uncertainly.
“All I know is you. You are what love is.”