Sleeping Bucky

Seeing your brother was probably the hardest thing you had to do. You could never expect what kind of day he was having. It was always a tossup between him 1) slowly coming to terms with what had happened and 2) spiralling into a state of total darkness and fear. Every day that you walked in the door, you prayed that you wouldn’t be staring into blank, emotionless eyes with wrists and ankles bound tight, and hoped that little by little, it was getting easier

Taking a deep breath, you pushed down the cold metal handle and used your shoulder to heave the door open. You walked into a medium sized room with hardwood floors, cream painted walls, and a window opposite the doorway. It didn’t have anything that wasn’t needed, just a bed, a chair, a dresser, and a bed-side table. Ryan was sitting up in the bed, holding something in his hands. He didn’t notice you walk in so you tapped lightly on the door with your knuckles.

When he looked up, you couldn’t help but flinch. There were dark circles under his eyes, his skin was pasty and lifeless, and his hair stuck up at odd angles. He had looked like this yesterday, but you weren’t used to him not being bright and cheerful. When you glanced down at his hands, he quickly folded up whatever he was holding and tucked it under his pillow. You squinted but shook your head, smiling softly at him as you dragged the chair that was pushed against the wall up to the side of his bed.

“Hi,” you said as you sat down in the chair, resting your elbows on your knees.

“Hey,” he replied quietly, twiddling his thumbs.

“How have you been?” you pressed, reaching out to put a hand onto his.

“What do you think?” he snapped before sighing and meeting your gaze, he took your outstretched hand in one of his. “Sorry, just a rough day.”

“Don’t worry about it; I wouldn’t expect you to be back to normal straight away. Have you seen Sam today?” you asked, rubbing circles with your thumb on the back of his hand. He shook his head.

“Not yet.”

“How’s it going with him, I mean, I know you’ve only seen him once but…” you trailed off, scratching at the floor with the tips of your shoes.

“Can we talk about something else?” Ryan said suddenly. You looked up at him and he was biting his lip and looking out the window. “Sorry, it’s just… I spend all day thinking about all the… the things I’ve done.”

“Ryan…”

“You can be m-my escape. Can we just pretend? That none of it happened, just for a little while…” His eyes glazed over and he swallowed before finally looking at you again.

“Of course,” you said eventually, smiling gently. “We haven’t been home in a while huh?”

“It’s been a few Christmas’s. I miss mom’s cooking,” he smirked, yet it didn’t fully reach his eyes.

“Do you think we’ll be invited to Thomas and Claire’s wedding?” you laughed, leaning back on your chair and throwing your feet onto the end of his bed.

“Not a chance, not after what we said about Claire,” he grinned. You couldn’t help but giggle as you remembered how you and Ryan got in a fight with your other brother, Thomas about his fiancée, Claire. You had joked about her likeness to a certain pet pig you used to have and Ryan pointed out that she was just a plain old bitch who used Thomas.

“She meant well…” you deadpanned. Ryan stared at you until you burst out laughing and snorted.

“Good one,” he retorted sarcastically as he ran a hand through his unruly hair. Just as things felt like they were slipping back into the way they were, there was a knock on the door. You swivelled around to see Sam peering around the door.

“(Y/N), hey, good to see you!” his face split into a grin and you stood up to hug him tightly.

“You too Sammy, I suppose you’ll want some privacy?”

“If that’s okay with you?” he said lightly. You nodded and leaned over to hug Ryan.

“Have you got your phone?” you asked him, touching his shoulder. Ryan nodded towards his bedside table and you inclined your head. “I’ll call back every day when I’m not on a mission, but if you need me for whatever reason, just give me a text or a call.”

“Will do sis… and thanks,” he said lowly, his eyes softening. You smiled and gave a small wave to Sam before leaving. After you shut the door behind you, you leaned against the wall and took a shuddering breath. You knew he was struggling and you wanted to help as much as you could, you just weren’t sure whether avoiding what happened was the best way to do this.

You started walking towards the gym which was several floors down from Ryan’s room so you pressed the button for the elevator and waited impatiently for it to slide to a halt. The doors opened smoothly with a *ding* to show Natasha and Clint standing close together inside, staring at each other intently.

“Hope I’m not interrupting anything,” you smirked, walking into the lift. Natasha rolled her eyes and shifted away from Clint slightly but you could have sworn you saw her squeeze his hand before separating. It was obvious to everyone in the tower that they were a couple but if anyone said anything, Natasha would give them her infamous death glare and send them running. Once Tony made some joke about it and he ended up hiding in one of his suits on its stand for hours before Pepper called him out.

“Jealous much, (Y/N)?” Clint said with a goofy grin before Nat elbowed him sharply in the stomach. He doubled over and groaned before shooting a glare at her. The corner of her full lips rose into a half smirk and she folded her arms smugly.

“So are you guys off to the gym by any chance?” you asked, stifling a giggle. Clint finally recovered and straightened up.

“Oh yeah, gotta work the guns,” he said, flexing his arms, his muscles bulging under his t shirt. You gave me your signature “are you fucking kidding me” look and winked at Natasha. You hadn’t realised that the elevator had started moving until the doors opened once again on the floor you were going to. The three of you walked out towards the gym to find Bucky and Steve sparring in the centre of the room. Clint walked off to do some target practice and you and Natasha hung back and leaned against the wall.

The super soldiers were both covered in a thin layer of sweat. You watched as Bucky dodged Steve’s punches, hooking his ankle with his foot and knocking Steve to the ground. Bucky smirked and pushed the hair from his face before he noticed you staring. He gave a small wave and a wink before offering his metal hand to Steve. He grabbed his hand and pulled Bucky down onto his back. Steve sat up laughing and you smiled, looking at Natasha to see if she was watching.

He gaze was fixed intently across the room however, where Clint was throwing knives at training mannequins. You nudged her and she snapped out of her trance.

“What’s going on with you two?” you asked, threading carefully. You were basically best friends with her so she sometimes confided in you.

“Is it necessary to put a label on it?” she half-smirked, folding her arms.

“Uh yes, are you a couple or not?” you demanded playfully. She just shook her head. You decided the best tactic was to annoy her as much as possible until she gave in, she could never be mad at you. You poked her sharply in the stomach and on the arm and on her cheek until she squirmed away from you.

“You’ll never quit will you?” she said exasperatedly.

“Nope!”

“We’ll talk about it later,” she gave in and you grinned happily. You turned your attention to Steve and Bucky who were jostling each other playfully and walking towards you. You felt your heart stutter when your eyes met Bucky’s. He stood tall in front of you and you could feel the heat radiate from him as he threw his right arm around your shoulders.

“How’s my girl?” he whispered in your ear, sending a shiver over your skin. You were never going to get used to being around him and you were perfectly happy being that way.

“Better now that you’re here,” you said, pecking him on the cheek. You could taste the sweat on his skin but it was oddly comforting. He pulled you into a hug and you were wrapped in his warmth. You sighed happily as he kissed the top of your head.

“Get a room,” Clint called from across the room.

“Maybe we will,” Bucky shouted back, not taking his eyes off of you.

“Guys…” Steve said awkwardly, his cheeks a rosy red. You giggled and poked him on the nose.

“Boop!”

He swatted away your hand with a smile.

“We were just getting some food, are you guys up for it?” he asked, trying to ignore your hand that kept poking him in the face.

“I think I’ll hang around here, you go ahead,” Natasha said. You winked at her and nodded in Clint’s direction subtly while Steve and Bucky started walking towards the door. She rolled her eyes and grabbed your shoulders, spinning you around towards the door and pushing you gently. You laughed and ran after the boys, attempting to jump onto Bucky’s back. He must have heard your footsteps because at the last second, he turned around and caught you as you wrapped legs around his waist. Your face was inches from his and he smirked as he held you close to him.

“Guys…” Steve repeated. Neither of you looked at him so he just kept walking. “I’ll just go take a shower then.”

“Y’know, I think I might too, care to join me doll?” Bucky murmured in your ear.

“Don’t mind if I do,” you said playfully, kissing him on the nose. He shifted you onto his back and jogged to his room.