Deserving The World
Agent Phil Coulson was no stranger to sacrifices, mainly when it came to personal sacrifices. He had given up his entire life for the agency, he gave up friends and lovers all for the sake of protecting the world. So the situation he was currently presented with shouldn't have hurt so much. The problem was that it did.
There were times in Phil's life where he had been genuinely surprised, Greenwich was one of those times. He had gone in with his team to clean up after Thor's last battle. He had expected to find building rubble and bits of alien technology, what he hadn't expected was to find a certain civilian digging through the piles of stone and metal.
"Miss Lewis, what, may I ask, are you doing?" Phil stood a yard away from the young woman, watching as she stilled before turning a bright, and false smile, on him.
"I knew you weren't dead. You're too stubborn by far." Darcy winked at the agent above her and turned back to her search on the ground.
"I'm not even going to ask how you even know I was dead in the first place. Even so, I would like an answer to my first question, this area has been quarantined off to the general public." He was really going to have to have a conversation with the security detail he had been given, the young woman shouldn't have been able to get within a mile of the cleanup.
"You forget who my boss is sleeping with. Speaking of, he is going to be either very happy or very angry to find out your demise has been greatly exaggerated. I think I would watch out for flying hammers if I were you." Lifting a rather large chunk of rock out of the way, Darcy flung back with a yelp as the stupid thing sliced into her finger. Ok, so rocks could be sharp, noted.
"Miss Lewis..."
"I'm trying to find my stupid iPod, alright? I finally got a new one that I like and it got dropped during the whole evil alien elf thing. Just my luck really. I should just start buying those cheap twenty-dollar mp3s if I'm going to end up in the middle of another apocalypse." And she knew she probably would too, seeing as she had no plans to abandon Jane, like ever.
Looking down at the way the young woman held her hand to her chest, he just shook his head and kneeled down beside her. "Really, Miss Lewis, an iPod isn't worth hurting yourself." He pulled a clean handkerchief from his suit pocket and held out his hand for hers.
Darcy looked at the offered hand and debated the intelligence of giving her hand to him. Knowing SHIELD he had some weird MIB gadget that he was going to use on her the moment she touched him. Then again he had never actually played those tricks with her back when they had met in New Mexico. Finally making up her mind she set her bleeding hand in his, wincing as he worked to clean the cut.
"You remember I'm an unpaid intern right? I can't afford to keep losing valuable equipment. Hard to buy things on a nonexistent salary." Darcy looked away from the man beside her, trying to tell herself that the slight flutter in her chest was because she had been caught sneaking behind SHIELD's invisible police tape, and not the careful way he moved that bit of cloth over her hand. Who was she kidding, she always did have a thing for the Knight in Shining Armor kind of guy. That had been the reason for the very ill-advised kiss with the intern during the battle.
"I'm not going to debate with you the meaning of valuable equipment. Though I do seem to remember an offer made to you two years ago that could have taken care of your unpaid situation." After making sure that all blood and fragments of rock were cleared from her hand, he wrapped the wound carefully with the handkerchief, tucking the ends upon one another to hold it in place. "You know that offer is still in place, though we might have to amend a few of the details now that I am dead."
"You are real funny, you know that?" Darcy pulled her hand to her chest once he had let go, but she didn't move to stand, only settled further down into the rubble. "Seriously though, like I told you before, I'm not abandoning Jane. I might not get paid, but it is worth it. She is my friend and she needs me."
"She needed your support when Thor left, but he has returned has he not? She is still your friend, but I think it is time you started thinking about yourself." Reaching once again into his pocket he pulled out a small white card, blank but for a single hand written phone number. "This is an open-ended offer, Miss Lewis. Call me tomorrow or in two more years, it doesn't matter, a position will be ready for you."
Darcy took the card with numb fingers and watched as he stood up and dusted off the rubble from his knees.
"Oh, and before you leave, I want you to go over there and tell them what happened to your hand." Phil gestured to a group of agents dressed in white gathered in one little corner. "We don't know enough about the aliens that invaded this time, and I would rather be safe than sorry if something got into that cut that shouldn't have." With that he turned and went back to his team, all of which were staring at him like he had grown two more heads. Well, except May who looked like she was trying to scowl and smirk at the same time.
Darcy had gone back to the flat a few hours later, a few hours she had spent dealing with stupid SHIELD doctors that wanted to take her in for testing. They had been so excited about possibly having a subject with alien DNA or some shit in their veins. If it hadn't been for the too cutest, and youngest, set of scientists she had ever seen coming to her rescue she was sure she would be in some weird ET set up.
When she had walked through the door she had fully expected to be berated for being gone so long, but what she found instead was Jane and Thor trying to eat each other's faces on the couch while Erik drew furiously on a whiteboard and Ian tried to get him to put pants on. Darcy had sighed and gone straight to her room then.
She hadn't wanted to let what Agent Undead said get to her, but what better proof had she? She had told everyone she would be gone two hours at most, but it had actually been six. She had gotten not one call to check up on her, nothing to even make sure she hadn't been mugged or chopped up into little pieces and made into pies.
Ok, so logically she knew she was being a bit dramatic. It really wasn't strange for her to go out and get distracted. She had once gone down to the shops to get a package of these yummy little cookie things she had become addicted to and ended up exploring for four hours. Jane had stopped checking in on her after the fifth time she went off. Still, it bothered Darcy that no one even asked her what she had been up to when she got home. Not one even looked her way.
She knew they cared for her, but maybe Coulson had been right. She would be lying if she said it hadn't crossed her mind already. Jane had needed her after Thor left, she had been there for the older woman to lean on and cry on. Now though, Thor was back and the little place she had carved out for herself was being filled in. She wasn't even needed when it came to Erik, Ian seemed to have that all in order. So what would they need her for now, fetching coffee?
Flopping down on her bed she looked at the neatly penned numbers and tried to decide if the itch in her dialing fingers was a good thing or a bad thing.
Phil watched from the corner of his eye as the medical unit basically harassed Miss Lewis. He shook his head before sending FitzSimmons to rescue her. He turned back to the work once he realized that she would be alright and ended up coming face to face with May.
"Not now and not here." He had known what she had been thinking the moment he finished speaking to Miss Lewis, and he really didn't need to hear it.
"I don't know what you are thinking, but that girl is a liability." May flicked her eyes back and forth between Coulson and the young woman. There was always something, some wrench thrown in the works.
"That woman is smart, she won't talk." Miss Lewis might like to present herself as some flighty little girl at times, but Phil knew just how intelligent she was. She would know without asking that there was a reason he was dead and wouldn't out him.
"Even if she is, we don't need her. Skye already fills that role, we don't need two hackers on board." Sometimes she could really wring Coulson's neck. Really, the risks he took because of some pretty damsel he thought needed rescuing.
"There is more to her than hacking. And what makes you think that I plan on asking her to join us? Maybe I'll send her to one of the bases. Might be a good match for Stark actually." Thinking about the run-ins he had with Miss Lewis he changed his mind, those two should never meet. Ever.
"You and I both know you won't." May looked over to where Lewis was getting a shot from a very disappointed looking doctor. She was not getting paid enough.
"Then it's futile to even talk about this."
May had been right of course, he had never planned on sending off Miss Lewis. His plan since he had met her had been to integrate her into his team. The only difference now was the other members of said team. He had known she would annoy yet endear herself to Sitwell and Barton would adore her. His new team, well he couldn't be sure of much. Though he did have his guesses.
When her call came in a day after the Berserker incident he had left his team in their hotel rooms and took off after her himself. He hadn't wanted to overwhelm her and the fact that May and Ward locked themselves away worked to his advantage. He should have been disappointed in them, but at the moment he was just thankful that May was distracted, because once she realized he took off on his own there would be hell to pay.
Miss Lewis had been waiting for him amidst the piles of rubble that remained in Greenwich, hands wringing at her sides and bags at her feet. She looked as though she had run all the way from London, her chest rapidly moving up and down as she scanned for him. He took a moment to just look at her and feel guilt. She was still so young, maybe only a year or two older than Skye.
"Are you going to help me with my bags or just slink in the shadows?" Though she couldn't see him she knew he was there. Maybe it was her nerves, but she swore she could feel a difference in the air when he showed up.
"I'm just observing. Why did you want to meet me here?" He stepped out from the shadows and grabbed a hold of one of her bags, his eyes zoning in on the bit of wrapping around the hand she injured. In her twitching fingers she had his handkerchief, washed and folded neatly.
"If I stayed in London it would make it that much easier for you to be seen. If any of them actually noticed I was gone that is." Darcy couldn't help the bitter note to her voice, but not once since she returned from Greenwich that day did one of them mention her absence. It hurt more than Darcy wanted to admit.
"You didn't tell them you were leaving." It wasn't a question, but a simple stated fact. He would have been able to figure it out even if she hadn't said anything. It was the way she twitched, the way her fingers kept curling and uncurling, and the way she bit into her lower lip. She looked more like a young girl that had snuck out to meet with her boyfriend than a grown woman signing up for a job.
"Didn't figure I needed to, they probably won't realize I'm gone for at least a month." Darcy crossed her arms over her chest and looked away. It hurt to not be needed. She jolted when she felt two warm hands wrap around her wrists, pulling her arms back down to her sides before a single finger slipped under her chin and lifted her face until she was looking into the calm face of Agent Coulson.
"I doubt that. Most likely Thor will be searching the world for you before lunch. I never said that they didn't care for you, it is obvious they do to anyone looking on. Before we go anywhere I want to make sure you aren't doing this because you think they don't want you." Phil had done some pretty shitty things in his line of work, but to realize he had unwittingly manipulated the woman in front of him to believe her friends didn't love her was the worst.
"I know they care, but you were right. I'm not needed anymore and it is time I did something for myself." She smiled, even if it was a little wetly. She hoped that he didn't change his mind now that she had realized how much she needed a change.
"Good, then before we take off I want you to call and leave a message for your friends. We really don't need a worried Thunder-God rampaging all over the world looking for you." Phil slipped his finger from under her chin and bent down to retake the bag and gather up the rest of her luggage.
"I'm not really sure what to say, not like I can tell them I'm going off to work with a dead man." Darcy laughed a little and tried to take one of her bags from Coulson. Not that he allowed her too, which really at the moment didn't even bother her.
"Tell them that after everything that happened you needed some time to decompress. Say that you are going to visit a cousin for a while and that you will be in touch. If things don't work out you can return to them none-the-wiser, if it does you can call and tell them you found a job and are happy where you are." Phil motioned for Miss Lewis to proceed him, a strange feeling in his gut at seeing the smile she still wore.
"Alright, but I can't say decompress, Jane would know something is wrong right away." Darcy laughed a bit, but quieted when she felt a warm hand press carefully against her lower back.
"Sometimes, Miss Lewis, you don't give yourself enough credit when it comes to how smart and eloquent you are."
Life after making the decision to leave was strange for Darcy. She had expected to end up working as some office lackey, her immediate boss some stuffed-upped, generic suit. She figured she would be filing papers and fetching coffee amidst training. Instead she found herself working directly under Coulson, living on a plane nicknamed the Bus, and sleeping on a couch as Coulson seemed to forget that there were no more bunks available. Not that she was really complaining, she had slept on worse.
The problem really lied in her so called co-workers. Besides Coulson, she also worked with the cute, little scientists she had met back in Greenwich, Agent May who looked like she wanted to wipe the floor with her and Agent Ward who looked like he wanted to toss her off the Bus. Those two she could deal with, she just avoided the former and did everything she could to annoy the latter. It was Skye that was the problem. It wasn't that they were bitchy to each other, but neither of them knew what to make of the other. Skye was a hacker, Darcy was a hacker… sort of… it really didn't add up why Coulson wanted her to work with them.
"Why am I here?" Darcy leaned against the doorframe to Coulson's office. She had been in there only a handful of times, mostly just to annoy him, and it never ceased to amuse her the amount of memorabilia he had displayed around the room.
"To annoy me most likely." Phil gave a quick look up at the woman in front of him. Whenever he had seen her before she had always been packed in layers, but she had taken to wearing nothing but a pair of ripped up jeans and a t-shirt with a naughty saying scrawled across her breasts. He figured it had to do with the way it always made Fitz go bright red, she loved to giggle at him every time. Today she stood in front of him in a pair of low slung denim jeans with large rips in the upper thighs, a peach shirt with the words "Damsel by day, Wench by Knight" printed across the stretched front, and no shoes. She had the air of careless decadence about her, something that was starting to unnerve him if he was honest.
"Well yeah, but I meant on the Bus. Why am I here? You obviously don't need me, Skye is a much better hacker than I am. I can't kick villain ass like May and Ward, and as much as the science twins remind me of Jane they really don't need wrangling. I'm at a loss here." She stepped into the room, coming around to slip up and sit on the edge of Coulson's desk.
"You have other talents besides hacking and science wrangling. You are highly intelligent, even if you refuse to acknowledge it half the time." Phil set down his pen and leaned back in his chair. Miss Lewis had been on the Bus for a couple of weeks so far, but it had been enough time to observe her. She was smart, but she tended to hide it from others unless she wanted something. Most likely it was a reaction from her childhood, a jealous sibling or demanding parent that found little value in intelligence. No matter what caused it, Phil planned to work it out of her.
"I don't see how my knowledge of obscure Harry Potter characters and eighties movie trivia will be of any help on missions." Darcy felt a blush creep up her chest and over her cheeks. It wasn't the first time he had complimented her, but each and every time it made her feel all fluttery.
"You never know, knowing the original ending to Pretty in Pink could hold the key to our survival one day." Phil watched as a smile started to bloom across her face. There was nothing like seeing her eyes light up and her lips twitch upwards. He found himself striving to make her smile at least once a day, even if he really didn't understand why.
"Funny man, I can't believe you actually said that with a straight face. Seriously though, why am I here?" Darcy reached over and fiddled with one of the many gadgets on Coulson's desk. She inhaled sharply as his hand shot out to cover hers and remove it from the object.
"You are here to work with me, not them, me. You could be an excellent agent one day, not just "kicking ass" but intelligence. Spy work, Miss Lewis, intel gathering and decoding. And let us not forget about your background in Political Science. That will come in handy one day." Phil removed his hand from hers and set it with his other one in his lap.
"You know, I wish you would call me Darcy. I mean if we are going to be working together and all." Darcy smiled down brightly at the man in front of her. Skye liked to tease that he couldn't smile, and if he ever did it would make his face split apart. But Darcy knew better, mostly as she watched his lips curl slowly up into a beautiful smile.
"Well then, Darcy, maybe you should call me Phil."
Things changed from that point on in ways that neither Phil nor Darcy could have expected. Phil had begun to undertake Darcy's training, meaning that the two spent most of their time together. Time that wasn't always spent on strictly on Shield training.
"This isn't real, is it?" Darcy stood behind Phil's desk, her fingers edging over the corners of a small glass case. Inside held what looked to be a Captain America ring with detachable mini-shield.
"Number 42 out of 1,000. You know I wouldn't have a replica displayed like that." Phil leaned back in his chair so he could look up at Darcy. She seemed to almost stroke the display box, her eyes a little damp. "Are you alright?"
"I used to have one. It wasn't this well kept though." Darcy pulled back from the display case and sat at her usual place; the corner of Phil's desk. "My Grandpap gave it to me when I was five. When he was a kid he had saved up all his pennies and worked extra jobs on the weekend just so he could afford it. The thing kind of became an heirloom, though my Mom hadn't wanted to have anything to do with it."
Phil liked when Darcy talked about her life before Shield. He probably shouldn't, but he couldn't help the warm feeling he got watching the emotions rush across her face as she spoke.
"I wore that ring everyday to school that year, and everyday until Grandpap died when I was ten." Darcy held back the tears that threatened to fall. Out of all her family, Grandpap had been the one she had been closest to. He used to sit her on his knee and tell her stories about when he was a child. "I placed the ring in his casket alongside all the roses. I knew how much he had loved it and thought he should've been buried with it."
Phil stood from his chair, the need to make the woman in front of him smile almost overwhelming. He turned quickly, reaching out and unlocking the box. When he turned back to Darcy he had the small plastic ring between two fingers.
"It's not your Grandpap's, but you can… you can wear this one for awhile." Leaning forward, Phil took one of Darcy's hand and slipped the ring onto her finger.
Darcy stared down at her hand for a minute before flinging herself at Phil. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in close so she could press a kiss to his cheek.
"I'll be careful with it, I promise."
Darcy had never known fear like she did while standing next to Skye on that bridge; her eyes focused on the bright flames in front of her. She wasn't sure of much that happened after that, only that Skye had pulled her up off her knees and led her back to the car, and a little later on Jemma had put her to bed.
Things after that had become a whirlwind. Agents flooded the Bus and the only bit of piece Darcy could find was in Phil's office, where she locked herself away after having it out a bit with that tits as cold as ice Agent Hand. It was during that time that Skye was sent off the bus.
Darcy had planned out a long rant, a wonderfully poignant rant about how important the other woman was, but before she could even take one step towards the Agent, Ward and pulled her back into Phil's office. She pounded on the door when he somehow locked her in from outside and shouted through the door that Coulson would have his head if he allowed anything to happen to her. And so she remained locked in that damn office until Phil returned.
The lock on the door clicked and Darcy flung back from where she had been trying to unlock the door. She figured it was Ward, come with food again. Only when the door swung open it was to a bloodied and battered Phil. Darcy hadn't taken a moment to think about what she was doing, just flung herself into his arms and attached her lips to his.
Phil groaned, both in pain and pleasure as she gathered the woman in his arms even tighter against his chest. After everything he had been through he wanted nothing more than to never let Darcy go again. The problem with that of course was that sooner or later a person needed breath. Not that he let her get far once they broke apart; his forehead resting against hers.
"Can't say I've ever had a homecoming quite like that before." Phil laughed as Darcy's lips pressed into a little pout.
"Can't say I've ever felt the need to give a homecoming like that." Darcy slipped her hands up and through his hair, cradling his head as he rested it against hers. "Don't ever give me the need to do that again."
"Darcy…" Phil pulled back a little, just enough so he could look into her eyes without going cross-eyed. He wished he could promise her that, but his life, his work…
"I know, just…" Leaning her head on his chest, she cuddled up as close to him as she could.
Phil looked around his office and down at the woman in his arms. His office had been locked from the outside, a special feature meant to trap intruders, and Darcy had been inside. He had a horrible idea about how that happened.
"Which one locked you in here?"
"Ward. I hope you realize that I'm going to taser his ass after this." Darcy had spent her time in Phil's office trying to get out, worrying over Phil, and plotting her revenge on Ward.
"I would expect nothing less. I'll even lend you mine, much stronger than yours."
Darcy knew he was keeping something from her. He woke up several times a night, sweating and out of breath, his whole body shaking. She wanted to ask him what haunted him so much, and yet she didn't. She wasn't sure she could handle knowing what horrors he had been subjected to. And so she did what she could; curling around him after one of his nightmares, offering him what comfort she could through touch.
As their relationship grew so did the horrors in their life. Between boys playing god, Skye almost dying, and an honest to God siren walking around, Darcy was ready for a bit of down time. Not that she expected to get some any time soon.
Phil jerked awake, his whole body thrumming with energy. He laid on his back just breathing for a minute before he felt the warmth of a body cover his. He opened his eyes to see Darcy hovering over him. His heart constricted at the look of sadness on her face. He lifted a hand to cradle her cheek, her eyes closing as he touched her.
"You deserve better." It was the same thing he told her every night, and as much as he believed it he also feared one day her response would be different. Thankfully, that night wouldn't be it.
"And you deserve the world." Darcy leaned down until her lips pressed gently over his. "Let me so it to you."
When Shield fell Darcy had been by Phil's side. She had had a gun strapped to her thigh even though she had much preferred her taser. Phil had done his best to protect her, but she still had a gunshot wound in her right shoulder.
Phil's hands were shaking as he cleaned up Darcy. He probably should have let Simmons fix her up, but he wanted the time alone with her. He had almost lost her, and that was something he didn't think he could deal with.
"Phil…" Darcy pressed her left hand to the one Phil was using to stitch her up. He was shaking like a leaf, and that scared her. Phil rarely showed weakness outside of their bedroom, but there he was practically vibrating.
"I think it is time you returned to Dr. Foster." He hadn't wanted to say it, but he would rather be without her than live in a world where she was dead.
"Screw that!" Darcy tried to jump off the table, but Phil held her there by her hips.
"I mean it. You will be safer, now that… you need to go." Phil tied off the thread, wiped down her shoulder and wrapped it up. He would make her hate him if he had to, but she had to go.
"I doubt I'll be any safer. You know as well as I do that they will be after Jane and her research." Darcy had always feared the day she would wake up and find out that it had all been a dream. Sitting before him now she wished it had been a dream. That she didn't know what he tasted like, how he smelled, and just what it meant to love him.
"Thor will be there, I have no doubt you will be safe." What he didn't say was that he would make sure of it. He would find a way to make sure no one could touch her.
Darcy clasped her hands around Phil's face, tears falling down her own. She wasn't sure what was worse; thinking that he never loved her at all, or that he was giving her up to save her.
"Don't send me away… please." She pressed her forehead against his the same way he had done to her after their first kiss. Only instead of a bright smile on her face, she dripped tears on his cheeks.
"I need you safe, and that is not with me." He pulled her to him, one arm going around her and the other to thread in her hair. "Please."
Darcy's tears made way to full sobs as she pressed her lips to his. She knew that he had made up his mind, and as much as she hated it, she knew she would go. For now though, for now she would spend what time she had left to memorize every touch, every taste, and every piece she could, because she had a feeling that it would be the last time… not just for awhile, but forever.
Phil knew that it shouldn't hurt as much as it did, that he had no right to feel upset. He had been the one to send her away, he had been the one to ask Hill to set up Dr. Foster and Darcy at SI. Hell, it had been two years since it all happened. He had no right to feel bad, but it didn't stop him from feeling as though his heart was being ripped out.
"You'll be there, won't you?" Darcy leaned into the chest at her side, a bright smile on her face. She hadn't seen Phil since she had left two years ago, though she knew he had been around.
Living in Avengers Tower allowed her to access information she normally wouldn't have been able to. So she had known when Phil and the others had revealed themselves the year before.
"Um… Yeah, of course. I wouldn't miss it." Phil's eyes switched back and forth between Darcy and the man holding her. It shouldn't hurt, but it did.
"We are both grateful, Agent Coulson. Darcy has told me a lot about her time with your team. It wouldn't feel right not having you at the wedding." Steve squeezed Darcy closer and bent down a bit so he could press a kiss to the top of her head. In some ways he felt thankful towards Agent Coulson. Hill had told him that it had been him that suggested Jane and her team working for Tony. If it hadn't been for that he never would have met and fell in love with Darcy.
"I'll be there, don't worry." Phil swallowed back the large lump in his throat. His eyes settled on Darcy and the huge smile on her face, and he realized everything was worth it. As long as Darcy was safe and happy, it all had been worth it.