Girls in Love
"Darling, I've missed you."
"Oh I'm sure I've missed you more!" Elaine cried, kissing Dottie sweetly and gently before rushing on, "Oh Dot, I've really missed you something awful! I've been thinking about you all day. And all night too!"
"All night?" Dottie replied coyly, grinning.
Elaine blushed like a school girl. Angie had helped her chat up a few girls before, and she'd danced with a few... but it'd never lasted past a couple of days, and every moment with this fair-haired angel seemed like a dream come true. Each moment they spent together felt like a gift she didn't deserve, and she was sure some girl would rush in and cry, "Dottie! I've missed you! What're you doing with that share crop? You're mine."
And of course, Dottie would reply sounding as sweet as ever, though of course composed, sweet and composed and as perfect as ever, "I was just waiting for you, I've got no use for her, don't worry." And Dottie would leave her for good.
Even though she knew logically, it was unlikely that this would happen, but the thoughts still plagued her, and it the pit of her stomach, there was a strange certainty that it really would happen... variations of this scenario ran through Elaine's head constantly. Of course, she didn't really tell Dottie this, she didn't want to seem paranoid... she sometimes wondered if she was, but either way she reasoned that she was lucky to have had Dottie as long as she had, and that she should just appreciate it while it lasted. Although, she had asked Dottie a few times whether or not she loved her. Dottie always replied, placing her hand over Elaine's looking as earnest as anything, "Of course Honey, don't you trust me?"
To which Elaine would reply, "I'm sorry, I don't deserve you."
And then Dottie would kiss her and hold her, rubbing her back soothingly until she felt the strange feeling in her stomach lessen. She really felt that she didn't deserve Dottie, or her lovely consolations. She felt that she never really did anything for Dottie, she couldn't really see what Dottie even got out of the relationship... she was certain it wasn't her looks, or even her brains really. She did have a pretty voice, but she always so shy that she hadn't even sung for Dottie yet, and Dottie had never pushed her. Dottie really was the sweetest girl ever, Elaine often felt conflicted by feeling guilty for being such an awful girlfriend, literally good for nothing. She was sure of it. But she also felt lucky... so lucky... and in love. It was so wonderful, not quite like she'd imagined it... she wasn't sure if it was better, or just different, but it certainly was wonderful, just like a fairytale.
Sometimes Elaine just wanted to tell the whole world about their relationship... she wanted to sing it every time someone asked about her day. She wanted to say dreamily, "I'm in a fairytale relationship, the girl is a real-life princess who treats me better than anything!" She'd seen so many girls, much younger than her, getting married, or falling in love... some loves were tragic, but they'd had their moments. So many girls sweet on some guy, going around and telling everyone. Being absent-minded and blaming it on the fella. Talking about the flowers he gave her, or this colour of his eyes... gazing at nothing, looking generally dreamy. She'd wanted that so badly, always been so envious. Of course she'd been to a few bars, seen a few girls talking about their girls. Which gave her a little hope. But she'd always been a little timid. Did as her mother said, and her mother had not liked the idea of her joining up for the WACs. Even after all of that, "they'll still have their feminine charms" advertising, Mrs Barry firmly believed that "indecent things" happened with the WACs and she wouldn't let her daughter be a part of it.
When Elaine moved out, not only was it one of the best days of her life, but it was the beginning of her doing many things of which her mother would not approve. Mrs Fry probably wouldn't approve either, but Elaine figured as long as neither of them knew it didn't matter. The things she did weren't so inappropriate anyway, but she did get to learning a bit about where to find lesbians...she was so glad she'd met Angie. If she hadn't she'd probably never had known any of the things she knew now... and she probably wouldn't be seeing Dottie either. What a thought. She was certain that Dottie was the best thing ever to happen to her. Ever. In some ways... her mother was a part of that, and the thought made her smile. Oh, the irony.
Well, she would certainly never be able to tell her mother about any of this, but she knew Angie would listen. She'd gone on and on about Dottie at the automat, and Angie had listened attentively. Her response was something along the lines of "Gosh Ellie, that's great! I'm so happy for you!" It was what she'd always dreamed of; falling in love and being able to tell a friend about it. Revel together in her doe-eyed affections. Now Dottie, along with being so perfectly sweet had provided her with the experience she'd always watched from afar. It was really all too good to be true.
"Sweetie?" Dottie cut in on her thoughts abruptly.
"Oh! Yeah?"
"Well, I didn't mean to scare you..." she replied gently, her sympathetic, alluring eyes captivated Elaine in a very distracting way, but Elaine still managed to catch the next bit of what Dottie said, even though it sounded vague and muted, "... what have you been thinking about, Darling?"
"Oh... y'know... just how lucky I am to be around you..." Elaine flushed lightly, "It's like a dream come true I swear."
Dottie laughed. "Oh aren't you just the cutest thing?" she teased, kissing her cheek softly.
"I'm not jokin'!" Elaine retorted, going a little redder "I've always wanted something like this! And now I can even tell people!"
"People?" Dottie repeated with some caution, Elaine assumed she was thinking about that man... that one who was after her, the one they never spoke about. "You sure that's wise Ellie? Who'd you tell?"
"Oh don't worry. I guess not people so much as one old friend." she rushed to assure her.
"Oh, who?" evidently Dottie wasn't entirely assured just yet.
"Oh, you might know her actually! Angie Martinelli! Real energetic thing, bent on bein' a star ya know?"
Dottie's face squinted a little, looking as if she were racking her brains for a clue as to who it was, "Oh, I think I might have seen her..."
"I think she was near you. Ya know, at the Griffith? She's real hard to miss, always talking with everyone and looking out for the girls. She's usually with that.. uh... Peggy."
"Carter?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"Oh. I see."
"'Course they ain't been in the Griffith since that big 'incident' ya know it was her involved in that?"
"I guess I didn't." Dottie replied absent-mindedly, looking out the window. Her tone changed. "What'd ya say we go for a little walk? You finally can meet up with me and we've only been talking so far. I love talking with you, but I miss doing other things too... Going outside sounds like a real luxury right about now, and I can't stay here long, Miss Smith is gonna get going and she promised to drive me. I mean, I'm lucky have her with me. I'm pretty sure that man won't come to a place like this, but it's always best to be cautious. And Gosh Ellie, hiding out is so much duller than it seems. Dull and lonely... I've missed you. Can we go for that walk now?"
"Of course... sorry Dot. I didn't mean to waste your time out of the house."
"No need to apologise Honey, I just don't want to miss any chances when we get a little time together! And I think, too... that elsewhere might give us a little more privacy." She replied, taking Elaine's hand and leading her out of the automat door.
Though her sudden disinterest was a little jarring Elaine decided not to trouble herself over thinking about it too much. She should just appreciate the time she'd have with her precious. Besides, she'd be going to The Dame's Meow tomorrow... with Miss Smith behind the counter(she barely got to see Miss Miller, and Elaine was pretty sure they'd both be there tonight, which was nice. They always seemed so busy and often apart. Though they were a cute couple together), so she might get some time with Dottie again! She reminded herself that she was extra lucky to have the chance at seeing Dottie twice, although the thought faded a little as she looked up into Dottie's clear blue eyes, which were very, very distracting.
As Elaine and Dottie walked around, Angie and Peggy were still planning their night. As they started planning, Peggy pointed out that being as true to life as possible would be the easiest. That way they couldn't get so easily caught out. Especially because Elaine already knew them. So fooling her would be difficult. Angie agreed promptly. They both decided everything would be as it was, except that... perhaps because Angie had met with Elaine recently and hadn't said anything about Peggy, they should say that they only said 'that I liked you somethin' terrible, and you was feelin' the same,' in Angie's words, quite recently. Such words made that feeling from the war in Peggy's stomach a lot stronger, and she tried not to let the hope in... but the way Angie worded it... Of course, Angie was an actress, she was good at dramatising realistically, she knew that. The performance back at the Griffith, seeing Thompson squirm like that. It had been highly amusing for her, and highly skilful on Angie's part. Yet, she still found herself thinking that maybe, just maybe, with the tones and the words that way... maybe Angie really did feel the same way about her... She sighed, she'd probably take ages to get anything done, feeling Angie's breath on occasion, and Angie's lips so close to her own... Peggy quickly agreed to the idea... trying not to think about how it paralleled their situation... or about how, if Angie confessed her love to Peggy, right here, right now... Peggy certainly would admit to feeling the same. Probably without a moment's hesitation.
With that fantasy in her mind... it suddenly struck her! No matter what her feelings for Steve had been... or Joan... or whoever (she could worry about Joan later), her feelings for Angie... they certainly were clear. Now... mixed with that odd feeling... the strange, familiar one from the war... Peggy felt something she really had never felt before. A strange clarity. Something which, was certainly confusing, and not to be mulled over now... but new, and exciting and... well, guilt inducing, but new. Even though Angie was right there next to her, and even though she knew Angie couldn't read her mind, she still felt odd and guilty... thinking these things right in front of her. But... she let go of her guilt, and in her confusion, stopped pushing so many of her thoughts away long enough to let a thought form clearly in her mind. Something which had being forming itself slowly, wisps of it lurking here and there in the back of her mind... wisps which she had never allowed to create a whole. But now, all this confusion and newness freed the wisps from her control and the thought formed; Peggy cared for Angie. Not in a friendly way, not in a sisterly doting way. In a romantic, perhaps even... dare she think it... lesbian way. She quickly cut away at the thought, leaving it in wisps again. But she had allow it to become whole, and definite, even just for a moment, and even though it was at the back of her mind, and she tried to deny it, to herself... she knew, in some small, hidden, denied way... that she loved Angie. She was in love with Angie.