There were many things in Adore’s life that she was proud of; her career, her music, her image, but with every moment of pride came moments of regret. When she was 17, all she cared about was her music and how much she wanted to tour the world with her band. She was a reckless teenager, getting drunk every night and taking whatever drugs were handed to her. She wanted the feeling of being alive, she wanted to be ‘cool’ and fit in with the people she looked up to - older men in their forties who sung songs about sex and drugs, who didn’t care for people’s opinions. Adore had always longed to be like that; reckless, incautious, free.
I locked myself in a hotel room
Then waited all night for the walls to move
She fell in love almost instantly, allowing herself to become completely entranced by whatever stranger became her object of affection that day. It was like a short-term obsession. She fell hard and fast, breaking many hearts as well as her own in the process, living to feel the exhilaration of being wanted. She believed, when she was younger, that she would fall in love with a single person, that she would know as soon as their eyes met that they were the one. Never being one to question love, Adore let the universe work its magic. That was until she turned 19. She fell in love with a girl called Courtney, a blonde with a melody for a laugh and a killer smile. Their relationship lasted about as long as Adore’s first cigarette, and, much like the discarded Marlboro on the ground, it burned out almost immediately. After that, she realised that love wasn't something to be reserved, something to be held back. Love could be found in the strangest of places, Adore of all people would know. Love could be as quick as a glance or as long as eternity, and she grasped at it whenever she could.
I've loved some girls that I barely knew
I've made some friends, and I've lost some too
Her band were playing in a club one night, a grotty underground establishment that seemed to mark the beginning of their descending popularity. They had taken a break midway through their set and an unrecognisable song was playing over the speakers as Adore took a large gulp of water. As she was placing her bottle down, she watched the crowd of people on the dancefloor; there was a man dancing like he was swatting a fly, there were couples making out, and there were a group of girls swaying side to side. It was an amusing sight, but Adore’s eyes kept drifting to a girl stood towards the centre on her own. She had long, ginger hair, and was dancing freely with her eyes closed and her arms in the air, she looked carefree and peaceful. She stood out from the crowd, her long, blue dress looked out of place in the dingy club, the regality of the dress suggested that this wasn’t where she meant to go. As Adore and her band began to play again, her eyes rarely left the redhead who continued to dance freely throughout Adore’s set. Just as she was walking off stage, the woman opened her eyes, and Adore finally felt like she was where she was supposed to be.
For all the things my eyes have seen, the best by far is you
And then she was back on the road, living as freely as she had done before, but now she felt like she had a purpose. She had been all over the world with her band, singing for large crowds of people and she became the person she had always dreamed of becoming. She created memories with nameless strangers and made friends for a day, never being short of company wherever she had travelled. They had played London; visited Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament, walked along the River Thames, taken photos from the top of the London Eye. They had seen Mt. Fuji and hiked in Yamanashi Prefecture. They had been and done it all.
I've café crawled through Amsterdam
Been around the world with a punk rock band
She had travelled from one end of the earth to the other, staying in questionable apartments with questionable people, barely scraping through with money. She had seen the highest mountains and the deepest oceans, but having someone to come home to made everything seem more worthwhile. She had someone to share her stories with, someone to bring gifts for, someone to come home to.
For all the places I have been, I'm no place without you
It was one Sunday morning that Adore had woken up with a mouth full of hair that wasn’t hers and a dead arm, and she realised that she had found what she was looking for. It wasn’t a perfect sight; Bianca’s hair was barely still in a bun and her mouth was hanging open, but to Adore it was the most beautiful sight in the world. That’s the thing about being in a relationship, she didn’t need to get up and rush off, she could simply stay in bed and take in the beauty of the moment. Never before had she felt so comfortable in the company of another person. She used to think that happiness came in the form of a bottle or the sound of a guitar, but now it had a name.
For all the things my hands have held, the best by far is you