Legacy

Moira was five months pregnant and every moment had been a treasure. Sure there was the morning sickness, the back aches, swollen ankles, mood swings and cravings at all hours, but Moira was taking a journey in life she thought she would never have a chance at. It was hard to see her go through it all, and Moira insisting she had had worse with the chemotherapy did not ease his mind any, but Steve was always there to help her through it.

Moira had stopped sleeping over and instead moved into Steve's little apartment so he was always available to give foot and back rubs and to run to the store at two in the morning to pick up licorice to add to the omelette she was craving. It could be scary and uncomfortable at times but this was an amazing adventure for the both of them.

They were at the hospital for Moira's monthly checkup eagerly awaiting the news, today they were to discover their child's gender. When the doctor entered the room Moira was sitting on the bed and Steve standing next to her, his arm was around her and his hand absentmindedly stroking her swollen belly.

Steve could barely hold back his smile as he looked expectantly at the tall man in the white coat. "Well?" The supersoldier asked, his impatience getting the best of him. "Which it is?"

Moira just chuckled and took her boyfriend's hand gently in her own as the doctor, Dr Vartin, looked at the chart in his hands. "It's a boy," he told them, his eyes still on Moira's patient chart.

The next thing he knew Steve was hugging his girlfriend, the mother of his unborn child. He had never had a preference as to the child's gender and he doubted his joy would have been any less had the baby been a girl, but somehow knowing made him feel closer the his child, made it all the more real. Steve was going to have a son, he was going to be a father, and Moira would be at his side.

The doctor cleared his throat. "There is more," he said once he had their attention.

It was Moira who first noticed his hesitance. "Is something wrong with him?" The petite woman asked, her hand placed protectively over her abdomen.

"Not as far as we can tell," Dr Vartin assured them. "Although many conditions cannot be detected until after birth there is nothing yet to suggest something is wrong." Moira breathed a sigh of relief but neither she nor Steve were rejoicing, clearly he did not have something good to say. "We will have to run some tests to be sure but there is evidence to suggest your cancer may have returned." He finally stated.

Suddenly it was like she deflated, Moira's shoulders slumped and she curled in on herself. Steve tightened his arm around her in an attempt to comfort her but it didn't seen to do any good, it was as though the light had been sucked out of her. Fear gripped the large man's heart, he had never seen his girlfriend like this, she was always so bright and happy, she never let anything get her down. "Its okay though?" He asked the doctor desperately. "Even if it is back you can treat it right? You did before." The way Moira's hand tightened around his shirt when he asked that was not promising.

"We can," Dr Vartin replied slowly. "But chemotherapy cannot be administered to someone who is pregnant. If her cancer has returned the fetus would need to be terminated before she could be treated." As his words sunk in Steve began to understand Moira's reaction, they very well may lose their child.

~~~~~

It wasn't until they were back at their apartment that Steve broached the subject. "So what are we going to do?" He asked her. "If the test comes back positive."

Moira was silent a moment and kept her back to her partner as she made the bed. When finally she spoke her words did not instill any confidence in him. "Nothing." was all she said as the bald woman went about her task.

Steve was confused but Moira said no more. "What do you mean nothing?" He asked, encouraging her to explain herself.

Moira stopped making the bed but still did not turn to face him. "I mean nothing," she replied resolutely. "If the cancer is back we continue on as we have been."

"But if you are sick again," Steve began slowly, "you will need treatment."

Moira turned to face her boyfriend, her right hand placed upon the large bulge of their son. "I am not giving him up Steve." She told him, hers face hard and determined but her eyes moist with the beginnings of unshed tears. "No matter what they say tomorrow, I am not aborting my baby. I won't do it."

"But," Steve protested lamely, "you could die. If you are sick you need treatment."

"I could die no matter what I do!" Moira raised her voice at him. "You don't know how bad cancer is Steve," she told him, her tone more sad than angry. "If it is back I'll have to go through months if not years of treatment that makes me sick, I'll be weak and in pain, tired all the time and I'll struggle to keep any food down. And through all that I'll have no promise I can survive, at any moment the doctors could give me an amount of time and tell me to get my affairs in order and say my goodbyes. To survive is a miracle and I've already had one, only a fool would expect another." Steve stared at her in pained silence, wanting desperately to tell her it would be okay, but that would be a lie. As Moira continued the tears now threatened to fall. "I have already spent my life not planning for a future, making no commitments because I knew I might not be able to keep them. This baby," she looked down at her swollen abdomen and stroked it affectionately. "This is the first thing I have ever allowed myself. This baby is everything I wanted but knew I couldn't have, now I can and I'm not giving it up." She was crying now, the sobs barely barely held at bay. "Don't you see Steve, I can't just have another baby in a few years when I am healthy again, I could die whether I keep him or not, and I'm not giving him up only to die anyway, only without ever knowing what it is like to be a mother, without ever holding him in my arms." The tears were streaming and the sobs clear in her voice, as her knees grew weak Steve was across the room and taking her into his arms.

"Its alright Moira, I'm here, I'm here," he whispered, rocking the pregnant woman in his arms. Steve was silent for a moment as Moira cried, her face buried in his shirt, soaking it with tears. "We are probably overreacting," Steve assured her, gently rubbing her back. "We will probably go to the hospital tomorrow only to find out that it was a false alarm and all this worry was for nothing." Moira nodded but said nothing.

The pair stayed there together until stiff muscles finally forced them to move.

They hardly spoke the next day, simply went through their routine as though nothing was different, but it was. The possibility of what might be was looming over them both, and there was nothing more to say. Moira had made her position very clear, she would rather have a child than a normal life span and nothing Steve could say would change her mind.

~~~~~

In the late morning they found themselves back at the hospital trading supportive smiles. Any moment the Doctor would walk in and tell them it had been a mistake Moira was healthy and everything was fine. Any moment now.

The door opened and Dr Vartin entered looking grim. "Miss Hanson," he greeted his patient who sat stiff, awaiting his news. Steve took her hand in comfort. "I'm sorry, but your cancer has returned."

He said some other things after that but Steve didn't hear them. With just one sentence his life had been torn apart and Steve clung to his love, thinking if he could hold on tight enough it would somehow stop him from losing her.