Dorcas wakes up and the first thing she does is make herself a cup of tea. She’s learnt that checking her phone first thing in the morning is probably the worst thing she can do. So she drinks tea. Because it is supposed to calm her nerves. Though it is also possible that she got a notification from her BBC News app and she didn’t expect it to be an article about her girlfriend. But it happened, nonetheless.
From: HELLO!
Marlene Mckinnon, bassist of the band DAGGER has been spotted in a New York bar with a mysterious girl. Click here to see the picture. Is this the end of her relationship with Scottish artist Dorcas Meadowes?
She knows that girl, because it’s Mary. She travels with the band and manages their social media and all that shit that Dorcas, honestly, doesn’t give a single fuck anymore.
So she gets ready, stops at the local bakery and heads to her studio where she starts painting. And she splashes paint all over a canvas and she rages and she gets furious. She places the canvas on the floor and keeps painting and painting and painting. She is mad, she is angry and she is sad. Oh, she is so incredibly sad that sometimes it consumes her whole. She covers the sadness with anger and pours herself on her art and she tries to forget, even for just a second. Forget everything. Forget Marlene.
DAGGER used to be a band mostly known in the UK and they would perform in two European cities and then come back. They got lucky one day and the whole world started to know them. Now they are split between London and LA, but if you ask Dorcas she’ll say they are in LA all the time and London is just their vacation spot at this point.
She doesn't reply yo her texts or phone calls, since she's left her phone in silence mode. She can't deal with all the crazy fans Marlene has flooding her comment section by talking about that new article. She can't be bothered to see people turn Marlene into some villain and turn the narrative around and say something crazy about how she wasn't enough for a rockstar. Bullshit, all around.
She hears a knock on the door and checks the time. 7:48pm. She frowns and opens the door. Lily and Regulus are standing on the other side of the door. They have plastic bags filled with food. They can come in.
"Hi, love, are you alright?" Lily is the first to talk and she smiles at Dorcas. Her smile is one of Dorcas' favourite features about Lily.
"Yeah, I've just been painting. Lost track of time."
"Alright my arse, Cas." Regulus says and makes his way inside of the studio, "We have both seen that article and we've tried to contact you and you didn't answer. You're not okay." He places his plastic bag on the table and takes all the stuff out.
"I'm just- I'm so tired that it's always Marlene who gets those kinds of articles. I've never seen James targeted like that. Neither Sirius and Remus, because they are the couple of the band. It's always Marlene and I get all the backlash because people prefer to blame the girlfriend than to just mind their own fucking business." She sits next to Regulus and eats one chip.
"Yeah, but this time they got Mary too, so now I'm involved. People don't know about us, it's mainly the fans that are aware that Mary exists and that I'm her girlfriend. But Dorcas, we are all in this together, just like that song goes, yeah? We both have our partners in that band and we know how hard it is. Don't close yourself off, you know it does no good." Lily rubs her back, soothing Dorcas.
Dorcas takes a deep breath and checks her phone. No texts from Marlene. Typical. Every time there's a tabloid about her she never asks Dorcas how is she handling it, she just wait for the storm to pass. She realises they haven't talked in a while.
"Reg, when was the last time you called James?"
"Last night, why?"
"And you, Lily?"
"I called Mary, like, two days ago."
Dorcas hums and drinks from her beer. She has some salad.
"I haven't talked to Marlene in a full week. She hasn't even texted me today." Dorcas laughs, not too loud. She looks at her friends and she doesn't like the look on their faces. She gets up and goes to the bathroom.
"What do we do, Lils? You've noticed that for some reason the whole distance thing is harder for them than for us." Regulus' phone vibrates and a text from James pops up, "See? He is constantly texting me. I don't know what the fuck Marlene is playing at, really."
"Oh, don't make such a fuss. It's just harder for them, okay? The guys are coming back in two days, so we need to make sure that they both talk and sort it out. Whatever the result ends up being, we'll be there for Dorcas. James and the rest have Marlene."
Regulus nods, "We'll have to do."
Two days later, Dorcas is waiting for Marlene to open the door. Lily and Regulus have encouraged her to talk to her and she is being the bigger person. They are both adults and they can talk things through like adults.
Marlene appears before Dorcas' eyes. She says, "You cut your hair."
Marlene smiles, "Yeah, I grew tired tired of my long hair, this is much more comfortable. Come in." She lets Dorcas get inside first.
"I suppose you know why I'm here."
"You've seen the article. But I know you. That's not it, isn't it? It just made us realise things."
Dorcas chuckles, “You've got some fucking audacity saying that. It’s always the fucking band with you these days. You don’t care about me! It’s- it’s nerve-wracking, seeing you having a fucking blast at a party in LA while I’m here.” She starts taking her things that are scattered around Marlene's flat.
“Dorcas, wait-”
“And there’s Mary too.”
“What? What does Mary have to do with any of this?”
“She is your best friend and you fucking hired her to be your roadie and I see how you look at each other and I always tell myself that it’s only the complicity you both find in the other but fuck, Marlene, it hurts, you know? I go on Twitter and I have to see people being excited when they see you both together. I’m just so tired.”
“Cas, you know I don’t love Mary that way at all. You are the one for me.”
“Well, you should rethink that, because I’m done.”
“No, no. Dorcas.” Marlene grabs her elbow, “Please, don’t leave.”
“When are you leaving, eh?” The calmness in her voice is almost terrifying.
“Tomorrow.” Marlene admits.
“And where are you going to go?”
“We start the US tour.”
“Yeah, so once again you’ll be gone for months and we can’t see each other. It’s okay, really. I’m just giving you the decision handed to you because I know how much you dislike confrontation. Let me go, Marlene.”
"Dorcas. Please- this is not it, is it? It isn't." Marlene pleads. She'd get on her knees for her. She'd pray for her to stay and never leave. She isn't doing anything.
"Bye, Marlene. Have fun in your tour." And she is out of there as quick and she came.
It's been a month and Marlene misses Dorcas like a lung. It feels like a serrated knife stuck in her gut.
She wants her back and she is going to do everything in her hand. Like, writing a song and have the whole world know how much Dorcas means to her.
DAGGER is back in London and they are going to present their new single "IF NOT FOR YOU", a song Marlene and Sirius wrote together because he is the songwriter of the band so he knows how to make everything sound prettier, more melodic.
Marlene is going to present the song and she hopes Dorcas will be watching, Lily texted her to let her know that she will make her watch it.
The band gets ready, making sure everything works perfectly, from their in-ears to their instruments. They get introduced and Marlene positions herself next to Sirius. He rubs her back.
"We're gonna play our new single, which we put out last Friday. Hope you all like it, specially you, my love. Listen carefully." She smiles and moves to her established positioned on James' left side.
Sirius starts singing and he looks at Remus a few times. This song is for the band members, for their loved ones. It's more theirs than it will ever be the fans'.
There'll be no summer
There'll be no spring
If not for this love of mine
Thorns without flowers
Bars with no drinks
If not for this love of mine
Regulus is in the audience and James smiles at him. Marlene can't believe her eyes when she sees Regulus blushing and smiling so tenderly.
All the lights
All the parties would just fade out
Shut them down
Remus plays next to Sirius and the latter gets on his knees. He does that a lot on stage, showing his endless devotion for the other man.
If not for you, I wouldn't sing anymore
(Da-ba-ra-ba-ra, ta-ta, da-ba-ra-ba-ra)
If not for you, I couldn't get off this floor
(Da-ba-ra-ba-ra, ta-pa)
If not for you, hell would be knocking on my door
If not for you
They finish the song and the crowd goes wild.
Marlene only thinks of Dorcas. She wants a text from her. A missed call. Something that lets her know that she saw it and she understands.
They get off the stage and she checks her phone and she sees nothing. It rings.
"Lily, everything alright?"
"Yes! Just letting you know that Dorcas is on her way! So don't fucking leave or anything and talk to her you wanker!" And she hangs up. Typical Lily.
Marlene finishes packing her bass and she puts on some comfy clothes and waits. She waits until she hears James laugh and Remus is ushering everyone outside. Dorcas is there, in front of Marlene once again.
"Hi." She speaks first and Dorcas approaches her, immediately kissing her. She places her right hand on Marlene's neck and pulls her closer, while her left hand rests on her waist. Marlene goes willingly.
"I love you, Marls. I love you so much. Don't fucking do that again."
"I love you too, idiot. Don't make such a scene of leaving me and not talking to me for a month. I've suffered, you know?"
"Well, I think you needed the theatrics to realise how bad the situation was."
Marlene cups Dorcas' cheek and looks at her, "God, how could I focus on anything else apart form you? I was a total twat, you're right. Didn't realise what I had until I lost it." She kisses Dorcas just to kiss her.
"It's alright. We're alright."
"Yeah, we are and we will be. I love you."
"Love you more."