It was nighttime when Sam finally touched down onto the ground gently. He was almost sure he’d flown in the wrong direction at times but he had made it to Baltimore in one piece. He wondered if he should’ve come at all when he was flying over the protesting and rioting masses. He probably would’ve been among them, supporting them if he didn’t have his own extenuating circumstances to deal with but as it was he was able to find his mother’s house after a little searching and land in the backyard, balancing himself on his uninjured leg as the spikes of the bear trap ground into his foot painfully. He zoned his hearing as he approached the house he’d grown up in. It looked like his mother had repainted it a dark green or got Gideon to do it at least. From inside he could hear the television playing cartoons and hear his nieces, Alana and Alesha, laughing at whatever was happening. He could also hear his mother humming while she bustled around, probably in the kitchen while his sister Sarah carried on a phone conversation with their brother Gideon upstairs concerning the protests. They were there and he was there too, he was home.
Sam was hesitant to enter. He thought it would just be his mother but he trusted Sarah and his nieces always wanted to see his wings before so he forced himself to hobble across the grass, carefully working his way around the toys left outside to get to the back door. The bear trap jostled with every movement, tightening a bit more with each step but Sam pushed through the pain. He held himself up with the door frame and peeked past the curtains into the kitchen. His mother was putting away leftovers and cleaning up. She looked no different to when he saw her during the holidays, she was still Amazonian tall with minimal wrinkles and nary a gray hair in sight. She was humming old Marvin Gaye songs like she always did while cleaning the kitchen. He remembered when his father was alive and the songs were duets, it took a while after he died for her to sing again.
He wasn’t sure how she would react to this. They had talked on the phone over the past year and while she liked Steve she was wary of Sam putting the wings back on. He couldn’t blame her, especially not now when there was something trying to control his mind and turn him against his friends and loved ones. Sam took a deep breath, steeling himself, before he knocked on the doors. He saw her jump a bit before hesitantly approaching the door. She peeked past the curtain and he could see the beginnings of a smile before she looked past his head and her face turned up in shock.
She pushed the door open almost mechanically, her eyes glued to the wings attached to his back.
“Hi Mama.” He said sheepishly. He didn’t know what she was thinking, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.
~*~*~
“This is insane. This is absolutely crazy, you know that right?” Sarah said incredulously while his mother patched up his leg. Getting the bear trap off hadn’t been fun but between the three of them they had managed and with his mother’s skills as a nurse they didn’t even have to go to a hospital, if they would even have gotten there with the riots and the police blocking everything off but maybe the wings would’ve helped with that.
“I mean wings, actual wings.” She continued, looking at the wings like it was something under a microscope. Sam looked away with some apprehension, wondering what their verdict would be.
“Do you know how cool that is?” Sam looked up at his sister with surprise, she was staring wide eyed at him with wonder clear on her face. Her eyes were twinkling like they did when she was a child dreaming of being one of the Howling Commandos. She was always a bigger Captain America fan than he was growing up but he didn’t expect her to be quite so accepting immediately. Sarah was the youngest of three, a single mother of two at 30 and working sometimes 50 hour weeks to provide for the girls. If anything she was the realist out of all of them so he didn’t expect her to be so awestruck by it or okay with it.
“I thought you’d be... I don’t know, reticent about it.”
“Is it crazy? Hell yeah, you have wings but that doesn’t mean it isn’t cool. Now those other heroes can’t say you’re any less than them when you’re kicking ass side by side.”
“Language.” Darlene warned, wrapping Sam’s foot in gauze.
“Kids are in bed. Oh man, they’re going to flip when they see you. They’re already bragging about Uncle Sam the superhero, wait til they get a load of this.” Sam chuckled imagining his nieces’ faces when they saw him. He flicked his eyes over to his mother, she hadn’t said a word about it since she let him in, didn’t ask him about how any of it happened or where Steve was, she simply went about taking care of him.
“Mama?” He asked hesitantly. She looked up at him with a blank but open face.
“How’d this happen?” She asked.
“I was investigating a HYDRA base. It was supposed to be abandoned, the intel was bad. One of their guys stabbed me with a needle and maced me. Whatever was in the needle gave me these.”
“Hmm, why isn’t Steve with you?” Sam looked down and away.
“He didn’t leave you, did he?”
“No! No, absolutely not. These wings growing hurt more than anything I’ve ever felt and Steve was with me every step of the way, he got me help, he made sure I was alright. I’m the one that left. I was...” Sam sighed before telling his mother and sister about everything that had happened, the voices, him hurting his team, even he and Steve’s new relationship. To Sam’s surprise his mother began chuckling.
“What?” He asked. His mother didn’t answer him immediately and while she still chuckled to herself Sarah slipped into the chair next to him, he jumped a bit not wanting to hurt her but she simply rested her head on his shoulder, his wing coming around to cover her.
“I think you’ve finally driven Mama insane.” She commented. The siblings watched as their mother looked at them with fond smiles.
“When you two were young you followed Gideon everywhere. I mean wherever your big brother went you wanted to go too. I used to say he had three shadows instead of one but even though you followed you never really did do whatever he wanted you to. Sarah, you would get so defensive if he tried to tell you what to do and you’d just leave him. Sam, if he told you to jump instead of asking ‘how high?’ you’d ask ‘why?’. Oh, your father was proud of both of you because you knew when to follow and when you it was time for you to do what you felt was right.” Sam looked down at the mention of his late father. He always wondered if what he was doing now made him proud or not, he wondered the same of his mother.
“Baby, you followed Captain America all over kingdom come because you felt it was right. You joined that team of yours because you felt it was right. Now you left them because you felt it was right. I support you completely and you can stay with me as long as you need to but don’t go blaming yourself for what happened. Someone else was pulling your strings, that wasn’t a decision you made on your own or with a sound mind. I know they’ll understand that, I know Steven definitely will. That boy looks at you like you hang the moon and created the stars, don’t think I don’t see that. You stay here as long as you need and get your mind ready but they’ll be able to get your mind right. They’ll get whatever those nazi bastards put in your head out and then you’ll keep on fighting and keep on being the hero you’ve always been. Because you are a hero, you were one long before you met Steven and you’ll be one long after.” Sam looked at his mother wide eyed, feeling his heart swell at her approval.
“Thank you, Mama.” She leaned forward and kissed his forehead before kissing Sarah’s too.
“I’m going to go upstairs and rest my old bones. You two don’t stay up too late gossiping and make sure keep that leg elevated.”
“Yes, ma’am.” The siblings chorused before watching her leave the room. They were silent for a moment before Sarah snuggled closer into his shoulder.
“So, exactly how ripped is Captain America? I mean I find eight packs overrated, I’m more a six pack kinda girl but for him I may make an exception.”
“Don’t go trying to steal my man.”
“Like I could if I tried. He doesn’t see anyone beyond you. Still, if you have another hot superhero that doesn’t mind a single mother throw him my way.”
“I’ll look into it.” Sarah pulled back before looking at the wing currently draped on her shoulder.
“Can I...?” She asked. He nodded his head and watched as she ran her fingers across the dark brown feathers causing a bit of a shiver to run through him.
“It’s soft.”
“Isn’t always.” Sarah brushed her fingers across them one last time before turning to him.
“So you really just left? It’s not like you.”
“I couldn’t hurt them again. I’m dangerous. Steve’s face... the blood... Wanda wasn’t even conscious... and the way they looked at me, like I was a monster.”
“You’re not the monster. You’ve seen the real monsters under the bed, we both have. You know well enough that you’re not one of them.” Sarah rested her forehead against his lightly, rubbing her thumb into his hand. He welcomed the contact, it was an anchor.
“Speaking of monsters, you hear from that ex of yours lately?” Sarah kissed her teeth with annoyance.
“He’s still leaving his threats about taking the girls and what all he’ll do to me but you know he hasn’t set foot over here. Doesn’t want the ass whoppin’ I’ll lay down on him.” Sam smirked before kissing her forehead.
“That’s my girl.” Sarah chuckled a bit before hugging him tighter, laying her head on his chest and reclining them comfortable on the couch.
“Aren’t you going to bed?” He asked with confusion.
“Remember how when you were little you had those nightmares? I’d crawl in bed with you and it’d be okay.”
“Dad used to call you my human dream catcher. Then after I was discharged you were still able to help me get a night’s sleep.” Sam recalled fondly.
“Well, you make a nice pillow Sammy so goodnight.” Sam smiled softly to himself before reaching over and flicking the lamp off. Despite all other evidence he did manage to get a good night’s rest. He wondered if Sarah had powers she wasn’t telling him about but pushed that away and just enjoyed being with his family and their acceptance.
~*~*~
Darlene Wilson loved her children.
They were everything to her, everything she had left. When she was young and watching her mother take care of other people’s children for a living and she eventually joined her she knew she wanted it for herself. She wanted to experience having children, watching them grow into beautiful adults. It was something that filled her with hope and happiness. When she met Paul Wilson it wasn’t the cliche stars aligning or enemies turning to friends. She met him through some acquaintances and they had stayed friends for a long time before she ever saw him as anything else. It was a normal day, they were all out as a group of friends, 10 of them, when one of their friends picked a fight with some skinny white fella. The guy didn’t do anything to them their friend was just angry in general at all the prejudice he had to face. Watching Paul talk sense into him, watching him talk him down and get to the root of his anger and get to his pain and tell him it was all okay: that was the moment she looked at Paul Wilson and really saw just how beautiful he was.
Once they got together she didn’t know how she never saw it and he became more and more beautiful ever second she spent loving him. She felt her heart grow larger each time they were able to bring their children into the world: first Gideon then Sam then Sarah. She loved all her children and she knew they would all be successful and special but Sam, the second she laid eyes on him she knew he had a little something extra, something that would make him stand out from the crowd, something that would put him in the books and so she tried to make sure to nurture that part of him, tried to make sure he always felt accepted by her no matter what. She accepted him when he told her he was gay, accepted him when he told her he had joined the army, accepted him when he told her he was going into a dangerous and experimental program, accepted him when he told her he was running off after Captain America. She was his mother, it was her job to support him. She had faith that she had raised him well enough that any decisions he made was what he felt was right in that moment and that was all she could trust in in those moments. If push came to shove and he fell she would be there to pick up his pieces just like she had after he endured his first heartbreak, and after Paul died and after he came back from the war a broken, battered shadow of the child she had seen off.
She watched him with pride as he rebuilt himself, put himself back together brick by broken brick. She watched him as he dragged himself up everyday and got into the world and saved people because he felt that was his calling, because he couldn’t not help people and she saw grow and thrive in him what she had seen when she first held him in her arms. He was a hero, her baby boy was always a hero even without wings. She watched him, watched him learn to smile and laugh again, watched him learn that it wasn’t a crime to live his life even though his team had died. She watched him fall in love with Steven Rogers even before he knew it was what happened. She was shocked that it was Captain America but she could see that love reflected in both their eyes even if they said nothing about it to each other. She wasn’t sure she was completely okay with her son living with the danger that seemed to follow the Captain but Sam was just as much a hero and the fact that he had fallen in love was enough of a miracle for Darlene not to question it. Besides, Steven was a sweet boy. She liked him, she like him enough to throw him a bone so she waited until she was sure Sam and Sarah were asleep before sneaking downstairs and slipping Sam’s cellphone out of his pocket. She took it back to her bedroom and switched it on. Sure enough Sam had dozens of missed calls and texts. Darlene didn’t have to wait long before the phone rang again. She answered it after the second ring.
“Hello Steven.”
“Darlene? Is Sam with you? Is he okay?” Darlene could hear the worry in his voice and the fear. She remembered when she was the one talking to a police marshal worriedly over Paul’s whereabouts. Thankfully she had better news for Steve.
“He’s here. He’s alright for the most part. He’s shook up over what happened but he’s okay. Got his foot hurt but I patched it up.”
“Hurt? How?”
“Apparently HYDRA’s been messing with his head.”
“Darlene, Mrs. Wilson I need to--”
“He needs time, time to calm down, time to breath. He needs to relax a little. I’ve got him, I’ll take care of him, help his mind get some equilibrium and then I’ll bring him back.” Darlene said cutting him off in a soft but firm voice. Steve sighed after a moment.
“Okay, okay. Just... just tell him I love him please.”
“Okay. Take care of yourself Steven, don’t worry too much.”
“I don’t think that’s going to happen but I know he’s in good hands at least.”
“Try to get some sleep, ya hear me?”
“Yes ma’am.” She could hear the smile in Steve’s voice before they hung up. Darlene sighed, fiddling with the phone in her hand. All she had ever wanted was to hold her babies, her babies in her arms and feel the unconditional love she’d heard so much about fill her heart. She had gotten that, she just hadn’t expected for the world to break her children so spectacularly.
~*~*~
Sam woke to jumping on his bed. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know who it was. They had woken him up this way every day for the past week that he’d been staying with his mother. He hadn’t seen the girls in a long time and they were so excited to see him, even more so with the wings. They wanted to touch them and ride him like an airplane but to the kids’ credit they asked permission before touching and understood that with Sam’s injury they had to be careful. That didn’t mean they weren’t still going to pester him even if that meant working around his wings and injured leg to jump on his bed at... six o’clock in the morning.
“Alesha, Alana I swear if you break this box spring you’re both sleeping on the floor tonight.” Sam threatened before grunting as the two girls jumped on him.
“Uncle Sam, can you make us your special pancakes?” Alesha asked, her lisp from a missing tooth distinguishing her from her twin sister.
“Please, please, please.” Alana threw in for good measure. He cracked his eyes open and sure enough he was staring at twin puppy dog expressions.
“Alright, alright. No need for the secret weapon. Go brush your teeth and then I got you.” The two girls jumped off the bed and excitedly ran for the bathroom, racing each other on the way. Sam shook his head fondly before getting up and moving to the bathroom himself. He had been with his mother and sister for 5 days now, he knew his mother had spoken to Steve but he hadn’t spoken to any of his team since he left. Sam half didn’t want to admit it but the break from the Avengers complex was doing him good. It felt nice to worry about mundane things like making the girls pancakes in the morning and raking the backyard for his mother and helping Sarah with her hair and picking out new wall colors for the kitchen. Sure he didn’t forget everything, kind of hard to when he was walking around with a reminder on his back that he really had to watch in this more cramped space (couldn’t go breaking his mother’s things) but it felt nice to get away from the superhero business for a little while and focus on things that weren’t all about explosions and aliens and wings and HYDRA. He still had a family who needed him, still had people he loved and who he put first even before his team and he needed to detox from everything else that came with saving the world every once in a while and be with them. Still though, he missed Steve like hell.
Every day he wanted to call or text or just hear his voice but then he would remember what he did. He would remember Steve’s bloody face and then he would back down. He sighed before brushing his teeth and carefully moving out to the kitchen, making sure his wings didn’t tear any pictures off the wall on the way. He grabbed what he needed from the fridge and cupboards and began preparing enough pancake batter for all five occupants of the house. As he started mixing the contents together Alesha and Alana skipped into the kitchen, his smell was so enhanced he could smell the toothpaste they had used and something about that made him chuckle. The girls each other grabbed a step stool and began imploring him to let them help.
“Fine but no licking the batter.” They agreed and between himself and his helpers he managed to make enough pancakes for the whole house as well as eggs and sausages. The twins only dipped their fingers in the batter once so he let them get away with it without comment. When they entered the dining room Darlene and Sarah were already there.
“If I knew you visiting meant not having to wake up early and deal with these two devils and you would cook breakfast on top of that I would’ve made you come out here a lot faster.” Sarah commented as Sam, Ally and Ana placed the platters on the table carefully.
“Hey!” Ana protested, pouting her lips at her mother. Sam shook his head in amusement before sitting down between the twins and grabbing their hands. He bowed his head and closed his eyes as his mother said the prayer.
“We thank you lord for the food you have provided for us. We do not take this blessing for granted, especially when we know so many even in our own town don’t have such a luxury, don’t have family like us. We thank you for all of our family’s safety and for the gift of love you have seen fit to bestow on some of us most recently. It isn’t a gift that will be wasted, I can assure you. We ask that you fill us with the strength and courage to face the things we fear, even if that thing be love. In your name we pray, amen.” Sam opened his eyes and looked up at his mother. She gave him a small smile before she began filling up her plate. Sam filled his own after a moment and helped Alana and Alesha fill theirs as well. Breakfast was a nice affair. Sam listened to the twins tell him all about what they had been doing in school, that is before school was shut down due to the protests going on.
“And Alesha has a crush on a boy at school.” Alana divulged. Alesha gasped and stretched over Sam’s lap, trying to grab at her sister.
“No hitting.” Sarah warned while Sam separated the two gently and Darlene chuckled to herself.
“Oh really? And how do you know she has a crush on him?” He asked.
“Because sometimes she looks at him the way you look at Steve.” Ana replied with a shrug. Sam felt some heat rise to his cheeks. Was he really so obvious that even his five year old nieces had figured it out?
“I hope it isn’t quite like that otherwise I’ll be in trouble when she hits puberty.” Sarah mumbled to herself. Sam tried to reach across the table to slap her arm but Sarah swiftly moved out of the way.
“No hitting.” Darlene said, echoing Sarah. Sam sat back feeling slightly idiotic for that childishness but he had to chuckle to himself as Ally slumped into the chair beside him, her sepia skin turning even darker as she blushed. Alesha ducked her head and Sam felt his wing come around and wrap around her shoulder, she looked over at him and he gave her a soft smile.
“If he’s any smart he probably has a crush on you too, trust me.” Ally smiled widely at him and he leaned over to kiss her forehead before kissing Ana’s as well. Once breakfast was finished, Darlene kicked Sarah and Sam out of the kitchen deciding she wanted to clean up. Ally and Ana dragged the two adults to the backyard, Ally pulling slowly as Sam’s foot, though healed considerably thanks to his enhanced healing, still hurt a little and his wings got caught under the sofas prompting him to have to backtrack and maneuver around them with more care. When they got outside Ana and Ally immediately began making him play with them. Last Steve was there their favorite game was ‘Take Down the Big Ship’, Steve of course being the big ship. Now the game seemed to be ‘Save the Queen’, with Sarah being the queen, the twins being the warrior princesses and Sam being the dragon they had to fight off to save the queen. Sam did his best to play a convincing dragon with the wings without letting the girls get too close because he wasn’t sure about his wings though now that he was away from the team the voices were nothing more than a dull buzz in the back of his head that was easily ignored and most times he didn’t even notice it was there but somehow he knew that when he went back they would come back and he was going to have to be strong enough to fight them off. He was going to have to be strong enough not to hurt his friends, his family or anyone else on the command of something else.
Sam was exhausted by the time his mother called the girls in for lunch time. He sat down carefully next to Sarah and helped her take off the ribbons the girls had used as restraints for the “kidnapped queen”.
“Thanks, oh fearsome dragon.”
“You’re welcome your majesty.” Sam leaned back on his hands, looking up to the blue skies above him. The wind was blowing the leaves that had fallen today and Sam tipped his head back taking in the smell of nature around him, he felt a small smile rise to his face as he took in the peace of his mother’s backyard. No one could see him back here, they couldn’t hear the protests or the riots from where they were and HYDRA was but a dull, passing thought. He heard Sarah start giggling beside him and he spared her a glance.
“What?”
“Nothing, I just like when you smile, really smile. There was a long while when I thought I’d never see it again. After the army you were always so sad. You never smiled, never laughed, never even looked like the thought crossed your mind.”
“Meanwhile, you were getting tangled up with Mike.” Sam said, looking down with some anger. He never really forgave himself for his mental absence while Sarah was with the girls’ no-good father.
“Hey, I keep telling you and Deon to stop blaming yourselves for that. It was my choices that got me where I was. I was the one who stayed with him until it was almost too late. I had to figure my worth out for myself. You did too. I’m not sure what happened between you and Riley, I don’t know if it was like that between you two, mostly because you’ve never said--”
“It wasn’t. Not with Riley at least.” Sam said, cutting her off.
“But there was someone. Someone else you lost there, it wasn’t just Riley was it?” Sam looked down not wanting to talk about it but that hadn’t really gotten him far and this was Sarah, this was his sister. His mother already knew about how much the EXO-7 team had failed but there was certain things he just couldn’t get himself to say to her, he’d always talked to Sarah though and if he couldn’t tell her this now, who could he tell?
“There were six members of the EXO-7 project, Riley was my best friend but I wasn’t in love with him even though it was his death that pushed me over the edge. There were six of us and we were all always working so close. His name was Tye, Designation: Raven. He wasn’t my partner but he was so friendly and open and he thought us brothers needed to stick together so he befriended me. We were drinking one night and things escalated from there. We kept it mostly a secret even though Riley knew but otherwise we didn’t say anything about it, not that we could. DADT took care of that. Riley didn’t give a shit about it, he kept pushing me towards Tye, pushing me towards love. I ended up pushing Tye away as soon as Riley started to mention love. I mean I was just barely ready to accept that I was gay when I joined the army and there I was being told not to talk about it, we couldn’t talk about it so I just didn’t do it. I pushed Tye away and then... they all started dying, Tye first and on and on until Riley and then it was just me left. I couldn’t... I couldn’t even think to be happy then because they were all gone but I missed so much being so... absent.”
“Which was once again not your fault. You’re so strong, Sam. You pulled yourself back together and I admired you so much, you helped give me the strength to get away from Mike. You were my hero, you still are. Especially when you managed to bag Captain America.” Sam chuckled along with Sarah.
“You deserve to be happy especially because you weren’t for way too long. I’ll punch those HYDRA jackasses myself if they think they can get in the way of that. You’re my big brother, I’d fight for you any day of the week and you know that. Mom would, Gideon would, hell the girls would go for their legs.” Sam chuckled again, this time at the imagery.
“But we aren’t the only ones. I could see it in his eyes when I met him and in all the voicemail messages he leaves that you don’t answer that Steve would too.” Sam looked down not knowing whether to smile or sigh. Of course Sarah had listened to his voicemails, Sam stopped listening after the first seventeen. The first couple were Steve asking him to come back, telling him it was all okay and that they could fix it and then it was just Steve telling him he loved him and that he couldn’t wait to see him again but he would wait if that’s what he wanted, telling him all about what the team had been up to, telling him that when he got back they would fight HYDRA together, that he wouldn’t let them do to him with they did to Bucky. Sam couldn’t keep listening to his voice because he sounded so hopeful and not mad at all and Sam almost wanted him to be, thought it would be better if he was wary of him because he should be.
“I can tell what you’re thinking just by the look on your face. You haven’t hurt any of us since you’ve been here. It wasn’t you, it was them. Isn’t that obvious to you by now? You deserve all the love he has to give you, all the love you weren’t able to get or accept before you can get it from him and you can give all the love I know you have just bottled up in there.”
“I... you didn’t see what I did.”
“But I see you, and I’ve seen how much thinking about it hurts you and I hear the longing in his voice in his messages. I know you love him and I know the thought of you hurting him scares you to death but don’t push him away, not like you did Tye. You’re going to turn around and then it’ll be too late.” Sam sighed a heavy sigh. He could feel his wings drooping on his back affected by his sadness.
“You’re right, I’m terrified. I wasn’t even the one who said ‘I love you’ first it was him. I told myself it was because I wanted to make sure he was comfortable and that was part of it, I told myself I’d tell him eventually but... I don’t know. I honestly don’t know if I would’ve.”
“It doesn’t matter now because it did happen and I can’t watch you run away from it, not when I know that you could have a real chance at happiness. You should go back, you need to go back. Sooner rather than later.” Sam nodded to himself.
“I know.” Sarah ran her fingers across his hair before wrapping her arms around his neck.
“If you want I’ll go with you. Girls are out of school right now anyway and they’ve only been doing kindergarten. I can transfer them to a school up in New York, they’ll like that I think.”
“What about Mama?”
“I can take care of myself, thank you.” Darlene said, coming outside with her arms crossed.
“I’m not that old and I’d feel a lot better if you two were together and if the girls were away from Baltimore. This mess isn’t going to just blow over, as it shouldn’t, but I’d be glad to have them away. Fact of the matter is you need to go back, not for Steve but for yourself and I think you’re going to need your sister with you now more than ever, keep you on the ground with the rest of us civilians every now and again.”
“You don’t have to do this alone, you don’t have to.” Sarah whispered. Sam looked up as Ally and Ana walked outside hand in hand. They looked between the three adults before they walked over to Sam and wriggled their way past Sarah’s arms on his neck and started hugging him.
“It’s okay Uncle Sam.” Alesha reassured squeezing him on his left side.
“Don’t be sad.” Alana added.
“I’m not sad, I’m going to be okay. Don’t worry about me.” Sam said squeezing the girls tightly to himself. He felt a kiss on the top of his head and looked up to his mother.
“Time to go home. You should know by now home isn’t a place, it’s people and even though you’re home with us you’re missing a piece of home not being with him and that’s okay, it’s not something to fear. Even if it scares you, all the more reason to embrace it.” Darlene said with a smile full of knowing and kindness and love.
Home. That’s what Sam had run to when he ran from Steve, he ran from home towards another home and neither home was any less than the other but he wouldn’t lie to himself and say he didn’t miss Steve and the rest of the team desperately. He was still terrified of himself and of Steve and everything he represented and of his team and losing them the way he had his other team and of HYDRA itself, he’d be a fool not to be after what they had done to Bucky, but he also was tired of being terrified and of not being happy. Being with Steve made him happier than he remembered being in a long time and if home wasn’t at least partly something that brought great happiness, he didn’t know what else was.