Move On

All I feel is this cruel wanting

Dreams, dreaming, illusions, and faces she knew she saw but could never remember. Were they a hello? A goodbye? Did they ask for a coin or two once? She couldn't place them anywhere. It always bothered her too, and while she never really wanted to account it to the truth, she knew it was more or less guilt. She didn't want to know that they were faces of the death she never stopped to try and save. Faces that would never listen to ole Angie about her Pa and why you shouldn't ask him for nothing. Why he was dangerous. Then again she didn't want to ever know if that's who they were.

So when she dreamt now all she'd do is keep it at a distant nagging. Like something foreign but so familiar like it was on the tip of your tongue. You'd either remember or eventually let it go. That's how she dreamt now. Kept it at the tip of her tongue so the faces were distant only there to play roles in her dreams or thought and nothing more. Nothing more was better than whatever the truth might be. She couldn't face the names behind them. Couldn't bare that.

So that night when she dreamt of a man pinning her to the floor muttering nasty vile things about her and to her, calling her the worst names you could think of she blurred his face appropriately. Enough to see his face but not to exactly remember. She knew he was one of her Pa's victims. THAT is why she was in this position. Her hands pinned to the floor, him gritting his teeth, calling her the devil's daughters that had no purity left. She or her father had no purity? He probably meant both. He just wanted his money her father took. She didn't like her father anymore but wouldn't let some bastard like this guy steal from her family. Even her Pa. He sat on top of her yelling over her yells as his partner ran to her room trying to find the money or things that would equal the money. She tried to yell for him to stop, but the man yelled over her.

Eventually, she grew tired of him constantly slamming her to the ground any time she tried to fight and laid there as his eyes wandered. He hadn't noticed it but his partner was gone too long and she felt her heart drop at the thought. Not because of him but because of who was back there with her. Who had won the fight?

Finally she wiggled out of the man's grip, grabbed his face and jabbed her thumb into his neck quickly. He staggered back coughing and gasping for air. She sat up scooting back as he regained himself and came after her with murder in his eyes.

"You little bits-" But before he could finish a familiar figure slammed into his with no sound except that of them thudding to the floor.

"Matt!" She exclaimed trying to stand up. Her leg gave out. shit.

"Stay there Ange!" He warned her. She had no other choice than to listen to his request. She couldn't even walk under the pressure of her leg. It burned.

She looked down at her leg to find it bruised, her ankle twisted just enough in the wrong direction to tell her what happened. To tell her what had been done to it. She felt tears well up again at the sight of it. She was scared for her brother. He was military sure, but this guy was bigger than he was by two times. He was going to give him a run. While under normal circumstances Angie might have found it a challenge for her brother and he might challenge the man, this wasn't a game. It wasn't normal. He was here for money and Matt stood in his way. He was going to try to take him out, even if that meant murder. That scared her. She HAD NO idea who would win the scuffle. She didn't-

Matt knocked the man down again after slamming him directly into the wall causing frames and ornaments to fall to the ground and break. As Matt hovered him the man kicked his leg out causing Matt to hold his gut and stagger backward barely catching himself before he fell on the ground. The man saw his gun and crawled for it in desperation. Matt rushed forward grabbing his leg and yanking him across the room before he could grab it. The man made a sound of surprise and fear. Matt jumped over the man to run for it himself, but the man grabbed his foot tripping him and crawled on top of him. His hands wrapped around Matt's throat as he sat up and gritted his teeth again muttering things squeezing so hard she thought Matt's head might explode. Instead, Matt brought his arms in between the man's and pulled his hands away from Matt's neck before crashing their heads together and shoving the man off.

Angie frantic looked around for something, anything to help her brother. Just something damns it. It wasn't that hard! Nothing was to be found in her hectic state. Her mind was racing a million different ways and everything was too far for her to reach with a crawl quick enough. She couldn't stand on her useless ankle and leg unless she wanted that much more to death with. She ignored the pain.

As she turned around to her brother and the man everything seemed to move in slow motion with only her mind at normal speed. Her brother was standing up wiping blood from his mouth as the man rose his gun to him about to squeeze the trigger. No...not the only true family she had! He wasn't Pa who ridiculed her and he wasn't Ma who pretended like she didn't exist unless she needed something. He was genuinely good. Genuinely the best guy she'd ever known. Her best friend and now- she took in a deep breath and shot out yanking her brothers leg causing him to fall to the ground. The man missed and reclaimed. She felt herself lunge.

The movements beside her immediately woke Peggy up, sleepy-eyed and drowsy. Her body stiffened and reacted before her as her mind caught up. Angie was shaking and muttering things that at the time had no coherent pattern. She shook Angie when that didn't work she sat up and pulled Angie up into a sitting position that immediately woke her. Angie gave her a confused but very exhausted look.

"Hey, it's alright." Peggy smiled sadly at her. She pushed strands of hair out of her face and Angie's arms hugged herself with a light frown before laying back down.

"M'sorry..." She muttered. Peggy shook her head and laid down.

"It's quite alright darling." She smiled at the woman. Angie looked disturbed and afraid. God she looked so afraid, so Peggy did what she could. She opened her arms and smiled. "Come here." Angie shuffled under the blankets into her arms and gently rested her head on Peggy's chest sighing almost contently. When Peggy's arms wrapped around her tightly and warmly Angie wrapped her own around Peggy and shuffled a tad closer wanting as much embrace as she could. "It's alright darling. I've got you." Angie sighed into the blue silked shirt before letting herself find sleep again. "I promise I've got you." She muttered into Angie's hair and closed her own eyes.

It worried her. This was one of those rare times Angie felt vulenrable. It had taken Peggy awhile for Angie to see that in moments like these Peggy wouldn't take advantage of her and use that vulenrability against her. No, Peggy would keep her safe. She could get overprotective and not realize when to stop, but she wouldn't take advantage. This worried her though, the shaking and muttering. The fear of falling asleep again on Angie's face as she forced herself to stay awake.

She hadn't- she hadn't seen it like this before. Sure there were times at home where she'd be awoken in the middle of the night by Angie accidentally knocking something over or opening her door. Those times she'd find herself watching Angie and not calling her out on her poor lies or the disturbed expression of fear and anxiety on her face. It hurt much more because Peggy knew that so well. She had been there, she had those things herself. It scared her to think of exactly what Angie went through. She never forced Angie and Angie never forced her.

She'd lay awake with her eyes closed for a few minutes holding Angie tight before sleep fell on her.

Angie couldn't remember her dream after she closed her eyes again. The dream previously? Yes. But this dream? No. She knew it smelt of scorched earth and fresh air. An unusual combination. Usually it couldn't even be called a combination. The smells would fight over dominance in the air. They actually mixed. All she could remember was fresh air and the hint of the scorched ground. Then it was gone and her eyes were open. Something felt different.

Slowly she became aware and realize what it was. It wasn't where she was. It was how she was. The blankets were loosely draped over herself and the figure that held her close. They were spooning, and she was the little spoon. A familiar strong arm held her close, familiar lips close to her ear, and the comforting breath she'd find peace in she could hear closer than she should have. She had to blink a couple of time to herself to adjust to the room and fully take it in. It was Peggy, her English. She smiled to herself softly and sat up.

As soon as she did sit up Peggy groaned at the lack of Angie and woke up rolling over on her stomach begging her to come back. Angie stood up and chuckled at her.

"Naw English," She started. "It's like two in the afternoon because we stayed up way too late." She announced sadly looking at the clock in the room. "We gotta get up and meet Jake down stairs." Peggy shifted and sat up running a hand through her messy hair looking at her with a pout.

"Well that man can-"

"Don't finish that." Angie teased smiling as she stretched. Peggy's face changed immediately. She gaped at Angie and Angie nearly lauged at the sight. "What?"

You're beautiful, she thought but shook her head. "Nothing. Nothing at all darling." She told Angie and stood up herself. Peggy had to stop herself from saying the words outloud. Angie was going to kill her and Angie would never realize it.

With that Angie took the first shower and changed. The water felt good against her skin, washing away the dirt and sweat from yesterday. Her dreams from yesterday seemed to slow with the water as it swept the soap from her tired still waking body. She didn't stay longer than she needed but still managed to find a song to sing. Humming it and gently singing it to keep herself preoccupied. If there was one thing she learned from being Gloria's friend it was that music helped free the soul.

When she was done she stood in front of the mirror and paused. She took a moment to stare at herself. She could still feel the pain from the night. She looked tired and foreign to herself as she looked. She couldn't help but wonder how sometimes you couldn't recognize yourself. She shook her head erasing the thoughts from her mind and sighed resuming the song and drying her hair as she stepped out of the bathroom.

Peggy was on the phone looking rather frustrated at whomever it was rubbing her temple with a pen in between her fingers.

"I've been believing in something so distant-" Angie stopped singing when she saw Peggy's frustration. She threw the towel in the hamper next to the bathroom door and walked up to her friend. Peggy quickly tied her hair into a messy bun and sighed. Angie put her hands on her hips watching.

"No Thompson I won- I am much more capable than you think. Jake er- Barton will be the one taking your place-" Peggy looked offended for a moment and continued. "Nor do I care what you think. Technically if it was up to'rank' he would be in charge. I do not care. Daniel is the only one who can work the- goodbye." And she slammed the phone down groaning. Angie rose an eyebrow.

"So what happened?" She asked curiously.

"Thompson's sister is in the hospital and will not be here today so he called to tell me. Jake will have to take his place and he didn't like that." Peggy sighed to herself rubbing her temple. Angie realized she had already changed, nothing fancy, a buttoned white shirt and thin black jacket donned her body. Simple jeans and no shoes yet. She had to hold in the chuckle, she was such an agent wasn't she? She had to atleast keep the color theme. Black and white. She shook her head. "I do hope she's alright and will beat some sense into his head."

Angie couldn't help but roll her eyes at her friend as she exited the room. If you can't do it then no one can. She chuckled to herself finally. Thompson wasn't a bad agent she supposed but the man's skull was chicker than wolverines most of the time. Maybe she could talk to Daniel about respecting their "leader" she sighed inwardly at the thought. He might not even listen to Daniel.

"Yea keep dreamin." She laughed heading for the door. "I am going to find myself down stairs to start breakfast before people start complainin' they're hungry." She stopped at the door and looked at Peggy with shock. "I might be turning into my grandmother." She smiled when Peggy shook her head laughing and found herself through the halls.

The halls of the- well mansion. Mini mansion? It was big but not overly big. The halls were a light comfortable red that wasn't too easy or hard on the eyes, like it was meant for comfort. The floors were a darker red plush carpet, the kind that you could put your feet on and groan because of how comfortable it felt against the bare skin of the bottoms of your feet. She liked the carpets most. The hard checkered floor of the kitchen (that was pretty damn big) had a gloss and shine that made her stare at it the first night they were there. Not to mention you could slide in your socks against the floor so very well.

Walking down the hall you could see faked photo's (though not to many) of a make believe family they didn't have. They were so professionally edited that you couldn't tell if they were photoshopped or taken. Hell Angie had a tough time remembering if they were actually photoshopped or not. It added to the happily married persona as Jake had told Angie several times. Angie was sure he got satisfaction out of watching her become flustered over Peggy, reading body language and all that. She could cover her tracks but she couldn't cover up that part completely.

As soon as she found herself in one of the large sitting rooms next to the kitchen she was met with a tired Sousa who was walking carefully with a cup in his hand. He seemed fairly tired and tense. She rose an eyebrow at him but he just smiled at her and waved as she pushed pass to the kitchen. She hadn't seen the better agent besides Peggy, like that before. It made her curious. They hadn't done much had they? Well then again she wasn't familiar with the kind of high tech shit he was doing. Maybe that was it.

In reality she wasn't far off base. Last night when he chose to retire she stayed up to work on getting some the newer camera's to work he set up outside. He wasn't familiar with them (they were brand new and he didn't ask how Jake acquired them) so it took him awhile going in and out before he realized it was a problem with the programs set up on his computer. He had to shift through a lot and tweak a lot to get it to work. It had stressed him out and put him an off mood by the time Jack came around to check up on progress. While talking to the man he passed out on his desk, and woke up curiously covered by a blanket with a familiar sensation of something warm pressed to his forhead.

As soon as Angie entered the kitchen she had to stop herself and double take to make sure she wasn't seeeing things. Jake was in the kitchen cooking, and it was something else. She hadn't seen someone do that many things at one time. He was making pancakes, an omelete, and bacon all at once. Okay she could do a lot more if she put her mind into it but it was still impressive nonetheless. In fact she was curious about where he had learned it, from he told her his mother moved a lot and his father was gone a lot. She put a hand on her hip impressed and nodded walking into the kitchen.

Jake seemed to be concentrated on what he was doing to notice her as she walked up to the island in the middle of the room that housed a few plates and cups on the surface. The look on his face was almost foreign from what Angie had seen before. It was usually a carefree grin or a polite warm smile on his face, now his features were hard and full on focused as he silently moved his lips to repeat something to himself. She got a look at him and noticed the scar just below his ear that she recognized from a knife. Her brother Matt had come home with one almost identical. His hair was dark and his facial hair scruffy but uncared for. it was scruffy but neat and short. His hair however was messy and short as it stood up unlike it's usual slicked back style. His blue eyes were set on the task at hand ignoring her.

"I think I'd like to call houstin 'cuz we got a problem if you're gonna make breakfast everyday." She spoke suddenly knocking him out of his trance. He stopped with a pan in his hand depositing an omelete into a plate smiling at her. "It ain't nothin' personal but it's kinda my thing."

"Duely noted." He nodded at her firmly as he turned back to the stove to start another and finish the bacon.

Angie pushed herself off of the counter and found her way to the stove to finish pancakes for him to take some of the load off. He thanked her and let her, never resisting or assuring her that he was man enough to do it. It was funny because she was used to hearing that a lot from guys. They found rythym though and worked silently with each other for awhile. He seemed like a natural cook.

"So where'd ya learn to cook?" She asked.

"My father mostly." He told her. "He taught me, but he was gone a lot so I was left to take care of my sister. I had to refine my abilities to 'hey I didn't burn the food this time!' so we could actually eat." He smiled. She gave him a look and he had to chuckle. "I didn't mean Clint- uh dad wasn't around at all. At the time he had a job working with NCIS to be with us more, even then he was gone on cases a lot. He was still there enough to take care of us and we had babysitters but by the time I was old enough I got tired of pizza every night and demanded to be taught how to cook. Bianca- my sister -like some complicated food so I learned."

She nodded. "Sounds lovely I guess-"

"What does?" Daniel asked entering to find the table near by with a plate waiting for him. Angie nodded at him and he hurried to it to scarf down what he could. "Brunch." He mutters happily under his breath.

"Learning to cook." Angie told him.

"Don't let Thompson cook." Daniel shuddered at the thought. "Man couldn't cook to save his life. If there's someone who can burn water it'd be him." He told them as he sat down and started eating. He didn't eat as messy as Peggy could but he was fairly messy.

"No doubt." Jake commented as he handed Angie plate and scooted her off to the table. She didn't argue and followed his instructions as she sat down herself.

Angie has to sit down and think to herself for a minute before she eats. Tonight is the party, and now that she's thinking about it it's actually rather nerve wracking. She's never done undercover work before, and while that's exciting she knows the games they're going to be playing after tonight. Getting a bit of a scoop on the participants isn't the tough part. The tough part is cementing yourself with peoples like this to get the stuff you need, to use them, and while she's sure she can do it it brings back nasty memories.

Her Ma wasn't innocent. She didn't hurt no one but she wasn't innocent. She helped Pa but would never ever confessed to it. The thought starts to bother her. Why did her Ma ever do that? Why did her Pa ever start? She'd not sure she'll ever know. She always knew they weren't completely good people but there was a point she'd have died for their honor. Turns out they tainted it all themselves. She doesn't like them anymore.

Peggy is still upstairs looking at the holster in her hands trying to figure out the best way to conceal it. It's just habit by now to want some other form of protection for not just her but Angie as well. She had very much seen that Angie has a strong backhand, hook, and can swing a bat to save a life but she's protective by default. The thought that she's protecting Angie when she doesn't really have to because she knows Jake won't let anything happen is tiring. The fact the last person she loved had died on her watch exhausts her and makes her want to re-evaluate how she works enternally.

She's changed because she realizes that what she had earlier was too obvious. It shouts "Hey I'm an agent!" to her and she can't risk it. Now she's in jeans and a casual long sleved shirt. Pastel green, Angie's favorite casual piece of hers. Well the one she'd voice she liked the most, she's not sure why her leather jacket and tanktop got a gawking look. She could have even sworn Angie looked her up and down before turning away quickly but maybe she imagined it. She knew she didn't but she felt like it was hopeful thinking. She fixes her shirt and looks down realizing maybe she should change again.

With that thought she sighs to herself and frowns tossing the holster to the side and sitting on the bed. She's just nervous about this. Not the mission, catching the bad guy part, it's the you have to play married with your best friend who you're secretly in love with so much it drives you insane just to look at her sometimes because you want to cup her cheeks and kiss her. Even if it's just a cover to actually catch a bastard it still gives her butterflies. Waking up to Angie made her feel like she could fly, she just wanted to lay there forever and hold her. She couldn't tell Angie that.

She's overthinking the whole thing. She wants it to go perfectly. She doesn't feel right about this, something is off and she can't place what it is. James is off and she wants to tear her head off because she can't place exactly what it is and that is one of her specialities. She's scared something is going to go wrong and she, Jake, or Angie is going to get hurt or worse found out. They have to play the roles PERFECTLY for this to go right and it's pressuring.

Steve would laugh at her getting her nerves twisted up over the fact she's done things like this many many times before. He'd laugh and tell her it's no different than that but she'd argue that it is. He'd ask why and she'd make excuses as he kept repeating the question until she told him because of Angie. He'd laugh again and she'd send him glare asking what and he's let her know that it's not different because she still has to trust Angie just as much as she would him for this. She'd have to put her life in Angie's hands need be and trust her.

"I do Steve." She muttered to herself. I think I trust her more actually, it makes her smile because she know's Steve would smile and tell her good because then she's a keeper. He understands that she means she trusts Angie more with her heart.

Steve died...and Peggy still has a tough time remembering that Angie comes with different circumstances still foreign but comfortable to her, and that Peggy can't have what she and Steve never had. She Angie can have something so much more and so different it's scary to think of. Hell it's the reason she hasn't told Angie yet about how she feels. She's scared of the unknown and what could be. Steve embraced it and told her to too but she's finding it hard when she understands anyone can be ripped from your life at any given second.

Peggy shakes her head and groans in frustration. It's so damned frustrating to get so close to telling her but never being able to actually do it because that smile lifts you up but scares you. She's actually gotten so close but changed what came out of her mouth at the last second. She wants to yell at herself because of that. She doesn't understand why she can't blurt it out but she knows why she can't. Instead of thinking about it more she stands up huffing and exits the room hurrying downstairs. She knows she missed lunch technically.

She can't help but stop at the door and stare at it. She's never been as social as Angie and she's sure that they'll get split up because it's tactics, so she wonders how awkward it'll get. In highschool she's blurted out random facts when things got too awkward, or got silent which made things more awkward. She's not Angie. She's herself and she accepts that.

"Carter." She turns to find Jake walking towards her wearing a simple suit, hair slicked back, and smiling. She nods to him. "Nervous?" She nods her head. "I am too." He admits. That's a bit...odd.

"Why?" She asks before she can think. She's not thinking oh great. "I didn't-" He holds up a hand with a soft smile.

"It's fine. Not many get it." He puts a hand on her shoulder and squeezes. "I am human, I just don't bother hiding them like some people." Peggy almost stiffens wondering if he means her. "My sister is the better actress, she took a couple of classes you know. I just suck."

"I doubt that." She smiles back at him. "As long as we have Angie I'm sure we'll be fine." His eyebrows raise and he smirks but says nothing. She's almost sure he's related to Howard at that damned moment.

"Sure."

She opens her mouth to say something as she send him a glare but he raises his hands and steps back. She is ready to strangle the men in the house save for Daniel. Thompson she just normally wants to throttle and Jake she's not sure about but he has his moments. Moments she wished he would not have.

"What about me?" Comes Angie from behind them.

Both turn and Peggy has to work hard to keep her mind from wandering. Angie looks gorgeous, Her hair is tied into a ponytail neatly. She's wearing a white shirt that suspiciously looks like one of Peggy's but she won't complain because it looks so goddamn good on her, it's completely buttoned save for a couple of buttons near the top. She's wearing an undershirt that covers any skin that might have made Peggy uncomfortable for the reason the man they're pursuing has a nasty past. She's wearing comfortable pants Peggy hasn't paid attention to.

"Uh Pegs?" Angie asks putting a hand on her hip. Peggy nearly bit her lip right there. "You alright?"

"Wha- oh yes I am very very very very alright." She smiles happily. Angie doesn't say anything but gives her a look and take her arm as Peggy holds hers out. "Jake do you-"

"Yes Peggy he has a gun, two, and a knife." Angie tells her. Peggy just looks at her and shurgs with a nervous smile.

"It's fine. I have your back." He tells them as he opens the door for both and waits. Peggy isn't so sure. But they leave anyways.

It takes nothing but a few minutes to get there and it's naturally silent along the way. Jake follows them from behind remaining a respectful distance away letting them have privacy and both are thankful for it. He may have picked up quickly on how they felt but he's not one to invade the comfort zones they've built around that. He won't force them into any situation. He's respectful of it so much to the point Angie is curious if it comes from experience or lack of experience. She won't ask. Too personal though.

What they didn't expect was walking up to the place for there to be more suburban families than either had originally thought and for the first room you walk into to look like a fucking ballroom. Angie said something about it being like a fantasy but Peggy was taken back by the bright warm colors and shiny floor. Good lord were floors even supposed to be that shiny? It made her feel like if she stepped on it she'd fall immediately.

"Oh Miss Peggy!" Peggy's cringes at the tone and Angie snickers. Peggy wants to turn and walk somewhere else but before she can the woman walks way to inhumanly fast and grabs her arm. "May I borrow your lovely wife?" She asks Angie. Angie nods as she herself is pulled somewhere else by some of the people who have heard she was a good cook. Peggy doesn't even have time to ask. It's been two bloody days! TWO. "So I want you to meet my husband! You might-" Peggy looks her up and down and groans. She really did dress casually. She's wearing clothes fancier than anyone here, hell it's what she wore yesterday with only one improvement. It's now a lighter blue.

This is going to kill her before the end of the night she can tell as the men with Jame's husband look her up and down and a couple finish their drinks quickly giving her looks. Dear lord I miss the office, she tells herself. She can tell that James did this on purpose. For what reason she hasn't figured it out?

She misses Angie.