AirPods shoved into her ears. Nikes laced and ready to pound the pavement. Replaying the events of a dream. She didn’t dream often. Or if she did she didn’t usually remember.
On the rare occasion she did remember, she’d head straight to Google for an interpretation. All dreams had to have a deeper meaning right? Her subconscious layering metaphors about hidden or unknown feelings deep within her that she had yet to discover.
This one however was vivid, so detailed it was blurring her ability to separate it from reality. And she didn’t need google to interpret its meaning. What she did need was to clear it from her mind. Erase it from existence. Because if she didn’t, there was zero percent chance of her being able to look Ryan in the eye without giving herself and her subconscious and now blatantly conscious desires away.
She hit shuffle on her liked songs on Spotify and blew out a laugh as the randomly chosen song filled her ears.
Make it stop
Sounds so good, I just can't take no more
Turn it down, turn it up, I don't know
I don't know
Of course. She wants the replaying to stop but her playlist suggests otherwise. She walked out of her condo and jogged down the stairs. As soon as her sneakers touched the pavement, she took off, turning the music up and deciding that she’d let the song play out.
But don't stop (oh)
Don't move (oh), just keep it there (right there)
Keep it right there (ooh)
Keep it right there
She tried to focus on her breathing, her steps, the scenery passing by. But the images that were passing through her mind were preventing her body from calming. Hands and legs intertwined. Soft, intentional touches. Torturously slow exploration. Her heart rate was rising and it had nothing to do with running.
I wanna put you on repeat
Play you everywhere I go
Everywhere I go
Play you everywhere I go
She rounded the corner into the park taking off in a full out sprint. The pace of her heartbeat and her demeanor matching the speed of jolting of consciousness at which she woke up this morning, sweating and gasping.
Don't stop (stop)
Turn it on, turn it up, make it louder (yeah)
I don't wanna miss a single thing
I wanna hear every melody (yeah)
Beating (beating, beating)
Beating so loud you can feel it (see it, see it)
Beating (beating, beating)
Beating for you
Her heartbeat was in her ears as she replayed the scene again from the beginning. Hands gripping hands and skin and hair. Lips grazing, teasing, whispering words of passion and adoration.
Feel it all (feel it)
Feel it all crashing down (down, down, down)
I'm so lost (I'm so)
I'm so lost in (lost in) your sound (sound)
She leaned over hands on her knees as she gasped for air, willing her pulse and heartbeat to slow.
The rest of the song faded into the background as she stood up and tilted her head up toward the sky. Hands on her hips, continuing to slow her breathing.
“Hey Soph.” That voice. The one that she’d been hearing all morning in hushed whispers. An echo of her own mind combined with the voice she knew well. Her breath caught without even looking at her. “Fancy seeing you here.”
Sophie found her eyes, gulped the nervousness, desperately trying to hide residual feelings and emotions still simmering beneath her skin.
“You okay?” She tensed at the familiar touch of fingers to her wrist. Familiar in reality and now her fantasies.
She shrugged off Ryan’s grip and shook herself. “Yeah. I just needed to clear my mind.” She glanced down at her Nikes.
Ryan pulled back her hand, confused by Sophie’s reaction. “I get that. I’m doing the same, but walking. Not in the mood to be sweaty.” She shrugged, oblivious to the effect of her words on the taller woman standing rigidly in front of her, clenching her teeth and fists.
“Oh.” She needed to get away from her. The urge to step closer battled with the panic to run and keep running until she couldn’t run anymore. “I’m gonna…” She gestured past Ryan and went to take a step, stumbling and dropping her phone. She steadied herself while Ryan bent to pick up her phone, glancing at her song choice.
“Replay, huh?” Ryan handed the phone back. “Throwback Thursday?”
“Something like that.” Sophie accepted her phone back trying not to touch her fingers.
“I hit replay for you.” She smiled wiggling her eyebrows playfully.
“Thanks.” Sophie’s cheeks and neck warmed.
“Oh, that reminds me. Mary wants us to meet her at The Hold Up later for their Throwback Thursday themed DJ. Maybe we can request this song.” She put her own AirPods back into her ears and started to walk past her, gracing Sophie with her scent. “See ya later, Soph. Good luck with clearing your mind.” She called over her shoulder leaving Sophie standing in the middle of the pavement, Replay still playing in her ears.
Wanna put this song on replay
We can start all over again
And again
Yeah
Wanna put this song on re-
“Fuck it.” She tapped the replay button and took off running again. She was fucked.