Day 18- Office!AU/Criminal Minds Crossover Darcy/Steve Rated G
Day 18
Office AU- Criminal Minds Crossover
Darcy/Steve
Rated G
BAU, Quantico, VA- Present Day
Login: SRogers44
Password:**********
Access Denied
Password Incorrect
2 Attempts Remaining
Login: SRogers44
Password:************
Access Denied
Password Incorrect
1 Attempt Remaining
Login: SRogers44
Password: *************
Access Denied
Password Incorrect
Account Locked
Please see a Technologies Administrator
Steve sat back in his chair and groaned, running his hands through his hair in frustration. With a resigned sigh he picked up the handset of his office phone and the speed dial button next to Daisy Johnson.
He was expecting a cheerful, slightly teasing and playful comment about expecting his call, (from her favorite technophobe, she always joked), but instead got a professional, “ITA Lewis speaking. How can I help you?”
Steve’s brain shorted out for a second at the unexpected turn of events. “I-uh, I’m sorry, I was trying to reach Daisy Johnson?”
He cursed the speed dial. Daisy had been the one to set it up for him, and it had always worked properly before, but this was the exact reason that he regarded all things advanced and technically complicated with a wary distrust.
“Yep!” The voice on the other end agreed. “Skye’s out sick today. I’m covering all her calls while she’d gone, so everything transfers to me automatically. What did you need?”
“Oh, uh-“ He was still a little thrown. Steve Rogers was off the charts intelligent about so many things, but when it came to computers, or talking to new people, especially of the female variety, he was only barely not completely useless. “I was trying to log in so I could fill out my expense reports, but it wasn’t taking my password. I’m locked out now, apparently.”
“Oh, no problem, I can help you with that. What’s your terminal ID?”
“Uh- er… I’m not sure?”
There was a short pause before she asked, very patiently, “Can you see a small white sticker on the front of your CPU tower? It should be near the upper right corner.”
“CPU Tower?” He cringed, knowing he must sound like a complete idiot. “Sorry, I don’t- Daisy usually just knows all that when I call.”
He could hear her chuckle softly, it didn’t sound cruel, just sort of surprised. “Okay, well, the CPU Tower is the part of the computer that looks like a big black metal box. It usually has lots of cables coming out of it. Check under the desk, if it’s not sitting next to your monitor.”
He bent over and leaned his head under his desk. There, on the floor was a black metal box. The thing he was always using as a foot rest. He slid off his chair and crouched down next to it. The front, which he assumed to be the part facing him, did have a white sticker, but half of it was scratched and illegible. Probably from all the times he’d scuffed his feet against it.
“It starts with 19,” he said, trying to sound helpful, he grabbed the corners of the box and pulled it closer, hoping he could make it out if he got a closer look. It resisted for a second and then jerked against him when whatever was holding it back gave.
His head hit the bottom of his desk and he fell back on his ass.
“Shit!” he cursed and then realized he’d said that into the handset. “Sorry, uh, I think I might have broken something.” He peeked up to glance at the monitor, rubbing his head as he got his feet under him again, and wrestling for a few seconds with the black metal box he was still holding. Sure enough, the screen was now black. “Yeah, I definitely broke something.”
There was another pause and then. “Wait, is this Steve Rogers?”
“Yes?”
“I just found the post it that Skye left for me about you. Did you- uh, did you unplug your CPU?”
“Maybe?”
“Okay. Sit tight, I’m on my way up.”
“Thank you,” Steve sighed, both grateful and humiliated. When he set the black box down and crawled back into his chair he noticed Barton shaking his head at him and giving him a sarcastic thumbs up.
“Nice work, Rogers.”
“Shut up, Clint,” Steve muttered and found something on his desk worth his undivided attention while he waited.
“There you go, Cap,” Darcy said with a professional smile as she stood up from his desk chair and waved at the newly logged in expense reporting screen.
The thin man with the bright blue eyes and impossible lashes just stared at her. “I’m sorry, Cap? Uh, what’s with the nicknames? I noticed earlier that you call Johnson Skye and Barton Thumper and now I’m Cap?”
She felt the heat rise in her cheeks. “Oh, that. It’s just a thing I do. I’m better at remembering complicated computer code than I am people’s names, but with the funny way my brain works I can handle nicknames that have a unique association to them. Then, usually, once I get to know the person well enough to remember their name, calling by their nickname is just habit.”
“Huh,” the slender blond man said, actually sounding a bit intrigued. "Do you mind if I ask you to explain the associations?”
“Oh, well, Daisy is Skye because she’s always in her cave, right? It’s what she calls her office, and since she hardly ever gets outside, even when she isn’t working… Skye. Cause she never sees it? And Barton over there is usually Hawkeye, cause he’s the one that’s always e-mailing the Bureau’s company-wide memo department and calling them on their typos, which I think is hilarious, but today he got demoted to Thumper because of that Disney cartoon.”
She’d caught Barton teasing the poor guy mercilessly about screwing up his computer so bad and not knowing about technology, or because he was being socially awkward, which, she understood team members did sometimes, but she could tell that it was making the guy feel uncomfortable and self-conscious. When glaring at him hadn’t gotten through, she’d actually had to tell him to cut it out. And she’d called him Thumper.
Steve just looked at her confused. She turned to Barton who was sitting at his desk trying to pretend like he wasn’t listening in to their conversations. “Thumper, what did your father tell you this morning?”
Clint looked up at her and tried to look cowed. It was obvious he was fighting a big old shit eating grin, though. “If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say nothing at all.” Then he wiggled his nose like a rabbit and it was Darcy who was trying to fight a smile.
“And I’m Cap because…?” he asked again.
She smiled at him, “That’s actually a double whamy. You’re Cap because you left your Caps lock on, which is why your password wasn’t working, and also because of your password itself. I assume you use it because you’re a Captain America fan.”
She watched as his face burst into rosy color from his hairline to his neck tie.
“It does refer to Captain Christopher Evans and his best friend Sargent Sebastian “Sebby” Stan who everyone thought died in 1944, but who later turned up as the Winter Soldier, right?”
The guys password was Sebbylives44! What else could it be?
“Uh, yeah, that’s where I got it from.” His face remained bright red and she realized he must be embarrassed by being outed as a closet comic book reader. Either that, or he was embarrassed about caps lock thing.
“Well, I’m a huge fan, too, though I like Thor’s comics better, especially new female Thor, whom the latest issue unmasked as Natalie Portman, Thor’s brilliant, but dying girlfriend. I think she’s the bomb.”
She tugged on the bottom of her work-appropriate dress shirt and then fidgeted with her badge. “And don’t worry about the caps lock thing. We’ve all done it. Right, Thumper?”
“Right,” Barton said, his grin subdued, but definitely there.
She patted Cap lightly on the front of his shoulder. “So, there you go. Anything else, while I’m here?” She tried to look as friendly and helpful as possible. The post it note Sky had left for her had explained about his lack of skills in the technology department and provided his extension number, terminal id number and login and password, in case she needed it, knowing that Rogers might not know any of that himself. It was her fault for not remembering right away when he’d called for help. The post it might have also mentioned that she shouldn't ask him to do anything or try to find anything because it usually ended up with him making things worse. Which was apparently true. Still, she felt bad for him.
Plus, he was super adorable. Especially, when he blushed like that.
“No, that should do it for now. Thanks so much for your help, and for explaining your system. I’m always fascinated by the different tricks and Mnemonic devices that people use to help them with information recall. I once participated in a memory study at Stanford where they compared the brainwave activity of someone with an eidetic memory to someone who used a mnemonic device and someone who tried to just keep the information in their head. It was really interesting.” Cap said, seeming to relax now that he could talk about something he was familiar with.
Darcy thought it made him even cuter. Or maybe it was just the way his mouth seemed to hypnotize her, as she watched it move. He had really nice lips, too.
“That’s really cool,” she said, and she meant it. It was cool to see him light up and peek out of his awkward shell a bit.
He blushed again and ducked his head, hiding his eyes behind the fall of his bangs. “Yeah, yeah it was.”
“Well, I better head back to my own cave then,” she said after a short pause. She could see Thumper looking at them with his scheming face. “If you need any more help, you know how to reach me.”
“Yeah, thanks again.”
“No problem, Cap.” She made sure she had all her things and then left before she was forced to put Thumper in his place. Again.
“Damn it, why won’t this print!?” Steve asked, hitting the print button again and feeling his frustration rising as the printer across the room stayed silent.
“What’s wrong now, Rogers?” Barton asked, rolling his whole chair over to Steve’s desk to look over his shoulder. “You break it again?”
Steve glared at the outgoing man. He liked Barton, usually, though he did think his teasing went a little far sometimes, but he’d just about had it. He’d already had to call Miss Lewis six more times, three of which she’d had to make another trip to their office to help him out. It was nearing 5 pm and he just wanted to get through the rest of the day without embarrassing himself any more in front of the beautiful, kind, patient woman.
She been nothing but helpful and supportive each time, and continued to give him smile after smile from her gorgeous red-painted lips. He even thought she might have tried flirting with him, the last time she’d been there, but he wasn’t positive, and even if she was he didn’t know how to respond. He usually just ended up gaping at her and blushing.
So far, Barton thought the whole thing was hilarious.
He’d even accused Steve of breaking things on purpose, just so he’d get to talk to the curvy brunette. Which he really hadn’t been, honest. He didn’t need to. He was just that terrible at things, though things were going worse than usual today.
“Looks like you better call your knight in silicon armor,” Barton said and picked up Rogers’ phone and pressed the speed dial that would connect him to Miss Lewis.
“No, Barton, don’t-!” Steve began, but it was too late. The handset was pushed up against his ear and he could hear the other side pickup.
“Lewis here, Cap, is that you?”
“Yep,” he said, closing his eyes in defeat. “Yeah, it’s me again. I’m really sorry.”
Her voice was as soft and friendly as ever, “It’s fine. What seems to be the problem?”
“I can’t get my report to print. I’ve got to get this printed and handed in to Supervisory Special Agent Coulson before the end of the night, but I’m hitting the button and nothings coming out.” He sighed as he finished, looking over at Barton and giving him his best stink eye.
“Okay. Well, I was just about to leave, how about I swing by on my way out and see what I can do.”
“I don’t want to put you out,” Steve balked.
“It’s no trouble at all. It’s practically on my way out anyway. I’ll see you in a few.”
Steve knew for a fact it wasn’t on her way, but she was nice to try and make him feel better.
She appeared carrying her purse and jacket over one arm and giving him a big smile as she approached.
“Scootch your booty,” she said and sat down into his seat as soon as he’d vacated it.
“I really appreciate this,” Steve said again. For probably the hundredth time.
“I know,” she said with a smile, “Now let’s see what’s going on, shall we?”
Steve watched as she clicked away, easily maneuvering the insides of the computer and working out his problem in a matter of seconds. “Oh, here it is. Looks like someone changed the printer settings to send everything to an old printer that isn’t in operation anymore. That shouldn’t even be in the options,” she announced, muttering the last part as she typed away and got things straightened out. “You have 15 things in your printing queue. I’m assuming that you only want the second one once, right? Not 14 times?”
“Yeah, just once, please. I don’t know how that happened, really. I didn’t do anything to it besides hit the print button. I don’t know how these things keep happening to me.”
“Hmmmm,” the young women hummed suspiciously. He felt panic starting to set in until he noticed her glare aimed at Barton’s desk, which was now conveniently absent. “All right, I’ve canceled all the extra jobs. It should start printing….. now!”
The printer jumped to life and Steve couldn’t help but smile in relief as he walked over to retrieve all his papers. “Thanks, Miss Lewis, you’re a life saver.”
As he collected them, however, he noticed that the first few pages were not part of his report. He remembered what she’d said about the second job 14 times, but what else had been waiting? As far as he knew, there shouldn’t have been anything else.
He flipped the top page right side up and read it, his face flushing as he did.
ASK HER TO DINNER, YOU IDIOT!
It said in big bold letters across the entire first page.
He flipped to the second page.
TRUST ME, SHE’S INTO YOU.
Again the big letters took up the whole page.
He looked at the third page.
YOU CAN THANK ME LATTER.
-THUMPER
Steve let out a long suffering sigh. “Damn it, Barton,” he groaned, then realized he could feel someone at his shoulder. Miss Lewis was looking down at the papers in his hand, reading over his shoulder. As fast as his reflexes could manage, he spun around and hid the incriminating pages behind his back. He wanted to say something, to explain, but the words just wouldn’t come, so he stood there gawking like a fish out of water, instead.
“I take it the someone who messed with your printer settings was Agent Barton?” she said, not looking upset or embarrassed, as he expected her to.
He simply nodded.
“Well, I was going to go home and put a pot pie in the oven, but if you’d like, we could order take out and eat it while we try and come up with the best way to “thank” him for being an interfering busy body. I’m thinking changing his ringtone to the latest Justin Bieber song, or making his desktop a collage of One Direction photos that I can password protect to keep him from changing, until he’s learned his lesson and graveled to our satisfaction."
He couldn’t believe it. It sounded like she was asking him to dinner.
“Or not-“ she added after he just sat there staring at her for several long moments. “If you don’t want to-“
“Yes!” he finally blurted. “Yes, I want to.” He finished, trying to sound more reasonable and not like one of the mentally unstable unsubs they were always trying to catch. “That sounds great, actually. Chinese?”
She smiled at him, her blue eyes bright. “Cool.”