Chapter 11
Tony seemed to sleep better if Steve was around; whenever he went on business trips he always seemed to get the least amount of sleep possible for him to function correctly. That wasn’t actually very much either, only a few hours every few days because he was so used to not sleeping well. Thankfully the drama of the last few days had exhausted him and he had fallen asleep fairly early that night around eleven. He never did sleep the whole night though; he woke up at least twice no matter how short of a time he was asleep, so he wasn’t particularly surprised when he woke up sometime in the middle of the night. He was, however, rather surprised to find Bucky wedged between him and Steve, his face pressed to his arc reactor. Tony had no idea how Bucky could sleep with that light in his eyes, half the time the light from the thing kept him awake at night and he wasn’t pressed against it.
Steve was pressed tightly to Bucky’s back, his arm thrown over the two of them, his fingers just brushing Tony’s hip. It was cute even if he was confused with Bucky’s presence in his bed, “if someone told me a year ago that I’d have two ninety five year olds in my bed and I’d be happy about it I would have laughed in their face,” he mumbles, shaking his head. Steve twitches, disturbed by Tony’s noise, he was a ridiculously light sleeper, and Bucky snickers.
“If someone told me about you and Steve last year I probably would have killed you both,” he says.
Tony frowns and looks down at Bucky, who grins sleepily at him, “that’s fucking morbid, Barnes,” he says. Steve twitches again and Bucky wiggles around, adjusting his position so he’s more comfortable.
“Stop moving, Tony,” he mumbles and jabs Bucky in the side. Bucky frowns at Steve but complies and stops wiggling around; Tony falls asleep again not long after that.
When he wakes up again he’s somehow ended up spread over Bucky and Steve, limbs cast in all directions. He had no idea how anyone managed to sleep with him, he either didn’t move at all or he was all over the place. “Tony,” Steve whispers, gently shaking his shoulder. Tony groans and curls himself into a ball, leaving most of him on Steve, and he adjusts himself so he and Steve are sharing a pillow. “Tony,” Steve whispers again.
“Shh,” Tony scolds and curls into a tighter position.
Steve then decides it’s a good idea to head butt him, “ow! What the hell” he stage whispers, awake immediately.
“You should have woken up the first time,” Steve whispers back, “besides, it wasn’t like it was that rough, you hit your head on the wall harder than that all the time.”
“So?” he hisses, rubbing his sore skull.
“Whatever. What is Bucky doing in here?” he asks, gesturing to the offending person, who was now face down in Tony’s pillow snoring lightly.
“The fuck if I know, does it matter?” he asks, eyeing his pillow and wondering if he could snatch it back without Bucky trying to snuff him out.
“Does it?” Steve asks. Tony senses that there is a deeper meaning there but he wanted sleep, not serious conversation.
“No,” he says and snatches the pillow from under Bucky’s head, only managing to half pull it from under him before Bucky watches his wrist and glares at him, sleepy but mostly alert.
“That’s my pillow you bed hogging fuck, give it back!” Tony stage whispers at Bucky, who drops his wrist and let’s Tony go. He rolls off of Steve and sticks the pillow under his head, fully prepared to fall asleep when the pillow is snatched back.
“It’s mine now,” Bucky whispers, dropping back into his previous position.
“Oh my god, this is going to kill me,” Steve whispers.
*
Tony wakes up early, a product of going to sleep so early, and decides he should probably do actual work before Pepper starts showing up and shooing him to the lab to do things. He got bored of that fast though and instead decided to fix a few problems on the gauntlet of the suit, it had been awhile since he worked on it anyways. His phone rings and he finds it buried under a pile of papers, “Stark,” he says, not really paying attention to whoever was on the other side. He had better things to do, and it was probably Pepper anyways.
“Sweet, this is actually your number!” a feminine voice that definitely was not Pepper says.
He sighs and prepares to tell the probably fan that he wasn’t interested in having a conversation with some random person about himself. Maybe next week. Instead the person on the other end continues, “okay so I am really fucking confused, like apparently I’m your sibling but that isn’t scientifically possible?” she says, her voice going up at the end like her statement was more of a question than a statement.
“Oh, you must be Maria. Ok, so let me explain some stuff and I hope you’re at least kind of science smart otherwise you’re going to get lost…” he says and proceeds to explain, in his opinion, what the hell was going on. She was not a patient person, she interrupted every three seconds with questions he hadn’t gotten to answer yet, and barely let him get into any sort of in depth description before she had some theory on why his theory wasn’t right. It occurred to him that this must be what having a conversation with himself must be like and he decided that this needed to be immediately rectified because he was fucking annoying, no wonder he had no friends.
“Oh my god child, if no one likes you I can assure you it’s because you are the most irritating thing on this planet,” he tells her, “and I’ve met myself, when your more annoying than me it’s not only accomplishment, it’s kind of sad,” he says sympathetically.
“Oh my god, I am not more annoying than you, you are like as irritating as it gets,” she says, apparently not the least bit offended at being labelled annoying, “seriously, you manage to land on literally every tabloid magazine at least once a week. You have so many scandals happening around you that even the most dedicated reporters can’t keep up. I just ask questions, ergo, you’re more annoying,” she says.
“Oh that doesn’t count; you can’t claim I’m more annoying just because I’m famous and you aren’t, that doesn’t make any sense. I’m sure you know at least three people that aren’t famous but are extremely annoying,” he says, “just because I’m famous doesn’t mean I’m automatically more annoying than the general public.”
“Does too, now everyone has to deal with your shit,” she says.
“Well I’m dating Captain America so suck it,” he tells her. He totally doesn’t expect her to burst out laughing and call him delusional. He gives the phone an offended look, not caring that Maria couldn’t actually see it, “excuse you! I am not delusional, and considering you mother has weird healing powers and brought my asshat dad back from the dead I think you should rethink your position here,” he says.
“If Captain America was even alive there would have been like so many reports of that,” she says and okay, so her logic was pretty sound but she was wrong.
“Yeah, except S.H.I.E.L.D totally hid the guy from the public eye and no one is going to think the blonde guy that looks exactly like Steve Rogers actually is Steve Rogers, that’s just dumb,” he says.
“Wow, read a history text book guy, S.H.I.E.L.D was dismantled after World War Two after the threat of HYDRA passed. You’re story doesn’t even add up,” she says triumphantly.
Tony snorts, “S.H.I.E.L.D is a super-secret government agency that was never supposed to see the light of day but then Steve went and rescued Bucky and, well, the rest is literally history. After World War Two S.H.I.E.L.D went underground but, unfortunately, so did HYDRA and both are still in operation,” he says, “the Capsicle was found roughly ten months ago, Bucky shortly after.”
“Umm, if you know all this shouldn’t you like… not tell anyone?” she says, confused.
“Tell everyone you want, no one will believe you,” he says, “and S.H.I.E.L.D will probably kill you, they aren’t as heroic as the history text books make them out to be. So is there a reason for this call or are you just calling to annoy me?” he asks.
“Wow, okay, I’d rather not die because you’re loose lipped. And excuse you, I can’t just want to talk to my brother?” she asks.
“I was under the impression you and Grant didn’t get along,” he says, “also what does that have to do with me?”
“Okay ouch, that hurt, you would also technically qualify as my brother. So I’ve kind of always wanted to wrap myself up on and drop myself off on a billionaire’s door step and you, my friend, are going to make that happen,” she tells him. He entertains her ideas without much intent on following through but when he tells Steve and gets some judgemental looks he relents and decides he’d give Howard a chance, one chance, to not fuck it up. And only because he was genuinely curious about his half siblings and Steve had gotten that patriotic look that meant he was going to lecture Tony.
*
“Wow, you guys live here? I’m pretty sure the only thing I could fit into a house this small is my shoes, maybe some suits,” he says, looking around the small space. It floored him that people actually lived in places this tiny, he would have no clue how to function.
Howard and Grant were giving him skeptical looks but Maria groans, “I know, like I’ve had to suffer with this my whole life. I could have been a billionaire, but no, mom had to keep you secret and shit,” she says, rolling her eyes. Tony suspected that this was a front to hide how she was actually feeling, he did this kind of thing all the time, but he didn’t say anything. Howard seems to recognize this too and lets it go.
“Does this mean we’re moving? Because I already hate this school, I don’t really want to move and go to some other school and get bullied for being new and weird,” he says, looking upset.
“You get bullied? Yeah, I remember how that is,” he says, remembering his first year at MIT. That was awful, he was three times as good as everyone else in there and no one took him seriously. He kind of wondered if that was what it was like to be a woman, except all the time but he kept forgetting to ask Pep.
Grant snorts, “as if you got bullied, you’re Tony Stark,” he says bitterly.
“Kid, I was in university with kids that were at least three years older than me on average and I was way better at everything than them. It pissed them off that I was so much younger and so much more successful and believe me, I paid dearly for that. Joke’s on them though, when we have a reunion I get to rub the fact that I’m way more successful than all of them combined in their faces,” he says, grinning. He’d already ran into a few people he knew in his undergrad degree and he had happily let them know how much more successful he was than them. Hell, a couple people who went to school with him now worked for him. Those had been some really fucking fun job interviews, at least for him. He bet they all regretted being an asshole to him now.
Grant looks surprised, “really?” he asks. Poor kid, Tony thought, this was clearly the first time he had any hope in the ‘it gets better’ shit, not that Tony blamed him. He hadn’t thought it would get any better either, and for a lot of people it didn’t. He was lucky, minus the kidnapped-by-terrorists-and-fucked-over-by-business-partner’ thing. Everyone had their bad days he guessed; it just happened he had four months’ worth of those all at once.
“Yeah, kid. You have no clue how fun it is to see some asshole that used to try and regularly fuck up all your projects apply for a job at your company and sit there squirming while you outline every shitty thing he ever did to you. Then you top it off with a ‘why the fuck should I hire you?’ cherry on top and sit back as they sputter uselessly. Seriously, best thing ever,” he says.
“Did you hire any of them?” Grant asks, looking amused.
“Well yeah, I can’t actually not hire people because they used to beat me up. But every time they see me they know that I could have turned them down because they were assholes and they feel like shit, I can see it. Then they feel like they owe me and they do great work out of fear of being fired,” he says. It was even better when he personally collaborated with them. They sure as hell took him seriously then, and they didn’t purposely fuck with his tech. Guess the tables turning and having him be their boss teaches them a lesson.
Grant grins, “Seriously? That’s awesome,” he says.
Howard looks horrified, “no, that is not awesome you shouldn’t blatantly abuse your power over people,” he says, looking between Tony and Grant.
Tony doesn’t mean to but he starts laughing, probably harder than the situation warranted, “wow, coming from you! That’s… that’s rich really, and these people abused their power over me, I’m not apologizing for doing the same, you were the one who taught me that. Besides, I hired them, and I wouldn’t fire them without just cause, I might be an asshole but I’m not that much of an asshole,” he says. He knew most of those people had families and even if they didn’t they didn’t deserve to get skipped over for a good job opportunity just because he was feeling petty. He’s debated on it though, but he only followed through on it once with a particularly rude asshole and he still referred him to Hammer Industries, but only because he wanted to see that asshole suffer excessively.
“Just because I was a shitty person and gave you bad advice doesn’t mean you should give that advice to Grant,” he says and Tony knows he’s trying to be reasonable but fuck him; he didn’t get to play the good dad now. It was too little too late for that bullshit.
“Please, my little speech gave him more hope than a lifetime’s worth of whatever you’ve been saying to him. Guess fatherhood was never meant to be your thing,” he says casually. Howard’s jaw clenches and his eyes narrow, both were usually followed by him yelling obscenities at Tony but he didn’t expect that now. In this life Howard was a lot calmer but Tony had still succeeded in pissing him off and that was what mattered. It was petty to feel triumphant but it was about fucking time he won a victory over Howard and he wanted to rub Howard’s fucking face in it.
“When I decided it was a good idea to try and play house I didn’t expect quite so many daddy issues,” Maria says, cutting through the silence
*
Howard had been surprisingly gracious, only looking mildly pissed off every time Tony made some dig at him. Steve, however, was not gracious at all and tried to get him to apologize, which resulted in a yelling match, which resulted in poor Grant crying and Maria attempting to film it. “What?” she had said to Howard when he snatched her phone, “Captain America is yelling at my half-brother about his dead not dead dad, this needs to be immortalized on film,” she said. Howard had sent her off to go find Grant and made a noble attempt at trying to defuse the situation, which had only resulted in Tony yelling at him and Steve yelling at Tony more.
Eventually Bucky had had enough and slammed his metal fist on the marble counter top, cracking it, and told them to shut up. The poor guy looked freaked out but Tony has always been insensitive so he told Bucky to choke on Steve’s star spangled dick. Howard had inexplicably started laughing at that and some of the tension was defused. Tony, annoyed with this, decides to fuck off and get some air before he punches Steve’s face and hurts himself. Steve probably wouldn’t even feel it, the guy was practically a marble statue, Tony had learned this from flailing around in nightmares only to wake himself up by accidentally hitting Steve and hurting his fist. Steve usually made irritated noises at him and fell back asleep.
He finds Grant sitting on the outdoor furniture and sighs, “sorry for making you cry,” he says because Grant didn’t deserve to suffer for his issues.
Grant shrugs, “its fine, it was stupid,” he mumbles.
Tony shakes his head, “no it wasn’t, there’s nothing wrong with being upset in stressful situations. Besides, take it from someone who knows, doing your damnedest to not feel anything at all only leads to you feeling a shit ton of emotions with no idea how to identify them. That leads to a whole new world of problems, let yourself feel, deal with it to the best of your ability, and move on the best you can,” he says. He wished he had that advice as a kid, now as an adult he had no idea what was going on half the time and made jokes and refused to take anything seriously in an attempt to distance himself from any situation that might result in him getting hurt.
Grant snorts, “most people tell me to ‘man up’,” he says.
Tony rolls his eyes, “when people say man up people think they’re telling you that you should be emotionless and calm and the epitome of logic, but what they’re really saying is that you’re only allowed to feel anger, to yell, and to be violent. Anger and yelling, contrary to the beliefs of the guys who scream at each other on Fox news, doesn’t really solve anything. Frankly if you’re angry all the time you end up an emotionally stunted asshole with daddy issues,” he says.
Grant smiles and ducks his head, “I don’t think you’re that bad. I mean you might have the emotional range of a half melted teaspoon but you’re also dating Captain America so I think you still came out on top there,” he says.
Tony laughs, “If you say so. Anyway, I have a plan for those bullies of yours,” he says and stands up, “you need a makeover because seriously kid, you have an eyebrow, singular, for that alone I can see why you’re the school punching bag. Now let’s go,” he says.
Grant frowns and touches his eyebrow self-consciously, “what’s wrong with my eyebrows?” he asks.
“You mean besides the fact that you only have one? I have a two finger rule about eyebrows, actually I have a two finger rule about a lot of things but most of those things aren’t thirteen year old appropriate, anyways you must always maintain two fingers between your eyebrows or you’re a savage or an artist,” he tell Grant.
“Eww, I did not need to know that!” Maria says, giving away her hiding spot behind a plant, “that’s just wrong!” he says.
“Would you prefer no fingers? Because that shit is not going to go over well,” he says, full well knowing Maria had caught onto the sexual meaning behind his words.
“What are you two talking about?” Grant asks, obviously catching on that he was missing something.
“Nothing you want to know,” Maria says.
“Shut up Maria, I do so wanna know,” he says, sticking his tongue out at her.
“Do you really wanna know?” Tony asks, sensing a good opportunity to scar the kid for life without causing any actual damage.
“Yes,” Grant says.
“Really?” he asks, just so he could tell Grant that he told him so when he was grossed out.
“Yes, what is going on?” he asks, getting annoyed.
Tony grins, “ever considered sticking a couple of fingers up someone’s ass?” he asks.
The look on Grant’s face was priceless, “oh my god no! Why would you do that!” he yells, looking positively horrified.
When Tony and Maria finally recover from laughing a good ten minutes later he takes a deep breath, “tell Howard to give you the sex talk,” he says.
Grant shakes his head, “no thank you,” he says. This starts a whole new round of laughter, at this point Tony was going to get abs.