Chapter 8
Tony did a lot of sorting through information, putting together a vague timeline of what happened to Howard after he “died” fifteen years ago. It wasn’t very eventful; aside from a job and two kids he had a relatively uneventful life. It was so unlike Howard, Tony thought, to be so calm. He didn’t like that he had things in common with Howard but he did, and one of those things was a need for constant excitement, something new and if they didn’t get that they both got bored and typically did something stupid. It seemed New Howard didn’t have that hang up, or he was good at covering his tracks.
Bucky’s pictures told an interesting story by themselves, Howard appeared to be sick, the kids were worried, and Selene was weirdly agitated. Tony wasn’t an expert on body language, at least not this kind, but he knew the ‘oh shit this wasn’t supposed to go this way’ look when he saw it. People he did business with typically got that look when Tony managed to bully them into doing what he wanted instead of what they wanted. Whatever Selene had done to de-age Howard and remove his memories was obviously failing, or at least that was Tony’s theory. Now he wondered, assuming he was right, would Howard rapidly age and die? Was his de-aging permanent but the memory block not? Was the memory block permanent but the de-aging not and that’s why Howard was sick? He had no clue and that pissed him off, he hated not having an answer. That was partially what made him so good at business; he refused to let people walk away until he got a real answer, which typically resulted in him annoying people into agreeing with his terms.
He had eventually given up and gone to the office to distract himself with paper work and such. The last thing he expected was to walk into his office to find Howard hugging a trash can and Pepper standing off to the side, doing her best to not look disgusted. She was failing miserably but Howard didn’t notice and he forgave Pep, he was kind of grossed out too. “Ugh, hello?” he asks.
“Please explain what the hell is going on to me when he leaves,” Pepper says and flees the scene before she got roped into conversation.
Howard looked like shit; Tony was curious as to how he managed to talk Pepper into letting him in here, “you better not be contagious,” he says, “I don’t have time for the flu.” He circles his desk and sits down, swivelling in his chair to face Howard.
*
He wasn’t exactly sure what he expected from Tony, he had no real clue why he was there, only that he felt like he should be. “I ugh, I think I might actually be your father?” he says. God, that sounded crazy to his own ears, there was no way Tony was going to believe that let alone what little information Selene had been willing to put forward. He expected Tony to laugh and throw him out or… well he didn’t expect Tony to sit there and glare at him like if he made that face long enough Howard would crack and spill everything.
It turned out Tony’s glare did the trick because he quickly told Tony everything he knew, which wasn’t a lot. Tony’s face didn’t change whatsoever, zero reaction. Howard was vaguely impressed but with no real knowledge of why, being able to hold a facial expression didn’t seem pride worthy to him, but something in his past self seemed to recognize this as a good thing. Tony rolls forward in his chair, leaning against the desk, “so let me get this straight, fifteen years ago you were in a car accident and Selene pulled you out and healed you with some sort of magic powers? And in the process of healing you she stripped your memories and somehow de-aged you?” he asks, sounding disbelieving.
“Look, I know it sounds crazy but I’ve been getting all these memories and-” Tony cuts him off.
“How does it work? Selene’s power? Did she explain that? Like why did you de-age, why are all your memories gone? Why are they coming back? Will you age again too or was that permanent? And she’s fucking immortal or something so she shouldn’t even be able to conceive, how the hell does that work?” he asks in a rush.
“I um, she only explained a little. I… she said that she can… regenerate things, that’s why I ended up way younger than I was when she initially healed me, in my early twenties by her estimate. She’s not clear on why the memories go in the first place, she said something about time lines not being messed up but I didn’t really get it. The memories coming back, that’s because I’m surrounded by stuff that’s familiar to me. Old me, I’m not that person anymore. She doesn’t know why the memories come back, just that they do, or at least the important things. Stuff that old me didn’t deem important won’t come back. And um, I don’t know about immortal, she never said anything about that,” he says, frowning.
Tony nods, “your memories coming back indicate that her time line theory is shit, if her power was ever intended to keep timelines straight it would have existed to begin with. My best guess is that her rejuvenation theory is right, and that when she healed you and restores your youth it grew new brain cells or something, but it didn’t burn out what was already there. That’s probably why your memories are making a comeback. And she’s been alive since the sixteen hundreds at my best guess, give or take, a few of those identities could be relatives but I doubt it. Maybe that rejuvenation thing works with her too, that would explain her ability to have children, but it would mean that to heal you she would have had to kill someone else…” he says, trailing off in thought.
Howard frowns, “what do you mean she would have had to kill someone else, where did that come from?”
Tony sighs, “What I’m getting from this is that she can… transfer energy or something like that, the energy has the power to heal and make people young again. Energy doesn’t come from nowhere though, so when you got into that accident she either killed someone to heal you, or she healed you with her own energy and then killed someone to rejuvenate herself. My guess is that she killed mom to heal you, there was a third unknown person in the car she killed off, she killed mom but there wasn’t enough energy from mom to heal you so she used some of her own and half drained some other poor sap, or she healed you and killed some other person. Pick which is the least horrifying to believe, also that ‘stache was not cool when you had it as Howard Stark, it’s not any better as Howard Stone,” he says, gesturing to Howard’s upper lip.
“Wow, that’s a lot to take in. Uh… wait, you have records on Selene? Can I see them?” he asks. He was having a hard time believing any of this was true, this was insane, it made no sense.
“No,” Tony says, “and fuck you,” he snaps.
“I… well I don’t really have any memories of you but from what I gather I wasn’t a very good father. I guess I deserve that,” he says, slumping in his seat, still holding Tony’s trash can close.
“Oh fuck off, that isn’t what I’m talking about. You named a kid after Steve, I don’t even care if it was his middle name, you still named Grant after Steve, and Maria was obviously named after mom. You know what who gets the name Tony? Your fat corgi! And you fed that thing so many treats it ended up morbidly obese and it got asthma and died! You killed Tony, Grant and Maria are fine, but you killed the dog!”
Howard frowns, “are you suggesting I kill one of my children?” he asks uncertainly.
“No you fuck; I’m suggesting you take care of Tony! All you had to do was give the fucking dog less food but you couldn’t even manage that, what the fuck? That isn’t even hard, how did you fuck that up? You know what, I came here to escape this mess, not land myself flat in the middle of it, I am out of here,” he snaps and stands up, fleeing the room quickly. Howard sits back in his chair, confused on what the hell just happened there.
*
“So let me get this straight, you yelled at who you are pretty sure is your father, who has been de-aged by some woman with weird healing powers, about a fat corgi that is supposed to represent you?” Steve asks, confused.
“No, the dog is the dog, I am me, no relation except for the name, which I am still pissed about. Fuck him for naming kids after you and a fucking pet he ended up killing after me,” he snaps, throwing his hands up.
Steve looks pinched, like he’s trying to hold something back before taking a breath, “pretty sure you’re only pissed about the dog because you think it represents you,” he says.
“No I’m not, I’m mad he fed the dog to death, why can’t he take care of Tony, all he did was eat, sleep, and shit because that’s what dogs do and he fucked up, he fucked it up and killed Tony!” he yells.
Bucky, who had been lingering in the doorway, starts sniffling, “are you crying?” he asks, “Because Tony’s death was not that sad,” Tony says.
Bucky sucks in another breath and lets out a loud wheeze and Tony realizes he’s laughing, it just sounded really weird because it’s been so long. “Oh my god, stop laughing at Tony’s death! It isn’t funny, the poor thing was neglected to death!” he says, deeply offended that Bucky would choose this to laugh at.
Steve, apparently no longer able to hold back, starts laughing too, “oh my god you yelled at your dad over a fat dog you think represents you. That’s not funny at all,” Steve says, doubling over he was laughing so hard. Bucky was clutching the doorway, now laughing more like a normal person than a weird robot.
“Stop bonding over my pain!” Tony says, scandalized, “you know what, I don’t need this right now. I’m going to go call Rhodey,” he says.
Twenty minutes later he was holding his phone away from his ear as Rhodey laughed his ass off, “I think you people are mean and I don’t like you,” he says, absentmindedly petting Bucky’s hair. He had fallen asleep with his head in Tony’s lap about a half an hour ago and it was adorable, he took like seven hundred pictures.
“I wonder if they called it ‘fat Tony’, you know, like a bad mob name,” Rhodey says, wheezing from laughter.
Tony gives the phone an offended look and he didn’t even care of Rhodey couldn’t see it, “they did not call the dog fat Tony!” he yells. Bucky startles and gives him the most terrifying glare he’s ever received in his whole life, which he finds impressive because he got glared at by Pepper regularly and he was kidnapped by terrorists that one time.
“They called the dog fat Tony,” Steve decides. Tony sticks his tongue out at him, he’d been in a pissy mood for the last half hour and Tony didn’t know why. Steve gives him a withering glare and wanders off to do whatever.
“Jeeze Steve is pissy pants,” he comments, wrinkling his nose at Steve’s retreating back.
“Well yeah, I would be too,” Rhodey says.
Tony frowns, “okay but why? Because I’m mad that Howard fucking killed Tony, because that was not my fault,” he says, waving his hand around. Bucky glares at him again because apparently he was wiggling around too much.
“No dumbass, because Bucky is sleeping in your lap. How are you so smart but so stupid?” he asks.
“Okay but why is that a problem?” he asks, returning to petting Bucky’s hair.
Rhodey lets out a long suffering sigh, like he was debating twenty five years of friendship in that moment. “If it was Steve with Bucky’s head his lap you’d be freaking out,” he points out.
“Ohhh, so basically he thinks it’s wildly inappropriate that I’m petting Bucky’s hair instead of like his or something,” he says.
Rhodey sighs again and Tony can practically see him pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration, “basically, yes,” he says.
“But he’s so cute!” Tony says, twirling a strand of Bucky’s hair around his finger.
“Oh my god Tony, no one cares how cute Bucky is, get his damn head out of your lap. I should not have to tell you that is inappropriate,” he says, exasperated.
He shuffles a bit and Bucky glares at him again, “fuck that, I’m Bucky’s cushion until he moves, don’t you make those annoyed noises at me Rhodey, you didn’t see the look I just got. I can assure you actual terrorists are not this scary,” he says. Bucky considers him for a few more moments, making sure Tony isn’t going to take off on him before turning and resting his head on Tony’s leg again, shuffling around so he’s more comfortable.
“Jesus Christ man, you need to figure your shit out before Steve dumps your ass,” he says and hangs up.
Tony looks at Bucky, “you don’t think Steve will dump me for this do you?” he asks.
“Probably,” Bucky mumbles.
“Probably he’ll dump me or probably I’m wrong?” he asks. Bucky doesn’t answer because he’s an ass so Tony pulls himself out from underneath Bucky’s head and takes off after Steve, ignoring the irritated look Bucky gives him.
*
“Okay, but to be fair I have no history with Bucky, and like he’s hot and all, but a little too traumatized for me, like I don’t know what he’s comfortable with, he doesn’t know what he’s comfortable with, gets kinds sketchy there. Also I’m with you and I recognize now I probably should have said that first but I didn’t so…” he trails off, flapping his arms around, “the point is you don’t have to feel threatened by Bucky or whatever. I have no interest in leaving you for him or… yeah you get it. I think,” he says, wincing. He wasn’t good at this sort of thing, this was why he stuck to what he knew, namely sex. He was good at that, he’s had people tell him sex with him was like a religious experience it was that good, but relationships? It probably felt like a religious experience when they left.
Steve sighs, huffing out a laugh, “that’s not it. Well, it is, but not for the reasons you think. It’s just… I… he trusts you, you know? Like when you’re around so is he, and when you go he disappears too and I don’t know what to do with that,” he says, frowning at the skyline.
Tony considers his words for a second, “have you considered that maybe he doesn’t know how to feel about you? On one hand he probably feels something for you, remnants of your old life together, but on the other hand HYDRA probably tortured him half to death to associate you with pain and suffering because he probably tried to go after you every time he remembered you. That has to be confusing, and when he meets you you know all this stuff about him that he doesn’t know about himself, and he has no clue who you are or what your intentions are. Me? I’m safe, he knows what he sees is what he gets, there’s no confusing memories with me, and when I’m alone with him I don’t look at him like I suddenly expect him to remember a life he isn’t even sure he had. He trusts me because whatever he feels for me isn’t confusing, and scary, and not all there, it just is and that’s probably reassuring,” he says, shrugging.
Steve laughs softly, “You should be a therapist,” he says.
Tony snorts, “Oh my god, literally two hours ago I was yelling at my dad, who is apparently not dead, about him killing his fat corgi named Tony, I don’t think I’m qualified to be a therapist,” he says.
“Sure you are, you’re just as fucked up as your patients would be, it’s kind of why I love you, you don’t judge me for being so messed up,” he says.
Tony raises an eyebrow, “did you just say you loved me?” he asks.
“That depends, are you going to be an ass about it?” he asks, “Because I would prefer you don’t panic and run or make a joke then panic and run,”” he says.
“I’m not going to panic and run,” he says, “or be an ass.”
“Fine, then yes, I love you Tony. I love literally everything about you, even your nasty habit of doing things without thinking about the consequences, and your gross habit of leaving hair on the shower wall,” he says.
“Thanks,” Tony says reflexively and Steve immediately looks pissed, “it was a reflex, it was a reflex! People tell me they love me all the time!” he protests.
“People don’t tell you they like and also hate when you leave hair on the shower walls all the time, Tony!” Steve says, crossing his arms and giving Tony a stern look.
“First off, you’d be surprised, and two, I love you too. I don’t find any of your bad habits endearing though, I don’t like when you try and feed me healthy food because I don’t care if it’s good for me, I will not sacrifice taste for you. And what is with your habit of getting up at six in the morning? And then you try to wake me up but you’re mean and you try to wake me up with sex, which I’m obviously going to wake up for, but then you expect me to stay up and like do things and stuff? No, I am not doing that, I think it’s nice that you care about my health but I need you to stop that,” he says.
Steve sighs, “only you,” he says, shaking his head, “I’m not going to stop caring about your health by the way; I will get you to eat a peach if it’s the last thing I do.”
Tony snorts, “It’ll be the last thing I do because your healthy things will kill me,” he grumbles.