I do what I want, Thor!

Gen
G
I do what I want, Thor!
author
Summary
Total crack!Loki wants a pet, Thor disagrees with the pet Loki wants.

Loki glared angrily at his brother. Once again, the overbearing, blonde oaf stood in his way of getting what he wanted. Ever since they came back to this benighted realm, Thor thought to lord it over him.

As did others of his pathetic band of mortals. Loki sneered, his teeth bared in an expression of unbridled fury.

Then in one of his mercurial mood changes, his rage was buried under frost. His eyes were chips of frozen green. When he next spoke, he proved Tony’s point: he was a drama queen.

“I do what I want, Thor.” He eyed his brother coldly, his voice infused with so much venom that it was a wonder Thor still stood. Toss in a pair of green eyes full of icy, withering contempt and Thor pretty much should have been swigging mead and recounting his heroic deeds in Valhalla.

However, Thor was made of much sterner stuff. Besides, he was used to Loki’s temper tantrums. He crossed big, beefy arms and narrowed steel blue eyes at his fuming brother. Then he grinned widely.

Seeing that infuriating look, Loki hissed, his eyes virtually shooting out sparks of outraged fury.

The other Avengers didn’t even bother staring anymore or taking bets. The scene having lost its charm many, many, MANY days ago.

Loki wanted to do something, Thor said no, Loki threw an epic fit and sulked creepily around the Tower.

But today was different.

Today, Loki intended to get what HE wanted. Eyes the empty cold of space stared at Thor. And there was nothing Thor could do to stop him…

“Mother…!” Thor bellowed.

“Oh man…that was such a dick move!” Clint winced, rocking backwards at the shock of Thor’s unimaginable betrayal of the Bro Code. There were lines that should NEVER be crossed…and telling a guy’s mom…? “Not cool, man. Not cool,” he muttered.

Tony nodded soberly, his lips pursed in disapproval. “Total dick move.”

Even Steve found himself nodded in agreement. He wasn’t certain what the male organ had to do with Thor, but he got the context.

Loki’s mouth opened—to do what, he didn’t know—but it was too late anyway. A brilliant flash of light came from the roof. A light voice caroled cheerfully from the roof.

“I loathe the very ground you tread upon,” Loki breathed like the evil villain he was.

Thor looked remarkably unimpressed by the threat as only an older sibling could…when backed by a parent or two.

“Mother, Odin got Thor a puppy why can’t I have a one?” Loki instantly went on the defensive, employing the wide-eyed, imploring look he had virtually patented once he realized the effectiveness of big, tearfully wet eyes on a tender-hearted parent.

Odin caved to it every time.

Frigga was made of sterner measures. She glided towards her sons, a beautiful, loving smile wreathing her face.

Tony and Bruce both instantly fell in love and sighed with the adoring looks of motherless boys all over the world. Clint hid his utter adoration behind a tough guy façade, though he hoped she was impressed by his form as he pulled taut the string on his bow.

“Oh, my darlings, what do you have there?” Frigga exclaimed upon reaching her precious little boys. Loki hesitantly surrendered the abandoned puppy he had ‘found’. It snapped half-heartedly at her, whining pathetically as it likewise gave her imploring eyes of heart-wrenching woe.

Frigga’s heart melted.

“What the flying fuck is that thing…?!” Tony screeched. It was the first time he had seen the…thing Loki and Thor were fighting over. He jumped on the couch, wanting no part of that evil-looking thing Reindeer Games was holding. He wasn’t even sure what it was, just that it was evil. Clint joined him trying to find a high enough spot out of reach of the creature, while Bruce made a hasty exit.

The Other Guy was curious about the thing.

Even Steve took a hasty step back, wishing mightily for his shield.

Tony yelled for JARVIS to send his armor just to be on the safe side. Natasha had already high-tailed it out and into her room where she promptly locked the door. She saw what Loki was holding, and while Thor wasn’t alarmed, she accepted that the big, blonde Asgardian was an idiot.

She opted to monitor the situation via JARVIS.

Besides, nothing that ugly with that many teeth or legs could possibly be a puppy. Once again proving Loki was a filthy rotten little liar.

Tony started calibrating his suit, ready to take that thing out at a moment’s notice. He was totally down with that shit.

Thor frowned at his friend’s use of language in the presences of his mother. “Tony, please…a lady is present.” Thunder rumbled ominously in the distance. “My mother is that lady,” he added with a dark look at the genius inventor. Loki added his own look as well…but with more evil.

Brothers united.

Frigga ignored the byplay as she cuddled the catchete to her breast. She made kissy faces at it which both Loki and Thor exchanged awkward embarrassed looks and looked disapproving.

Catchetes were fierce and strong creatures…they weren’t for girls.

She giggled as the animal tried to nibble on her neck.

It whined piteously when it couldn’t find purchase with its teeth. “Oh, pish-tosh, I had a life, little dumpling, long before I was your mother,” she said merrily. Then expression turning sympathetic, she turned to a sulky Loki who sensed he would not be able to keep his new-found friend.

“Sweetling,” Behind her, Loki saw Tony and Clint glanced at each other and mouthed ‘sweetling’. He had a despairing notion that his reputation would suffer mightily after mother left. “You know you can’t keep a catchete on Midgard,” she began gently. “As it grows, it will require more food to sate its hunger. It will begin eating all sorts of nasty things, including mortals.”

“Good…there’s too many of them anyway!” Loki snapped almost rudely. He look disgruntled at the imminent loss of his would-be pet. He took the catchete back from his mother, a soft smile finding its way to his lips as it frantically licked his face. “See, he likes me.”

The catchete explored the tall creature’s face again, hoping the taste had changed. A gusty sigh escaped it and it drooped sadly. It still tasted cold and nasty.

Then it looked over its shoulder and speculatively eyed the distance to the ground then to the other creatures. Specifically the one with the glowing light in its center. They looked soft and tasty. It leapt from Loki’s arms and tentatively flapped its wings. Powerful haunches quivered as the animal prepped itself to jump.

Feeling the creature’s beady eyes on him, Tony uttered horrified shriek. “Wings! It has wings!”

Absently Thor stretched out brawny right arm and snatched the dog-like animal by its scruff the moment it became airborne. Obeying aged-old instincts, it immediately stopped struggling and simply dangled. Thor draped it on a broad, armored shoulder it gnawed futilely on his shoulder guards before propping its head on a brawny shoulder. It eyed the tantalizingly out of reach, and what it suspected were fat, tasty meals with a miserable expression.

It was sure those things would be sweet and tender. It licked its snout before settling with another gusty sigh. It would be patient…the two-leggers would eventually get distracted and then it could eat. And eat…and eat.

“I will find you a pet suitable for both Midgard and Asgard,” Frigga announced gently to her despondent baby.

“But this one likes me…”

Holding the catchete firmly on his shoulder, Thor reached out and grasped Loki’s nape in a familiar broad clasp. He gave his little brother a gentle shake. “I know, little brother, but you know we cannot allow catchetes to breed again on Midgard. Last time, the mortals came to near extinction.”

‘The…Fuck?’ Tony mouthed to Clint, raw panic in his eyes. He didn’t want to be extinct…he was a genius and the world needed him. To make genius stuff.

There came another brilliant flash of light outside. The familiar bulk, of the King of Asgard, stomped heavily into the room. There was an impressive scowl on his face.

“Awesome…Asgard most dysfunctional family is in my home,” Tony muttered sotto voice to Clint. The archer made frantic hand motions that had Tony frowning. “What? What the fuck are you waving your hands for?”

“He’s trying to tell you that Asgardians have very excellent hearing,” Loki retorted dryly. His eyes glittered brightly with malicious glee. If he was going to be miserable, then EVERYBOBDY was going to be miserable.

Tony instantly plastered a patently false look of joviality on his face. One that Pepper affectionately called his ‘meet, greet and bullshit the senators’ look.

Odin ignored the fool, besides, he had heard much about Anthony, son of Stark. “I heard you needed a pet,” he announced, with the gruff awkwardness of a fathers everywhere. “Found this on Alfheimr…here.”

Cradled in his broad palms was a kitdro. Frigga couldn’t resist the tiny, girly squeal she made when it peered up at her with huge lilac eyes and chirped inquiringly. Sky blue fur slowly deepened to black before its cycle of color began again.

Watching on the monitors, JARVIS faithfully rendering the impossible colors of the creature, the computer was the only one that heard the girly squeal from SHIELD’s deadliest and feared assassin.

“Ohhhhh,” Loki breathed as his eyes met those of the tiny kitdro. He practically quivered with so much want/need for the animal. A tiny whimper spilled from his lips.

He held his breath then slowly exhaled, stiffening his spine. “Take it away,” he ordered harshly, though there was a minute tremble in his voice that gave lie to his words. “I’ve decided I don’t want a pet after all,” he claimed loftily, pointed nose in the air.

A feathery antennae wafted back and forth before it stood up on its hind legs and wrapped its forepaws around Odin’s thumb. Carefully it leaned forward and sniffed in Loki’s direction. There came the cutest little sneeze that made even Tony squee but at the odd look from Clint, the genius inventor cleared his throat with a manly cough and tried to look blasé.

With a happy trill, the kitdro leapt fearlessly at Loki.

Heart giving an uncomfortable jump when the creature leaped, instinctively Loki lunged forward and caught it.

And just like that, he was done for.

Cradling it against his chest, he was unaware of the tears that slowly slid down his face when those feathery appendages touched and stroked his face inquisitively.

Love…acceptance…joy pulsed through his mind. So much joy, it spilled over, caressing the jagged edges of his psyche where once the security and knowledge of who and what he was had been ripped away. His eyes closed as he savored the feeling.

“Nadir,” Loki whispered softly and slowly opened his eyes, a smile in the quiet depths of his eyes. “His name is Nadir and he’s very pleased to meet me.”

The catchete eyed the soft bundle of fur in Loki’s arms. Making a split second decision, it twisted and leaped from Thor’s arms and onto the kitdro. Perforce Loki dropped both suddenly squirming, snarling animals.

The catchete gave a surprisingly high, shrill cry.

The Alfheimr realm of the Light Elves was one of evocative beauty. Everything was light and airy, languid beauty in every line of all creatures that swam, flew, crawled or walked. Even the trees were of such soothing beauty that tempted the unwary to rest under it low branches.

Branches that would drop lower and lower until they covered the drugged body below….then the tree would feed.

Alfheimr beauty concealed a deadly core.

An adult kitdro was one of Alfheimr’s most efficient and deadliest predators. For beneath its soft, cuddly body lurked coiled muscles. Its speed rivaled a cheetah, yet unlike a cheetah, it could maintain that blinding speed for well up to thirty to sixty minutes in chasing down prey.

And young kitdros did not simply exit the womb innocent.

Survival began long before a kitdro came into the world, indeed, it was extraordinarily rare for a female kitdro to birth twins as the battle for survival began with the strongest cub eating its siblings while still in the womb.

It was a mark of status among the seemingly graceful, beautiful elves of the Alfheimr to own a kitdro.

However, due to his millennia long life, Odin had long noticed a pattern.

While the people of Alfheimr were beautiful and graceful, it was not to say that they were in any way, pacifists. Their armies were only the second most feared warriors in the Nine Realms (with Asgard being the top, naturally).

Among the graceful, pale denizens of Alfheimr, there often was born young ones that were…slightly different. Strangely intense, louder, more given to often violent excesses, they were constantly at odds with their age-mates. And by the time they matured, it became abundantly clear the difference between their distant cousins, the extremely warlike Dark Elves was only the color of their skin.

In times of war, such elves made excellent generals. In times of peace, it was a problem.

Odin knew several such generals before and after they received a kitdro. It was the after that made him seek out a dealer in Alfheimr and commission a kitdro for Loki.

He was patient, and while it pained him watching through the centuries as beautiful, clever little boy descended further into the darkness, he could only hope he would be in time to stop the final descent.

It was only a few days ago that his patience had finally been rewarded.

After all the kitdro’s he had rejected, this…this one was the one for his little Loki.

It costs him greatly in trade deals for the next three hundred years, in addition to the wagon-load of gold and jewels—for which his council would howl in outraged fury, but since he was king, they could stuff it. To see that look on Loki’s face…he would have emptied Asgard’s vaults.

At long last, they were on the way to having their laughing, mischievous Loki. Odin didn’t fool himself that the way back would be without struggle, but it would be worth it if he could wrapped his arms around his boy once again without receiving a knife in his ribs.

So when the catchette jumped the kitdro, Odin already knew what would happen.

Inch long claws sprang from the kitdro’s paws as it allowed itself to be bowled over, presenting its belly. Which also put its vicious claws onto the catchete’s belly.

It speedily eviscerated the animal, then flipped it over and severed the base of its spine.

Then it began to feed. Tony made gagging sounds and just barely made it to the garbage can in the corner.

Loki looked on fondly at the low growls and the sound of ripping flesh. The humans and Thor watched with wide eyes when the kitdro reach forward and, extending a claw, neatly slit the other creature’s throat, silencing its wild cries of pain.

“Its first kill.” Odin hooked his thumbs in his jerkin and thrust out his chest as he looked around, fiercely proud. He and Loki exchanged smiles and misty-eyed looks. Frigga rolled her eyes but smiled indulgently at them.

Boys will be boys.

Clint was an experience assassin with well over a hundred kills under his belt. He was made of much sturdier stuff.

He made it to his bathroom and threw up in the toilet.

Grimacing and pale, Steve quickly decided he needed air and left the building.

JARVIS was already constructing a bed for the animal in Loki’s room and ordering a choice selection of meats. Interestingly enough, JARVIS and Loki got along famously. Especially considering Loki could not pull his trade-mark of manipulation on the computer, but they did have some interesting and rousing discussions about science, art and math.

Oddly enough, Loki was more respectful of JARVIS than he was of the A.I.’s creator.

And alone in her room, and still watching on the monitors, Natasha watched jealously at the blood smeared animal neatly jumped back into Loki’s arms.