Darcy had been working as the Avengers Babysitter for a week now. So far very little had changed except the media had stopped emailing Pepper and started emailing her. Tony had decided that the team needed to celebrate her first week, Steve agreed thinking they needed a new team bonding experience and Darcy relented because it got Jane out of her damn lab. Pepper had even gone for a while.
That had been a bad idea. Darcy had thought she had a great alcohol tolerance.
She’d been wrong.
Oh so wrong. Everything hurt. Her head hurt. Her body hurt. Blinking hurt. She hadn’t been this hung over for a very long time and judging from the groan next to her she wasn’t the only one. She was also pretty sure she remembered Thor bringing Asgardian mead with them. They went to a pretty upscale bar Tony used to go to.
That’d been their other mistake.
The bar knew Tony. They did not skimp on the alcohol in the drinks. They also didn’t mind Thor and his Asgardian mead.
Darcy hoped Captain fucking America was as hung over as she currently felt.
“Darcy?” Clint groaned next to her. “Are you there?”
Darcy didn’t know if he passed out with his hearing aids in or not so she worked up her courage to tap the bed until she reached his arm and tapped it twice. Their sign for yes was two taps and no was one tap for if Clint didn’t wear his hearing aids and couldn’t see her read sign.
“Are you alive?” came the next question.
Darcy answered with one tap.
“Good. Back to bed. After I take these damn hearing aids out.”
Darcy felt the bed move enough for Clint to take out his hearing aids and drop them on his bed side table. Once she felt him settle back down she forced herself to move so she could be closer to him. Clint tucked her into his arms careful not to move either of them too much before they passed back up.
Several hours later they both woke up again feeling slightly less like death warmed over.
“Shower?” Darcy signed to Clint knowing he wouldn’t be using his hearing aids at all today.
“Together,” he signed back.
“You can wash my hair.” Darcy agreed smiling. Neither of them were going to be up for sex today.
A week. Darcy amended her thought when she moved to stand- neither of them were going to be up for sex for a week. She stumbled into the bathroom and turned on the shower as hot as it would go. After the water scalded her hand she began to turn on the cold water little by little. She heard Clint coming up behind her just as the water was cool enough to step into. He wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned his head into her shoulder blades. Darcy was grateful they both slept naked because right now the idea of trying to take off clothes before showering sounded much too difficult.
Tony did not skimp on anything but he really did not skimp on bathrooms. The master bathroom in each of the suites had a sitting tub and a shower that would fit the entire team and a few extras. Darcy loved the shower. There was even a bench to sit on. Darcy sat on it and let the water run over her while she leaned against Clint. They stayed that way for about twenty minutes before Darcy started to feel more human. Clint held up the shampoo bottle and lifted his brows in a question. Darcy nodded and turned so her back was to his chest.
Clint began to slowly massage the shampoo into her hair. It wasn’t what she normally used because hers was upstairs in her shower but it smelt nice and didn’t make her stomach turn. He helped her rinse her hair before gathering up the conditioner bottle to finish washing her hair. After her hair was rinsed she returned the favor and washed his. It took another ten minutes before both of them felt human enough to move again.
Darcy stole a pair of his sweats and old tee shirt while he dressed in the same before the pair made their way to the communal kitchen. The other Avengers were all sitting around the counter looking like various circles of hell. Tony stared at his coffee like it held the secrets to the universe. Jane didn’t even try to lift her head. Natasha had her hair in a messy bun and yoga pants on. Darcy had never seen the spy in yoga pants. When she sparred she wore her cat suit. Steve was a lovely shade of pale and tinged green with his white blonde hair flat on one side and straight up the other side. Only Bruce and Thor looked alright. Darcy didn’t see Pepper but the recent graduate was willing to bet the older woman looked perfect.
Darcy was wrong again.
Ten minutes after Darcy and Clint managed to wander down to the communal kitchen Pepper joined them. In sweatpants.
Darcy decided she could handle Natasha in yoga pants. She could not handle her boss and idol in sweats.
“We have a bit of a problem.” Pepper said pouring coffee.
“Yes we do- can we blame Tony for our pounding headaches?” Clint asked looking slightly hopeful.
“Sadly that isn’t our biggest concern. We have these to deal with.” Pepper set the style sections of various papers on the table.
Pepper Forced To Promote Mistress in Order to Keep Her Quiet! The first head line screamed with a picture of Darcy sitting next to Tony talking while Pepper talked with Steve off to the side.
Nepotism in Avengers Tower! Which skill got Darcy Lewis to the Top? The second headline cried out followed by a close up of Darcy as she leaned forward laughing. Her cleavage was putting on quite a display.
Tony and Pepper not as Tame as We Think! The Perfect Power Couple adds the Perfect Political Ingénue! This article seemed the most flattering. The picture accompanying the article was a rather sweet shot of what had to be close to the end of the night. Darcy leaned her head on Pepper’s shoulder and the older woman wrapped her arm around Darcy’s waist as they sat in the booth of their table. Tony sat on Darcy’s other side still and was looking at the pair fondly.
“Well,” Darcy said after a moment, “I have to say I’m flattered.”
“You’re flattered that everyone seems to think you’re sleeping with Iron Man and that’s how you got your job?” Tony said his eyebrows raising.
“No I’m flattered they think I have a chance in hell with Pepper.” Darcy deadpanned as she began to read the articles. Natasha cracked a smile while Bruce snorted into his tea. Clint grabbed the second article and began to read. His face slowly grew darker and darker as he read. Steve came to stand behind Clint and soon the pair wore matching expressions of anger. After they finished they handed the paper to Thor where Bruce and Natasha also crowded around to read it. When Thor set the article down a few minutes later he looked ready for murder. Bruce took a very long drink of his tea and Natasha looked like she was doing a mental inventory of every way she knew to kill a man.
There were a lot of ways. Noticing their friend’s reactions both Jane and Tony grabbed the article and began to speed read.
“I’m going to sue them.” Tony said when he finished his face furious.
“If you can find them.” Natasha muttered under her breath while she fingered the butter knife she’d been using on her bagel.
“Darcy- I will challenge them to a duel to the death if you do not wish to do it yourself.” Thor promised her.
“That bad?” Darcy asked still reading the third article.
“They implied that your, well your chest, is what qualified you for your job and it also implied that it isn’t only Tony who well, umm, benefits from that I guess.” Steve stuttered.
“So they’re saying I’m the team bicycle.” Darcy said, “Everybody gets a turn.”
“We’re going to sue. Pepper can we sue?” Tony asked.
“It depends, we do have grounds for a slander case.” Pepper said pulling her phone from her pants pocket. “The internet picked the stories up. Not all are quite so insulting.”
“This one is rather flattering actually.” Darcy said holding up the third article, “This one says you two have started dating me and opened an interesting discussion of polyamory and poly relationships.”
“How did they even get the pictures?” Bruce asked, “Obviously these pictures are inside the bar and well Tony you rented out the bar and no media was allowed inside.”
“Trust me I will be finding out.” Tony promised.
“Until you do we have to get in front of this.” Darcy said grabbing her own phone. Twenty new emails and her first week on the job taught her phone calls would start coming in right away.
“Darcy, you ok?” was all Jane asked.
“Right now I am. None of this is true and even if it all was it’s no one’s business what happens in my bed except my own and my partners. We can take control of the narrative and turn it away from me and toward a healthy discussion of sexism in the media.” Darcy decided. “Steve I’m gonna need you with me on this one- the whole unsullied national icon thing. You thought we with me?”
“Of course. What do you need from me?” Steve asked.
“How does a few public statements about you are continually disappointed that a woman’s sex life is still the cause for discussion when it’s no one’s business. Toss in a few comments on why whether or not any of the questioning to my qualifications has anything to do with legitimate concerns or the fact I have boobs. A memory or two of Peggy Carter dealing with similar sexism in the army and you can’t believe we haven’t evolved from that will get you a really good Christmas present. Captain America’s disappointed face might make me kiss you.” Darcy said thinking.
“I can do all of that. It’s true.” Steve said.
“Good figure out what you want to say- run it by me and then you know it’s a beautiful day to take a walk. Maybe tomorrow- we'll figure out exactly when later. After you have you're statement.” Darcy said knowing that the media would be flocking to the tower for the next week.
“What about me?” Jane asked looking to help.
“Wanna talk about how one of the reasons nobody believed you when you first started your research was they thought you were a little girl chasing fairies?” Darcy asked, “Say you honestly can’t be surprised by this stupidity because you faced it yourself in academia?”
“Easily.” Jane said.
“Good because you still have that interview with Ellen tomorrow and that’d be a great place to do it. I’ll call her people.” Darcy still got a little thrill to realize she could just call Ellen’s people now.
“Interview? Tomorrow?” Jane asked.
“Yep, Ellen wanted to have you on her show- or well her producers did. They called me months ago. Now I can just call them back.” Darcy said.
“Ok, I can do that.” Jane said shrugging her shoulders.
“After you make your statements I’ll hold a press conference talking about challenges faced by women in power.” Pepper said clicking through her phone, “I just sent you an email of my favorite reporters. If you’re going to do interviews you want to start out with the positive. Susan from Channel Five is an amazing woman.”
“Perfect.” Darcy said beginning to click through her emails. She marked the ones that deserved answers and deleted the ones that didn’t.
“And what of the rest of us shield-sister?” Thor asked.
“Nothing yet. I might want you to do an interview about gender politics on Asgard and maybe even talk about some of the challenges Lady Sif faces and how you hope both our realms can move past this disturbing trend.” Darcy told him, “Bruce I might have a statement for you but I know how much you hate the media so I shouldn’t need you to do anything.”
“Darcy I appreciate that but I’d love to do anything I can to help.” Bruce assured her as he put a fresh cup of tea in front of her.
“Thanks green-man.” Darcy told him, her sincerity bleeding into her voice, “Natasha, Clint stay in the wood work. The media is used to not seeing you. You guys are more useful in the shadows anyway. The articles say they have a source. Want to find it? Just find the source- nothing else.”
The spies nodded but Darcy saw the look they shared. She guessed that once they found who leaked the photos and started the rumors would be very sorry. Darcy tried but she couldn’t feel too bad for them. She really tried so it totally counted.
“Does that sound ok Pepper?” Darcy asked unsure whether or not she was doing the right thing.
“That sounds perfect. Right now this is contained to the Society Pages and gossip rags. However you’re right to jump ahead of it and start a dialog. This way we can put this to rest once and for all and hopefully shoot down and future claims like this.” Pepper smiled her face proud. “The gossip channels will call first. Say yes to whichever you pick. Go out strong and wait for the news channels to call after.”
“Thanks Pepper. Alright everyone who has a statement to figure out go do that please. I gotta figure mine out and start answering these fucking emails.” Darcy said glaring at her phone. “
“Make an attempt to eat something first.” Pepper told her, “The circus will wait.”
By the time evening came Darcy had spent the afternoon answering emails and phone calls. She settled on doing an interview tomorrow with Entertainment Tonight. She wish she had a good reason for choosing them but to be honest she just liked the woman’s voice when they called.
Want to come over and help me practice for my interview? She texted Clint.
Sure, Natasha went back to the bar to see if she can find anything. Clint answered.
Remember I said find out only. Darcy reminded him.
Of course dear. Wouldn’t dream of anything else. Clint replied to her. Darcy knew better than to be convinced.
In a few minutes there was a knock on her apartment door. She got up from the couch and went to open the door.
“Hey,” she said going up on her tip toes to kiss his cheek. They hadn’t actually defined their relationship. When Darcy and Jane moved to the tower Darcy set out to get to know each of the Avengers- they were roommates after all. It took her a few weeks to figure out Clint was deaf. He always wore his hearing aids around her and Jane. They were tiny- almost invisible thanks to some of Starks upgrades. They fit deep in his ear canal. Once she figured out he was deaf though she bugged him to teach her sign language. After a week he relented and they started spending time together as he taught her. One thing led to another so they say and after several months they started sleeping together. They were something more now but they hadn’t talked about it and Darcy was alright with that.
“Hey,” he said, “ready for your interview?”
“It’s my first one aside from the announcement. Pepper has her press team coming to help tomorrow but I don’t know I want to go over stuff now. Don’t want to mess it all up.” Darcy told him as she noticed his hearing aids in.
“You’ll be great. What can I do to help?” Clint asked her.
“I don’t really know. Right now I’m working on my talking points.”
“What do you got so far?” Clint asked, “I was a spy you know, I’ve had to work various media’s myself.”
“Why do you think I called you?” Darcy asked, “You know I’ve taken classes on politics and media and controlling the issue, taking the advantage. I know all about it. It’s all going through my head and I have no idea what to do with the information. Clint I’m officially freaking out.”
“Breathe.” Clint told her, “Think about this morning at breakfast. You were awesome. You handled it perfectly- channel that shit and you’ll be fine.” He grabbed her hand and led her back to the living room. The coffee table was covered with print outs of various on line articles and notes. All of those were covered with different color post-it notes.
“I have a system.” Darcy said, “Blue post-its are non-offensive but still completely wrong articles. Those are the ones that are that are basically like if they are having a big orgy leave them alone it’s their business. Yellow post-it notes are the ones that aren’t talking about the sex their talking about nepotism in Stark Industries and what that means for the integrity of the country. Pink post-its are the ones that imply I’m sleeping with all of you and the only reason I got this job is my boobs or my vagina. Those ones aren’t really worth reading.”
“Well you’ve got a great start so far. What are your talking point’s so far?” Clint asked settling down on the floor next to her.
“Guess I can’t use you’re all fucking idiots I’m just a goddamn babysitter huh?” Darcy asked.
“Actually I think you can…” Clint said thinking, “I mean it. The best cover story has a fair amount of truth in it. You started off handling Jane on your internship, when you moved here you started to take care of everyone else. Pepper noticed and with your background in political science and as a person the Avengers would trust she hired you. Yes you’re a friend but that’s half of what makes you qualified for the job. The Avengers trust you and that’s what allows you to succeed.”
“They’re going to still scream nepotism.” Darcy said.
“They’ll do that anyway. Redirect the conversation to how this never would have come up if you weren’t a woman. You were out with coworkers to celebrate you’re first week. The only reason these hurtful rumors have sprung up is because people want a sex scandal and can’t stand to see a woman in charge.” Clint told her. “We’ll all back up your statements. I read Steve’s already. He needed some help. You’re going to owe him a great Christmas present.”
“That actually might work.” Darcy said grabbing a couple of the articles, “There is no group sex in the Avengers tower. Add in a bit of humor about babysitting and start a conversation on sexism. I can do this.” Darcy grabbed her legal pad and a pen before she started scribbling information down.
“Babe could you…” Darcy trailed off going into her version of science mode.
“Tea and coffee?” Clint asked, “Yes.”
Clint wandered into the kitchen and powered up the coffee maker and turned on the electric kettle to heat up the water. He grabbed several mugs before digging in the fridge to see if she had any food. All he found were several take out boxes.
“Chinese or Tai food?” he called. He didn’t get an answer so he poked his head into the living room. Darcy was gone somewhere inside her head planning and thinking. It was the same place Jane went when she got caught up in Science!
“Tai it is.” he muttered before grabbing the take out box and a couple of plates. He quickly popped the plates into the microwave and brought the mugs out into the living room. He grabbed the remote and settled into the couch for a long night in.
The next morning Pepper’s prep team arrived at ten a.m. on the dot. They looked over what Darcy had worked up and tweaked a few things here and there. They ran through mock interviews until hair and makeup came for her. Clint managed to escape early on to the gym.
“I found who leaked the information and the pictures.” Natasha said as Clint practiced on the shooting range.
“Who was it?” Clint asked.
“One of the waitresses. She knew Tony from his even less reputable days. Apparently he slept with her and she wanted to be more than one night- charmed by his charisma so to speak.” Natasha explained. “She was young and hurt. So when she saw him she decided to get even so to speak.”
“You felt sorry for her.” Clint commented.
“I did. I told her we would be watching and not to do it again.” Natasha admitted, “I do not think she will bother us again and if she does- well there are other options.”
“Yes there are.” Clint said glancing up at the clock. “Come on we better head up stairs or we’re gonna miss Darcy’s interview.”
The pair found Pepper, Jane and the rest of the Avengers gathered up stairs in the communal living room.
“Is it on yet?” Clint asked as they walked in.
“Almost- they’re about to announce her.”
“Today we have a guest whose new to the celebrity gossip world. Darcy Lewis- PR manager and Handler for the Avengers Team is with us tonight. Her rise in Stark Industries was only announced earlier this week and already scandal and rumor have followed her. Last night stories broke over the internet implying that Darcy Lewis is sexually involved with Tony Stark and possibly other members of the team. She’s agreed to come on our show tonight so let’s give her a warm welcome!” The show’s anchor announced as Darcy walked across the floor and hugged the other woman. Both of them settled down in the chairs provided.
“Thank you so much for coming Darcy.”
“No, Jessica, thank you for having me. I’m excited to be here.”
“This is your first interview since the announcement of your recent position isn’t it?” Jessica asked.
“Yes it is. I’ll be honest I had hoped to have a bit more time to settle into the job but the media never sleeps I guess.” Darcy said smoothly.
“No it does not. Last night you were seen in a bar with the Avengers and it appeared to be quite intimate.” Jessica pointed behind her to show several of the pictures that accompanied various articles on a projector screen.
“Jessica I have to say those pictures do not look sexual to me at all. They look like a group of friends having a night out.” Darcy said as she studied the pictures.
“Would you call the Avengers team your friends?” Jessica asked.
“Yes, I would. Friends and co-workers. They wanted to celebrate my first week on the job- something I’ve done with friends and co-workers in the past. That is all these pictures are.”
“So you are denying all allegations that you are sleeping with Tony Stark or Pepper Potts?”
“Yes I am. Aside from the glaring ethical issues of sleeping with the woman who signs my pay checks they are in a happy committed and monogamous relationship. Now if that were to ever change it would be none of mine or really anyone else’s business.” Darcy stated.
“But you are not against poly or open relationships?” Jessica asked.
“No I’m not- whatever consenting adults do in their homes is really none of my business.”
“And what do you do in your bedroom?” Jessica asked attempting to trip Darcy up.
“Right now? A lot of paperwork while I watch T.V.” Darcy answered with a smile. Jessica chuckled at the flippant response.
“Not all of the articles focused on the potential sexual scandal. Several articles questioned your ability and qualifications to do this very high profile job. What makes you qualified? How did you get this job?”
“That’s actually an interesting story Jessica. I have a batchlors degree in political science with a focus on politics and the media. In my last year at Culver I needed six science credits. I applied for an internship with Dr. Jane Foster.” Darcy paused here to let Jessica comment if she needed.
“Dr. Foster who is Thor’s girlfriend?”
“Dr. Foster whohelped save the world in London a little over a year ago and repaired the Bifrost Bridge that allows Thor to travel between Asgard and the Earth.” Darcy reminded the other woman. Clint could hear the steel in her voice as she defended her old boss and closest friend.
“Of course. You were her intern? How were you qualified for that?”
“I wasn’t- I was the only applicant. It turned out in the end Jane didn’t need a lab tech she needed a personal assistant and a babysitter so it worked out. I finished my degree and stayed on with Jane when we went to London in 2013. I was directly involved in incident. After London Jane was offered a research position with SI and her agreement demanded I also be given a contract as a lab assistant. Jane is brilliant enough to know that she needs someone to remind her that sleeping every few days can make the science happen better.” Darcy smiled at the other woman.
“How did you come to your current position?” Jessica prodded.
“Basically by doing what I did for Jane for everyone. Tony Stark and Dr. Banner are just as bad as Jane when it comes to Science! They need someone to remind them to eat and sleep every now and again. Captain America needed someone to help him catch up on everything he missed. He needed a friend- imagine waking up to realize you lost everything that ever meant something to you and have no one around to help.” Darcy said.
“And what of Hawkeye and Black Widow? What about them?”
“They needed the same as the others- some normal in their lives. I send the Black Widow cat video’s from youtube. I make sure all of them eat, sleep and get some social enrichment time. I also handle their schedules.”
“So you’re a babysitter almost.” Jessica asked laughing.
“Jessica that’s exactly what I am. My degree qualifies me to handle their PR. If I need help I go to Pepper but the bulk of my job is babysitting. The Avengers trust me which is the main job qualification, I’ve been a direct part of two alien attacks- New Mexico and London. During those attacks I helped with evacuation and with containment. I have experience working with eccentric people. I am qualified for this job. The fact is that these questions started because someone noticed I have big boobs and decided that could be the only reason I’d be welcome.”
Clint couldn’t help but smile as he watched Darcy deliver her lines on the screen. He looked around and noticed he wasn’t the only person in the room wearing a smirk.
“That’s our girl.” Tony said jumping up to grab the scotch.
“Shut up- I’m trying to listen.” Natasha said to him as she chucked a pillow at his head with deadly aim.
“There is still sexism in our media, politics and in our business.” Darcy continued, “I watched Dr. Foster face it head on in the academic world and I can clearly see it in my own life. We really need to take a minute to think about these very serious issues women- especially women in high positions face.”
“Darcy I’m afraid our time is up but thank you so much for coming on the show tonight. I expect we’ll see much more from you in the coming future.” Jessica said.
“Jessica the pleasure was mine truly.” Darcy told the other woman as she shook her hand. The T.V. cut to a commercial break and the people in the communal rooms began to clap.
“That’s our girl!” Tony said raising the scotch decanter in his hand. “We should celebrate.”
“Celebrating is what got us into this mess in the first place.” Steve commented from his position on the couch.
“No.” Tony corrected, “Going out and celebrating is what got us here. Tonight we’ll stay in and celebrate.”
“At least wait until Darcy gets here.” Pepper told him, “Alright Jane’s interview with Ellen will air tomorrow and Steve can go for a walk with his statements. Tony later this week you’ll hold a press conference and give yours. Does that sound good to everyone?”
“Yes dear,” Tony answered, “Let’s have the kitchen send up sushi- it’s Darcy’s favorite.”
“And cake- Darcy love’s cake.” Jane added from Thor’s arms.
When Darcy arrived back at the Avengers tower the entire team was still congregated in the communal floor with a celebratory dinner. After patting her on the back and congratulating her for surviving her first media gauntlet they all fell onto the food.
“Be honest- did I do alright?” Darcy asked Clint over a very large piece of cake.
“You did great- lets finish up here and I can show you just how amazing I think you were.” Clint answered quirking his eyebrow up.
“That sounds like a fantastic idea.” Darcy said smiling.
The next morning the narrative had changed. The media fell on the babysitter line and Darcy’s comment about her boobs. Feminist news sources were rallying to her side. Some great discussions on sexism in the media and in the business world started happening. There were a few sources- mostly right wing conservative sources- that still condemned them as sexual freaks and questioned Darcy’s qualifications. Still there was always going to be those outliers. She’d done it.
The congratulations sex wasn’t so bad either.