"Really, Steve?" Tony raises his eyebrows and puts the cocktail on the table. "Wouldn't have suspected you for an LGBT rights supporter. I mean - you've slept for a fuckton of years, right?"
Steve sighs.
"This might come as a suprise, Tony, but gay people haven't been invented in the last fifty years", he says patiently. Pauses, and adds with a degree of wistfulness:
"Wish I'd been thre at Stonewall. And yes, Tony, I would have been."
Tony blinks and takes the cocktail again, spins it in his hands.
"Okay, now I'm just curious. Natasha?"
"What?" Nat barely looks up from her notebook. "Ask Darcy."
"Darcy? What Darcy?" the Darcy in question protests when everyone's attention shifts to her. "Darcy's a shy and private person" - (this gets a couple of giggles) - " and doesn't like talking about what she does in bed. And you wouldn't have even liked the details, Tony - it's not like lesbian porn at all."
Tony spreads his arms so wide the cocktail splashes on the floor.
"Okay, I should have seen this one coming", he admits. "Really, is there a single straight person on this team?"
There is a pause, then Jane raises her hand.
"I think Thor is. That, or so deep in the closet he's going to find Narnia."
Thor grunts, not recognizing the reference nor even entirely sure what they are even talking about. There's no lesbian porn in Asgard, and differing sexual orientations are just lovingly called "being a freak". He'd just rather go back to his beer, really.
"Alright, anyone else?" Tony's gesturing so widely Jane reaches to take the cocktail out of his hands. He doesn't seem to notice.
"Clint?"
Clint raises his head from the phone.
"Not playing this game."
"...What?"
"You are asking what team I'm on. I'm not playing the game."
"This is called 'aromantic asexual', Clint", Natasha calls out from her laptop. "Darcy showed me", she adds defensively to several pairs of raised eyebrows.
"Right, that", Clint confirms and goes back to furiously tapping the screen. That's how he usually is when Tony gets on the ball, and right now Tony sure is on the ball.
"This is amazing. Bruce?"
The man barely turns his head from staring at the display of Tony's newest device deposited right there in the party room.
"Greyromantic greysexual"
"What?" Tony repeats again. He doesn't even seem surprised half as much as amused by the whole situation.
"Means I've only ever fallen in love with one person in my entire life, this being too statistically insignificant to determine a 'team'", Bruce informs everyone in his lecturer voice. "And before you ask, Tony, that person is not you."
"I am deeply offended", Tony informs him and looks for his cocktail. The glass is already empty - Jane shares his taste - so he pours another instead. "This is amazing. And there they say 'minority' sexual orientaitons, really?"
"Speaking of minority", Darcy looks up from the notebook she's been furiously scribbling on the entire evening, "You said 'a single straight person', not 'a single straight person other than me'."
"Right, I did that", Tony gestures towards her, and more alcohol splashes to the floor. He doesn't get any on his shoes or costume, though. "I, personally, am team Captain Rogers as much as team Pepper Potts - would have been, had she not come first. Sorry big guy, you're too late."
Pepper's not present, but all three girls watch Tony like hawks, which he's perfectly aware of. He's already learned his lesson of messing with this clique of feminists and is not in any hurry to make a move like that ever again.
"Speaking of coming first and being taken, Jane! You said for Thor but not for yourself. Share!" The cocktail glass is nearly empty. No-one is sure how much is on the floor and how much is in Tony, but no-one is feeling sacrifical enough to say Tony's had enough yet. He doesn't take kindly to that, even if he later apologizes. Maybe he'll stop on his own this time - he does, sometimes.
"I feel on you on team Pepper Potts", the girl informs him and tucks her head under Thor's arm. "I also feel you on the coming first thing, too."
"Really definitely absolutely?" Tony makes a puppy face, and Jane elbows Thor.
"Yes", he assures Tony in a tone that suggests he's been following more of the conversation than Tony would have assumed otherwise. "Yes, she does"
"Mmmhmmm", - Tony backs off so elegantly you wouldn't have thought he's intimidated by Thor in any way. All the present know better though, and know better than to think he's going to let that slide.
"Also, I'm curious, Thor - what's with your brother?"
There is a tense quiet for a couple of seconds before keyboard tapping of several pairs of fingers resumes again. Nobody's willing to admit they would have preferred not to be present for that conversation.
"I have no idea where he is", Thor says blandly and pours himself more beer. He's been drinking by Asgardian standards, and nobody tries to match him, not anymore.
"I wasn't asking about that. What team is he on?" Tony finally leaves the cocktail glass alone. Maybe he does know better, this time; nobody is willing to draw attention to the fact, as Tony would surely just start drinking again just to spite them.
"He's... He's..." Thor pauses. Jane quietly groans under his shoulder - she's familiar with the signs of the next step of "I don't actually know anything about my little brother who's spent most of his life right at my side" realization. Siblings. She's really happy she doesn't have any.
"I don't think I've ever known him to fall in love", he finishes finally and frowns. "I never really gave much thought to it but - no, I don't think ever."
"Team ace?" - proposes Natasha, and ignores Tony's blankly unbelieving look in favor of high-fiving Clint and then Bruce.
"Team ace", the archer agrees with a small delay, stands up and shoves his phone in the pocket.
"Why don't we close this conversation for tonight and go stargaze instead? There's a wonderful look from the top of Stark Tower, I don't think you've all seen it enough."
Everyone's happy enough for that proposal. Discussing preferences and bedtime activities is one thing, but there's not a single person who wants a conversation about Loki, not even Tony who brought it up in the first place. He really should start thinking more before speaking, and also drinking less, he thinks to himself as he calls the elevator up, up to the open sky.