Or Hypocrisy
Loki found Peter helping some civilians out of a building. He was glad to see that Peter appeared otherwise unharmed.
It was a strange feeling. Normally Loki wouldn’t care for the safety or wellbeing of a ‘lesser’ being. But now, after living among them for a Midgardian lifetime he felt a connection to them.
While their lives were nothing but a speck, a dash of light compared to his sun of an existence, they were special.
And Tyr was damned if he thought that he could hurt them easily.
Loki went to help Peter move some of the rubble aside and noticed that he was lagging a bit. His body had not been active in almost three decades like this, and Loki felt a little weak. This would not do.
Loki’s knees shook as he tried to lift some of the collapsed building away, and before he could summon his magic the beam and mortar were lifted up and out of Loki’s hands.
He turned his head sharply to make sure the building wasn’t collapsing and instead found Thor next to him. Exerting almost no energy.
The look Thor gave him was indecipherable. But Loki didn’t take long to return it. Not when Peter ducked to go into the collapsed building and retrieve mortals. Peter stopped once Loki flung a hand in front of him. “I’ll go.” Loki said. “You stay here.”
Once they had finished making sure that they had saved as many mortals as they could Loki felt exhausted. His head hurt with all the returned memories, his body was sore from all the exertion and his heart was heavy with alien feelings.
Loki’s skin felt too tight. Like it was ill fitted for his body.
He had a lot to think about.
But yet he also had to worry about when Tyr and the others reared their ugly heads.
Once they were done Loki and the other Avengers all met up. Steve told them all to head back to the tower and get some rest. They would worry about the return of Tyr and the other two tomorrow.
Loki nodded and turned because he wanted to go home. And right now he didn’t really know where home was.
Was it in a golden palace in Asgard? Or was it in a frozen fortress in Jotunheim? Or was it in a high tower with a group of super powered mortals?
The only place Loki could think about returning to was his apartment. For it was a tiny little room, but it was in his room. It was cluttered with his beloved books, stocked full of coffee and tea and the bed was calling his name.
But before Loki could take a full step a hand wrapped gently around his wrist.
Loki looked up at Thor.
He swallowed and didn’t know what to say.
I’m sorry? I didn’t mean to forget you?
Loki simply tried to remove the hand. “I’m tired Thor. Let me be.”
“No.”
Loki felt like crying. “Please Thor.”
Thor’s hand only moved to hold his own. “Let me go with you.” Thor pleaded.
Loki looked down at where his pale hand was clutched in Thor’s golden fingers. How many times had they held hands? And oh, how he had missed it. “Okay.” Loki said.
Frigga took one look at them. Smiled and said that she would return to Asgard and to Odin. Midgard was safe enough with them.
Thor didn’t say anything as they walked back to Loki’s apartment. The silence filtered around them, heavy as a blanket. Only the cries from civilians and the soft whispers of settling dust punctured it.
Once they were inside Loki stripped off his shirt, horrified by the amount of blood on it. But when he looked into the mirror he didn’t see any cuts on himself and shrugged. He put some sweat pants and a comfy shirt on, tossing one of his biggest shirts at Thor. “You can change if you want.”
While Thor was washing up in the bathroom Loki started making some coffee in the kitchen. He was utterly exhausted and the thought of some sweet caffeine was too tempting.
Thor stepped out of the bathroom and looked odd without his armor. But he looked just as tired as Loki and plopped himself down on the love seat.
Loki hummed and handed him a cup of coffee.
They sat together in silence for a few minutes. The dead weight of fatigue settling behind Loki’s eyeballs.
“I thought that I would die.” Loki said after a while.
Thor faced him sharply. His mouth already open in question.
“When I was pushed, I thought that I would die in between the realms. And I was scared.” Loki said without looking at Thor. “I was alone and the silence was deafening, and all I could think about was you and Mother. I didn’t think I would live.”
Thor’s hand took his and Loki looked up at him.
“You should have let me fall.” Thor said. “It would have been better.”
“Better?” Loki laughed bitterly. “Leaving Asgard without a true heir? Leaving our Mother without a true son? Leaving everyone disappointed? It was better that it was me.”
“That’s not true!” Thor said angrily. “Mother grieved for you every day! I couldn’t bear to be in Asgard anymore, there were too many reminders. So I wound up here. Without you there is nothing holding me down to Asgard. The throne can burn for all I care. I love you.”
Loki set his cup down and massaged his forehead. “I’m not the same as I was.” He said.
Before Loki had been so jealous of Thor. For everything. Thor had everything. The throne, their Mother’s love, their Father’s approval, Asgard’s love, strength, beauty, all the women he wanted, and of course, Loki’s heart.
But now when Loki thought about all those things he just didn’t care. He didn’t want a throne. He had no desire for any approval for a madman like Odin.
And he had spent years here in Midgard without a Mother.
“I know you’re not the same.” Thor whispered as he put a hand on Loki’s forearm. “And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I let you fall, I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.”
Loki thought about Thor. Why did he love him so much? What was it? Why had Thor woven himself so far into his heart that now it was impossible for Loki not to love him?
“I never thought that I would see you again.” Thor was saying with tears in his eyes. “I thought that I would have to live out the rest of my life without you. And I’m so sorry Loki. Sorry about everything.”
Loki took Thor’s hand and brought it up to his lips. Kissing the spot where Thor’s thumb and palm joined. And then he took Thor’s hand and held it against his own jaw. “I’m sorry too.” Loki said after a while. “It appears that I have a bit of flair for dramatics.”
Thor laughed weakly. “I love you.” Thor said seriously. His hand cupped Loki’s face gingerly. “I will do anything you ask. Be whatever you ask. If you want to live here, I will stay here with you. If you want to return to Asgard, I will go there. Please Loki, let me be with you.”
Loki pressed his face gently into Thor’s palm. “I don’t know where I will want to live. And I am tired. We have foes to defeat and a world to save.”
Loki stood up and offered Thor his hand. “Will you come to bed?” Loki asked.
Thor looked pensive. But then he took Loki’s hand.
“We can decide the future tomorrow. For now let’s sleep.” Loki said.
And for the first time in decades Loki slept with Thor beside him.