Six

I had gone out early that morning, to get some food because I was starving and I figured the guys were, too. I also needed to clear my head. A lot had gone on the last few days that I really needed to start coming to terms with. I'd taken some money out of a drawer in the kitchen, grabbed the keys off of the counter, and left, hoping I didn't get pulled over. I didn't have a legal identity, much less a driver's license. I figured I'd be back before anyone woke up.

I stopped at a small market and bought some things for breakfast. As I drove home, my mind wandered to the night before, and to Steve. I'd seen pretty much all of Steve that there was to see in the early hours of the morning. And I was actually pretty happy about that. I hadn't thought I could be happy about anything. I was used to training and cryo and murder. Not butterflies, soft hands caressing my skin, and love in the dark. This would take some getting used to, if I were to let it continue.

* * *

The night before

We'd made our way up into the room of the safe house where I was staying, Steve taking my hand and leading me confidently up the long staircase, tiptoeing by the door of Bucky's room. When we'd gotten to my room, he'd turned to me, a smile across his handsome face, and pulled me tightly against him, kissing me until I was out of breath; my hands hurriedly getting rid of the loose pajama pants he was wearing, and his removing the silky shorts and robe that I had on.

I didn't know how long it had been for Cap, but he'd said he was out of practice so I assumed a while. I didn't know how long it had been for me either. I remembered my interlude with the Winter Soldier while still with Hydra, but pushed it out of my mind. That could have been last year or a decade ago, I didn't know. What I did know was that that had been different. It had been a mission. A job. Steve was something else entirely. I wanted him. I didn't want secrets, I didn't want information. I just wanted to be with him, even if only for a little while. And as it turned out, it really apparently didn't matter how long it had been- sex wasn't something one forgot. The heart and the body wants what it wants, and knows how to get it.

I'd backed him up to the edge of the bed, pushing him down to a sitting position and climbing onto him, straddling his lap, his big hands splayed out across my back. We stayed there kissing for a while, our fingers just exploring. When things had gotten extremely hot and heavy, he'd wrapped his strong arms around me and flipped me over, went and got protection, and came back. He'd climbed in next to me; I watched him in the pale moonlight streaming in through the window, his large frame and muscular body moving swiftly across the room. He was confident and he was strong, but he was also gentle and careful. We were playing with fire and we knew it- hearts and alliances were on the line.

He climbed on top of me and pushed his way in slowly, letting me get used to him before we began our rhythm. It was slow at first, kisses and whispers and giggles in the dark. Hands on faces and chests and backs and butts, sweet nothings muttered into ears. But soon we were lost in the moment and each other, grasping at hair and skin. He rolled me over and entered me from behind, causing me to moan louder than I anticipated, his hands sliding up my stomach and gripping my breasts. We sped up, faster and faster, the headboard hitting the wall a few times before we changed positions to quiet down. I climbed on top of him, up and down, until I rode him through my high and my release. He grabbed my hips, easing me through it, pulling me down to kiss him, to once again stifle a moan that was a little too loud. I kept riding, until his eyes closed and his face scrunched up, his grip tightening on me.

“Damn, Six!” He had grunted towards the end, and then laying still, his hands still settled on my hips. It was always a shock to hear Cap swear, even as benign a word as “Damn”. He opened his eyes, smiling softly up at me. He reached up a hand to cup my face, pulling me back down for another kiss. This one was soft, almost delicate. We both knew I wasn't fragile. The scars all over my body proved as much. But he touched me like I was porcelain. I shivered. It had been a long time since anyone had done so.

“Is something wrong?” He drew back.

“No. No.” I shook my head. “Everything is... perfect. I just... I'm not used to being treated so... carefully.”

“Oh.” He looked up at me, a small grin dancing across his lips. “Well, maybe you could start getting used to it?”

I smiled back. “Maybe. I'll think about it.”

A few minutes later we lay side by side in the dark. I could hear his breathing beside me. He was still awake. I felt him turn towards me, heard his head against the pillow. “That was amazing.”

“It was.” I agreed. “I... I'm glad we... yeah.” I trailed off, but reached over and found his hand in the mess of blankets. We laced our fingers together.

“Yeah.” He was silent for a few moments. “When did you decide? You know. That this might be something you wanted to do?”

“I don't know. Things have been hectic, and the last few weeks have been confusing. I don't know when I realized exactly. Maybe when I was flying here on the quinjet that I... borrowed.”

“That's when you decided?” I could hear his confusion in the dark. “That seems like an odd time, that's all.”

“I know. But I knew you'd come after me. And then you sent the message that you were on your way. And I decided you might be worth the risk.” I turned to him, but could barely see his face in the blackness. “When did you decide?”

I heard Steve grin. “In the kitchen.”

“Just now?”

“Yes. I mean, I knew I found you attractive, and that I cared about you. I figured out a few days ago that my... in my quest to help you, I'd developed some emotions I guess. And then I kissed you at Clint's birthday. But I didn't know if that meant anything to you, or if you were just feeling things out. And then it didn't seem fair to pursue anything with all of the... information you just found out. So I tried not to think about it. But something just clicked, and... well you know the rest. Obviously.”

“You were worried about my past.” I stated.

“Yes.” Steve nodded. “Weren't you?”

I nodded as well. “Of course. But... I knew the life I had was over the second I read about it in the file and started remembering it.”

Steve was silent. “I'm sorry about that. I really am. I know I can't understand what you're feeling, but...”

“I don't remember a lot. But what I do remember... I'm going to miss forever.” I tightened my grip on his hand. “You and Bucky are the only people who can even come close to understanding.”

Steve removed his fingers from mine, leaving my hand empty and cold. I had a fleeting fear that he was going to get up and leave- I'd had no kindness or friendly constants in my life for a long time, why should I expect differently now? But he reached out, sliding his arm under my shoulders and pulling me against him. Oh. He wanted to cuddle. This hadn't happened since... 1979. I let him draw me in close against his chest, and slid my arm around his waist. We lay like that for a long time before I spoke.

“I need to know they're safe, Steve.”

“I was thinking the same thing. Lagherty seems trustworthy, but double checking would be good. Do you want to see them? We could go in the morning.”

“No.” I replied. “I can't. I remember Marina as an infant. And Luc as a young man. I'm not ready to see them. And... I don't know if I want them to see me. If it's this hard for me, and I barely remember them, what kind of trouble would that bring to them? It may be better if they continue to believe I'm... dead.”

Steve paused. “I can go, then. I'll check on them. I'll pretend I'm intelligence or something. I'll make up a story. Talk to them and make sure they're actually there willingly.”

“I thought you didn't lie.”

“I try not to. I hardly ever do. But if I told them who I actually was, it would mess things up. It's necessary. Besides, I probably won't lie. I'll just leave things out. Like the fact that you sent me.” He rubbed my back lightly. “Would that be enough?”

“Yes.” I nodded against his chest. I pulled myself up and kissed him on the lips. “Thank you, Steve.”

“Anything for my girl.” He whispered, sounding tired. Was I his girl? I didn't know. I was okay with the sentiment, though. His statement made me think of something that had happened a while before.

“When we were in that grocery store, last week. And I needed to leave...” I trailed off, then continued. “You told the clerk that 'your girl needed some air.”

“Yeah, you're right. I think I did.”

“Did you... did you know even then?”

“I'm not sure. I think I'd started feeling something by then but maybe not realized it. It seemed like a good thing to say, I guess it just slipped out. I guess it felt right.” He had frozen, as though embarrassed. “I hope that's okay.”

I nodded. “That's just... kind of funny. A coincidence.”

“I knew you were different the moment I saw you. That you were going to test me and confuse me and leave me with more questions than answers. Whether that was going to be a good thing or a bad thing, well, that took a while to figure out.” He had started to explain himself.

“And what did you decide?” I smiled into the dark room. “Is it a good thing or a bad thing?”

“I think it's good. Time will tell, but so far, it's pretty good, Six. It's pretty damn good.”

* * *

present

When I pulled the car into the driveway and entered the house, Bucky and Steve looked at me in shock.

“What?” I asked, giving them a strange look.

“Where were you?” Bucky asked, sort of angrily.

At the same time, Steve breathed a sigh of relief. “I thought you'd left again!”

I furrowed my brow. “I did. We had no food in the house. There was some money in the drawer in the kitchen. I got breakfast...”

“We tried to reach you on Tony's cell phone but it went straight to voice mail.”

“The battery died. It's upstairs on the desk.”

“You can charge it you know.” Bucky informed me.

“I didn't think about it. I've never had a cell phone.” I gave him a cold look. He should know, Hydra didn't exactly supply us with ways to contact the outside world.

“It's fine. I'm just glad you didn't take off.” Steve took the bag of groceries from me.

“I have no reason to right now.” I told him, following him into the kitchen. The silence that I was met with let me know that he had read between the lines. I wouldn't hesitate to go if I had something I needed to do. He didn't argue. I was glad for that. It would have been pointless- I was going to do what I wanted to do, he knew that, and he had accepted it along with everything else, the night before. We both knew that whatever kind of relationship we built, if we indeed built one, it would never be normal.

We made toast and eggs and ate breakfast in silence. A really awkward silence. I wasn't sure what was going on, but Bucky kept looking from one of us to the other, and back at his plate. Uh oh. He must have figured it out. I hadn't thought about that. He was Steve's best friend, and he also wasn't fond of me, nor I of him. There was now a white elephant in the room.

Steve cleared his plate. “I'm gonna go shower, and then I'll head out to Brussels to check on Marina and Luc. I think I'm going to pay Dan Lagherty a visit and have him go with me so that I can size up the situation.”

I nodded, drinking some coffee. “Okay.”

“Can I use the shower up in your room?” He turned at the door, giving me a questioning look.

“Of course?” I replied. I wasn't sure why he was asking. It was a safe house, it wasn't even really my room.

“Thanks.” He gave me a last look and went down the hall. He hadn't been gone more than a minute or two when Bucky finished coffee, set the mug down loudly, and looked at me with his brows raised.

“Really?” He asked me.

“What?” I was confused.

“You are really this clueless?” He seemed incredulous.

“I... I don't understand. Clueless about what?” I looked around. “Did I miss something? I haven't been out of cryo that long, I'm not sure...”

He shook his head. “Clueless about men. Clueless about Steve.” He gestured at the stairs. “He wants you to follow him, Six.”

“He's just showering... oh.” I glanced up at the kitchen door.

“Yeah. He was obvious enough.” Bucky rolled his eyes.

“I don't know what you're talking about.” I tried to play it off.

“Don't give me that.” He stood up, collecting his plate and coffee mug. “Steve seems to like you, for reasons that are beyond me.”

“Hey, that's uncalled for.”

“I wasn't finished.” He turned on the sink and rinsed off the plate. “I was saying, Steve seems to like you, despite my objections. He's a grown man so he can make his own decisions. And it's obvious you have a thing for him, too. So I can't just let you both be morons.” He turned the water off, and faced me. “So, you're welcome.”

I stood up awkwardly. “Uh, thanks. I think.”

“I'm doing it for Steve, not you.” He sighed.

I nodded and left the room, hightailing it up the stairs and into my bedroom. The bathroom door was shut, and I could hear water running beyond it. I hoped Bucky was right. The thought of joining Steve in the shower was intriguing, but I hoped he actually wanted me to. I gingerly opened the door, stepped across the small space to the tub, and pulled back the shower curtain.

Steve jumped about a mile. “Jesus!” He looked at me, eyes wide, a blue washcloth in his hand. “You scared me.”

“Sorry. I guess years of sneaking around makes me really quiet.” I peered at him. “You... you want company?”

A huge grin spread across his face. “I'm not going to say no to that offer.”

For the second time in only a few hours, I found myself naked and in the arms of Captain America.

* * *

After the shower, the three of us had found a clothing store and stocked up. We only had the clothes we'd had on when we arrived, and a few pieces that had been left at the safe house. We'd exchanged money at a bank, and then bought a few things to wear while we were in France. I knew I wasn't leaving until this mess was solved, and it appeared Steve and Bucky were planning on sticking it out as well. I knew Steve was staying because of me, and because there were people who needed protecting, and wrongs to be righted. I wasn't sure why Bucky was staying. Maybe because he wouldn't leave Steve. Maybe because he felt obligated to help solve injustice as well. He was hard to read, as I'm sure I was.

When we got back to the house it was mid afternoon, and Steve took the car and left to meet up with Lagherty and go check on my family in Brussels. He planned to stay in Brussels and come back in the morning, since it was a little over a three hour drive to get there. Bucky was staying at the safe house with me. He'd be recognizable to Hydra if they were around.

I walked Steve out, kissed him goodbye, and he got in the car. He put on a pair of aviator sunglasses, and leaned out the window. “Hey Six.”

“Yeah?” I turned back towards him.

“Try not to run off anywhere. I want to see you when I get back.” He winked at me.

I smiled and waved him off. “I can't promise anything, Cap.” He chuckled and drove away. I went back into the house. Bucky was watching television, cleaning his guns. I had nothing to do, so I went upstairs to take a nap. I crashed onto my bed. The pillows and blankets still smelled faintly of Steve. I breathed them in, and drifted off.

I woke up with a start, to a darkening room. I was disoriented. I know Bucky and Steve had told me the memories came back during sleep, and they hadn't been wrong. Not at all. It made going to sleep a daunting process; you never know if you were going to slumber peacefully through the night, or if you'd awaken scared and fighting for your life. Today, it was the latter. And I'd remembered something interesting. Something interesting about Paris, France. I climbed out of bed and stalked down the stairs.

All of Bucky's guns were now cleaned, put back together, and lined up on the coffee table and against the couch. The man had a lot of weapons. He was still watching television. I stood in the doorway. I vaguely remembered that he could understand french, but was terrible at actually speaking it. The little time we'd spent together fooling each other in Hydra, I remembered he'd liked hearing me speak my native language. I wondered if that had been a ruse, or if he'd actually enjoyed listening.

“Bucky?”

He turned towards me, muting the television. “Yeah?” He eyed me strangely. “Are you okay? You look kind of shaken up.”

“I'm fine.” I approached, moving an M-16 out of the way and sitting down. “I just remembered something.”

“What?”

“There's a Hydra base in Paris.”

His eyes perked up. “Oh really?”

“Yes.” I nodded.

“We don't have anything else to do tonight.” He glanced around the room at his weapons.

“I was thinking the same thing.” I looked out the front window. “We'll have to steal a car.”

“That can be arranged.”

“Steve would disapprove of stealing a car, I'm thinking.”

“You'd be surprised.” Bucky stood up. “Steve's really pretty proficient at stealing cars.”

“He is?”

“Yup. He calls it borrowing. But he hot-wires cars with the best of them.”

“Did you guys have a rough past I'm not aware of?”

“Nah, we weren't teenagers stealing automobiles. We were soldiers taking Nazi vehicles.”

“Ah. That makes sense.” I stood as well. “I'll meet you back here in ten minutes.”

“Six.” Bucky called my name as I turned to leave. I spun to face him. “The last door at the end of the hall- there are weapons in there. Stock up, soldier.”

I nodded. I went upstairs, put on my black jeans, crew neck shirt, boots, and Kevlar vest. I put on the gun holster, and went to visit the weapons room. I selected several guns and knives, a double shoulder holster to put them in, and went back to the living room. Bucky was there, back in his nomex pants and leather and Kevlar armor, all of his weapons strategically placed on his body. We sized each other up. This kind of felt familiar. I never had worked with Bucky, but this was the way we had always prepared for battle. It was different than how Steve did. He ran into a fray armed only with his shield and a pistol. We were different. We were walking arsenals; killing machines. I had a feeling that time and circumstance would never completely erase that.

“You're going to take on Hydra in skinny jeans and a sweater?” He raised his brows at me.

“There doesn't seem to be a store that sells combat gear in suburban Paris, so, yes.” I tightened the shoulder holster. “It's the best I can do.” I pulled a black ski mask over my head and handed another to Bucky.

“We look like we're about to rob a liquor store.” He shook his head.

“It's not a great disguise, but it covers out faces. It works.”

“You have no style.”

“I don't need style.”

We left the house in the darkness, cutting through some back alleys. We selected a grey sedan, and Bucky jimmied the door open and started it while I kept watch. We drove away from the suburbs, towards where I remembered the small Hydra base to be.

“Can I ask you a question, Bucky?” I finally spoke after a few minutes on the road.

“I guess.”

“You're fond of Mayday, yes?”

His eyes darted towards me. He looked like he was debating whether to answer, but finally relented. He shook his head once in affirmation. “Yes.”

“She seems nice. Is it easy to be happy?”

“She is nice. And no, it's not easy to be happy.” He sighed. “I'm sure it's not news to you, but I have a lot of anger built up. About seventy years of it. It's actually really hard to be happy.”

I sat silently. That hadn't been the answer I was hoping for.

“I know that's not what you wanted to hear.” He grunted. After a few moments, he let down his guard a bit and elaborated. “Mayday lets me be who I am. She knows what I did and what I'm like and she... she loves me anyways.”

“And you love her?”

“Yes. I do.” Bucky nodded. “I mean she's beautiful and she's smart. And she's strong. Not... not strong like us. I worry about her constantly when we're on missions because she's just an accident waiting to happen.” He sighed. “But her spirit is strong. But all those things... I love her the most because she's nice.”

“Like Steve.”

“Yeah, actually, I guess so. Like Steve.” Bucky was silent for a while, thinking about that. I was sure it hadn't escaped him that the two of us were nearly identical in nature. And as it turned out, what drew him to Mayday was what drew me to Steve... and it was looking like what drew Mayday to Bucky was what drew Steve to me. I quietly wondered what the hell was wrong with Mayday and Steve's taste in partners. Bucky and I were probably, in all honesty, beyond repair.

“If I don't make it through tonight... tell Steve that.”

“What part of it?”

“That I let him in because he's nice.”

“Those aren't exactly the sexiest or most badass last words, Six.”

“No, but they're true.” I was looking out the window again. “My life doesn't have a lot of truth to it.”

“If I don't make it, tell Mayday the same thing.”

“I will.” I paused. “Steve has you separated in his mind.” I began again. “He thinks of you and the Winter Soldier as different people. I haven't... I haven't gotten there yet.”

“The Winter Soldier is gone. He's lost.”

“Well you'd better find him. You're going to need his moral ambiguity tonight.” I checked the magazine of one of my handguns, and put it back strapped to my thigh.

“I didn't say that part of me was gone.” He smirked. It was the first time I'd ever gotten a smile out of Bucky.

“That part of you was always there.” I pointed out.

“Yes. I think it was.”

“We aren't the people everyone reads about in our files. Those people were practically perfect.” I looked out the window. “Hydra didn't take up because of what we did on paper. They took us because of who we were off the record.” I heard Bucky draw in a breath. I knew I was right, and I knew he hadn't been expecting this to ever come up. I looked over at him, and his eyes left the road briefly to look back at me. “We were always partly the Winter Soldier and Six. Deep down, we were always these people.”

“Hydra just erased the good parts.” Bucky said quietly, his eyes glazing over.

I nodded. “Yes. They did. And I'm planning on erasing them.”

“All of them?”

“Yes.”

“I'm with you.”

I smiled. “They should have thought of that when they recruited us, and then lost us.”

“Yes. They should have.” Bucky pulled up down the street from a building in a light industrial complex outside of the city.

“Too late now.”

* * *

The building was two stories on the outside, but inside it was one floor with incredibly tall walls, with windows at the top. It was a weapon storage facility. If I remembered correctly, there weren't a ton of people there. The man who ran the facility was named Lars, and he was a low level weapons developer. He had an office in back where he designed new toys. He had some armed guards as well. Most of what he made he shipped out, but the warehouse should have some stock in it, which I was planning on getting my hands on. Bucky and I crouched behind a low wall.

“You ready?” He asked me. I nodded. I aimed and took out the security camera above the door, while he shot out the one on our side of the building. We leapt over the fence, rushed up to the walls, and tossed ropes up the side, scaling the walls. We both peered down into the warehouse. There were ten armed men inside. Three sitting at a table playing cards, two patrolling among the wooden boxes of weapons and ammunition. The rest were placed around the room at various windows and doors. We saw a man leave the back room; Lars. He gestured at the side of the building where we had just disabled the cameras. The men at the table began to get up.

“Let's move.” I stood, kicking through the glass windows. We rappelled down into the room, taking the men by surprise in a hail of machine gun fire. When we landed at the bottom, eight men were dead. We took cover behind some boxes.

“I hope these boxes don't have explosives in them, or this was a shit idea.” Bucky lamented, tossing a gun to the side and grabbing the next one off of his back. I reloaded mine.

“Hope not.” I leaned around the box, just as a guard rounded the corner. I leapt on him, wrapping my legs around his throat and throwing both of us to the side. I sent him flying across the floor, and while he was disoriented, stalked up and put a bullet in his head. Bucky was fighting with the other guard. I figured he had it handled, and went in search of the real goal; Lars.

He was hiding in his office, the door barricaded. I pulled the pin on a grenade and rolled it at the door. It exploded, blowing the door off of it's hinges and destroying the desk he'd pushed in front of it. Bullets came flying out of the smokey room. I stepped to the side.

“Lars, I can toss another grenade in there and kill you right now.” I called out. The gunfire stopped.

“Why haven't you?” A deep voice with a thick German accent shouted back.

“Because I need to talk to you.”

“You won't kill me if I come out?”

“Of course not.” I smiled to myself.

“I'm coming out with my hands up. Don't shoot.” His figure approached through the clearing smoke. He stood in front of me. “I'll do anything you want. Just don't kill me.”

I looked him up and down. I hadn't realized how long it had been since I'd been in this base. Being outfitted for a mission. Lars had been a lot younger then. Now he was an old man. He had been mean then, and probably still was. I'd broken one of his precious weapons, and he'd hit me for it. I remembered being enraged, but the guards back then had stopped me from attacking him. I shrugged. They weren't here now.

“When did Hydra agents become so weak?” I asked him.

“What?”

I pulled my weapon, put it to his head, and fired. His body fell to the floor. I looked down at it. Bucky had walked up behind me.

“He came out and let you shoot him?” He looked at the body on the floor, and back at me.

“I told him I wouldn't shoot.” I holstered my weapon. “Surprisingly, he was dumb enough to believe me.”

“You got bad blood with this guy or what?” Bucky wiped his knife blade on his pants and stuck it back in his belt.

“You could say that.”

“Everyone's dead. Let's jack their hard drives and leave.”

We went into the office, took the computer parts we needed, and then went out onto the warehouse floor. We looked through the crates quickly. I found boxes of grenades, ammo, and some mean looking combat knives. Bucky tossed something to me. I looked at it. It was a black leather, Kevlar, and nomex jumpsuit.

“I found a bunch in a box over there.” He gestured behind him. “I grabbed a couple.”

“Thanks.”

We heard sirens in the distance.

“Someone must have reported gunfire.” I looked up.

“Yup. Time to go.”

* * *

That night I fell into a deep sleep. I awoke in the early morning hours, hearing someone move in my room. Someone was in there with me. I launched myself off of the bed, my knee up and over, trying to make contact with the intruders head. A hand grabbed my leg, pushing it away and slamming me back down on the bed.

“It's me, Six! It's just me! It's Steve!” A voice whispered in the dark, just as I had wrapped my hand around the knife tucked beneath my pillow. I let go of it and breathed a sigh of relief.

“Steve! You need to stop sneaking up on me. I almost stabbed you.” I flipped on the light.

“I'm sorry. You were asleep. I was trying to wake you up gently.”

I shook my head. “I can't do that yet. I can't just have someone slip into bed next to me.”

He sat next to me on the bed. “Not my best idea.”

“No, it's okay. This situation is new for both of us.” I reached out a hand to him. “It's going to take some improvisation.”

Steve nodded. “Your family is safe. Lagherty is solid.” He looked around. “Why do the clothes on the bathroom floor have blood all over them? And where did you get an entire box of grenades?!”

I smiled at him, trying to look innocent. Bucky and I hadn't really wanted to let Steve know what we'd been up to that night, and had figured we had at least until morning to come up with a way to spin murdering everyone in a Hydra warehouse and stealing their stuff into a good thing. Steve had come back early. That was out the window. I gave him a half-assed grin. “Uh, Bucky and I raided a Hydra weapons warehouse.”

Steve's eyes went wide. “You what?”

I shrugged. “We raided a Hydra base.” I watched him look from me, to the bloodstained clothes on the floor.

“How many people did you kill?”

“Um, a couple.”

“A couple?”

“All of them.”

“All of them...”

“Hey, at least we got along for a few hours.”

Steve closed his eyes and took a breath. “Yeah. At least there's that.”

* * *

Continued in part 9