Get Along 2.0
Bucky is curled up beside Tony’s desk chair with his head on Tony’s thigh and his hand wrapped around Tony’s ankle. It was unexpectedly submissive, vulnerable, and when Bucky took the position Tony was surprised but he didn’t say anything just in case Bucky was self-conscious about it, about obviously taking comfort in it. Instead he brushes Bucky’s long strands out of his face and gently massages his scalp, familiar with the position having been in it so many times. Granted he didn’t trust many people in such a vulnerable position having spent his whole life in a culture of ‘fear the alpha’ that had made itself real in a number of different ways he didn’t even want to think about. Frankly if he was Bucky, whose own situation had been far more terrifying than his own ever had, he’d never want to even cast the illusion that he could be submissive ever again let alone actually assume a submissive position.
“What are you thinking, Stark?” Bucky says, shuffling around a bit so he could look up at Tony.
“I’m not thinking anything,” he says in place of an actual answer.
Bucky rolls his eyes, “that’s not true and we both know it,” he says.
Tony considers for a moment and he figures if he was in Bucky’s position he’d expect honesty so. “I… I guess I’m just surprised you’d take such a submissive position, not that there’s anything wrong with that,” he throws in because he doesn’t want Bucky to feel bad, “just with your history and all that…” he trails off lamely.
Bucky shrugs, “I used to do this with HYDRA all the time-” he starts and Tony jumps out of his chair and away from Bucky so fast he even surprised himself. His chair rolls fast across the room, hitting Dummy, whose claw turned to face the object as if Dummy was looking at it.
“Oh eww,” Tony says, waving his hands around and dancing a little, “oh my god. I am so so sorry,” he says for lack of a better reaction.
Bucky lets out a long sigh and waits for Tony to calm down some. “Are you done?” he asks a few minutes later.
“No I’m not done, are you okay?” he asks because he basically just recreated HYDRA torture and eww. He was not impressed with himself.
Bucky rolls his eyes and Tony did not think it was an appropriate time to do such a thing because hello, HYDRA torture? “If you’d be so kind to stop freaking out and let me explain myself?” he asks and Tony doesn’t think that Bucky should have to explain anything because none of this was his fault but Bucky clearly feels the need to say something so he stays quiet. “Thank you,” he says, looking irritated, “first of all you didn’t unwittingly recreate some fucked up HYDRA torture scene. I mean I think it was supposed to be torture, putting me in such a submissive position, but that decision was made under the assumption that I adhered to hegemonic alpha norms, which I never have so. It was kind of comforting, actually, it was the only time I wasn’t Bucky, or the asset, or being tortured or whatever. I could just… be,” he says.
Tony, he supposes, understands in the abstract. He’s met plenty of people, mostly alphas contrary to popular narrative, that hated being expected to do things all the time, people who just wanted some damn time off. The problem Tony had was that he never seemed to have time on because everyone else liked to try and make his decisions for him, tried to control his life without even consulting him first. “Okay,” he says slowly, “I get it. Kind of,” he says.
Bucky frowns at him, “I don’t understand your need for constant control, I find it exhausting to be honest,” he says.
Tony shrugs, “the problem is that neither of us got a choice in whether or not we wanted control or not, people just assumed based on biology. To be honest I can’t believe you’d ever want to give up control, if I were you I don’t think I’d ever let anyone control me again.”
“I think you have a skewed perception of control,” Bucky says, “I mean I get it because if you even look like you might be submissive in a situation people assume they can control you. But I don’t want that, if I choose to be submissive it isn’t because I want someone to run my life, I just want to be pet and told I’m pretty once and awhile. Is that too much for a guy to ask for?”
Tony snorts, “oh I get that,” he says, “but like I swear when you tell someone ‘pet me and tell me I’m pretty’ they hear ‘control every aspect of my life, please.’ Like no, I wanted a confidence booster, not a fucking parent,” he says, wrinkling his nose.
Bucky laughs, “I know, and when an alpha says it people look at you really weird, like what, alphas can’t be told they’re pretty? Fuck you,” he says.
“Yeah,” Tony says, “actually I probably would, I’m not really that picky.”
“I would have thought you would be given all your anxieties,” Bucky says.
Tony shrugs, “ehh, stick a ball gag in their mouth and take one for the team,” he says and Bucky starts laughing.
*
Natasha sighs, “well that ended terribly. I mean I told them to kiss and they kind of touch lips, I’ve seen people give their grandmothers warmer kisses than that,” she says.
May nods, “time for phase two of the ‘get along’ shirt,” she says. Natasha raises an eyebrow because she was not aware there was a phase two to this plan.
“They seem to think the other one is the actual devil, so we lock them in a room together until they sort their shit out,” she says.
“You don’t think they’d kill each other?” Natasha asks because she was fairly certain Tony would manage to make something that would have the potential to kill Steve. He was a creative and resourceful man when he wanted to be, if terrorists couldn’t hold him she doubted they could.
“Probably not. Okay, minimal damage,” May says when Natasha looks skeptical, “point is they have something in common now. Bucky. We can play off that.”
“Tell them to get along for the sake of Bucky’s mental health, he’s been through so much, would they really want to make it worse?” she asks, picking up where May left off.
“Exactly,” Mays says, “and they both feel like they owe Bucky. It’ll work.”
“Suck it Sam, we’re going to win,” Natasha says, grinning. Sam had found out about their efforts and he had insisted that he was the reason behind Tony and Bucky getting together was him, but that was absolutely false. Now there were bets as to which team could get Steve, Tony, and Bucky together faster, May and Nat, or Sam. Obviously Sam was going down.
*
He was told there would be food and instead he found fucking Steve and to add insult to injury Natasha god damn locked the two of them in the room together. “Welcome to phase two of your ‘get along’ shirt, we’ll let you out when you kiss and make up!” Natasha yells, giggling as she moved away from the door.
Steve and Tony exchange a glance, “do you think if we pretended to try and kill each other they would let us out?” Steve asks.
“No,” Tony says.
“Why not? Seems logical to me, they don’t want us dead.”
“There are cameras in here and they are undoubtedly watching us right now and you decided to air our best shot at getting out of here to the whole damn world. Congrats, you ruined us,” Tony tells him.
Steve rolls his eyes hard and Tony rolls his eyes right back because it wasn’t his fault Steve fucked it up for them, that was Steve’s fault. “Stop arguing,” Natasha’s voice says over the speaker system JARVIS used, causing both Steve and Tony jump in surprise, “you two need to stop fighting for all of our sakes but mostly Bucky’s,” he says.
“Hasn’t he been through enough without you two trying to verbally murder each other?” a new voice adds and Tony squints at the ceiling, was that Agent Glares-a-Lot? The one that hung out with Clint’s agent? “Find common ground,” the two women instruct and judging from the silence after that statement that’s how they chose to sign off.
“We hate each other,” Tony says and Steve nods, “great, we found common ground now let us out!” Nothing happens and Tony sighs, well it was worth a shot.
They sit in silence for a solid half hour at least and Tony prides himself on not being the person to break it because usually he couldn’t stand silence. “Why do we hate each other?” Steve asks and Tony’s immediate reaction was to point out that the answer was obvious but he shuts his mouth, thinking the question over for a second to humor Steve and Natasha. She’d straight up let them die in the room before she let them out still pissy at each other so he might as well try and actually do stuff.
“Okay. Why do we hate each other?” he asks and from the annoyed look on Steve’s face that wasn’t the answer he was looking for. “Okay fine, I’ll go first,” Tony says, “I’ll start with some good stuff, you aren’t a horrible teacher, you’re hot, you genuinely care about Bucky even if I know way better than you do-”
“Excuse you?” Steve yells, all but leaping off the couch to get in Tony’s face.
“Oh fuck off,” he snaps, “this using your height and bulk against me to try and establish dominance thing is a good part of why I don’t like you. Back up,” Tony says firmly and to his surprise Steve does.
“You had better have a good explanation for that,” he snaps, “you have no idea who Bucky is, you have no history with him-”
“Exactly,” Tony says, cutting Steve off before he goes on a needlessly long rant. “I’m not trying to insult your relationship with Bucky-”
“You could have fooled me,” he snaps and Tony rolls his eyes hard.
“Oh for gods sakes would you lose the ‘prove it’ attitude that you constantly have hanging around you? It’s irritating enough that dominant culture tells me that I’ll never live up to your example I don’t need more of that from you, thanks,” he says.
Steve gives him a look, “I don’t always have a ‘prove it’ attitude around you, I compliment you regularly and you throw it back in my face every chance you get,” he snaps.
“You do so and I do not. And by the way telling everyone I can do stuff and then pointing at me like I’m some sort of case study that proved your theories about me right all along and suggesting you know more about my own abilities than I do isn’t a compliment, its rude and condescending,” he says.
Steve deflates and frowns in confusion, “that’s how you’ve been perceiving that? I… thought I was building rapport but I guess not,” he says, sounding far more bitter than he should.
“Yeah well it’s annoying to watch you and Natasha argue over whether or not I’m capable of something right in front of me like I’m not even there. Throw in the fact that whenever I try and speak for myself you both tell me to shut up and continue talking about me as if I don’t exist in my own life and it’s a recipe for disaster,” he says and that should be obvious, why the hell should he have to point this out?
Steve sighs, “well that explains a lot of your behavior,” he says, “but it doesn’t explain Bucky, you don’t know him better than I do,” he says.
Tony rubs his temples because this was going to be the end of him, he could feel it. “I’m not saying you don’t know Bucky historically, I’m saying you don’t know him currently, shut your mouth and let me explain, Steve. I have kind of a… unique understanding of Bucky if for no other reason than having gone through a really similar situation, including having a piece of tech inserted into my body for purposes I had no say in. Granted Bucky’s captors actually managed to strip him near entirely of agency and mine didn’t but that isn’t the point, we both know what it’s like to get kidnapped by terrorists and escape, barely, with our lives only to come back to a best friend who has no idea who you are any more. It’s painful.”
Steve, to his credit, looked like he was trying to understand but something was obviously falling flat. “But why does he go to you instead of me? What do you have that I don’t? Why are you the better option?” Steve asks and he stops abruptly, looking like he was about to cry and Tony felt bad for him, perhaps for the first time.
“I have the same thing Clint and Nat did that Rhodey didn’t when I came back from Afghanistan; no fucking clue what to expect. Bucky and I have no history, no back story, there are no preconceived notions of who we’re supposed to be to one another, and there’s no soul crushing disappointment when everyone involved realizes that that person no longer exists, and never will again,” he says.
“But I don’t expect Bucky to be who he was, I know that he can’t be that person anymore,” Steve says, sounding somewhat desperate, “there’s no need for you,” he throws in, sounding bitter.
Tony resists the urge to roll his eyes at Steve’s stupidity. “It isn’t something you consciously do, it’s not like you’ve set out to make Bucky feel like shit it just sort of happens. It’s not like this assessment is based strictly on my own experiences either, I see the way you two interact. You’ll make some joke, or a reference, or do something else and you’ll give Bucky this expectant look because you know exactly how he would have reacted before HYDRA. Except Bucky isn’t that Bucky anymore and if he feels the way I did when I came back he probably thinks that every disappointed face you make when he misses the reference or doesn’t laugh at a joke is a failed test. He probably thinks that it’s only a matter of time before you realize he’s never going to be your Bucky again, and once you do it’s only a matter of time before you move on to better prospects,” he says.
He’s glad that Bucky’s spared the look on Steve’s face because Tony hadn’t been so lucky to escape the betrayed look on Rhodey’s face. “So what?” Steve asks, “he moves on to better prospects first? He moves on to you?” he says with enough bitterness and sarcasm that Tony is actually hurt by the statement despite not caring about Steve’s opinion of him.
“Wow, say that with any more of a condescending tone and I might actually believe I’m better than you,” he says sarcastically. Too late Steve realizes his mistake and by then the damage is done and Tony had already turned away.
*
“Look, I didn’t mean it like that,” Steve says some time later and Tony gives him such a withering glare that Steve actually flinches.
“I’m curious, then, exactly what you did mean by that given that you pointed out how useless and irrelevant I should be to Bucky,” he says bitterly.
Steve flinches and good, Tony was hurt damnit. He thought that he and Bucky were actual friends and according to Steve, who did actually have a much better all-around knowledge of Bucky than Tony did, he wasn’t really anything. Big surprise there. “I don’t think you’re useless and irrelevant,” Steve says, sounding frustrated, “I think I’m useless and irrelevant and I’m mad damnit! I’m supposed to know Bucky best, I’m supposed to be his best friend, and I’ve been fucking trying for two god damn years and failing and then you swoop your ass in here and you’re way better at this than I am and you aren’t even trying!” he yells. “I’ve spent so much god damn time trying to help Bucky and nothing seems to help, actually if anything I make it worse. Do you have any idea how it feels to watch some random stranger do a better job at being your best friend’s best friend than you? How much that hurts? And to add salt to the fucking wound you hate yourself, you fucking loath everything about you and you hold be up as some symbol of perfection for some god damn reason and it pisses me off. It pisses me off that you think you’re worthless and I’m perfect when no matter how god damn hard I try I can never be as good as you, I’m never going to be able to connect with Bucky like you have. What the fuck good is perfection when the person you love the most in the world loves some asshole more than you and I fucking hate you for it. I hate you!” Steve yells, breathing hard.
*
“Now We’re getting somewhere,” Natasha says and Sam looks at her like she’s nuts.
“You think this is improvement?” he asks skeptically.
May looks skeptical too and Natasha rolls her eyes, they had little faith in her methods. “She’s right,” someone drawls from behind them.
They turn and find Loki lingering in the doorway, smirking and Natasha kind of wants to hit him more than usual. She had no idea how he and Tony worked so long without managing to rip each other to shreds. They were far too similar to work, or at least that’s what she had thought, but they had somehow managed for far longer than she would have guessed. “You think that they’ve regressed but they haven’t, Tony sees something you two don’t and for once Natasha hasn’t underestimated him,” Loki says and she gives him a withering glare. She doesn’t underestimate anyone; it’s what makes her so good at what she does.
Loki gestures to the screen and they all turn back as Tony spoke, “you’re a fucking idiot,” he says and Natasha drops her head into her hand. God, Tony was the idiot here.
“And you’ve started to doubt him,” Loki murmurs, “you shouldn’t, he’s going to do exactly what you, May, and Sam want and bond with Steve.”
“Excuse me?” Steve says in a low voice that spoke to a hair trigger temper that was just about ready to blow and as usual Tony doesn’t perceive the damn danger. Tony never perceived the damn danger except when he’s imagined it in his own mind. Loki is giving her looks but she ignores him in favor of the screen in case Tony’s stupid ass needed saving.
“You have a pretty fucked up view of love and caring and it’s making you see shit that isn’t even there. Don’t look at me like that. You seem to think that Bucky caring about me and wanting to spend time with me means he cares less about you and that makes no god damn sense. Love isn’t a zero-sum, Steve, Bucky doesn’t love you less just because he cares about me too and thinking that he does is seriously fucked up,” Tony says calmly and to his credit Steve seems to calm a little. That didn’t make Loki right.
“What do you mean?” Steve asks slowly.
“I mean that in your perception of me you assume a few things that aren’t true. First, you assume that because I can meet Bucky’s current needs better than you can that makes me the better friend, and two, you assume that Bucky’s relationship with me somehow takes from your relationship. But love doesn’t work like that; it isn’t some finite resource that can only go to one person at a time. To give you an example you’ve probably noticed, Nat and Clint meet each other’s needs far better than Bruce and Coulson could meet their respective partner’s needs. That doesn’t mean Nat and Clint care less about Bruce and Coulson. They just have a different bond with one another than they do to their romantic partners and that’s okay, the two can coexist without making one lesser than the other. Love works on a case to case basis and everyone is different, meaning you can’t love any two people the same way. Hell, sometimes you can love the same person in different ways at the same time. No matter how much Bucky may come to care about me he’ll never love me like he loves you because he literally can’t. You’re you and I’m me, we have different needs and expectations and therefore the way he cares about us will always be individual and unique,” Tony says.
Steve looks stunned and frankly he isn’t the only one. Natasha had no idea Tony had such a… complex view on love because he didn’t seem to care about a lot of people outside himself. “Told you,” Loki sing-songs, “Tony has and always will be incredibly special, unique. I was stupid to throw what we had away over something so petty,” he says quietly and with that he goes.
*
Given that they seemed to have figured out what Steve’s problem was they moved on to Tony, whose issue was already well-voiced. It was, however, difficult to see Steve as so god damn perfect after his outburst though, and Tony was the one who drew the parallels between Steve and Rhodey. He seemed so much more… human than he had before, less of the oppressive unattainable representation of perfection that Tony was constantly compared to and more of someone he could actually talk to. “Well, you seemed to have finally figured out the Command thing,” Tony points out because Steve had managed to not use one once during their whole interaction.
Steve shrugs, “yeah, I asked Fitz for a pen a few weeks ago and he practically chucked it at me because I accidentally used a Command. I felt bad and gross to I figured it was about time I learned how to… not do that,” he says.
“You should feel bad and gross,” Tony says, resorting to his sharp jabs out of habit, “I’d apologize but I’m right,” he says.
Steve shrugs, “fair enough,” he says, “except now I can’t figure out how to turn them back on but I figure that’s probably a good thing.”
Tony laughs, “wow, all or nothing, Bucky was right, we do have more in common than we thought,” he says.
“Oh we do not; I am not as contradictory and confusing as you are. I mean one second you’re all suspicious and watching us all like a hawk, and the next moment you’re giving away a bunch of information. You literally make no sense,” Steve says.
“I didn’t think the information was useful! I don’t think like you guys do, I’m a little more logical, literal. How the hell was supposed to know you guys would find anything I said useful? And really, you’re not contradictory at all? Really? We literally had a discussion in which you were trying to convince me that you didn’t think me lesser than you while simultaneously telling me I was lesser than you. Nothing gets more contradictory than that,” Tony points out though now they both knew that was due to Steve’s conflicting feelings.
Steve opens his mouth to refute that statement but he seems to think better of it, “yeah, you make a point.”
“I know,” Tony says, earning a look from Steve, “What? You were the one who took an active interest in my mental health while simultaneously hoping I’d still feel like shit at the end of the day because you lowkey hated me,” he says.
“Okay so maybe you aren’t the only contradictory one,” Steve says, generously giving Tony credit.
“Also-”
“Shut up, Tony, we both get it,” Steve says, giving him looks.
“Bad habit,” Tony says, smiling.
“Well it’s annoying,” Steve tells him.
“I’m annoying,” Tony says, embracing the label quickly, mostly to be annoying.
Steve rolls his eyes at him but Tony can see the change in body language, in behavior. Steve wasn’t as frustrated anymore, not in the same way at least and it showed. “So we’ve been stuck in here for like forever, do you think they’ll remember to feed us?” he asks.
The speakers overhead turn on and judging from the shuffling Tony hears someone hit the button by accident, “shit,” he hears Natasha say before someone hits the button again and the speakers turn off.
“Guess so,” Tony says and the two start laughing.