Chapter 11
after ellie had read the third and fourth comic book to winter, ellie took the time to point out any details or cool facts winter might've missed. winter let her talk on and on, even on the details winter already realized. she was so intrigued by ellie's interest in the comic series, she figured ellie had enough time to dwell over the comics given the state of the world, but she was still surprised at how articulate ellie was while being excited. winter watches ellie's eyes as she talks, she was too busy looking at the book and around the room to notice winter. winter was thankful ellie was still enveloped in her comic, deciding to let her eyes linger a bit longer. winter got more and more absorbed in ellie's flickering eyes, suddenly becoming aware of how green the other's eyes would glint when she glances up to the room. her eyelashes looked so defined, touching a few of ellie's freckles when she'd look back down to the book.
winter's hands and feet felt cold as a wave of adrenaline and guilt rushed over her, slightly snapping out of the trance she was in. the guilt obviously wasn't strong enough, winter's eyes not moving from ellie's face was evidence enough. for a moment, she thought of ellie's lips and how they felt earlier, but she refused to let her eyes trickle down. there was still a part of her that didn't completely understand why these urges made her feel so guilty. she somehow felt like she was being unfair to ellie.
winter became increasingly more nervous that ellie didn't want to actually kiss her earlier, maybe she was too pushy. halfway through convincing herself she forced ellie to kiss her she remembers joel's words, pages of drawings of her.. but then why would winter care if she wasn't even a little bit interested in ellie? she obviously couldn't deny her feelings didn't seem like normal friend feelings, but the fear that comes with admitting that is far too intense for her. she was scared of losing the one connection she has, selfishly wanting to keep seeing ellie. ellie walked to her to kiss her, hasn't told her about drawings of her, she visits when she can, she brings winter food, winter continuously tries to convince herself there's a chance ellie thinks of her romantically. thoughts racing through her head clouded enough to let her eyes slip down to ellie's lips carefully, doing a slight glance back up to her eyes to see if she's been caught. if she wasn't so distracted, winter would've laughed at her demeanor, behaving like a child doing something against the rules.
winter nods every once in a while, humming when the pause is appropriate, but she honestly stopped listening about ten minutes ago. she found everything ellie did pretty, her slight smile when talking about the comic, her constantly reaching up to put hair behind her own ear while still explaining, the way her eyes moved even seemed perfect. the pretty, deep pink of her lips entranced winter as easily as her green eyes did. winter jolted a little as ellie looked to her left, locking eyes with winter. winter's eyes were wide with shock, but ellie's squinted a little as she smiles over to winter. it wasn't a smirk like usual, just a small polite smile, making winter furrow her brows. winter just stared back, slowly relaxing her eyes, mentally kicking herself for not listening.
"did i lose you?" ellie giggles, flipping the book closed and setting atop the other on winter's nightstand. "sorry, i never realize i'm rambling." ellie scratches the back of her neck, shifting in her seat.
"no, i was listening." winter blurts in attempt to be less awkward, instead coming off extra defensive. ellie's eyebrows turned up, and she holds a laugh back while turning her body towards winter's. they're now both crisscross, winter starting to smile because of ellie's. "what?" winter asks, nervously laughing and glancing around, avoiding ellie's now burning gaze.
"what is one thing i said in the last five minutes?" ellie slyly smirks, chuckling after winter scoffs. ellie stays quiet, staring back at winter expectantly, causing winter's smile to slowly drop.
"probably that.. starlight did. some.. cool things probably. i don't know, you said a lot, let me process." winter sighs, annoyed at ellie's teasing. ellie chuckles, shaking her head slightly. winter hesitates, but glances at ellie's forming dimple. of course, that leads to winter's eyes lingering on any details that winter thinks deserves acknowledgment. she feels herself start to smile at how pretty she thinks ellie is, choosing now to practically rip her eyes away from ellie. winter hopes the warm ball that seems to be growing in her chest is a good sign, though she's not sure if she cares too much. if being with ellie feels like this every day, she wouldn't mind.
"it's okay, it wasn't my best ramble work anyways." ellie shrugs, pulling the blanket they were sharing off and stretching. "im going to go get some water. do you want anything?" ellie asks, standing and reaching for an empty glass on winter's side table.
winter fights off a fond smile that threatens to show, a now natural response anytime ellie does something thoughtful. she's noticed ellie's kindness before, don't get her wrong, but winter's fears overshadowed every positive emotion initially. but now winter seemed to take mental note of every nice thing ellie does. it feels impossible for her to ignore, she isn't sure if it's admiring or observing. she's trying to almost memorize every moment she possibly could, a mistake she'd made with her dad. she wishes to remember his face in full detail. she won't let her mind forget ellie's face.
winter quickly shakes her head, trying her best to not look into ellie's eyes, as tempting as they were. ellie taps the glass with her thumb as she walks out, leaving winter's door cracked a few inches. winter waits for ellie to take a few steps away from the door before she smiles, she looks back at the nightstand, a small ring of sweat left behind from the glass. winter blushes while remembering herself reaching over ellie earlier to set the glass down. she tries to not think about how warm ellie constantly is, about how close they are, and mostly about how captivating ellie's eyes become.
winter softly sighs, rubbing her face in a weak attempt to relax her smiling cheeks that start to ache. she wonders if ellie's cheeks have ever hurt from smiling too much, she also wonders if her achy cheeks were ever because of winter.
her heartbeat echoed through her ears as she leaned back against the wall, any small thought about ellie had a cold wave wash over winter. her fingers and nose were cold from her nerves.
after a minute or two of silence winter picks her head up from resting on the wall, she listens for a moment but it is still quiet, only the wind pressing against the windows filling the silence. winter slowly scoots the edge of the bed, lightly walking to the door.
winter still hears nothing after a pause in her movements. she opens her door enough for herself to slip past, a fleeting thought of ellie sneaking to leave makes winter's heart ache. as winter rounds the corner into the kitchen she sees ellie staring out the window, a half empty cup of water in her right hand, the other resting on the counter on the other side of the sink.
ellie's features were concentrated, her hand gripped the cup with more force than needed. winter could see ellie's jaw clench and unclench. afraid of spooking ellie, winter slowly backs away, hoping to reach the room before the other snaps out of whatever thought she's having. as winter moves the door back to being cracked it creaks lowly, and a small sigh came from the kitchen, making winter's stomach flip.
the wood floor squeaks as ellie walks back, winter awkwardly sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting. ellie pauses at the doorframe when she sees winter, walking over to put the cup on the side table and sit by winter.
ellie sits down with a huff, softly bumping her knee into the other's. winter looks over to ellie, quickly turning her head away when ellie returns the action.
"it's getting cold out there." ellie says, the harsh wind outside becoming slightly louder when pointed out. winter looks at the window with a small nod.
"at least another month until snow, though." winter offers. ellie nods, following winter's gaze. "hopefully.." winter trails off. ellie turns back to winter, leaning forward as she places her hands on the bed on either side of her thighs.
"do you need any help or supplies for winter? i could help." ellie offers, her eyes flitting between winter's. winter straightened her back, her eyes avoiding ellie's direction now. she pauses to think, even though she knows she'll say no anyway. she presses her lips into a line as she shakes her head, glancing at ellie.
"nope, we should be good." winter says, her eyes still skimming wall to wall, anything but ellie's direction. winter's old snow boots suddenly popped into her mind, she was almost too embarrassed to ask, but knew they'd be important soon. "actually do you have any duct tape? my snow boots are a bit worn, the toe area lifts.. don't feel pressured to share, though-" ellie scoffs in the middle of winter overexplaining and waves her off when she starts backtracking, quickly getting up to retrieve the tape.
she silently tosses the tape into winter's lap, scooting back to the wall when she sits on the bed again. ellie watches winter's back as she looks down to the roll in he hands, her eyes selfishly wandering over a sliver of winter's neck that peeks out from winter's hair as winter takes a deep breath. she pulls her gaze up to the other's face as she turns around, the glint in winter's eyes making her start smiling.
"thank you, i'll fix them tonight." winter says, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips, the warmth in her chest spreading painfully up to her cheeks when ellie shakes her head.
"just keep it, it's not like it's a new roll." ellie shrugs. "might be useful." ellie says, leaning forward and grabbing the cup. she takes a sip while holding eye contact with winter, winter looks down and back up at ellie.
"it seems this would benefit you way more than me." winter blankly blinks back at ellie. "it's also basically a new roll." winter lifts the tape in her hand up, as if showing ellie how little had been used.
"i'm sure i can spare one roll." ellie says, chuckling as winter furrows her brows and sets the tape aside on the bed. she felt like ellie had been giving her a lot while getting nothing back, her stomach turning in guilty and anxious knots.
"hey." ellie almost whispers, her foot tapping winter's thigh. "i don't need it back, i have an extra in there. don't worry about it." ellie slightly shrugs, putting the cup back on the side table.
winter shuffles over beside ellie while she's destracted, leaving a few inches and stiff breaths between them. she kept herself in her own spot, testing how uncomfortable ellie would be with her.
ellie poorly contained a smirk that was taking over, scanning how winter was indirectly asking for something, a fondness melting her heart right in her chest. she desides to carefully shift closer, their sides now touching. she then gently reaches for winter's hand that rested in the other's lap, glancing up at her to make sure no discomfort was present.
ellie's left hand softly covers winter's right, threading her fingers through winter's. winter let out a shakey exhale, bringing her other hand to fiddle with ellie's, she instantly takes interest in the calluses and scars. she tries not to obsess over what could have caused the calluses and what hobbies would have given ellie them, too nervous her blush would be obvious.
"do dina and jesse think i'm weird for not wanting to see anyone?" winter waits, distracting herself with ellie's hand in her own, trying to not focus on how absurd every question she's asked sounds. after a pause, winter shyly peeks up at ellie, her nervous eyes meeting ellie's upturned eyebrows.
"not at all, they think you're other worldly cool. they're curious." ellie says, her thumb experimentally rubbing the back of winter's hand.
"you know you always have a place there? if winter gets too harsh there's-"
"plenty of open houses. i know." winter cuts her off with a tight lipped smile. her heart feels like it skips when ellie gently squeezed winter's hand.
"the offer won't change." ellie says quietly, leaning her head on winter's shoulder.