Holes

For two weeks Skye waited for any word about Ward. May surprised her by not being upset that she continued to ask.

However the news was the same every day. He was being debriefed, they were trying to get Garrett to talk and she didn’t know if Ward would remain in SHIELD and let alone be returning to his team.

May took them to the Providence base in the Arctic. A base that used to belong to SHIELD’s predecessor the Strategic Scientific Reserve.

At the base they were greets by agent Eric Koenig who insisted that everyone do a lie detector test in order to get a lanyard. Skye passed hers with flying colors but all her thoughts were on Ward.

Slowly agents that Fury fully trusted began arriving at the base. Skye had found out that there were two other secure bases an underground one called the Playground and a ship called the Iliad.

What should have been an highlight of her life, May showing up with a leather badge congratulating her on reaching level 1 wasn’t without Ward or Coulson to celebrate. Still she smiled and thanked May and got hugs from Fitz, Simmons and Trip. The badge was so she could get intelligence. She was no longer a consultant. Now she was an official full part of the SHIELD.

After the two weeks, Skye got more answers when Coulson arrived in a quinjet. He walked from the landing pad with an agent a few years older her. She was pretty with dark hair and an olive complexion.

But he came without Ward.

“Where is he?” she asked.

“I want to brief you all about Ward’s situation. This is Agent 33. Kara Palamas. She’s a specialist like Ward and works in intelligence.”

“Good to meet you,” She was worried about Ward but not enough to forgot her manners.

“This is Agent Skye.”

“First name or last?” the pretty agent asked.

“Neither.” Kara smiled.

“May said she set me up an office, can you gather everyone and meet me there in 15 minutes. I’m going to escort Agent 33 to Koenig.”

She nodded.

“And Skye?”

“Yes.”

“Congratulations.”

She took it but it felt meaningless without her SO.

“Fury and Hill promise that they have his back. They think he might be the key to getting Garrett to talk.”

“Are you sure that’s safe?” Skye asked. “Garrett did a number on him.” She almost shivered at the thought of Ward being alone with his abuser.

“He’ll be okay. He wants to do it. This Hydra infiltration is much deeper and higher than we thought. Hill and Fury know everything about what Garrett did to him. They’ll pull him out if it seems to much.”

“Still—“ Fitz said. “What can we do to help him?”

“It’s out of our hands now. Fury knows that Garrett brainwashed Ward; he knows that Ward volunteered to confess and that when Fury debriefed him Ward held nothing back. Fury promised me that Ward will face no jail time. I don’t know if he’ll stay in SHIELD, but no prison. And if they kick him out of SHIELD, I have ways to help him and maybe we can use him as a consultant. I promise I will not abandoned him.”

“He’s doing the right thing,” May said, her voice calm. “Skye—Ward’s stronger than you think.”

She didn’t respond. She didn’t think Ward was weak, she thought he was vulnerable. It seemed that Garrett had taken all of Ward’s vulnerabilities and used it against him.

“He’s not weak,” Simmons said.

“I didn’t say that,” May said, her voice was stern. “I don’t think Ward knows his own strength inside. It took a lot for him to betray Garrett.”

This was his last chance. Garrett’s condition had deteriorated rapidly. He finally realized that he wasn’t going to talk his way out and accepted his mortality.

The first time Ward came to see him, Garrett had cursed and screamed at him calling him worthless and weak. It had hurt a lot. Even though the last few weeks, Ward had worked hard to break from Garrett’s control, you couldn’t erase 15 years of it after a few sessions with a therapist. It helped that Hill understood. She wasn’t angry and judgmental that he had been a Hydra agent.

“Come to see me off?” Garrett said. He was lying on the bed with an oxygen cannula looking vulnerable for the first time since Ward met him. “Or are you trying to get me to talk.”

“John, please tell them what you know about Hydra. I’ve told them everything and it’s like a burden’s been lifted.”

“There isn’t much to tell.”

“So tell them. I’ve been talking to a therapist—“

“Great—and what did shrinky-dink tell you?”

“He thinks that Hydra has been molding SHIELD’s policy. Made them do horrible things like not saving their agents. John, Hydra is the reason you got left behind. Hydra victimized SHIELD agents to recruit them. They victimized you.”

“I knew I shouldn’t have put you in. I should have done the deed myself.”

Ward wanted to hate Garrett. Hate him for brainwashing him; hate him for making him a killer. He had killed for SHIELD and even though they were bad people, he was able to take the shot without regret. He knew he would have killed for Garrett, for Hydra. But now he wouldn’t. Not anymore. And he wasn’t planning on doing it for SHIELD either. Even if they did decide to allow him to stay. He made it very clear to both Hill and Fury. He was loyal to his team, but not to SHIELD.

“John, you can’t talk your way out of this one. Don’t do Hydra any favors.”

“When Hydra approached me, I asked them if any of these SHIELD agents who abandoned me were Hydra operatives. None of them were. They didn’t need Hydra to make them do the wrong thing, they just decided to follow the rules no questions asked.”

“You mean like me?”

Garrett didn’t reply.

“I would have killed for you John, that’s how misguided I was. SHIELD isn’t the best organization but you can’t blame them for Hydra’s orders. Hydra made SHIELD into their own personal weapon, just like you did to me. I’m not your personal weapon anymore.”

“So you’re going to be SHIELD’s? Are you let you stay if I confess?”

“I told them everything I know. For that I don’t go to prison. The only reason I want to stay in SHIELD is to be with my team. They’ve shown me more kindness than you ever did.”

“Kid, I did you a favor. When I found you, you were nothing.”

“Listen to yourself. Yes, I was nothing. My family left me hollow. I needed help, counseling, therapy, someone to love and believe me. You abandoned me in the woods to fend for myself. You told me it was my fault for not bringing supplies when you never told me what you were doing.” He didn’t want to get upset. Not in front of him.

“I made you strong.”

“You made me physically strong but not mentally. Now I can beat up my bullies, but do you know what? I still hate myself. Still hate what Christian made me do.”

Garrett didn’t reply.

“Were they really not looking for me?”

Garrett looked at him confused. “What?”

“My family. Did they really not care what happen to me? Were you telling the truth that they sold me to you?”

“The truth is much worse. Your parents weren’t looking for you because they gave me 10 grand to strengthen you out.”

“What?” Ward said, his gut fell.

“They weren’t going to petition the court to try you as an adult. They wanted to bury you as far as they could. I was a god-sent to them. The only person in those five years to ever ask about you was your grandma. I wrote her a lovely letter letting her know you were fine and signed your name. So Grant, there was no salvation for you except for me.”

“You haven’t learned, have you? You really think you did me a favor.”

“You would have been a monster no matter what.”

“No, I wouldn’t. What delusion did you tell yourself when you try to drown me? Because I was ready to accept what I had done. That was a threat to you, wasn’t it? If I accepted what Christian made me do, I would have come to terms with how my family treated me.”

Garrett didn’t reply. Ward felt angry over his former mentors lack of remorse.

“Kid, you really wanted to go back? How much of what your brother did to you, do you remember? I taught you how to create compartments to bury what happen. But I did remember one story you told me. Waking up with his hands around your throat, but that wasn’t worse part, was it?”

This time Ward didn’t respond.

“You told your mother and what did she do?”

“She laughed at me and called me a wimp.”

“So maybe kid, I turned you into a more focused killer. Putting all that anger into targets.”

“No—because I’m remembering other things too. My parents and my older brother were monsters. My sister ran away to college as soon as she could, but until Christian decided he would tortured me so I would hurt Thomas, I was a good kid and I loved Thomas. Why do you think it upsets me so much? I’m not who Christian and you made. Not anymore.”

“It’s always going to be there, kid.”

“And I’ll always fight it.”

Garrett didn’t say anything for a moment.

“Go get Hill. I’ll confess for one condition.”

“What?”

“Try not to hate me so much. I really thought I was helping you.”

Ward didn’t respond. This easy could be a manipulation and Ward owed Garrett nothing, but he decided that the best thing to do was play along if it would get Garrett to confess.

“I don’t hate you.”

“Really kid?”

“Yes. Only because my team showed me something more.”