Just Like Heaven

He had only felt a heartache two times in long life. When his mother died and Sigyn left, a hole took place in his chest and it swallowing everything inside of him. Still they didn’t compare to what he was feeling as he dressed in his asgardian robes again.

Jane had filled that empty dark place in his heart without even knowing she was born for him and now he was being forced to leave her. Maybe it had been ordered by Thor in blind rage, or maybe by his father, in jealousy of his lesser son finding happiness next to a mortal.

Thor had visited when Jane was gone. He had found Loki undressed, tangled in Jane’s sheets, her sweet smell still on his body. Loki dressed as fast as her could and joined his brother outside, on the balcony.

“One more night, brother” Thor said, not wanting to look at him.

“May I ask why, at least” Loki looked at the sun rising infront of them.

“Father had ordered for you” Thor said, “Do not fear, you are not being incarcerated but-“

“But I can’t stay” Loki finished for him.

“Heimdall had shown us” Thor continued, his jaw clenching, it took Loki a few seconds to realise what he was referring to, “You dared to touch her”

With one huge step he had already pinned Loki against the nearest wall, his hand holding his neck making it difficult for him to breath.

“You were granted stay in her home and still without your magik you managed to-“

“To what?” Loki exclaimed, “Is it so wrong for me to love her or so hard to believe that she loves me?“

Those words seemed to have manage to leave Thor speechless. The rage he had in his eyes seconds before was transformed into nothing but surprise. Thor fisted the front of Loki's shirt.

"Do not lie to me, Loki" Thor said.

“I am not lying!” Loki said pushing him, and there was something like confusion or disbelief in Thor’s eyes, “I am not”

Thor stared at him, defeated, as if Loki's words had manage to convince him enough, “You will leave tomorrow”

Those had been his last words, before Heimdall opened the portal. Thor left leaving him alone again.

He finished dressing and stared as his reflection in the mirror. He was wearing the same robes he had brought with him, his eyes were still his eyes, his pale face was the same, still he couldn’t feel more different. And it was all because of Jane.

Jane who hadn’t left her room since the day before. Jane who felt betrayed and alone. Just like Loki had felt most of his life.

He couldn’t leave without at least saying goodbye to her. Without saying he loved her and telling her it was true, because that’s why it hurt so badly, because it was real. He walked towards her room saying everything he was going to tell her in his head, that he wanted to hold her at least one last time, to kiss her one last time.

Just one more kiss.

Jane was finishing packing. Darcy had told her she was picking her up to go straight to the airport. Their flight to switzerland was in five hours and they wanted to spend as much time with Erik as they could before…

“Jane” Loki’s voice called her from the door.

She turned to him, looking so fragile, so small and so broken. Just like Loki himself.

“If I-“

Jane’s arms surrounded his neck before he could say everything he had been meaning to say. He held her tighter and closer to him, hiding his face on the crook of her neck, inhaling the sweet smell that was only hers. Her tears wet his chest in a matter of seconds and she fisted his cape and sobbed harder.

“Jane-“

“I know” She said, “But it hurts, it hurts Loki”

“It hurts me too” Loki whispered against her hair, “It hurts me too”

“It’s not fair”

“No, it isn’t”

They stayed like that for several minutes until Loki heard his name being call, outside, on the other side of the Street, two asgardian guards were accompanied by Thor and Sif, waiting for Loki. Jane looked up at Loki and held his hand, she wanted to walk with him. to say goodbye to him. but Loki didn’t want to do that to her.

He let her follow him outside, holding her hand tightly and the small present his mother had given him on the other hand. Before they reached the exit, he turned to her.

“Please” Her eyes filled with tears, “Loki”

“Let me leave, Jane, I can’t do this to you”

He thumbed her lips softly, not daring to kiss her goodbye. It was too much, too real… too definitive. He kissed her hand instead.

“I will see you, my lady” He whispered.

If that was the last thing Loki had been planning to tell her before leaving forever, Jane didn’t know. But still, she couldn’t imagine what else could be going through his head, the day before, after making love with him she made a promise to herself to figure Loki out, that was when she though she had a lifetime left with him.

She was standing infront of her apartment door when the feeling of something wrong settled in her chest. Her heart pounding so hard for one kiss, just one kiss. She then turned, running towards Loki.

Loki walked towards his brother and Sif, holding tightly his mother’s present. He had opened it the night before, confused to find out it was a mirror. If it was some sort of inner joke of theirs, a joke they had once had he didn’t remember. He looked at Sif, who offered him a nod when he stood infront of them.

He offered them his hands, to he handcuffed.

“You are no prisoner of us, Loki” Thor said, he sounded calmer now.

“I am going against my will, aren’t I?” he retorted.

“If there was another way-“ Sif trailed off and frowned, her eyes looking somewhere behind him.

He turned to find Jane looking at them from the other side of the street, starting to walk towards him, when his eyes connected with hers, Loki walked towards her.

Two things happened then.

Jane stopped and looked at her right, then at him.

Thor and Sif yelled him to stop.

And when Loki turned all he could see was two big bright lights, approaching towards him way faster than he expected. The last thing he could hear was Jane calling his name.

It took Jane ten steps to reach Loki. She kneeled next to him, holding his hand with one hand, not wanting to touch the other one, where the mirror had shattered. Loki’s eyes looked at her, blinking several times, as if it was hard for him to see her.

“Loki” She said, her voice coming out shaky, “No, no, no, please, no”

Sif exclaimed, “Thor, he needs help”

She could hear Sif and Thor arguing something, while the murmurs and the crowd grew louder and bigger. A warm liquid drenched her hands and Jane sobbed when she realised it was blood. All these blood coming from Loki’s head. She sat on the floor and put his head on her lap.

“Help him” She looked at Thor, “Thor, help him” she begged.

“I- I don’t know how…” Thor stopped himself, “Odin” he said, and he looked at Sif, “We need-“

“Heimdall!” Sif yelled, looking at the skies.

Thor continued, “He needs to be fixed”

“He doesn’t need fixing, he’s not a thing” Jane yelled, “Call 911” she asked around, the crowd starting to react.

“Loki, look at me” Jane said, “Loki”

“’ane…” it was barely a whisper coming from Loki’s mouth

“I love you” she said, her hand squeezing his’, “Don’t do this, don’t leave me”

His eyes traveled from her to Thor and then back to her. She bit her lower lip, which tremble as she tried to stopped herself from sobbing. The last thing Loki did was mouthing and “I love you”.

The next time Loki opened his eyes, he was laying on the floor of his mother’s chambers. Her familiar scent covering every surface.

“You are finally here, love”

He looked at his mother, who was on the doorframe smiling so sweetly at him. He looked around him, searching for Jane, or Thor or even Sif. Something familiar and not confusing like his dead mother smiling at him.

“Mother?”

“Loki” She said and sat next to him.

“I- I don’t… I don’t understand”

“Did you get my present?” She asked.

“The mirror”

“The last part of me on earth” She nodded.

He had read about it before, in some old book he had found at the library. Great magic users were capable of leaving a part of their souls locked away in the most simple objects. The Helm of Darkness, Freyr's Sword, Ichaival, were a few he had heard of.

Frigga kissed his forehead softly, “Sigyn was right” Loki frowned, “Before she died she came to me with a doubt” she started, “She had had a dream of you following someone in our gardens”

“Jane”

“She knew you loved her deeply but it wasn’t her place to be with you”

“She knew about Jane“

“She knew there was someone in midgard, who was going to be born for you” She said, “There is someone right for everyone in the universe”

“That’s why you asked for me to be sent to midgard”

Frigga nodded.

“There were plenty of easier ways to fix me with someone, mother” he said grinning at her, and smiled widely when her laugh filled the room.

Suddenly he heard Thor’s voice far away, as if he was outside of the room they were. He looked at Frigga who looked as if she was already expecting that to happen. His arms and legs were starting to feel numb, too heavy for him to move.

“Mother… what’s…” He felt tired, “… happening”

A heavy trump.

Then two.

Like a weak heartbeat. And then a pained expression settled on his mother’s face.

“You are dying, Loki”

“No” he shook his head as much as he could.

“My boy” She said sweetly, and then looked somewhere on the ceiling, and Loki realised there wasn’t a ceiling… There were clouds. And a bright light was calling to him.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Frigga said.

He had arrived to the doors of Valhalla, he thought, and he must have said it out loud because his mother smiled and nodded. And he was so happy she was in such a beautiful place. But he didn’t want to go. Not yet.

“We can fix you” A voice said, but his mother wasn’t speaking to him, “We can fix everything”

“Everything” Loki repeated.

“We can fix you”

The voices, whoever they were, wherever they came from, were offering to help him, to bring him back from the death. He stared at his mother, so beautiful, so radiant, so happy. And then he thought of Jane, his Jane. Who was going to be alone if he didn’t stay with her.

If he accepted, he would be sent back to live in Asgard, an eternity of loneliness, like Jane had told him. And she would be left alone anyways.

The heavy trump, his heart, was now weaker, barely audible.

“Make a choice” the whispers again, “We can fix you”

“I… am not… a thing” Loki breathed out.

He couldn’t move anymore. He was paralyzed, still he could feel the warmth of his mother embracing him. He wasn’t going to leave Jane alone.

“He… needs… more” He said, and he prayed for the Gods to understand him.

His mother then held him and kissed his forehead. He closed his eyes and inhaled Frigga’s old perfume, he smiled softly not wanting to forget how it felt to be hold so warmly by his mother.

And then Loki died.