Just Like Heaven

The stars have always fascinated Jane. Since she was a little girl she would stare at the stars for hours, something about them made her feel… complete, like somewhere in the world there was someone looking at the same stars she was at the exact same moment. When she was little she used to have a recurring dream, something about impossible stars, about a dark sky illuminated by constellations that only existed for her, she memorised them as if it was some kind of message she needed to remember for later, she stopped having them when her parents died. After the accident that was all she dreamed about.

That night she dreamed about the constellations again.

She opened her eyes when Catsby purred near her ear. The constellations still on her mind. She cursed softly when she saw the hour, she always forgot to set her alarm when it was saturday. She stretched on the bed and caressed Catsby’s head softly.

“We are going to see dad today” She said reaching her robe.

“I’m guessing that’s what the google means with cat lady”

She jumped and took her hand to her chest. Loki was leaning against the doorframe, raising one eyebrow at her and her laptop in one of his hands. He looked like he had just taken a bath, his hair wet and slicked back, Jane frowned at him while she tied the robe.

“You are not suppose to enter my room” She scolded.

“Maybe you should write these rules down” He said, “So far is, One: no me getting naked, two: no me in you room…” he counted.

“And three, no you using my things without my permission” She added taking the laptop from him, “And what do you mean ‘crazy cat lady’?”

“I saw it on the google, women who live alone and love cats” Loki said wrinkling his nose to the cat, who was looking at him.

“First of all, I don’t love cats” Jane said, “I’m taking care of Catsby until Erik comes back for him” She started looking for something in the room.

“Right” Loki said as he examined the room, unlike the rest of the house her room was neat, no books or notes all over the floor and no framed pictures, very different to Erik’s room. Probably because she spent more time working than sleeping.

“Second, why do you say ‘the’ google?” She chuckled, kneeling to reached under the bed, “You sound like an old person”, Loki rolled his eyes, “Third” She stood infront of him, “Why were you looking for cat ladies on the internet in my laptop? And at what hour?” She shuddered, “Don’t answer that”

“I was merely feeding my curiosity for midgardian life” Loki explained, “Books proved to be useless, so I used your… laptop”

Jane nodded, “Also, please stop saying ‘midgardians’” she made air quotes.

“Very well” He nodded, he was about to leave when Jane called.

“Loki”

“Jane Foster” he said turning.

“I know this sucks” Jane said, “You have been here for a day and you look like you hate it, I have been here for... more than 20 years and I hate it sometimes” she chuckled nervously, “So… Maybe if you’re not… difficult, it won’t be that difficult”

Loki stared at her. He broke their stare and nodded softly. Of all the midgardians he had met, Jane Foster was by far the kindest one. Even if she loved cats.

“Good” Jane nodded, “Now, I need to shower so…” Loki moved from the door, “You can use the laptop if you want” She said from the bathroom door.

“Jane Foster” Loki called.

“Yes?” Jane asked.

“How much more than 20 years?” He asked then smirked softly, Jane laughed and then closed the door.

When she left the bathroom she heard Loki typing on the laptop somewhere in the living room. She dressed quickly and then went to the kitchen. Loki was siting on the couch near the window, Catsby was purring to him but Loki ignored him.

“Do you want coffee?” She asked.

“No”

“Toast? Eggs?”

“No”

Loki rolled his eyes and continued typing. He had been on the laptop since it was six in the morning, he disliked at lot of human inventions but that was by far one of the best ones. He looked at Jane with the corner of his eye and then continued typing. The cat, Catsby, he chuckled now that he understood the name, was still staring at him. he sighed heavily and after a few seconds he caressed the back of his left ear. The animal purred in content.

“Leave now” he said and went back to his reading.

“Breakfast!” Jane said.

“I-“

“Rule #4” Jane said, “You eat breakfast”

Loki stood up and walked towards the kitchen counter. He sat and stared at the burned toast and poorly cooked eggs. He frowned and then looked at Jane, who seated in front of him with a plate.

“It looks bad, doesn’t it?” Jane asked after a few seconds, noticing the small frown on his face.

Loki blinked several times before he shook his head, “It looks good enough”

Jane sighed and stood up, “Let’s get food outside” she started, she was about to retreat his plate but he grabbed it.

“It looks good enough” he repeated, the idea of going outside didn’t appeal him much, it terrified him actually.

Jane noticed the way he tensed at the mention of going out, she nodded and left the plate in front of him. She then grabbed two mugs filled with coffee.

“Coffee?”

Loki took one of the cups and took a sip, “It’s… bitter”

“Pour some milk in it” Jane said

She handed him a cup filled with milk, when he was reaching it, his fingers brushed against her, something like electricity ran through Loki’s arm, and his chest felt warm as if he had drank a whole bottle of excelsior. The feeling of familiarity he hadn’t felt in so long was odd for him that made him panic. And when Jane frowned concerned he let the milk spill.

“Crap!” Jane said.

Loki’s eyes went wide, “I’m-“

“It’s fine” She smiled, looking for a cloth, “It’s fine” Jane repeated and Loki sighed heavily, “It’s the lack of caffeine, maybe” she grinned.

Loki nodded and she went to wash her hands on the sink, She looked at the hand Loki had touched, she still felt as if she had been teased. She washed them quickly and went back to eat the rest of her not so terrible breakfast.

“What are those?” Loki asked, pointing at the big furniture next to them.

“That is Erik’s vinyl collection” Jane said, Loki blinked, “It’s… They have music inside and-“

Loki rolled his eyes, “I know what vinyls are” he said, Jane chuckled, “I just… I thought they were… out dated”

“They are coming back” Jane said, “Most of these are Erik’s old ones but I bought a few”

Loki nodded, “Is Erik Selvig you lover?”

Jane choked on her coffee and then she laughed, “Oh my God! No!” she exclaimed, “Where did you get that?”

“I thought… Well, he has several of his belongings-“ Loki frowned, he didn’t understand Jane’s reaction, he thought he had offended her but she was laughing, unfortunately it was quite contagious so Loki found himself chuckling softly.

Jane’s warm laughed died down after a few seconds, a sad expression then settled on her face leaving Loki confused.

“After… New York, he was never the same” She said, “He started acting a little bit... crazy” she chuckled sadly, “he was fine for a few months and then he started forgetting things, small things, like his car keys or where he had left his glasses, but then he started forgetting more important things, like where did he work, his address, his name… then he couldn’t even eat alone”

Loki clenched his fists. In a few seconds Jane would remember the fact Erik was like that was his fault and the whole friendly facade he was putting on for Thor would be over.

“He moved in with me after it became harder” Jane said, Loki nodded, that explained the fact that he had a room in her apartment, “I thought it would help, being with someone familiar but… it became worse” Loki blinked, “He couldn’t even pick up a spoon” Jane said, “One day I came from work and he started yelling at me and asking what I wanted and then he locked himself in the room” she swallowed, “The police arrived and almost arrested me” Loki clenched to the mug tighter, “He then opened the door and asked why were they arresting me, ‘she lives here!’ ‘She’s- she’s my daughter’ he said” Jane’s words came out broken, “I lost my parents young, they died in a car accident” she continued, “And I’m a terrible person but… Watching Erik lose himself slowly it’s… somehow worse”

“If I could-“ Loki stopped himself,

If he could what? Go back in time he would fix everything? He wouldn’t toyed with Selvig’s mind?. Loki would never say something like that, he wasn’t a hero, he wasn’t even a good person. But when Jane looked at him, her honey brown eyes connecting with his blue eyes, something told him that holding her would be enough for the both of them.

“So, no, Loki, He’s not my lover” She said with a chuckle, “he’s like a father to me.” She stood up and then grabbed her plate and the mug, putting them in the sink.

She didn’t understand why had she told that to Loki, no one knew about Erik’s first episode except for Darcy, she couldn’t bring herself to tell anyone, but when Loki asked her she had felt the need to tell him. As if he had a way to make her feel better about it.

After breakfast she went to visit Erik. Loki had refuse to leave his room and said that he was going to stay with the laptop and the cat. Jane entered the hospital with a big piece of Apple pie and a pint of banana ice cream in one hand and a bouquet of flowers on the other.

“Jane” A really tall blond woman, Erik’s carer greeted her, “He asked for you and Darcy”

“Great” Jane smiled, “I brought something” she said.

“Oh, he’s going to be so happy” Alicia said, “The flowers are for Peggy, I imagine”

“Yes, ma’am” Jane gave the flowers to Alicia and entered Erik’s room.

She spent all the morning there until it was lunch time and the visits were over. Normally her visits were great but this time Erik rambled a lot more than he usually did, but he ate the pie and the ice cream and remembered Jane. Jane left at noon, and as soon as she arrived home she noticed that Loki had been messing with the vinyls.

She giggled when she found him on Erik’s room sleeping, with a lot of records on the floor. Jane hated to admit it but Loki was a very handsome man, he wasn’t as build as Thor and he wasn’t blond, but there was something about him that called Jane.

Loki felt like he was floating for a second, then he started dreaming, a familiar voice guided him through the gardens of his old home, the white dress flowing with the wind as she followed the star. She giggles, and the star perches on her shoulder.

The sky becomes dark and the loud sound fills his ears, he can’t see her, he can’t hear her. He wasn’t sure it was a dream anymore, it was too real, he could almost smell the flowers around him.

“Sigyn?” he called at her, but she didn’t listen, “Sigyn... no...”

“Loki”

“Please... wait... wa-”

“Loki, I’m here”

“No” He pleaded, “Please”

“Loki!”

When he opened his eyes, brown eyes where looking back at him, Jane’s eyebrows were knitted together in concern, she was about to touch his forehead when he pulled away from her.

“Don’t touch me” he said softly.

Jane nodded, “You were… dreaming”

“Yeah…” Loki looked around, “I was”

“Who’s Sigyn?” Jane asked.

Loki looked at her, he normally shuddered a the mention of her name but he didn’t feel angry when she asked, “An old friend” because that was all that she had been, even if he had wanted more, “Long gone”

“I’m sorry” Jane said.

“It was thousand of yea-“

“Still”

“It’s strange” Loki said, Jane looked puzzled, “I haven’t thought about her…” He looked at Jane, “Nevermind” the woman nodded.

“Do you want to go out tonight?” Jane asked.

“I rather-“

“It’s a very small place, cool, good music” Jane said.

“Why?”

He wanted her to tell him that she was just being polite because of Thor or that she was inviting him out because she didn’t want to cook or because she was terrible at it, instead Jane rolled her eyes and smiled.

“Because it’s Saturday night, Loki”