Just Like Heaven

He had only felt that heartache two times in his very long life. More recently when his mother died, when that guard had told him through the glass Loki had felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time, it was as if a hole had taken place in his chest and was swallowing everything inside of him. the first time had been centuries before that, almost a millenium before, when his darling Sigyn had left him. He remembers the pain, the salty tears running down his cheeks, her hands, cold as he held them softly and took them to his chest. He remembers the anger that came afterwards and the feeling of loneliness that stayed with him and refuse to leave until one day he realised he could live with it.

Now the burning sensation in his chest was there again, his heart struggling to beat as he stood infront of his father, his brother and the entire court. Sif was the only one who didn’t look at him as if he was an abomination and Loki almost felt bad that she was so foolishly blind, it was as if she still thought of him as her childhood friend, the one who always fought with her only to let her win, the stupid child who always bought her souvenirs from his travels for her birthday and the mischievous man she cleverly named Silvertongue. He noticed that Thor had taken a place next to her, and then he held her hand in a very intimate fashion.

He had to look away.

That morning he woke up and there was a guard saying that he was going to be taken to his old chambers. He was bathed and dressed in nice robes, after that, Thor was outside of his chambers, to escort him wherever they were taking him. For a second, Loki was pretty sure he was going to be executed, like during the dark ages, then he saw his father and the royal court, a group of elders with whom his father once argued about war - about two hundred years ago - he hadn’t seen or heard of them ever since. They weren’t called just for some execution, so this was of great importance.

When Odin spoke, and explained the nature of his presence there his breathing hitched. Before her death, his mother had invoked an clause from one of the oldest books in Asgard. Loki, being raised as the son of Odin, was going to be exiled instead of incarcerated.

“Therefore” One of the judges spoke, “Loki Odinson-“

“Laufeyson” Loki said, his tone monotone, and he almost grinned at the way the entire audience shuddered.

“Loki” Odin said in a warning tone.

“Silence” the judge said louder, “Loki Odinson” he said, and Loki clenched his jaw, “Is to be exiled”

“Hel?” Loki asked quickly.

“Midgard”

Three things happened as soon as the words were spoken. The audience started mumbling and hissing, Thor yelled something at his father and Loki’s chest felt heavier and heavier as his eyes danced around the room.

“You dare exiling him to the same planet he almost helped destroyed?!” Odin yelled, and Thor, of course, agreed with him. “Don’t you know how foolish you sound?” Odin said to the Elder.

“Father, calm down!” Thor started, walking towards the man.

“Thor” Sif pressed her hand on his chest, and Thor immediately looked at her, “Wait” She said.

“You dare question, not only me, but thousand year old scrolls?” the judge said, and when he stood up he stood five inches taller than Thor himself. He then raised his hand and Mjolnir answered to his call. Loki, like the rest of them, couldn’t hide his surprise.

“Loki Odinson, shall be stripped from his magik and sentenced to life as a mortal-“

“Perhaps I could decline your… benevolence and chose death” Loki said, his fists clenched so hard his knuckles were white.

“Life as a mortal, in Midgard” The man finished, ignoring Loki, “May you live the rest of you life in the search for peace and forgiveness” he then let the hammer fall.

While he was being escorted back to his chambers, where he would spent the last night of his immortal life, he could see everyone whispering and muttering but he had already learned not to care. Once in his chambers he saw there was a package on his bed.

“And this?” he asked the guard, who cringed when Loki spoke.

“It- it was left for you” he said.

Loki sighed heavily, “By whom?”

“It was found in the queen’s possessions” the man continued, “It was for you”

Loki nodded and dismissed the man. Once alone he felt something haunted him. The strange, familiar sensation had found a way inside of him and had settled in his chest. He realised, after all this time what it was. That same thing he felt when his mother had left him, the same thing that shook him when Sigyn died. It was fear. Fear of being alone, of dying, fear that it was the way things were destined for him.

He clenched his fists, almost damaging his mother’s gift. Then something warm ran down his cheek.

“I guess I won’t make it another thousand years to get used to it again” he whispered to the empty room.

Jane hated that stupid van. She hated the sound it made when she turned the engine on, she hated the smell the seats had, that the radio never worked and that it broke down every god-dammed time she really needed it.

“I’m telling you, this thing hates me” Jane yelled at the phone.

“She’s a cheap girl, Jane, I told you not to put Premium on it” Darcy whispered on the other side of the phone.

“I didn’t I- Why are you whispering?” Jane asked.

“Why are you yelling?” Darcy retorted, “Plus, It’s like four p. m., I-“

“Where are you, Darcy?” Jane asked, “Oh, god, no!” she exclaimed, “You are with that intern guy aren’t you?”

“yup” Darcy confirmed.

“But it’s like 4-“ Jane sighed, “You slept with him?!”

“Could you just like chill for a sec?” Darcy asked, “Just take him to the shop, the one in fourth avenue, I took my car there and they gave it back to me like new!”

“Is it going to be expensive?” Jane asked.

“Oh, come on!” Darcy laughed, and then continued whispered, “You are a known scientist and you make tons of money”

“If I did I would have already bought another car” Jane explained, “listen, I’m going to that shop, so-“

“Great, bye” Darcy was about to hang up.

“Don’t think we are not going to talk about it” Jane yelled.

“I’ll pass by you apartment tonight” Darcy said, “Bye, love you”

“Love you too” Jane said.

Jane sighed heavily and continued driving in silence. It had been weeks since she had a good night of sleep and she was tired. She gripped the steering wheel when she heard a thunder. When she looked up she realised the skies had turned dark grey in a matter of seconds, she sighed heavily while she parked in the corner of the street. Once out of the car the braced herself for what was coming. Thor.

Almost a year ago they had broken up, not really broken up since they had never really dated, but they decided to remain friends. She moved to New York to work at NYU with Erik by morning and by night she continued her research in one of Shield’s laboratories, of course she had taken Darcy with her. Darcy kept working with her but Erik had fallen ill a few months ago and was still delicate so she ended up giving all of his classes. She quickly made a mental note to go visit him, also, to get him some Apple pie with banana ice cream, his favorite.

When she finally saw Thor she smiled widely, only for her smile to fade as soon as she noticed he was not alone. Behind him, Sif offered a small nod, but that wasn’t the problem, it was he man behind Sif who looked around him with disdain.

“Oh, brother, why have you-“ He stopped mid-sentence as his eyes connected to the woman in front of him.

Jane walked towards them, “He’s-“ she asked and Thor nodded, Sif made a pained face, she then looked at the man, “You’re-“

“I am Loki L-“

She slapped him hard, “That was for New York”

Thor and Sif stared in surprise, Loki rubbed his jaw and glared at her, she glared back and then frowned at Thor.

“I could have hex you for that” Loki spitted.

“What is he doing here?” She asked Thor, last time she checked he was suppose to be jailed, “He should be locked in a mental hospital“

“not anymore” Sif said.

“Thor?” Jane asked, “What is he- shouldn’t he be in jail or something”

“Jane” Thor sighed, “I have something to ask from you”

Jane stared at Thor and then at Loki, who looked away. She searched for Sif, who was on the balcony, playing with an old rubik’s cube she had probably found in Jane’s library. They were in her apartment after a very awkward car ride. And after a few minutes in silence, Thor had explained her the situation.

“Shut. Up.” Jane said, “No effing way”

Loki chuckled, “Not according to you plan” he said to Thor.

“Shut up” Thor and Jane said at the same time.

“You can’t be serious” Jane jumping from the couch, “He could murder me! In my sleep!”

“I wouldn’t touch you to kill you” Loki glared standing up from the couch, looking down at Jane. Jane noticed how tall he was, he was a couple of inches taller than Thor himself. Sif drew her blade to Loki’s neck.

“No Sif!” Thor said, “Loki!”

“She started!” Loki yelled pointing at Jane.

“Seriously? How old are you?!” Jane yelled back, slapping his hand away.

“Much older than you, I deserve respect!” Loki continued.

“Enough!” Thor yelled, and Loki pressed his lips.

Jane threw herself on the couch and rubbed her temples, “Don’t yell at me in my house”

Thor nodded and looked at Loki, “Yeah, don’t yell-“

“That goes for both of you” Jane said crossing her arms, she saw Sif rolling her eyes, a small smile on her lips.

“I apologize” Thor said and then looked at Loki, who shrugged and sat back on the wooden chair infront of Jane.

“It’s fine” Jane sighed standing up and walked towards the kitchen, “I don’t get it, isn’t he crazy?” she asked and Loki’s nostrils flared, She grabbed a bottle with what seemed water, “How can he-“

“I am not crazy” Loki said between his teeth.

“Yes, yes you are” Jane retorted.

They looked like a couple of children but Jane didn’t care, she couldn’t understand why was this happening to her. Maybe it was some sort of joke Thor was playing on her, like april’s fools but from he came from. She noticed Thor and Sif had been arguing something. She stared at them for a while, noticing how close they were, how Sif touched Thor’s arm and how Thor held her hand.

She heard a small sound coming out from Loki, like a huff mixed with annoyance.

“We could have gone to Fury” Sif said to Thor, and Jane closed her eyes and she gripped the bottle harder.

“S.H.I.E.L.D must not find out” Thor told her.

“So, you bailed him out” Jane said, “Or…”

“My mother” Thor explained, walking towards her, “She found some kind of… Loophole? Some sort of protection, he can’t be jailed, so he has to be exiled”

“Here” Jane frowned, “Earth?”

Loki huffed, “Terra, Midgard, call it however you want, I rather be thrown in a cell for the rest-“

“Shut up” Thor and Jane yelled at unison.

“Listen, Lady Jane” Sif approached her this time.

“Just Jane” Jane said, and then drank the whole bottle of water.

Sif waited for her to finish to continue speaking, “Loki had been stripped off his magik” She explained, “Also, Odin put a spell on him, he can’t touch a mortal to hurt them, it would be physically painful for him”

“Of course, that wasn’t part of the deal, but Odin does whatever he pleases” Loki muttered.

“It is only until I know he can be on his own” Thor continued, and Loki rolled his eyes, Thor always with his hero complex, “Heimdall will have an eye on you at all times, if something happens I will be here in a second”

Jane looked at Thor and then at Sif. She couldn’t understand why or how Loki managed to do this but if Thor needed her help she had to help him. She sighed heavily and then started grabbing all the knives from the kitchen.

“What are you doing?”

“If I’m going to live with a psycho I shouldn’t have pointy things laying around”

At that Thor smiled. She joined them in the balcony while Loki sat still on the living room, if she wouldn’t know better she would say he looked… Scared? Nervous? She shook her head and hugged Thor.

“I will be back” Thor said.

“Right” Jane smiled softly.

“In case he gets difficult” Sif handed her a small dagger without Thor or Loki noticing, “Thor trusts him still way too much” she added.

Once they were gone, she stared at the sky for a seconds, the dark clouds were still there. She pressed the dagger in her hand and then put her in her pockets. She turned to find Loki still in the same position, only this time he looked pail, more than he had been before.

“Are you sick?” She asked.

“Sick?” he scoffed, “I do not-“ he was interrupted by a growl coming from his stomach.

“Hungry, then” Jane did her best to smile.

“I-“

“I’ll tell Darcy to bring something on her way here”

Before Loki could say another rude thing, she locked herself in her bedroom. Her hands were shaking while she dialed her friend.

“Jane, What’s up?” Darcy answered, “I’m on my way“

“Okay, Um… Bring food? Please, burgers or pizza” Jane said.

“Okey dokey” Darcy said, “Something wrong?”

“Something” Jane said.

“I’ll be there in ten” Darcy said.

Jane hung up and then sat on her bed. She threw herself on the bed and grabbed a pillow, putting it over her head bore yelling as loud as she could. She then stared at the ceiling for a few seconds before she realised.

“Sif took my rubik’s cube” she whispered to the empty room.