The Wedding Date Part Three
Prompt Fifteen: The Wedding Date Part Three
After two quick, separate short showers and a send-off from Jemma’s parents, Fitz and Jemma were on the road in a rental car Jemma had ordered to the house. Fitz drove as Jemma was not quite feeling well. She pulled her limbs in and rested on the seat, not quite being able to take a nap but not quite able to focus on the landscape passing by. Fitz was enjoying the drive, the peaceful silence, and his hand on the clutch, sunglasses on, and the window cracked ever so slightly for a small gush of wind to push through his hair.
Once he crossed over from England to Scotland, memories of traversing these roads popped into his mind. He hadn’t had too many instances of getting to drive them but he remembered them well from various trips. His mother always wanted him to know what the world was like. He woke Jemma up a half house before they would arrive at his mother’s house, where they were going to have lunch; she thanked him, needing to freshen up.
Fitz had seen his mother a few months ago, when Jemma was still missing. He went through a week period of needing to see things form a different perspective and thought of his childhood bedroom. He told his mother that Jemma was missing and he wasn’t sure if she was going to return. After he told her that she came back and she was ecstatic.
It was a lot quieter and less awkward at Fitz’ mom’s house then it had been at Jemma’s parents house. Fitz’ mom was doting and joyous. She didn’t make passive aggressive remarks. Although, she did baby Fitz a bit. She made a specialty dish of Aberdeen Angus steak in a whiskey sauce with potatoes. They stayed for a few hours chatting before leaving at three for the forty minute drive to the bed and breakfast. Except, Jemma had booked it wrong and they were actually staying in one of the cabins on the premises. That’s what happens when you select ‘room for two.’
While they both wouldn’t admit to it, they were happy with the seclusion. This was the reason they had travelled to Perthshire, to be alone without distraction and to talk. They were in the woods, near the water, and it was so quiet.
Of course, the cabin had many perks. On top of the ‘daily chores’ you could opt to do, like splitting logs quilt work, there was also a hot tub. Jemma had booked it on sight alone and not on reading the niceties, so she was a little embarrassed when they pulled up to their cabin and these things were there. Nevertheless, they were troopers.
After unloading the car, Fitz tinkered away at building a fire in the cabin. Jemma walked the grounds a bit before hanging about the hot tub. It was tempting. Maybe later tonight when it was chilly out. Instead, she took the car and found a supermarket a few miles away, returning with snacks and food. As Fitz sat by the fire, staring into its depths, Jemma broke out a bag of marshmallows, and handed him a stick she had found outside. She had rinsed the sticks off and pointed the ends, and had a brief flashback of the alien planet and Will. She felt a bit guilty that she was here and he was still stuck there, but after learning that he probably had ties to Hydra, each day she thought of him a little less. It wasn’t a conscious choice.
Jemma sat next to Fitz slowly roasting marshmallows in silence.
“These will ruin dinner,” Fitz said, as he toasted a third marshmallow.
“That’s up to you,” she replied, she had picked up a ham for dinner that should’ve probably been in the oven.
“I’d be content eating snacks,” Fitz said, blowing out a small fire that had started on his marshmallow. Jemma agreed. She pulled the marshmallow she had on the fire out, blew on it, and stuffed half of it into her mouth. She excused herself, and decided to give that hot tub a spin. She deserved to relax for a bit. She had packed a bathing suit, thank god her mother’s lifelong nagging said to always include one. She grabbed a towel from the bathroom, a few snacks, and moseyed over to the hot tub that was outside. All out of Fitz’ view.
Fitz eventually caught up, having wondered where she had went. He walked up when she had closed her eyes and was leaning over the side of the hot tub. Enjoying the cold breeze on her shoulders and the tranquility of the woods.
“Hey,” he said, he had his hands in his pockets.
Jemma opened her eyes with a delay. She had been enjoying the moment.
“Hey,” she said meekly, reaching to grab a handful of chips. It was starting to get dark.
“I see you’ve commandeered most of the snacks,” Fitz stated the obvious.
“Figured I might as well, do you want some?” she said, tipping the bag of chips in his direction.
Fitz shook his head.
Awkward silence presumed.
“Well, I suppose now is as best a time to talk, right?” Jemma said, she was staring straight ahead, adjusting her hair into a bun so the water wouldn’t ruin it.
“I suppose,” Fitz confirmed. But he continued to stand there stubbornly.
“You can come in here, you know,” she said.
“I don’t have a swimming trunks, and certainly don’t have shorts.” he replied flatly.
“You can’t see anything in this water,” Jemma said, looking down. The water was a dark color, but there were colorful lights at the bottom. You couldn’t tell she was wearing a bathing suit except for the tie around her neck.
In no way did Jemma mean to imply anything with her comment, but Fitz headed back in the house to grab a towel and take off his clothes except for his boxers. He figured he might as well. He returned a few minutes later, pushing aside the thoughts in Jemma’s head that he was back to being mute and distant.
“Turn around,” he said, coming up to the edge of the hot tub.
Jemma did as she was told and for added measure put her hands over her eyes. She could hear Fitz lift his leg over the side and dip into the water. He mumbled something about it being okay for her resume. They sat across from each other.
Jemma went over to the settings panel of the hot tub, and played with the controls until soft rock music crooned from speakers somewhere on it. She didn’t like the silence anymore.
“So, what is there to talk about?” Fitz said.
“Well, for starters, are we friends?” she said.
Fitz was taken aback by this.
“Of course we are,” he said. He went on that they could never not be.
“Okay,” Jemma said. All the thoughts she had in her head the past few weeks seemed to have scurried away. More silence ensued.
“My turn, why did you kiss me back?” Fitz dug into the conversation. He skipped a few steps.
Jemma brought a hand up to her forehead. She looked away from him, at the trees. She sunk lower into the water, the breeze now too cold to leave them above the water.
“I…I wanted to. It was my way of saying that I have feelings for you, and, at the moment I didn’t know how to deal with them. Why did you kiss me?” Jemma didn’t say as much as Fitz hoped. Fitz took a deep breath.
“I felt it was my only chance,” there were also a million other things he wanted to say.
Jemma let that sink in. And still looking away confided in Fitz she hadn’t been too sure of herself.
“That time, you asked me if I loved Fitz, and how did I phrase it? I said yes right? Looking back I’m not so sure I was honest. It’s true I have feelings for Will and they’ve been complicated by what we’ve learned about him the past few weeks, and I still stand by that we need to get him back, but, I…,” Jemma stopped, not sure how to continue. She knew what she wanted to say next. What occurred to her in the early hours of the morning, so clear and yet she was so thick to see it truly. Fitz waited patiently. Jemma took a deep breath this time and cleared her throat. She definitely made sure to avoid eye contact.
“I woke up early this morning. Before you were awake. And, it was just so nice… I was up against your side, and you had your arm around me. My hand was on your stomach. And I didn’t think about loving you, but I thought about having that forever. And it scared me because I wanted it so bad, and I do want it so bad. So, I inched away from you. I took your hand off me and I kept mine to myself. And it hurt to do that. And it hurt that I kept that to myself all day. Being here with you is just a reminder of what we could have and I don’t know why I can pass over this obstacle of being torn on going after someone that yes, is important, and going after you. Ultimately, I want you to be happy whether that includes me or not,” Jemma blurted the last few lines. She bit her lip after they were out in the open. She couldn’t take them out.
“You know I love you Jemma,” he said back.
Jemma looked at him. Tears were welling up in her eyes because she had been so terrified to say all of it. She bit her lip, trying to figure out what to say or do. And then said the only thing that seemed natural.
“I love you too.”
The words fell out of her mouth before conscious thought could rationalize them. But once logical thought did, she didn’t feel embarrassed over them. She stood firmly by them. She had felt it for so long, and to finally figure out what exactly that feeling was and to confirm it out loud, to the person that deserved to hear them was cathartic.
Jemma batted her eyes, breaking the tears caught in the corner of her eyes. She shut her eyes to hold the rest in. She heard the water move and felt Fitz leg brush up against hers. He had moved next to her. He swung an arm behind her, resting it on the side of the hot tub.
“You said that we were cursed and I wondered if it was just me, if I was the reason we couldn’t be together, and I don’t want that to be the reason now. It’s clear to me now that it has always been you. You have always been my end. And…and…” Jemma couldn’t hold the sentence together anymore, her voice had tethered off, tight with the feeling that she would break out in a sob.
“For a time it was hard to even look at you and know that you didn’t want me back. It rightly gutted me. And it was obvious that those feelings can’t be forced. I could never hate you or think less of you for thinking or rather feeling otherwise. For the longest time, loving you felt selfish to me and it built up a part of me I wasn’t proud of. Thank you for being honest and I’m glad we were just able to speak… openly. What do you want to happen next?” Fitz spoke so softly into her ear, his voice just audible over the motor of the hot tub.
“I want this moment, and want them in the future. And I want you, Fitz,” Jemma turned to him. Her eyes were still heavy, brimmed with the remnants of fluctuating emotion. She felt so bare to say all of this, never having been this exposed. She had built up layers of intelligence and science to counteract dealing with these kinds of things.
And for now, things were right between them, even if they weren’t perfect. There wasn’t pent up animosity or jealously. They were on the same page, visceral. And the fears Jemma harbored over doing something like this, asking what she felt was another favor, was mutually pined over. She remembered that sometimes bravery wasn’t in the bold acts that you do for someone, but rather just being with the person in the most open and honest way possible. She learned that from Fitz.
Even though they sat next to each other, much like they had sleeping in the same bed and the hammock, things were worlds different from what they had been at that moment. Fitz knew Jemma loved him, and they could build something, slowly but surely. And that was all she could have ever wanted.