I Am Here For You, If You’d Only Care
I Am Here For You, If You’d Only Care
Darcy was not nervous. She wasn’t okay? People met their soulmates all the time. It happened every day like brushing one’s teeth. It was mundane. Uneventful.
Sigh.
Darcy was trying to stay busy. She had baked and cooked for the last eight hours. She wanted him to feel comfortable when he arrived. Problem was, she didn’t know him. No one did. Steve knew Bucky Barnes of the past. Natasha knew The Winter Soldier. No one knew who her soulmate was now.
So she made the team’s favorites and then copious amounts of comfort foods hoping something would work. While things were baking she had spruced up the suite Tony had picked out for him. Not that the suite wasn’t furnished, but it was neutral and bare and she wanted it to feel more homey for him. It wasn’t just that it was her soulmate. He was someone who had gone through unspeakable horrors. Even if he didn’t want Darcy, she’d be supportive of him as a person.
Then she went and changed into something comfortable but nice because she wanted to make a good first (second) impression. She didn’t know how to feel when Natasha had let her know that Barnes didn’t remember meeting her. It was a weird feeling. All this time she had thought he just didn’t want her. Now she knew the truth. But did that change anything? Did he want a relationship? Did he want to stay friends?
How was she supposed to act knowing she was about to meet her soulmate (again)?
James was nervous. He was about to meet his soulmate (again) without remembering what happened the first time he’d met her. Did she hate him? Did she fear him? Did she not want a relationship with an assassin?
What a fuckin’ mess this was. How messed up did his life have to be that Hydra even ruined his chance at finding happiness with his soulmate.
To counteract the turmoil rolling in his stomach he tried to think of three ways this situation could be worse.
For one, he hadn’t killed his soulmate.
Second, Steve had made it seem like she was open to the idea of him coming to the tower, so she wasn’t as likely to run and scream as he would have thought.
Third, she wasn’t dead. This whole thing hadn’t ended before they’d begun.
It was a few hours before the team was walking into the kitchen. James was scared, nervous, excited. He wanted to both jump off the roof of the ridiculous tower and run down the stairs to meet her.
As they rode the elevator down James was struck with a terrifying thought. What the hell did he call himself?
He wasn’t the Bucky Steve had known. He wasn’t the Winter Soldier that had trained the Black Widow.
What was his name? And also, who the fuck didn’t know what to call themselves?
He almost froze as the doors opened and the team exited off and entered the kitchen. He had been told on the way home his soulmate liked to cook and bake for the team.
His senses were assaulted with the sweet aromas of hot breads and savory foods.
Even the team looked taken aback as his soulmate turned from the oven, hot pan of cookies in her hands. She smiled at them, eyes bright and cheerful.
“Welcome home! Start eating. I made your favorites.”
“Darce, you didn’ have to make all this,” Steve started but she waved him off after setting the pan on a cooling rack.
“No way! Today was a special occasion. Plus I promised you goods when you got home.”
It was then that her eyes settled on him. He wanted to believe that was hope in her eyes. It made his stomach turn with emotion. His stomach growled and his mouth was watering at the lovely food that covered the counters. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been able to choose what he wanted. Even these last months on the run had been crappy food from dumpsters and homeless shelters.
He realized all eyes were on him. Everyone was waiting to see how he would react to his soulmate. He held his hand out to her and said quietly, almost murmuring, “I’m sorry ‘bout your words.”
She reached out to take his hand on instinct but shot him a look of confusion and panic.
“I didn’ mean to leave you with words like that.”
She shook her head then and finally spoke, “Oh, don’t worry about that. I actually always liked them.”
When he looked at her with eyes that said don’t lie to me she continued.
“No, really I used to make up scenarios in my head as to how and why you would say that. I always assumed you come up and would be flirting with me.”
For the first time in a long time, a genuine smile graced his face.
Late that night the two sat outside on a balcony. They each reclined back in a seat, feet propped up on the safety fence. They spoke to each other, asking questions and learning but looked up at the stars in the night sky.
“So you don’t mind having a brainwashed assassin as a soulmate?”
“Since I don’t blame you for anything you did? No I don’t.”
“It’s okay if you do, doll. You’ve got a hell of a lot of reasons to hate me.”
“Do you like dogs?” The question was sudden and threw James.
“I guess, yeah.”
“If you had to pick between a dog and cat, which one do you choose?”
“Dog.”
She turned to look at him then, the moon washing out her already pale skin, and he turned to meet her gaze.
“Then you and I will get along just fine.”
“That all it takes to get into your heart?”
She laughed and it made his chest tingle with a giddiness that made him feel like a child. “Way I see it, if you like dogs and dogs like you, that’s a pretty good judge of character, Buckaroo.”
She froze then and looked at him. “Sorry, I have a habit of assigning people nicknames. It won’t happen-“
“’S okay. I kind ‘f like it.”
“You sure? Because after seventy years of being told you have no choice I don’t want to force anything on you.”
Bucky sat up and turned his body, resting his elbows on his knees. He tried to quell the panic rising up in him, he felt like he would drown in disappointment if she turned him away, but he couldn’t blame her. She was this beautiful, wonderful person and he was…not. Yet the only thing he had heard in her last statement was an out. She didn’t want him.
“So, you don’t want a relationship?”
“What? Hey,” she reached over to lift his head up so she could look at him. Her eyes searched his. “Of course I want to try a relationship with my soulmate. But not immediately. Not right now. You need to be you for a while. Let yourself breathe. Find out what you like and dislike. Do you even want a relationship? You’ve been controlled and running for so long I don’t think you’ve really lived. I want this, but I want it right. I won’t go anywhere until you tell me you know for sure you don’t want me. But until then? Eat. Sleep. Catch up on pop culture. Find out who you are. Then we can be something if you want.”
James looked at her in shock. He wasn’t sure how he had gotten this woman for a soulmate but he was sure glad he did. As she spoke, the tension had bled out of him. He wouldn’t be turned away if he wasn’t ready yet. He had time to try and fail before she left. He could find himself and then happiness.
The first thing he decided two weeks later was that he didn’t feel like a Bucky. But he didn’t mind her calling him “Buck,” “Buckster,” or “Buckaroo.” And when he finally told her he was ready, he did it with a puppy in his arms.