Chapter 2
Deadpool stands at the end of the conference table, arms crossed over his chest, muscles bulging with tension. He wants to get out of here, find this guy, come back, be the hero, and save Petey.
-Yeah! Let's get a move on!-
(Go go go!)
He can hear all the Avengers whispering to each other, all having their own conversations.
Cap to Iron Dick, "Are they really?"
Iron Dick, "Really? Rogers, they-they" he gagged a bit, "They were cuddling! Which means only one thing!"
Yeah, so much for him whispering.
Widow and Robin Hood are talking, more like Robin's talking and Widow's nodding along.
"Him and the kid? That's so-so- uhh! I can't even think!"
Deadpool sees his eyes go wide.
"Do you think they've had sex!?!"
Iron Dick looks scandalized, "Don't bring that up! I don’t want to think about Peter having sex with anyone! He’s just a baby!"
They all kind of glare at Deadpool, who is completely silent. He's too busy glaring at Fury.
"What do we have on this SOB?"
Coulson whispers to Fury, "I've never seen him like this, even with missions from us."
Fury nods, but he's looking at Deadpool.
"You'll be participating with this?"
They can see Deadpool roll his eyes through his mask, "Obviously. Now get on with it Patches."
Fury glares but continues with the meeting they were having before Deadpool interrupted the first time.
"The one we believe is responsible is a guy named Michael Dardyn. He comes from a long line of scientist, but none have caused trouble according to our reports. We believe we have found his current location out on a facility out near the Canadian border.
"I'm sending in a team of you, I want Rogers, Widow, Barton-"
"And me." Deadpool finishes.
Fury looks at him with interest, but doesn't say anything.
"And what is with all this 'believe' shit? You don't know anything do you? Not really?" Deadpool accuses.
It looks like Coulson or Rogers is going to say something, but Fury raises his hand.
"Are you taking my information or not?"
Deadpool rolls his eyes again, but concedes. "Fine. We're leaving, now."
He heads toward the launch pad with the waiting Quinjet. He can hear the Avengers behind him splitting up, Thor leaving for his lady in the Southwest, Greeny and Iron Dick heading toward Petey again, probably to confront him about their relationship, Coulson does his thing with Fury, and the others follow him.
-Let's go. I want blood.-
(Yeah. We'll beat the ever living shit out of him. Make him pay for hurting our Spidey-baby!)
We can't kill him though. He has to fix Petey first. But afterwards. Well.
Not even God could protect him from us.
***
Peter's sitting up flipping through the channels on the tv. Okay, that's a lie. He's busy watching that new Avengers show that doesn't include him because the world hates him.
Stupid kid's show who think Spider-man is a bad influence.
Stupid JJ.
He is not pouting at the screen (He so is!) when Bruce and Tony walk in.
Peter can feel the impending doom, especially with the look on Tony's face.
Peter glares at him, "Tony. Don't give me that look."
Tony's judgmental glare deepens.
Peter matches him. "I didn't judge you with the alien with the tentacles you had sex with."
Tony blushes, "Hey! That doesn't count! That was a once in a lifetime opportunity. And besides, this is Deadpool! Like! I thought you hated him!"
Peter shrugs, blushing as he stares at the floor. "I don't. He." Peter sighs with a fond look on his face as he looks at Tony. "He grew on me. You don't know him like I do."
Tony rolls his eyes, hands on his hips, trying to have authority behind him. "Peter, I know him well enough."
Peter shakes his head looking at Bruce, who's sitting in the chair at his bed side. "Bruce, you understand right? You can't judge him too?" He looks at him earnestly.
Bruce looks away, cleaning his glasses, trying not to look at Peter. "He's a loose cannon. He's a mercenary. He'll kill for the highest price." Of course Bruce sticks with the facts.
Tony points at Peter from the foot of his bed, "And that includes you! He'll kill you for the highest bidder! You-"
Peter shouts back, "No he won't! He'd never hurt me! I told you guys that! If that was the case I'd be dead already."
Tony looks shocked, "What?"
Peter sighs, leaning back against his pillows, "Okay, so that's reason we even met."
[Flash back]
Peter's seventeen. He's been Spider-man for almost two years now. Two years since Uncle Ben, of Aunt May's always being worried, of Gwen being gone, now MJ's been hurt far too many times, and Harry's evil. All of this is because of him.
The Avengers won't take him in no matter what he does. If he helps they give him a pat on the shoulder in thanks. But really, it's probably because of his reputation that they don't want him.
Stupid JJ.
It's really lonely.
And he is not just brooding looking over the city and just being all around depressed! (He so is.)
Of course that's when the weirdest thing in his life happens, though maybe it isn't really that weird. (Those aliens from the last invasion were really freaking weird...)
Peter hears some really cheesy spy music being hummed and out of the corner of his eye he sees a guy. It's got to be a guy with that body. (Though She-Hulk does have some muscles on her...)
Anyway, there's this person behind him tiptoeing up. He's got his arms close up to him looking like a rabbit or something and he's in some black and red bodysuit. The only differences between him and Spider-man are the muscles, the foot height in difference, and the weapons. Holy shit, does he got some weapons.
He sees at least two guns and some swords on his back.
This can't be good, but the thing is, Peter's spidey sense doesn't go off, so evidently the guy doesn't mean any harm. Though the weapons aren't really sending a positive message.
"Who-" Peter coughs once, deepening his voice a bit. He can't have people know how young he is, "Who are you?"
The guy stops, freezing in his weird bunny motion. He whispers to himself, "Shit. He caught us. Quick think of something." He nods to himself, "Okay."
The guy straightens up, flipping nonexistent hair over his shoulder, "Yo baby boy." He moves so fast, he's suddenly got his arm around Peter's shoulders, whispering in his ear, "And there's no point in playing the older man Sweetcheeks," he gropes Peter's butt.
Peter jumps, kicking the guy in the sternum.
The guy goes flying into the brick wall a few feet away.
The force should be enough to knock the guy out, but he just stands back up, dusting himself off.
Peter can see the pout on his face through the mask, "That wasn't nice Petey."
Peter's whole body freezes. "W-what did you say?" Peter doesn't even bother to mask his voice.
The guy stops mid-brush. "Uhhh, Spidey?"
"N-no. You said-" Peter's throat closes in on itself.
Holy shit. No one is suppose to know who he is. He's. He's been so careful especially after the whole Harry thing with his dad. No. No. He can't have this happen. Aunt May can't get hurt-
"Woah, woah baby boy. Chill with the internal panic. If it makes you feel any better I'm Wade. Wade Wilson."
Peter can see the sheepish grin through his mask.
"How do you know who I am?" Peter's voice is shaking, but he's ready to attack the guy, Wilson or who ever he is.
"Well, I'm actually known as Deadpool, you know Merc with a Mouth?" Deadpool does jazz hands.
Peter shakes his head.
He can see the pout again.
He can hear the guy whispering under his breath like he's talking to himself, "Clearly not so infamous after all. Damn it. I can't believe Spidey doesn't know about us," he looks back up at Peter, "Anyway, well I was hired to kill you. It's my day job, but after stalking you for a while-"
"Stalking!?!"
"I just couldn't kill a little cutie like you, that just seemed immoral. Though I don't really have morals. But I couldn't kill you. You're so cute!"
Peter honestly doesn't know what to think. This is so fucked up. It's just so wrong.
[End Flashback]
"Then I asked Cap about 'Deadpool' when I saw him next, he told me to stay away from the guy. So I tried, but it just didn't work out like that. Wade just kept popping up and asking for a team up and I told him to go away. It's not like he bothered me when I was Peter you know? So I didn't tell anyone about him.
"He just kept showing up while I was on patrol, watching my back when no one else did, and we just started talking." Peter grinned at Bruce and Tony's shocked faces, "You'd be surprised how good of a listener he is. He'll just sit there and let you vent. It's what I needed most at the time. He was sweet like that.
"And we'd just sit there and talk about anything and everything, the good stuff, the bad. It didn't matter. On Uncle Ben's anniversary, we just kind of sat there in silence for hours."
Tony looks completely shocked now, his jaw on the floor, "He sat still and quiet for hours? He moves and talks in his sleep!"
Peter grins again, "I told you, you'd be surprised."
Bruce interested in the conversation now, not bothered by the whole thing (like Tony), asked, "So how did you two get together?"
"Well remember when Doc Ock escaped and tried to kill me?"
"Yeah, when Deadpool brought him back to SHIELD with a weird concussion that cause permanent amnesia?" Tony looks pale as it looks like he's just realized something, "When you weren't even eighteen yet? Like far from it? You two didn't have like adrenaline crash sex or something did you?"
Peter rolls his eyes, "No, I didn't pull an 'Iron Man and Captain America'."
Tony actually blushes, embarrassed, "How did you know about that?"
Even Bruce rolls his eyes at this, "Tony. Everyone knows. You two aren't subtle."
Tony mock gasps.
"Anyway," Peter says, "What happened was-"
[Flashback]
Peter wakes up to the sound of metallic movement.
The last thing he remembers is watching over the city, (ironically) thinking about the super villains in jail at the moment when his spidey sense went off. He didn't even have time to react before everything went black.
When his eyes focus, he's startled by the look of Doc Ock in his face.
"Spider-man." He sneers. "Or should I say Peter Parker."
"Woah, Doc. Like back up a bit. I really don't need to wake up with you in my face. That's a thing of nightmares." Peter says moving his head back and away from him.
Okay, moving is not good. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Wait. What did he say?
He finally takes in his situation.
He's strapped onto a table in nothing but his boxers. Oh shit. What is his life that this shit is it?
The whole setup is like a horror movie. He's got a saw a few feet above him.
Shit. He's going to die.
"Imagine my surprise when I lifted that mask and found little Peter Parker underneath.
“Because of you Peter, my wife is gone. But it's okay now. I'll be taking my revenge." Doc's back is toward Peter working on some sort of computer.
The saw comes to life above him and starts to lower itself down.
"Come on Doc! You aren't like this! You're a scientist not a killer!" Peter tried to struggle against the metal clamps holding him down. He's not strong enough though. Shit!
"Oh, but Peter, you made me one." He says over his shoulder.
Peter keeps struggling against his restraints as he tries to think of a way out of this as the saw gets closer to his chest.
He's never wished for his mask so bad that it could hide the tears of terror prickling in his eyes.
Then out of the corner of his eye he sees movement that isn't the doc.
Peter turns his head and sees Deadpool moving with a stealth Peter has never seen before even when he helped Peter before. No longer is he the goofy guy in a bodysuit that has more body issues than Peter did when he went through the awkward puberty years and awkward boner stage.
He sees Deadpool lift his gun at Doc Ock, so he shouts, "Don't kill him!"
He can see Doc tense before he says, "Kill him? I'm going to kill you. What are you-"
As he turns around, Deadpool brings the butt of his gun down on the back of his head, and Doc Ock crumples to the ground.
His elbow must hit the controls that operate the saw because it stops a hair's breadth away from Peter's heaving sternum.
Peter's head collapses against the metal table he's leaning on as he tries to breath.
"I got ya baby boy. I'll get you out of there in a second." Wade says as he hits a couple of buttons.
The saw draws away and the metal cuffs pop off.
Before Peter has a chance to sit up, Wade's at his side, helping him up.
Peter wraps his arms around Wade's shoulders hugging him, not even caring if this is weird.
He almost died. He can at least have this.
"Oh thank God Wade."
Wade picks Peter up where he's straddling his hips-
[End Flashback]
"Okay! No one wants to hear the rest of that!" Tony says, interrupting Peter's story.
Peter rolls his eyes. "Oh don't be such a prude. All we did was kiss!"
"That's more than I want to know!"
"Oh so you don't want to hear about us having sex for the first time on my eighteenth birthday?" Peter asks because he's a little shit.
Bruce and Peter both laugh at Tony's face, but clearly everyone is on board the Wade train (Wade is seriously rubbing off on him.) or at least the two people in the room are.
He can only hope the others will feel the same way soon.
***
Deadpool in on the Quinjet with the others. Widow and the Crow, or whatever he is, are at the front piloting. The Captain is sitting across from him, watching him.
Deadpool pays him no mind, just cleaning his guns in the silence while the boxes chatter away about everything and nothing.
Finally Barton breaks it.
"So, Wilson. How'd you find out about the kid? He tell you?"
"No."
There's an awkward silence till Barton says, "You going to elaborate?"
Wade smirks under his mask, "You want me to?"
"I'm expecting you to."
Wade rolls his eyes, "Who am I to disappoint?"
-Oooo! Story time!-
(This is my favorite! Pass the popcorn!)
[Flashback]
Deadpool's been called by some big businessman. He wants some new superhero dead and all he wants is the guy's body.
Deadpool doesn't really care. It's nothing more than a paycheck, a very nice paycheck.
Apparently the guy's name is Spider-man.
-Spider-man? I wonder if he's got eight legs.-
(That'd be very interesting for sex...)
What would be interesting for sex is eight dicks.
-(Mmmm gang bang!)-
When he does track down this Spider-man, he isn't what he was expecting.
The guy has got to be a midget. He's so short and little. He doesn't have eight legs though.
-Or eight dicks.-
(Sad face.)
He hangs back watching the guy at work. He takes out a mugger harassing a little old lady (Who looks like Bea Arthur), stops a rapist, then he watches him take on some guy who calls himself 'The Rhino'. What a freak.
-Says you.-
(Yeah, you have voices in your head!)
Okay, both of you shut up! We're working here!
He follows after 'Spider-man' after Rhino is arrested. They end up in Queens in a nice little neighborhood.
Maybe he has a wife?
-Kids? What if he has spider babies that hatch from eggs?-
(That means he gets pregnant with them. Or he could pull off that whole hentai thing where they lay eggs inside the girl. What if he has a tentacle dick!?)
-Or multiple tentacle dicks!-
Guys! Stop distracting me! I do not need a boner right now!
-Oops! Too late!-
(Giggles)
Shaking off the boxes, Deadpool focuses on Spider-man going in through an open window.
When he takes his mask off, Deadpool is extremely surprised. Even the boxes shut up in shock.
The guy is a kid. Can't be older than fifteen. He's got messy, sweat soaked brown hair and the biggest Bambi eyes he's ever seen. It stops his heart when he sees that those eyes are bloodshot and there are tears on his face. He's got a split lip, and nasty bruise on his cheek that's swollen a bit. He's cradling his hand, (The one Rhino crushed) and Deadpool watches as the kid huddles over his hand as he sees him start to heal, much slower than him, but still he heals.
[End Flashback]
"I could hurt a baby like that. That's all he was, a baby boy." Wade puts away his gun in his holster looking up at the others who are looking at him in shock.
Wade shrugs, "So I stalked the kid for a couple years between jobs and stuff. Then we started talking, kissing and banging. I won't mention the Pizza Incident of '14. though"
"What happened?" Clint's leaning forward, watching.
"I told you, I won't mention it! Anyway, so yeah. We landing yet? I really wanna kill this guy."
Cap looks at Deadpool with a stern face, "Deadpool, we can't kill him. We have to bring him back to SHIELD alive so he can cure Peter."
Wade, angry, growls, "And what if he doesn't cure him? Huh? Then what!? Do I get to torture him? Get the information out of him?"
"Deadpool. Either you get a hold of yourself or you aren’t coming. Do you understand me?"
Wade was going to say something, but he decides he'll be good.
He nods.
It's silent until they have to jump out of the jet. Only Deadpool and Cap go. Widow and Barton are on standby.
They have to travel for miles through a forest before they get to this damn bunker, but as they get nearer, Wade's getting a sense of deja vu. He knows this place. He remembers it explicitly.
Weapon X.
Fuck.
He's doing this for Peter. He's got this. He will do this. Though he’s got the boxes quaking in either anger or fear, respectfully.
He leads Cap through a maze of corridors; Cap doesn't say anything, but he's suspicious.
Deadpool points Cap forward and he disappears.
Cap makes the first contact with the guy while Deadpool hides in the shadows.
An older guy, mousy type turns toward the Cap.
"Ah. If it isn't Captain America himself." They guy wheezes.
"Dardyn, you're coming with me," Cap says with his shield at the ready.
The guy rolls his eyes, turning back toward his black board. "I can't stop yet. I have to complete the serum. I have to kill Wilson, don't you understand? If only I can stop the healing factor, then he's dead!"
Kill me? Why the fuck does he want to kill me?
-Well, a lot of people hate you.-
(This is true. But I don't remember this guy.)
He doesn't seem important enough to remember.
-(True)-
"And why would you want to kill Wilson? Are you being paid?" Cap asks.
The guy continues working on some sort of formula, "He killed my father, and he's going to come after me. If only the first one had worked, but that damn Spider-man is still swinging in the streets. I've been trying to figure out where I went wrong-" The guy cuts himself off. "Unless it did work." He whips his head toward a book sitting innocently on the edge of a table, "That's why you're here isn't it? It worked." The guy grins, all yellow teeth and crazy eyes, still staring at the notebook. "It did, didn't it? It started with his kidneys right? Then his other internal organs started to fail? It works quite quickly doesn't it?"
Deadpool sees red. This guy is getting off on hurting Peter.
-Kill him!-
(Kill him! Make him pay!)
-Spill his blood! Kill him!-
Deadpool jumps out from the shadows, guns drawn and he starts shooting at the guy, blowing his knees apart. His lower legs separate from the rest of his body. The guy starts screaming as Deadpool placing a gun at his forehead.
"Dead-"
The final shot cuts off Cap.
Dardyn's dead. Half his face missing.
Deadpool, Wade, neither feels satisfied.
Deadpool ignores Cap's angry yelling. He walks over grabbing the notebook and tossing it at him. "That's all we need. Let's go."
Cap's red in the face, but complies.
They get back on the Quinjet, Barton and Widow don't ask about the lack of villain with them.
With a couple of well placed missiles, the place blows up, once and for all.
***
Peter wakes up feeling strangely normal. It's really weird.
He looks down at himself and sees that he no longer has a chest catheter there. He flexes his hands feeling strength there that he hasn't for months. He gets up from the bed, and stretches back, bending himself in half backward, then bending himself into a pretzel.
"You know how hot it is that you can do that?"
Peter looks up to see an upside down Wade frowning at him. He rights himself to see that Wade is actually grinning.
Before he says anything else, to make sure this isn't a dream, he begins to walk up the wall, sticking for the first time in forever. He's grinning so hard it hurts.
"I'm back!"
Wade grins wider, "Yep baby boy."
"You guys found the guy?" Peter asks, super excited.
"Yep. He uh, he didn't make it though. We cured you though! All back to normal. All Spidey again. Now you can go and kick bad guy ass." Wade says really fast.
Peter looks at him questionably, but doesn't comment on it. He just wraps his arms around Wade. "Can I get out of here?"
Wade kisses him before pulling his hood up, "Yep. Let's go."
The manage to get off the Helicarrier with little issue. He doesn't see any of the Avengers though, which is weird. He expected that they would all be there to congratulate him.
When they don't go to his apartment and instead go to Stark/Avenger Tower, Peter looks at him questionably.
"Did I not mention that the others are throwing you a surprise party for getting better?"
"Seriously?"
Wade grins, leading him in. "Oh, and Cap has convinced them not to kill me...or at least attempt to kill me. Katniss isn't so happy about that. Though Stark approves of our ‘relationship against nature’, his words not mine! Anyway-"
Peter laughs.
Yeah. This is his life.