Evolution

The next thing on Wade's agenda was to potty-train his new roommate. It sounded pretty gross, even to him, but there was no way around it. So he took away the remote from Peter and turned off the TV. The teen looked at him totally baffled as if Wade was some kind of magician, making the merc grin. “Come spider-boy, I got to show you something.” Wade went into the bathroom, indicating Peter to follow him inside, which the boy did – now going on two legs, even though the movement still seemed rather stiff and uncomfortable.

They stood in front of the toilet and Wade opened the lid. “Okay, so.. if you feel the urge to, you know – pee or take a shit do it here, okay? Into that bowl. Understood?” The merc looked at his apprentice expectantly, but Peter just seemed to wonder why Wade had turned off the TV only to show him a porcelain bowl full of water. Wade sighed. “Do spiders even have to poo? I've never seen one do it..” Wade wondered, but he shook his head – he had to concentrate! And so he decided to 'demonstrate' Peter what he meant. He sat down on the toilet and started making farting noises. Peter looked at him so incredibly irritated that it made Wade laugh out loud, which confused the former spider even more.

After Wade was able to breathe regularly again he stood up. “I have the feeling you don't get it, baby boy.” He exclaimed. “How about we do it together?” So with a little bit of hesitation Wade pulled down his pants and briefs signaling the confused teen to do the same. What followed was a bromantical session of peeing together.

Afterwards Wade showed Peter the wonders of toilet paper and soap and when they left the bathroom Wade ruffled through the boys hair to show how proud he was of his little disciple. “So.. what do you need to learn now..” Wade wondered, trying to come up with anything basic Peter had to learn about human life. “Ah, yes of course!” He gasped. “The Golden Girls!” Wade hurried to his massive DVD-collection grabbing his GG Deluxe DVD Box showing it to Peter who looked at it curiously. “Trust me, boy – you're going to love it!” He went to his TV to insert the disc into the DVD-player and gestured Peter to sit down on the couch, which the obedient spider did.

Since no Golden Girls marathon would be complete without some popcorn and cold drinks Wade left for the kitchen, preparing the snack in the microwave and grabbing something to drink. The merc noticed that his fridge was almost empty, storing almost nothing but a few cans of beer and some rather old ready-made meals. Wade had no clue what teens were supposed to eat, but he was pretty sure that beer wasn't on that list. “So I guess I need to do some grocery shopping.. and while I'm at it I could buy some clothes for him..” The merc murmured to himself. “Wonder if the boy ever saw anything outside that Oscorp lab actually..” The thought made him feel melancholic for some reason.

“Hey Peter, I'm going to fetch you a soda or something, all right?” He asked, while walking back into the living room, where Peter was currently studying one of Wade's many guns that were scattered around the whole apartment, curiously looking into the muzzle while his hands were definitely way too close to the trigger. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Peter, no! Bad boy! Let it go!” The merc shouted, while running up to the boy, grabbing and trying to pull away the gun hastily. Peter flinched hard and in his panic pulled the trigger accidentally. The loud noise made him jump up, while Wade sank to his knees rubbing the already healing hole the bullet had torn trough his heart. “Could be worse, though..” He said to himself and looked up to where Peter was stuck to the ceiling, looking down at the merc terrified. Wade looked at his wound and the blood he had lost and stood up, trying to show the boy that he was actually alright. “Hey, hey.. it's alright, see? I'm perfectly fine.” He said cheerfully, reaching out for the boy. “Now come back down, huh?” But Peter did not, instead he hurried to crawl back into his little web-orb, where he felt safer. It made Wade's guts turn to see the boy distancing himself from the merc again, but at least it was only due to the loud sound of the gun being fired. Wade looked around the room, noticing all those potentially dangerous things carelessly lying around and started to pick them up immediately. Hell, he hadn't even picked up all those shards of glass that once made up Peter's cage – the kid could have cut himself easily! So Wade actually cleaned up his whole apartment and when it was as good as new and every weapon was locked away neatly the flat was basically feral-child-proved, which the merc was quite proud of.

He went to tell Peter, who hadn't showed himself all the time, trying to take a peek into his little lair. “You can come out now, Pete – I took away the guns, no more 'big ba-da boom!' for now.” He laughed, but Peter did not react, which caused a frown to appear on the merc's face. “Aw, come on spider-boy, getting shot happens to me on a daily basis, no need to blame yourself for it.” He continued talking for a while, until he was sure that Peter had enough of being human for today and just let him be. He took the already cold popcorn and a beer and settled on the couch alone, starting to watch the Golden Girls on his own.

It was an odd feeling though. He had always watched stuff on his own, all by himself, but now that someone was actually inside the room with him he felt somewhat forlorn on his big couch, even if he was sprawled out on it like usual. What was even more irritating was the fact, that for some reason his favorite show did not catch his attention as it used to do, because every three minutes he looked over his shoulder to check if Peter had moved out of his web now, it was weird.

Suddenly in the middle of his marathon he heard a faint “thwip”. Wade instantly turned his head to look at the web, but nothing had changed, making him sigh. When he looked down into his bowl of popcorn however, he heard the sound again and saw a thin thread of silk being shot at his popcorn at the same time. The thread was quickly drawn back and Wade followed it with his eyes until he saw none other, but spider-boy himself, stuck to the ceiling with his feet, eating his snack. Wade grinned wide. “Ahh, I knew you couldn't resist the charm of one Bea Arthur, Spidey!”