Remorseless

It's one of those strange things, the more often you look at the clock, the slower it seems to go. Zara had raced home as quickly as she could, and according to the time-frame Bucky had guessed, she'd have at least two hours to kill. She cleaned their room from top to bottom, changed the sheets and still had plenty of time to have a shower and pamper herself a little.
She glanced at the digital clock on the wall again, opting to get the spare quilt from the top of the wardrobe and curl up on the couch for a while in front of the TV. It was the middle of winter after all, and she was cold. She was always cold according to Bucky, but it wasn't her fault if he ran like a furnace and always wanted the air conditioning on. The compromise was air conditioning so long as he cuddled her which he was always happy to oblige. She tucked her legs up, covering herself with the blanket and piling the cushions up at one end so she could rest her head, suddenly feeling very tired.

Zara sat up when there was a noise at the door, and she suddenly realized she'd drifted off. There was a faint beep and the door opened, revealing a very tired, but still smiling super soldier. Zara grinned as she leaped up from the couch, jogging over to him and jumping into his outstretched arms. Bucky held her tight, twirling her around before taking her face in his hands, kissing her tenderly. Zara smiled against his lips, kissing him back, her arms around his neck still.
"Hi..." He said when they parted, his voice husky and tired.
"Hey you..." She answered, going in for another kiss, Bucky closing the door with his free hand. "You look so tired..." She said, her thumb stroking his brow, concern on his face.
"It's been a long day. Sorry I'm so late, they wanted to debrief us tonight, and it took forever."
"What time is it?"
"Almost two..." He said, closing in on her again for another kiss, his flesh arm still tight around her waist. "I missed you, Zee..." He mumbled as his lips went to her neck, his stubble lightly grazing her skin, making her shiver against him.
"I missed you too..." She breathed.




Zara was the first to wake, which was strange with 'Mr up at the crack of dawn' laying beside her. A smile crossed her face watching him sleep, enjoying the most peaceful look she'd ever seen on him. She cursed herself for needing to pee, Bucky stirring beside her when she sat up and slipped out of bed. There was no sneaking away from Bucky Barnes.
"Hey..." He said, in his husky morning voice as she tiptoed back to bed, Bucky holding the cover up so she could slip back under where it was warm.
"Good morning, soldier" She giggled as he pulled her into his arms, a gasp nearly escaping her as he pressed an eager kiss to her lips, rolling onto his back, positioning her astride him.
"It is a good morning waking up to a view like this" He quipped, a smug smile crossing his face as she cocked her head.
"You do realize that one of us isn't a super soldier don't you? You're going to wear me out on the first day!"
"Oh yeah right, says the one who's initiated at LEAST half of it since I walked in at 2 o'clock in the morning..." He chuckled, teasing her. Zara slapped his shoulder, his chuckle evolving into a laugh. She grinned seeing his face so bright, you knew he was genuine when his smile reached his eyes, the corners crinkling a little.
"Careful, I might enjoy getting slapped around."
"Oh dear God, I shouldn't have made you watch Fifty Shades!" Zara said with a big dramatic eye roll, joining in on the laughs.

"I am nothing like that Christian Grey..." He said, a more thoughtful look on his face now. Zara bit her lip and cocked a brow as she gave the matter a little thought.
"Well actually... You're a lot like Christian Grey..." She said, teasing him now.
"Oh fuck off" He chuckled.
"No really! You fly a quinjet - so that can be your helicopter-"
"I can fly a helicopter too, incidentally... But go on..." He said, amused.
"You're fit, you're cute, you want to have sex every 5 seconds-"
"Oh, ME!? No, I think maybe YOU'RE Christian Grey!"
"I'm a girl"
"Christine?" He tested, Zara covering her face as she laughed.
"You like punching things, you live in a state of the art building and have access to lots of money... You're moody!" She teased again, his mouth dropping open in mock-offense.
"My god... It all fits... Except the weird accent thing. I think the guy who plays him is Irish..." She mused.
"I can speak fluent Russian?"
"No you can't-"
"YA sobirayus' vint tebe mozgi..." He cut her off, a smug grin on his face.

Zara's mouth dropped open in astonishment, of all the time she'd been with Bucky she'd never heard a word of Russian out of him. Natasha had said something one night about him being fluent, but that was probably the same night they'd had the push-up bra conversation. After a few drinks, the line between 'serious' and 'joking' was often a little blurry with Natasha, she could just say something and keep her face deadpan. Zara of course had laughed anyway, but turns out this was one of the times she'd actually been serious...

"What did you just say to me?"
"Oh, you'll find out" He chuckled, enjoying the slightly worried look on her face. "I said I was going to screw your brains out"

Zara burst into laughs, finding the whole conversation hilarious, Bucky joining in. She wiped the couple of tears that had escaped, as Bucky sat himself up so they could be eye to eye, Zara still on his lap.

"Only difference is, I don't hit girls" He said, one hand cupping her face as he pressed a feather-light kiss on her lips. "I don't know how guys live with themselves having their wives cower in fear when they come home..."
"It sucks, doesn't it..." Zara said, pushing his hair back off his face. "We'll never have to worry about that. If you hit me, I'd shoot you" She said, relief passing through her when he smiled, lightening the mood.
"If I hit you, I'd shoot MYSELF" He joked, "I just don't understand how people get off from hurting someone else, and I was for all intents and purposes a professional murderer for the best part of 70 years. I never got any kind of pleasure or happiness from it, ever. Satisfaction from a revenge kill, sure, but that's something different." He said, looking into her eyes, Zara agreeing with what he was saying.

"I know I'll enjoy strangling the life out of that son of a bitch Ward when we find him..."
"Don't you dare, I want to put a bullet between his eyes. I've even been practicing on the range."
"No, a bullet's too good for him. He has to suffer for what he did, and I have a few ideas floating around..."

Zara bit her lip, her heart picking up in pace as she imagined just what those things were.

"Oh hi 'Scary Bucky'... Welcome back, it's been a while" She chuckled, teasing him. His face softened, light heartedness replacing the intensity that head crept into his expression.
"I'm sorry, it's been an intense couple of weeks... I'm still a little wound up" He admitted, cocking his head to the side.
"Well maybe we can remedy that... If you wanted to make good on your Russian promise?"




Bucky and Zara made their way down the corridor, his arm over her shoulder the way it always usually was. He pushed the door open with his metal arm, walking into a simple looking room containing what looked like an examination table and a desk.
"Thanks for coming with me," Zara said, keeping her voice quiet. Bucky nodded and smiled, gesturing at the examination table which she sat herself on.
"Don't mention it"

They were shortly joined by Coulson, and a petite blonde girl with astonishing green eyes. Blondie smiled at both of them, her face bright and genuine.
"Bucky, Zara, this is Candice. Candice, Bucky and Zara" He said, gesturing between them all. Candice beamed a big teethy smile at them, putting her hand out to shake with both of them as they greeted each other.
"So how's this all gonna go down?" Bucky asked, clearly a little tense as he looked back and forth between everyone, Coulson gestured at Candice who nodded, turning to Bucky and Zara before speaking.
"Okay, so I've had a session with Thomas, and we're pretty sure what Hydra were looking for in you. We've discovered that they weren't after the serum as such, but more so the trace elements of the chemicals from your revival."
"I was revived with a drug?"
"From what I understand it was a combination of that, and some sort of... Shock therapy, I guess you'd call it? They had an inhuman there that could control electricity. The chemical was injected straight into your heart, and your heartbeat was synthesized until it started beating on its own. There was more to it of course, but that was the basic gist of it. I've written a report and made up a copy of for you to go over at your own leisure." She said.

Zara nodded, it was a lot to take in.

"So why do you need to see me now?" She asked, cutting straight to the point in true Zara style, Bucky's eyes flicking over to the small, blonde girl waiting for her answer.
"I don't need to see you, you're not obligated to be here at all. I'm here because Coulson thought you may have memories you'd like to recover, and I am here to offer my help, should you want to take it. That goes for you, too Bucky." She said, that big smile still plastered onto her face.

Bucky and Zara exchanged a look, Bucky's eyes seemingly screaming at her to get up and leave, but curiosity had gripped her, and suddenly she wanted to know more.
"Okay." She said, giving Candice a nod. Bucky rolled his eyes in defeat and annoyance. He set his jaw, but remained at her side just as he'd promised to do, not half an hour earlier.
"H- I mean... How's this gonna work? What do I do, and will it hurt?" Zara asked, nerves creeping in. Candice smiled sympathetically.
"No, you won't feel a thing. If you get overwhelmed, we'll stop straight away. I don't want to push you." She said reassuringly, "You'll be able to speak to me, and if you want to stop, just say so. I'm going to put my hands on your temples and you're going to close your eyes, and we'll begin. I'll start with a recent one, and I'll stop and check in with you before we go further. Are you ready?" Candice asked, looking into Zara's eyes. Zara nodded nervously, blowing out a breath as she closed her eyes.
"Let's do this"

***
Zara looked over her shoulder as she darted into the bar, keeping low and gun raised in front of her defensively. She'd watched these guys hold up a local cafe and hadn't been fast enough to catch them. They weren't going to rob this place, no way. Of course the police were nowhere to be found. They charged in, ski masks over their faces and guns drawn, demanding cash. The attractive African American bartender cocked a smile, not fazed in the slightest.
One of the men cocked his gun, the bartender stepping out from behind the counter as if daring him to pull the trigger. Zara's mouth dropped open as the bartender made his way over to them, stepping closer and closer. He was going to get himself killed.
Zara couldn't take it anymore, holstering her gun and charging out of the shadow launching herself at the intruders silently. She wrapped an arm around his neck from behind, swinging to kick the other in the head, knocking him over, the bartender pouncing on him. Zara tackled the guy she'd grabbed to the ground, hearing glass shattering beside her. Her opponent tried to fight back, Zara pulling her gun from its holster and slamming the butt into his temple, knocking him out.
She stood up at the same time as the bartender, his height towering over her, making her breath hitch a little.
"Are you okay?" She asked. He nodded, looking down at the invaders on the floor.
"Thanks" He said, putting a hand out. "Luke cage"
"Zara Jones..." She said without thinking, shaking her head at herself. Oh well, it was too late to come up with a false name now. "Oh my god..." She said, noticing the state of his shirt and the bloody glass in the hand of the attacker. "You were glassed... Do you need me to call you an ambulance?"
He lifted his shirt absent-mindedly, revealing there wasn't a mark on him. The same couldn't be said about his tattered shirt. He chuckled nervously.
"I guess I was lucky..."
"That's more than luck..." She said, "You're enhanced..."
***

Zara's eyes widened when Candice released her and she let a breath out. She realized Bucky was standing in front of her, her hand in his and Coulson had left the room.
"How was that, Zara?" Candice asked, concern in her eyes. Zara nodded, giving a smile, speechless for a moment.
"That was incredible... The night I met Luke... I'm just, that's amazing..." She stammered, Bucky straightening up.
"Who's Luke?" He asked, cocking a brow. Zara let out a laugh, seems like 'possessive Bucky' was back again.
"A friend of mine, I was in New York a couple of months ago and these guys tried to hold a bar up. There weren't any cops so I ran in and helped the bartender out, we stayed friends after that. Him and his girlfriend are both inhumans" She said, Bucky nodding thoughtfully.
"You never told me that story..."
"Well there's more to it... I'll fill you in this afternoon over a coffee" She promised, giving his hand a squeeze.

Honesty is the best policy... Shut up brain!

"Do you want me to do any more today?" Candice asked, enthusiastically, earning a grin from Zara.
"Can I ask you to find something specific?" She asked, testing the water. Candice let out a long breath, biting her lip as she searched for the right words.
"That depends... I can find something if it was a major memory in your life. I could see a milestone event, but it might be hard for me to pinpoint, like, where you left your car keys... If that makes sense?" She explained. "Memories are a funny thing. The big important ones are lit up, like a highlighted line in a textbook. I mean I suppose I COULD find the little things, but that takes longer and would be draining on us both... But I'm willing to try anything if it helps!" She beamed.
"Okay, how about the day I met Bucky? I don't remember it, but it's a memory I'd like to have..."
"I told you how we met, you came into my class and tried to beat me up" Bucky chuckled.
"Oh shush, I want to see for myself" Zara pouted, giving in and letting a smile through.

Zara closed her eyes and sat still, Candice's cold fingertips on her temple making her shiver. Candice closed her eyes, her smile disappearing as a dark shadow seemingly formed over her. Bucky watched like a hawk as Zara's eyelids started to flutter, memories coming back to her.

***
Zara made her way down the damp, dark corridor, eyes on the ground, following her combat boots - one step after the other. She was led to a door which was pulled open before she was shoved in. Before her in the vault-like concrete room was the kid she'd been pitted against more times than she cared to think about. A boy of similar age to her, maybe 21 or so, but much taller and stronger. He had dark hair, striking features, and dark, mysterious eyes. If she'd met him under different circumstances she might even think he was cute. But not here, not in this world. The fact that he'd been responsible for giving her the now fading black eye she currently sported was also not working in his favor. She swallowed hard, not looking forward to taking another beating, but determined to get him back. He was bigger but she was faster and it was only a matter of time before that worked in her favor.
Hell, they already had BIG. Big was what, or who, was standing before them both. He was a good 6 foot tall, and apparently over 200 pounds. He was strong enough to rip the doors off a car without batting an eye and frighteningly fast. He was cold, ruthless and completely lethal. He was highly trained in combat with dozens of assassinations under his belt, unbeatable with any weapon you could think of, and absolutely fearless.
He was the one that even the higher ups feared when he wasn't under control, which is part of the reason they'd kept him brainwashed, his memories wiped and his body frozen. Couldn't have someone with those kinds of abilities using something as dangerous as free will.
He stared them both down, taking an instant dislike to the young man beside her, and when he stared into her eyes, assessing her, his intensity made her shiver. His metal hand reached out to lift her chin, obviously so he could get a better look at her. Zara swallowed hard, terrified, but didn't break his gaze for a second, nor did she back off or shy away. There was nothing he could do to her that THEY hadn't already done. Something flickered through his eyes, if Zara didn't know better she'd call it amusement, but it was gone as quick as it came. He stepped back, calling the boy over to spar while the guards watched on in anticipation.
***

Zara's eyes crunched shut as the memory got hazy, her body tensing as Candice concentrated harder.

***
She fought hard and he wasn't going easy on her. The boy was moaning on the ground, bleeding from his eye socket. He'd hit the ground and scary metal arm guy was now after her. Strength wasn't going to beat him, and if she was honest, speed probably wasn't either. He wasn't afraid to hit a girl, her throbbing cheekbone was evidence of that. He kicked her hard, her body flying across the room, her back making contact with the wall. Zara didn't dare move, timing was going to be everything. He swung at her with his metal fist, hard, Zara ducking at the last second. His fist became embedded in the wall, giving her valuable milliseconds to send a fist up hard under his jaw, and her other one into his temple. Hard. He pulled his fist from the concrete, stumbling back and reining his temper in. He gave the door guard a subtle nod and she was dragged from the room.

***

Gunfire. There was gunfire everywhere, they were at war and she was fighting by his side, backing him up. They crept through the jungle, Zara following his lead, stopping to crouch when he gave her the signal. He turned to her, raising a finger to his mouth to tell her to stay quiet, pulling another gun from his holster and handing it to her. His expression was intense, but not threatening like it had been... There was a strange camaraderie between them. She wouldn't go as far as calling him a friend, or even an acquaintance, really. They never spoke to each other unless giving orders or information, and even then it was short and to the point, no warmth or sentimentality. He was still intense and aggressive, if she was honest he was still terrifying in every sense of the word, but for some reason she felt like they understood each other. The man she only knew as 'The Asset' had her back... And she had his.

***

They sat together side by side in a concrete room, waiting for their superiors, a gap of a couple of feet between them. She knew better than to get too close. He may have stopped giving her the 'death glare' every time she graced him with her presence, but that was no reason to get complacent. He was still a stone cold killer after all. His eyes glanced over to her subtly as a middle aged man in a suit walked in, his body language tense and angry. They'd failed their mission. Suit man jammed a magazine into his pistol as he came through the door, and without breaking stride held it up to her face, finger on the trigger. Suddenly the Asset leaped to his feet, yanking the gun from the suit guy's hand and kicked him across the room. Zara jumped to her feet, her breath picking up pace to match her thumping heart as panic set in. The Asset shot her a look that could only be described as his own version of worry as a team of soldiers stormed the room. She gasped when his metal arm shot out in front of her, pushing her behind him. What?! He was protecting her now!?
He fought as hard as he could before grabbing her around the wrist roughly, and running like hell with her as the last soldier hit the ground. They made their way down the same corridor they'd come down countless times, The Asset deflecting bullets with his metal arm, protecting them with it like a shield. An explosion was set off in front of them, perhaps from a grenade or something of the like. The gas that escaped from it slowed them down, everything getting hazy. She was scooped up in strong arms as he fought with all his might to keep running, eventually succumbing to it. Then darkness.

***

Tears poured down her face as she watched them strap him into the chair, adjusting electrodes. He fought against them, requiring several sedatives to make him sit still. His eyes were glued to hers, full of sadness and regret.
His screams were gut-wrenching, it was the most excruciating thing she'd ever witnessed. Zara turned, still screaming and fighting in vain to be freed from the shackles that restrained her. A tall, dark haired man in a strike team uniform approached her, a smug smile on his face as he drew his arm back, his fist the last thing she saw.

***

The man with the metal arm was gone. He'd been wiped, re-programmed and sent back out on another mission. Chaos had broken out at the base, apparently something had gone very, very wrong out in the field. The Asset had escaped, he was a free man. Zara had accepted that she wouldn't see him ever again. Even if she did, he wouldn't know her, anyway. Not even if he looked right at her. She was glad he'd gotten out, and she hoped he'd found solace somewhere. She had no idea what kind of a man he'd be away from Hydra, but it wouldn't be the same person he was here... The words 'replacement' had been uttered by several of the soldiers and assistants. That's when she knew she had to get out, and plans were made with the other recruits.

***

More chaos, fire, running and explosions. Zara set a detonator, calling out to the others to run, and took off as fast as she could go down the corridor. Her chest burned and her knees ached, but this was life and death, and there were no other options. Talks of them injecting her with the serum had spurred their plan into action early. There was no way she was going through what he went through...
She skidded to a stop, realizing they'd gone down a dead end, panic setting in to the group of them. She was sure they were going to die. Someone called out, and they ran back towards the voice, finding another door which they burst through. She ran for her life, leading the pack when a shuddering explosion shook the building, followed by the roar of a collapse. Zara held her breath, running even harder when she was sent flying by the shock-wave of the bomb. Their tunnel collapsed on top of them... Then there was darkness...

***

Zara opened her eyes, her breath heaving and her body shaking. Bucky looked into her eyes, as worried as she'd ever seen him as he stepped over and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She didn't know what came over her, she was suddenly hit with a wave of emotion and burst into tears as he held her.
Bucky shot Candice an angry look, Candice's expression forlorn as she watched Zara fall to pieces in front of her.
"What did you show her!?" He demanded angrily, helping Zara to her feet as she tried her best to compose herself. Candice pulled a couple of tissues from the box, handing them to Zara when she pulled away from Bucky, still shaken as she blotted her eyes.
"I showed her how you met..." She said innocently.
"There was nothing upsetting about our first meeting. We met in a fucking training room!"
"I'm afraid you didn't" Candice said, bowing her head, understanding the gravity of what she'd uncovered.
"She was unconscious when I pulled her from the rubble, I hardly class that as a meeting..." He snapped, his attention returning to Zara.

"You tried to protect me, you tried to get us out and they took you down... They strapped you into that chair and I couldn't save you," She said, looking into his eyes as more tears came. She bit her lip and shook her head as she tried to wrap her head around what she'd seen

Bucky's brows were pinched with confusion as he tried to put the pieces together.
"We didn't meet here at Shield. I met you at the Hydra base when you were... You know, their 'Asset'... We worked together, we looked out for each other... " She said, clearing her throat and wiping her eyes.
"No way..." He said, a mixture of shock and disbelief as he tried in vain to scour his head for any old memories.

"See for yourself" She said, gesturing at Candice.