The Tears Of Arthur Pendragon
Black. That was what he saw for a few long seconds.
Then, an insistent light that cleared his vision and when he became aware of it, his eyes were squeezed shut.
He opened one eye, then part of the other, and it took him a moment before he realized that he was in Gaius's chamber.
The more he came into his senses, the more intense the pain in his thigh became.
Shit. Yeah, shit. It wasn't a little scratch after all.
The great pain of him wound reminded him of when he had done it, though back then it hadn't even hurt that much.
But of course, the time he hurt, there were the agile and gentle hands of his servant who carefully bandaged him, and now they weren't because he-
Oh.
His servant. Merlin.
Suddenly his vision clouded over again, showing images of candles lighting themselves, words that didn't make any sense and blue turning into gold.
Blue turning to gold.
His breathing quickened as he remembered what had happened in that silent corridor, or rather what he had heard. What he had seen.
In his sudden confusion, thinking and thinking, a broad white-haired silhouette appeared who covered the light that woke him up.
-My lord, are you alright?- Gaius's brittle voice resonated much louder than it should have and scared him.
But he only responded with a look of fear and disbelief that was perfectly reflected in his eyes.
-You're awake. Don't worry, the wound that you already had has opened.- explained the physician, trying to calm him down. -It may hurt a lot, but it will soon go away. For now you must rest and then you can return to your duties.-
Arthur didn't say a word, but a bead of sweat rolled down his forehead and his chest rose and fell with agitation.
Gaius sighed, pursing his lips. -You have a fever, Sire. I'll go get a jug of water.-
Then the physician disappeared from the room, leaving an uncertain Arthur alone in the silent room.
No more than minutes passed when the door opened again. The prince hardly noticed the presence of the incoming person, so immersed in his thoughts that he was, until it spoke.
-How are you feeling?- And that voice, known as the palm of his hand but now it felt strange, as if he hadn't heard it in years.
Merlin.
Arthur turned his head quickly to find a tall figure approaching the bed where he was lying, and he swore his heart had never beat so fast.
-Arthur. What happened? - asked Merlin worried. At the same time, he sat on a small bench next to his stretcher.
Arthur's mouth, sealed like an envelope.
Merlin's words echoed in his head for a long time, becoming less and less familiar.
His name, said by that being in front of him, no longer sounded like before.
"Sorcerer." Arthur told himself, fixing his gaze on where the boy in question was.
Tall. Pitch black, indomable hair. Full lips and broad shoulders, the mythical red scarf hanging from his neck and mesmerizing eyes, blue as the sky.
My God, that was the man he met six years ago. Since that strange July day.
However, that was not Merlin. That being, standing in front of him, was a sorcerer.
The thought made his blood run cold.
And no, as much as Arthur wanted to convince himself of it, the fact that he was a sorcerer didn't scare him. It was a strange thought, but his heart was beating fast for another reason.
It was to know that Merlin had never told him.
Why hadn't he told him? Why Juliet and not him, of all people?
-Arthur. Please, answer me.- A firm voice, eyes looking directly at him. Eyes he could no longer look at.
He could never look at them again? That thought made his stomach churn.
His breathing had already calmed down relatively, but his eyes were far away and wide open.
-Hey-
-I know,- was all Arthur said, leaving the room in deathly silence.
The only thing he could hear was his own heartbeat.
-What?- Merlin asked.
Once again, after a long time, he dared to look into his eyes.
Merlin was sitting upright in the chair, looking at him as if he had said the strangest thing in the world.
-I know it now. I know about you- he announced, but his voice came out weaker than he wanted.
His skin felt cold as he looked at the sorcerer.
-I don't understand,- he said in response with a confused expression.
In any other situation, he would have rolled his eyes. He would have told his foolish servant how clueless he was and scolded him for not paying attention, but no.
All he did was look at him, hoping his gaze was intense enough to make Merlin understand.
-What do you already know, Sire?- He asked, surprised, but his look escaped from his and that gave him away. He was playing dumb. Arthur now wondered how many times he'd have done that.
-But why didn't you tell me?- he whimpered anguished, already forgetting to ignore the sorcerer's blue eyes.
-I... I don't know what you mean...-
-That you're a bloody sorcerer, Merlin,- he hissed, but his voice trembled and his eyes glazed over. -Or whatever you call yourself.-
Silence. Everything in that room was silent.
-Me?- He said with a nervous giggle. -That's ridiculous.-
-I fucking saw you!- His voice rose to a scream, but he couldn't hide the break in it.
-Your eyes. Changing from blue to gold... Were you never going to tell me? You told Juliet, who you met three weeks ago, but not me?-
Merlin didn't reply, simply frowning and letting his vision blur with tears.
Then he got up, suddenly restless.
-Were you never going to tell me?- he repeated, this time more desperate. With what little strength he had left, he sat on the stretcher and tried to look for the sorcerer's gaze, but it didn't correspond to him.
-Of all people, Merlin. In the whole world, I thought I was the one you trusted the most. I thought so, because that was you for me.- The prince, in a desperate attempt to be heard, got up from his stretcher, hissing in pain but without taking his eyes off his servant. -Don't you know that I would trust you with life? Don't you know...? Don't you know I don't care about your magic? Jeez, you could be a fucking werewolf and still be my favorite person. But you never told me. You never trusted me. That... that's my true pain.- Again the familiar feeling of that butterfly filled his chest with its fluttering, reminding him how many things he wanted to say but he never dared.
-Arthur...- he heard his name in a fragile voice, but nothing else came out of it.
He watched him take a few steps away, enough to hide his face from the prince but also enough for Arthur to hear his heavy breaths.
The prince's salty tear rolled down his cheek when he didn't get any response.
-Did you even ever trust me?- he asked with little voice, but the question kept its echo in the room, since Merlin, upon hearing those words, fled from the place, so leaving only the tears that fell and remained as a trace, marked forever on the cold stone of the floor.
Advice From A Seer
Dinner was being served in the great dining room of the castle. The meat of that enormous cow had already been prepared and seasoned by the best cooks in Camelot.
Everyone was very excited to try the mythical meat of the beast, because this would be the grand farewell before Lourine's kingdom withdrew the next morning.
The people laughed, the knights told the incredible story of how they had captured the beast and the noble action of Prince Arthur in protecting one of the knights.
The story was very surprising for everyone and they dedicated themselves to congratulating the blonde throughout the night, telling him that he had been very brave. The nobles repeated to him over and over again how honored they had been to have the opportunity to share a hunt with Prince Arthur himself.
The aforementioned gave them a short smile and thanked them for being so kind.
But the noise from that dining room was already beginning to give him a headache.
His father's valedictory speech seemed as boring to him as all the others he had recited, and the magnificent meat that was practically legend rarely made an appearance in his mouth.
He didn't know how to distinguish which were congratulations and which were wishes for recovery for his injured leg, so he just gave everyone a short reply of thanks and hoped he didn't sound rude.
The servants ran here and there with large trays of food, as those present took the opportunity to repeat courses of delicious meat.
But why wasn't Arthur Pendragon enjoying the congratulations, the speech, or the food? Very simply, his mind was busy enough with one specific thing.
Gaius had allowed him to come down to dinner as an exception, since his leg was still badly damaged, and warned Arthur that he would have to be careful if he didn't want to injure himself permanently.
He knew that, just by the time everyone had gone to their beds with a clear conscience and a satisfied belly, he would have to go back to that cold room. The physician's chambers had always been particularly uncomfortable, but now it was unbearable. Arthur didn't want to think that he would have to lie down on that creaky stretcher again. Right there he was sitting when he last saw a certain sorcerer.
Arthur couldn't go back there. That place was filled with a special memory, one that gave him no satisfaction to remember.
Between all the noise of the people and the silverware clashing on the porcelain, a question arose in the middle of the prince's mind.
Staring blankly and not hungry at all, Arthur wondered where Merlin was.
Merlin, who was always running around the castle. Merlin, who was his foolish old servant from six years ago.
Merlin should have been there, tending along with the dozens of servants. He should have been there, leaning over his shoulder, serving his plate of food while he said his usual nonsense. Perhaps a joke about his weight, or even a very poorly acted imitation of formal behavior. But Merlin should have been there.
Although of course, we forget that this was a long time ago. When Merlin was just Merlin. But now everything had changed, and honestly, Arthur didn't know what to think.
***
Merlin was standing in his room, thinking about what to do. He couldn't go serve that dinner like any other day. It just didn't feel right.
What would he do there, anyway?
"Oh, Arthur, do you prefer the meat with a side of salad, or a bowl of soup? Oh, and if you ever happen to see me using a powerful spell, know that I don't mean to kill anyone, heh"
No, that would be ridiculous. He couldn't look the prince in the eye again, not after what happened in Gaius's chambers.
The physician was not there, since he was having dinner with the rest of the people. They had all been invited to the dinner, but the only idiot that didn't go was Merlin.
He ran through his room at a nervous pace, not knowing what to do. He sat on his bed and got up, searched through the books, foolishly thinking that something among the texts would help him. But even the Old Religion wouldn't know what to say in that situation. Arthur knew about his magic, and Merlin was sure they would burn him alive.
But actually, what scared him the most was what Arthur was thinking at that moment. He would surely believe that Merlin was a traitor, a horrible person. Merlin never did anything more than use his magic to take care of Camelot and its prince, but not telling Arthur already made him a liar. Of all the punishments he could receive upon his magic being discovered, Arthur hating him was by far the worst of all.
Merlin sighed, and it sounded louder than he intended.
It was about time to pack up his things.
***
In what seemed like seconds to Arthur, the party ended. Most had already gone to bed, leaving a few still in the great dining room. Among these were Arthur and Morgana, bringing a déjà vu to the prince. He reminded himself in the first day of the visit, and time had passed so quickly that it was already ending.
Ending right where he started, drunk, confused, and with Morgana sitting next to him.
-You look as your family has died,- Morgana told him sitting next to the blonde, her long white dress stretched out under the table.
-You look like you got trampled by a horse- he gave back with a frown, and Morgana reacted with a smile.
-Come on, I'm just a little worried. You were absent all night, honestly. You didn't even brag when everyone congratulated you for saving Sir Marcus. And we all know that you always brag.- she explained with a half smile.
Yes, that was the truth. Arthur had tried to have fun that night, but he found it impossible with Merlin's recent situation.
Arthur didn't even have time to think about it, and he urgently needed some silence. Merlin had always been a subject that the blond preferred to think about in silence, since it was a delicate thing. But perhaps discreetly asking the woman next to him for a bit of advice wouldn't be amiss.
-It's just... complicated- the prince began with a sigh.
-Tell me, I've always been smarter than you, I sure know how to help you- she teased, but the tone in her voice indicated that he could trust her.
Arthur sighed, wondering if he really should be counseled by this woman. She could be a good advisor if she wanted to, but there was a chance Morgana would just laugh at him.
-I've been in a conflict with a certain person,- the prince now explained discreetly, to prove the seriousness of the black-haired woman.
-Hm... And I suppose that person is quite important to keep you distracted like this.- the seer guessed with raised eyebrows.
-Yes,- he stated without hesitation and would have lied, but in his chest there was a flutter that denied him the whim. -Yes, yes he is,- he said in a sigh, carefully low to not reveal everything to the woman.
-Well, then, what kind of conflict do you have?- the girl asked as she settled into the chair, motioning for a servant to pour her more wine.
-You see, it's a strange thing,- said the blond biting his inner cheek. -I have never had such a dilemma in my life. This person, whom I have known for a long time, has been keeping a secret from me.-
Morgana's green eyes peeked darkly over the glass she was drinking from, feeling familiar with the situation Arthur was putting her in. She decided to listen carefully.
-It's... a pretty wild secret, to be honest. So much, that bad things could happen to that person.- The prince continued serious, without looking directly at Morgana. -But this person has told the secret to others.- he said then, with a strange tone of voice.
-And have you wondered why he hasn't told you?- Morgana asked, hiding her recognition of the situation.
-I asked him, yes, I did,- he stated with hopeless eyes. -But I didn't get an answer.-
-No, but I mean, why do you think he hid it from you?- she asked again, cautiously observing the blond's gestures.
-I...- Arthur didn't know what to answer. It's just that he hadn't really asked himself. He had been busy asking himself why Juliet. But never the reason for himself.
Now he meditated for a second on what Morgana had told him.
So why didn't Arthur know about Merlin's magic?
Arthur thought...
"Maybe he thought I was going to rat him out" That might make sense, after all, he was the prince of Camelot. His duty was to condemn anyone who goes against the law. But Merlin already knew his opinion on magic, since he made sure to make it very clear to him that day in the forest.
"What if Merlin is evil?" As soon as that thought popped into his head, he involuntarily shook his head. Merlin could never, ever have evil in his heart. He had seen the tears of pain from him that made him human in person. He had heard the break in his voice as Arthur revealed that he knew his secret, and none of it could have been acted out. Merlin was a horrible liar, for God's sake. Merlin wasn't evil, he even made smiley faces out of sausages and fried eggs.
"Because he didn't know how I would react"
Arthur thought about that reason, and suddenly he felt the need to put himself in Merlin's place.
Alone, in a kingdom where his kind are killed with no consideration. Everyone he meets is a potential threat. For his bad luck, he manages to be in the heart of Camelot, right next to the man who hates magic the most in the world. And then there is his son, with whom he becomes friends. How would he be able to tell her such a thing? It would be impossible to know how he would react, which could lead to dire consequences.
That was when he understood; Merlin was as confused as himself. If Arthur didn't even know how to react, how was Merlin supposed to know too?
-I think that he didn't tell me, because he didn't know how I would react.- Arthur finally said, with an air of understanding.
Morgana smiled and nodded, satisfied with the answer.
-And you blame him?-
It took the prince a moment, but then he made up his mind.
-No.- he answered, now sure with his answer.
-Then go and tell him, so maybe you'll stop being so distracted and go back to being a braggart,- Morgana encouraged him with a smile, tapping him lightly on the shoulder.
Arthur smiled at her, perhaps even considering the idea.
-I appreciate it,- he thanked, because it was one of those rare times when the woman felt like it, and managed to give good advice.
The Farewell
Merlin only knew that he had to find Gaius. Gaius, his uncle, who had cared for him since the day he arrived in Camelot. He had to say goodbye to him, because not doing so would ruin what was left of his heart.
It was quite dark, after all, it was close to midnight. He hoped he could make it to the great hall without meeting anyone, especially not Arthur. Because he knew that if he ran into him, it would be his ruin. In any way imaginable, between hanging from a rope or sinking into the disappointed look of his prince. Either way would kill him.
The more he thought about it, the quicker and shorter his steps became. He only hoped to meet Gaius as soon as possible so that he could leave Camelot forever. That kingdom was nothing if its prince hated him.
He nearly jumped out of his heart when he heard his name in the silence of that hallway.
-Merlin!- Juliet called loud enough to create an echo. -I was looking everywhere for you.-
Merlin could hardly meet her eyes. He would also have to say goodbye to her. Though they would have to anyway, since she and Lourine's kingdom were leaving the next morning. He felt sorry for not being able to be with her until the last minute.
-Why didn't you go to the farewell dinner?- she asked, but Merlin's silence didn't seem to stop her from talking. -You won't believe what I read in this book...-
Juliet opened an old medical book that Merlin hadn't even noticed she had and he decided to just see what her friend wanted to show him.
-Do you remember what you told me a few hours ago?- Merlin didn't need a second to remember it, and how could he not? That is what had caused this mess. The wizard nodded slightly, still confused. -Well, I think I know why Arthur behaved like that in the forest.-
The black-haired man frowned and thought it over before looking at where Juliet was pointing in her book. Did this mean that Arthur hadn't acted on his behalf when he said he likes magic? Now that he remembered, it had all been too good to be true...
-Each being that approaches that flower, each being that does not have the gift of magic will be affected by its power.- Juliet began to read a line on the page and it was only then that Merlin looked. -When the flower of the heart is close to one of the same species as hers, she will absorb the power of the other and the spell will take place. So much will be the power gathered in a single flower, that those who do not have the gift of magic will be affected by it. Without an antidote of any kind, they will only know how to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. The only way to get rid of this spell, as strong as one true feeling, is to confess their biggest secret and to do so, use their whole heart.-
For a moment he just starred at the page, already yellowed by its age. His eyes locked on an image of a flower, the flower that Gaius had asked her to pick, the flower by which he had known Juliet, drawn below the recently read text.
The flower of the heart. Now he remembered what Gaius had told him, and why she had that strange name.
Because it dominates the heart. It affects its deepest function, which is to deal with feelings.
Merlin now understood that everything Arthur had confessed that day in the forest had been the truth, so had he broken free of the spell?
-When this happens, a bright blue butterfly will fly outside the affected body, after having inhabited it.-
Oh. But no kind of blue butterfly had come out. Now what did that mean? That Arthur had deeper secrets than his fondness for magic? That didn't make sense.
Merlin raised his head and met those brown eyes, and suddenly he didn't know what to say.
-You understand? Arthur was bewitched by the flower of the heart, forcing him to tell the truth. Just that flower that you duplicated the day we met. It means that he was saying all that seriously, Merlin, you should talk about your magic and maybe he will do something against its ban and...-
-He knows,- Merlin cut her off, and the blonde stopped talking instantly. Not knowing what expression to put, since it could be very good or very bad news.
-...How did he react?- she asked slowly, but immediately regretted it, because when she looked more closely at Merlin's face, even with the dim lighting from the torches, his dark circles under his eyes, the traces of tears and his eyes, always standing out so cheerful and bright, seemed exhausted.
-Oh,- she said quietly, because she didn't need an answer from Merlin to know.
-I'm leaving Camelot. Maybe forever,- Merlin announced in a dead voice, not daring to look at his friend.
-But Merlin, you can't... You can't give up so easily. Without even speaking together...- her anguished voice almost brought the sorcerer back to tears.
-Oh, believe me, we already did. But I can't... I can't listen to his voice again after what he said. - He denied with a brittle voice, and Juliet didn't even want to listen to imagine what Arthur had said to make the man feel like that.
-My dear...- she said pitifully and simply put her arms around Merlin and squeezed him tightly, feeling like the hug was reciprocated and the truth was that even though she and Merlin had met a few days ago, they had so much in common that even the pain was shared.
-Juliet, if- if I decide to move to another kingdom... Do you think I'd be welcome in yours?- he asked in the middle of the hug with a tearful voice and Juliet would have said yes to everything just because of the way his chest stuttered for the sobs.
-Don't even doubt it, Merlin, come whenever you want. You will always have a friend waiting for you... Whatever you decide, I just want you to know that I will support you- she smiled at the sorcerer even though he couldn't see her and hugged him a little more tightly.
-And Juliet...- he said fragile as he moved away a bit to be face to face. -If I leave Camelot... promise me that you will come sometimes, just to see how things are going. And don't leave Lancelot alone, please, don't be foolish and accept your love.-
Juliet agreed with a tearful laugh, she promised Merlin everything he asked for and she only wished, she wanted to do anything, just to make Merlin smile again.
The Rush
And again, he was lying on that stretcher, hard as stone and cold as snow.
Arthur began to feel that everything in his life was repeating, already getting fed up with it.
He thought about his life, suddenly realizing that it had all been the same. Wake up, agree to everything his father said and fulfill his duties. But there was always a little thing, he was already so used to it, that he made each day unique.
Yes, that thing was Merlin.
The servant, or the sorcerer, but Merlin.
Arthur felt how he was deflating, already tired of thinking about that man. Well no, not tired, because there was no way he would get tired of Merlin. But he was getting fed up with the way the stupid butterfly fluttered every time the name of Merlin appeared in his head.
While Gaius ordered anything in that workshop, Arthur simply looked up at the ceiling, arguing with himself in his mind.
But what he didn't realize was how the physician looked at him sideways from time to time because he knew. He knew that Arthur was now aware of Merlin's magic. He knew that Merlin planned to flee that very night, without announcing when and if he would return, and Gaius knew that the prince was to blame for that.
So excuse him if his look at the blond was somewhat judgmental, but the reason was obvious.
-Are you feeling well, my lord?- Gaius asked, but the question had a double meaning. Maybe he wanted to know if the blonde felt the slightest bit of guilt for the situation.
-Mhm?- he said, snapping out of his thoughts. The thoughts of Merlin had always kept him very distracted, even before the revelation. -Uh, I'm alright. It hurts a little, but not as much as before...-
-Ah, what a relief,"-he replied, not so honestly. -What am I going to do to clean up all this mess by myself now...- he muttered to himself, but loud enough for Arthur to hear.
The latter raised his head slightly towards Gaius, frowning. -What do you mean "by yourself", Gaius?- he asked, because it was Merlin who used to help him tidy up.
-Ah,- Gaius said, pretending that he hadn't wanted Arthur to hear that. -No, nothing, Sire. It's just that I'll have to find another apprentice, I'm too old to work on my own.- he added mischievously.
Now the prince's brow furrowed further, and his head snapped around.
-Another apprentice?- he asked again, as if the strangest thing had been said. -But you already have one.- he said, a little more insecure.
-Didn't you know, my lord?- asked the doctor, with a bit of rancor. -I thought you would be the first to know, after all, Merlin worked for you.-
-Wait wait. What's the matter with him? What do I need to know?-
-Oh, I thought you would know. Merlin will leave Camelot.- Gaius took it upon himself to say each word very clearly, seeing out of the corner of his eye the frown of his prince frown so much that it no longer seemed humanly possible, but without receiving a verbal response.
Arthur didn't bat an eyelash after Gaius's last word. All he did was lie back on his table as he suddenly seemed weaker than usual.
Merlin? Leaving Camelot? What kind of bad joke was that?
Though on second thought, it did make some sense. Now with his magic revealed he was in great danger.
But whose danger? Arthur obviously wouldn't tell his father or anyone else who might harm Merlin.
Oh God. Did Merlin think he would give him away? Merlin was running for his life, and he thought the danger was Arthur!
The prince felt his heart break. It wasn't possible that his servant was actually running away from him, right?
Well, he wouldn't even have to care about that. He was supposed to be still mad at that bastard, he had hidden his magic from him for so many years when Arthur had entrusted his life to him.
If Merlin wanted to leave Camelot, so be it.
A flutter in his chest meant otherwise, but at that time Arthur was very immersed in his thoughts.
His sight quickly fixed on the window, where the stars were visible. It was already late, midnight in fact. One star in particular brought back a vague memory of the twinkle in Merlin's eye.
He thought again about what Morgana had told him.
And well, it was true, Arthur didn't blame the man nor was he really angry with him. But what kind of prince would he be if he forgave a traitor so quickly?
When the moon dipped low enough to be visible through the glass, the blond appreciated its quarter shape and again reminded him of Merlin's eyes when he smiled.
He realized that the only chance to see the moons in Merlin's eyes from now on would be through the window. That thought brought a horrible taste to his tongue.
Gaius came over to change the bandage on his leg and Arthur almost didn't notice.
With more time that passed, the moon was going down until it was at the edge of the glass and the prince only understood that the hours passed and Merlin could be leaving at any time.
His eyes widened and the question suddenly arose as to when Merlin would leave Camelot.
He took his gaze from the window and uncertainty looked in the direction where the old man was.
What if Merlin was already gone? Well, not that he really cared. Although the idiot could have said him goodbye, if only out of sheer politeness. But not even that.
Gaius moved silently doing his chores, whoever knows what he did with those liquids, but Arthur's ears filled with doubt in his own mind.
Well, maybe if he cared a little bit if Merlin left. After all, they had known each other for six years already. He was only mildly curious as to when he would leave.
-When?- The prince asked as if he were retaking the conversation from a few seconds ago, when in reality hours had passed since the physician's last word.
Gaius's eyebrow rose in surprise as he turned to face the blonde.
-Oh, well, I don't know for sure.- He played it down, even though his intention was the opposite. -Merlin said that at night-
-What? Tonight?- Arthur asked as the doctor sat on his bed to apply some kind of healing liquid on his wound.
Gaius hummed a positive response without looking at the prince, continuing with his task of tending the wound.
-Didn't he mention any schedule?- he pressed, not hiding his desperation well. Arthur was sure it was around one o'clock and Merlin could be leaving Camelot any time now.
-Oh yeah. He mentioned a schedule.- Gaius said with the same tone, adding suspense to his sentence. -I'd say...- he interrupted himself to look out the window, calculating what time it was.
-I'd say that he's right now leaving Camelot."
Arthur looked at him with huge eyes, feeling his heart beating strongly. For a second he swore the room was spinning.
-Right now?!- He repeated, now not even trying to hide his despair.
The old man looked up from him, meeting the prince's face. Perhaps he had gone too far, he had been a little cruel to him, since Gaius swore that he had never seen the blond's eyes shine with such fear.
He took a second to answer, because now he understood that Arthur wasn't asking for the sake of asking. This man would not burn or judge Merlin for his magic, now he knew from the fear in his eyes when he found out that the black-haired man would be gone forever.
Gaius tightened the bandage on his leg a little more, before answering.
-Hurry up, Merlin is leaving right now.-
Arthur looked at him confused.
-Sire, he's about to leave!!!- he hurried, getting up from the stretcher to help the blond to his feet. He stared back at him with wide eyes and it began to dawn on him that if he didn't act now, he would never see his dear old servant again.
Arthur ran with his injured leg, he didn't care anyway, towards the door and before leaving, he looked back.
The physician was looking at him with fierce eyes when the prince smiled at him, with all his teeth.
Then he opened that heavy wooden door and started running.
The Realisation Of The Prince Of Camelot
The first drops from heaven fell without effect on the prince's skin.
He even felt how the rain soaked his recent wound, burning, but Arthur kept running.
When he was still in the castle he had bumped into several servants and some eyes had followed him with confusion, since the prince was not always seen running through the corridors in the middle of the night.
If anything motivated him to run faster, it was that strange fluttering butterfly, who curiously was still there after so long.
Now he was in the heavy rain, where his vision was blurred but he wasn't sure if it was because of the rain itself or because of the emotion.
Still, the dark figure entering Camelot's gates did not go unnoticed by Arthur.
He saw a trotting steed with a familiar man on top.
It didn't take Arthur long to realize that this familiar man was Merlin.
He stopped, just for a second, because seeing him after all that had happened made him terribly dizzy.
Even with the lump in his throat he picked up his pace, the heavy footsteps slapping loudly on the rain-soaked ground.
-MERLIN!!- the prince yelled, after realizing that the man in question was starting to ride to leave that kingdom.
The mentioned stopped short and his head turned with his torso. The night was extremely dark and even foggy, but a sparkle in the sorcerer's eyes acted as a lighthouse in the middle of the sea.
Merlin firstly said nothing, watching with wide eyes as the future king came running, wet, in his nightclothes, seemingly desperate and completely insane.
-Merlin,- he repeated, his voice now scratching like a rake and Merlin almost didn't hear him, so hard it rained, but as always, he did.
-What are you doing here?- asked the sorcerer, not understanding.
Arthur opened and closed his mouth, looked up and down, then directly at Merlin.
All he did for the first few seconds was shake his head hysterically.
-No,- Arthur said in a choked voice.
Merlin looked at him confused, fearing what would go through the prince's mind. What if he came to recriminate him, call him a traitor, or even just ask him never to come back to Camelot? Merlin had chosen to run away during the night for a reason. That reason was not having to see Arthur's disappointment one last time, it would have killed him.
-No, y-you can't...- the prince started to say but Merlin interrupted him.
-No, Sire, I know. I... I know I'm a traitor, a liar, I fully understand if you hate me. I just want you to know that I would never, ever do you or anyone else harm with my magic. But I lied to you... So the only thing I deserve is y-your hate.- Merlin decided that if it was the last time they saw each other, he would tell her the truth about his magic. Although it hurt him to know that he would never see his prince again, he preferred a thousand times to have the happy memory of him than receive Arthur's hatred. -I will not come back. You can be sure of that. Now if you allow me...- he spoke, trying to be firm, but his voice trembled noticeably. He wanted to pick up the horse's reins to leave, when Arthur called his name again.
To his surprise, the prince's voice was not heard with hate. No grudge. Not even coldness.
All it seemed was madly desperate.
-No!- Arthur yelled before Merlin could take action to leave. -Why do you want to... go?- He asked with bright eyes.
The black-haired man blinked in his confusion and allowed himself to meet the man's eyes. Blue eyes like clandestine water, reminded him of the lake where so many lives had ended. But water had always been beautiful in his fervor, and Merlin couldn't find a better resemblance when it came to the eyes of his prince.
-Camelot is no place for me if its prince hates me,- he said honestly, feeling his heart burn. Perhaps he too would have the honor of dying in the watery blue of those eyes.
The blond watched as his gaze grew fiercer and fiercer, almost as if he was surprised.
-What?- he asked in disbelief. Thousands of images passed through his mind, happy images of the two of them, laughing or sharing a pure moment together and he wondered, with the deepest pain, what kind of mistake he had made to make Merlin genuinly think he hated him.
-Arthur...- the voice of his servant brought him out of his thoughts. -Don't do this to me,- he pleaded. -Don't make me repeat it, please.-
Arthur's gaze turned to his again and with that action he was met with eyes, once so happy, brimming with pain. He hesitated to say anything for fear of causing more pain in those blue eyes, but he had to share what he felt. Because that butterfly began to flutter with more force than normal and he felt that at any moment it could fly away.
-Don't go,- pleaded the future king with the smallest voice in the world. If his lip trembled, let it be known that it was not because of the cold of the winter.
winter.
He felt the rainwater dripping down his face and thanked God for camouflaging his growing tears.
Merlin did nothing but stand still, he felt like he was melting in the rain. He thought that at any moment the current would take him away, mingling among the passing leaves.
Arthur had told him not to go?
"Don't... go?" He asked him out loud, because it was something so incredible that he couldn't help but ask.
Arthur pursed his lips, head raised as Merlin was still on his steed and he did his best to keep their gazes connected.
-Stay- And if his voice could sound more pleading, it did. -Please- he said, and if his father would've heard him, Arthur was sure he'd be disowned.
-But--
-I want you to stay,- he said exasperated, as clear as possible.
Merlin looked away and shook his head in disbelief.
-You can't mean it.
But Arthur could, he spoke with all his heart. To demonstrate this, he took the sorcerer's hand and pulled it until Merlin was on the ground, still holding his hand tightly and looking directly into his face.
He took a breath of air, which mixed with the rain and said, with all his heart:
-Please stay.-
And he hugged him.
He hugged him so tightly, he doubted it was really a hug. Rather he clung to Merlin as he feared with his life that he was going to escape.
He didn't notice, for the emotion of the moment, that the fluttering that had been present in his chest a moment ago had disappeared.
Between the two bodies escaped a small and cheerful butterfly, flew into the distance without being minimally affected by the suffocating rain.
But Arthur was unable to appreciate her beauty, since he felt two hands rest on his back.
Because Merlin was returning his embrace. Merlin was reciprocating.
And when he noticed that even if the butterfly was gone, the strange feeling in his chest was still there, he understood.
When the warmth of his servant's body felt like the most comforting in years, he understood.
And he knew that he was doomed.
Because in front of the huge gates of Camelot, under the sweltering deluge, in a February night and in the arms of Merlin, he came to the sudden conclusion.
He had fallen in love with his servant.
The Goodbye
The sun shone peeking through the distant hills, illuminating the entire exterior of the castle.
Juliet turned once more, admiring the structure, reflecting on the short yet lovely time she had spent there.
Nevertheless, she left with a heavy heart after learning of the tragedy that had befallen Merlin. The wizard didn't deserve such a fate; Juliet was certain he should have stayed with his prince.
She also remembered a certain brown-haired knight, with a noble heart and a genuine smile. She had never confessed her love for him, never revealed that she would have stayed in Camelot forever for him.
She sighed, knowing nothing could happen between them, powerless to change it.
In the distance, she saw the future King Arthur, smiling at the visitors. How could he smile like that after Merlin had departed forever?
Like a splash of cold water, a familiar figure appeared behind the prince. Juliet could hardly believe it, but there he was. Standing next to Arthur, smiling nostalgically, was Merlin.
The dark-haired man looked directly at her, a firm smile on his face. Though distant, he could see her tearful eyes. Merlin gently nodded, signaling to the girl that everything was alright. Juliet was so elated it seemed as if the good news was meant for her, smiling broadly back at the sorcerer.
Surely, another day in the familiar forest, he would have the chance to explain everything properly to her.
As the knights of her kingdom and the queen began to ride their steeds to leave Camelot, she heard a voice shouting her name.
"Juliet!" someone called from a distance, but she recognized perfectly who it was.
"Lancelot?" she responded, unsure of how to react to his appearance.
The knight ran up to where the blonde stood and halted in front of her horse, looking at her with bright eyes.
"I couldn't let you go without saying goodbye," Lancelot informed her, catching his breath. "Didn't you plan on bidding me farewell?" he half-joked.
Juliet averted her gaze with some sorrow, not knowing what to say.
"How could I? A noble knight like you shouldn't bother with the greeting of a mere servant," she said.
Lancelot then observed her intently, as if the most peculiar thing had been said.
"A mere servant...? I don't know what you mean, but as far as I know, 'mere servant' means a beautiful, brave, charming girl and undoubtedly a dream for any sensible knight. It seems this time I was the fortunate one to have the honor of meeting such a pure woman."
Juliet looked back at the knight, her lips slightly parted, her heart beating faster than normal. Was Lancelot really saying these things to her? He was the perfect man, and for him to think so highly of a servant made the young girl's heart melt.
"Lance..." the blonde started to argue, but her words were silenced by their lips meeting in a warm display of affection, perhaps even a solid goodbye.
She had never kissed a man like Lancelot before, so delicate and passionate at the same time, making her wish to stay there forever. She pondered for a moment, but the knight's hand on her cheek dismissed any thoughts.
"Stay?" Lancelot softly asked after breaking the kiss, still face to face with Juliet.
The girl sighed, still savoring the taste of his lips and wished to say yes. But her duty, Lancelot of all people should understand, laid in her kingdom, serving Queen Lourine.
So, Juliet gently shook her head before kissing him briefly once more, this time evidently as a sign of farewell.
"But will you come back?" Lancelot asked again, his voice sounding fragile, and the young girl's heart almost broke.
She didn't know what to say, for she didn't know if she could promise such a thing to the man. She truly wanted to, but she couldn't give an empty promise to someone who had always been sincere with her.
"Always be the noblest of them all, Sir Lancelot," she bid farewell, knowing she hadn't answered his question, turning around and walking through the gates of that kingdom. If she would’ve looked back, her life would’ve never been the same. So she didn’t, even if it hurt her soul.
Lancelot stood stranded in the courtyard, his heart in his hands, still hopeful as he wouldn't give up. He would see Juliet again.
***
"Well, that's a surprise," the seer Morgana commented shortly after the kiss between the knight and Juliet.
Guinevere turned to look at her, her smile a mix of pride and nostalgia. "What's that?" the servant asked, still moved by the scene.
"You know, Lancelot falling in love with that girl. I thought he was still in love with... Well, I thought there was still something between you two," Morgana spoke, not daring to meet her eyes.
Gwen raised her eyebrows, recalling precisely what she had told Lancelot that day in the forest. ‘Someone to connect with’ had been what they ultimately talked about. That what the people think shouldn't matter, the knight had said back then. She remembered how good those words had felt; she hadn't disclosed who that person was with whom she connected, yet Lancelot had decided to speak words of encouragement. The gentle smile on the brunette's face as she told him to take the risk was precisely what made Gwen say what she would now.
"Oh, well, that was a while ago. Yes, we were close and even kissed..." Morgana reacted as least flustered as possible by that revelation. "But it was then that I realized that it would’ve gone nowhere, something Lancelot agreed with. In fact, there was another reason. Besides being better off as friends, I've been having... feelings for a certain person who clearly wasn't Lancelot." The seer pretended not to be affected by that fact, thinking that Guinevere referred to another man. When the servant looked at her and Morgana seemed completely unaware of what she was trying to say, she took her hand and held onto it. Now the seer looked at her with surprised eyes, if not slightly flushed. "It seems I prefer green eyes over dark ones," the brunette expressed, perhaps being a bit too obvious when all the blood rushed to Morgana's face and she didn't know where to look.
"It must be a man with very charming green eyes then. I wish to meet him as soon as possible," the woman lied nervously, still feeling the touch of her servant's hand on her wrist.
"Yes, I must say they’re quite charming indeed," the brunette smiled gently, moving a bit closer to her mistress. So close that Morgana had no choice but to return the gaze and unintentionally blink towards her lips instead of her eyes. "About the 'man' part... I disagree there," she said playfully before closing the distance between their mouths, kissing passionately in front of everyone, but a heated kiss nonetheless. Morgana didn't hesitate for a moment to respond, so red she was that feeling skin against skin was almost a relief, especially if it was her dear Gwen's.
If someone saw them running hand in hand towards the inside of the castle, heading to Morgana's chamber, it won't be known until proven otherwise.
Character of a Bufoon
Morgana would have kept Guinevere's presence in her room for much longer. Unfortunately, it seemed the servants had much to do after Queen Lourine's court departed.
Her servant had left her alone in her chambers, looking at herself in the mirror and smiling like a fool. She could almost imagine Gwen kissing her again, with her sweet passion and all. Morgana's lips, always painted in a wine-red hue, were swollen, and her lipstick noticeably smudged.
She looked like a clown, but she smiled widely until her cheeks hurt, when she threw herself onto her bed, hugging a pillow and dreamily staring at the ceiling.
She scolded herself, but for God's sake, Gwen had kissed her! Maybe she never admitted it, but the jealousy she felt when she saw the brunette and the knight together wasn't normal. When she found out the girl was in love with someone else, it almost broke her heart. But when she kissed her... That kiss surpassed every hardship she had faced in her life.
"How cheesy," she thought to herself, scolding herself, but her smile didn't move from its place.
Just when she was thinking of going downstairs to visit her servant while she worked, she felt a loud knocking on her wooden door.
Could it be her...? No, she was doing her tasks. A small hope that it might be Guinevere nearly made her fly to open the door.
Her surprise was significant when instead of finding the small and graceful Gwen, she came face to face with the towering figure of Arthur Pendragon, breathless and wild-eyed as if he had run all the stairs to her room. The prince, clinging to the door frame to keep from falling, looked into the woman's eyes desperately seeking her help. His expression was so alarmed that Morgana almost believed he was coming to warn her about a massive army attacking the castle or something of the sort. Instead, his declaration was different.
"I'm in love with Merlin."
***
Quite dramatic, that farewell. Arthur remained standing in the courtyard watching the last travelers ride out of the kingdom.
If he didn't know his father, he would have sworn he had seen him with teary eyes. Queen Lourine, on the other hand, looked at the king with some mockery. What might have happened between them, Arthur would never know, nor did he have the desire to find out.
But well, now that the visitors had gone, the prince could return to normalcy.
The servants would be less occupied, the hunts would take place again. He looked around and admired the snow, thinking that a winter walk would be nice.
His routine tasks would resume, of course. When a problem arose, he and the knights would ride their steeds to address it, camp in the forest, and laugh at any nonsense.
Everything would be as usual, without exceptions or novelties.
Except that there were novelties.
Now it wasn't about Merlin being a powerful sorcerer, no.
This time it was worse; a matter of the heart.
The night before, due to a dramatic embrace, he had learned he was hopelessly in love with his servant.
And well, you might wonder, what did the great Prince Arthur decide to do with that information?
Exactly. Absolutely nothing.
His heart was already beating dangerously fast when he thought of that fact, even more so when the one responsible was nearby.
Having Merlin back had certainly been a novelty, as it was evident that everything hadn't returned to normal.
Nothing had returned to normal. Not his mind, much less his heart.
The mere thought of Merlin's name turned his stomach, Arthur knew, not for anything less than nerves.
Still, he decided to take it lightly. Yes, he might have developed a certain fondness for his servant over the past years, and yes, he might have spent a night or two sleepless thinking about Merlin's smile, but that didn't mean anything. Nothing at all!
"Oh, you look moved. Will you miss the knights?" precisely the owner of his thoughts asked. Arthur made a gesture of being startled, as if by thinking so much about Merlin he had summoned him.
"Sir Marcus would have been a good knight in Camelot..." he tried to sound casual.
Most had already entered the castle, as Queen Lourine's court had completely departed. A few remained, among them the prince and his servant, as it wasn't a secret that Arthur preferred staying in the cold for a while rather than going inside. Observing the snow helped him organize his thoughts. Well, maybe not so much now.
"You're right. Didn't you tell him he could be part of the knights here?" Merlin nodded, seriously considering the idea.
"Yes, I mentioned it once," he affirmed, recalling that strange conversation with Marcus at the campsite. His eyes widened in understanding. ‘It seems he really admires you’ he remembered him saying with a conspiratorial smile. ‘Tell your boy he makes splendid soup.’ Wow, he really hadn't understood anything the man had wanted to convey back then.
Then he heard a laugh and a firm hand landed on his shoulder.
"Tell him to come then, I can make him soup whenever he wants. Surely he'd leave some for myself, unlike others..." he joked, referencing the times when Arthur and the knights had eaten like pigs without leaving anything for the poor servant, who had cooked everything.
The prince smiled, a little distracted by the hand on his shoulder. "You're good at cooking. Maybe the good day will come when you make me a cake. Perhaps you can start today; I'm starving."
"Keep dreaming," said Merlin, though he would gladly do that. To see his prince enjoying a cake made by himself? Definitely a dream. "See you later... I have a thousand tasks to do."
The sorcerer walked away, with his typical carefree and clumsy gait, his boots fastened, and that scarf that looked ridiculous. Completely ridiculous.
Then he thought, watching him go, had he fallen for this man? That silly sharp face of his, his lips too thick, and his beaver-like smile.
The most idiotic thing of all, it was definitely his way of talking.
Merlin, the idiot.
That even with the character of a buffoon, he had managed to enchant him.
A spell, maybe?
But Arthur had already suffered the enchantment of love; he didn't feel anything enchanted at that moment. Well, maybe just a little. But those ocean-colored eyes would enchant anyone, thought Arthur.
Out of nowhere, while the prince kept staring, Merlin turned around, with his clumsy gait and beaver teeth, and smiled at the blonde. A smile so silly that Arthur almost rolled his eyes at it, but he wished he had, as it would have been a thousand times better than blushing to his ears and returning the stupid smile as if he were a lovestruck teenager.
When he had no control over his actions, his eyes widened in terror, swallowing hard.
Shit.
He had to consult Morgana about this.
The Two Idiots in Love
"Oh my God," exclaimed the clairvoyant in complete shock, shortly after Arthur's sudden declaration.
This had happened too quickly, she thought. It had actually taken the blonde a good while, but this had come suddenly.
She sighed, because what more could she do in this situation?
"Come in, dear," she finally invited, assuming her role as a counselor.
Arthur entered Morgana's room, still with his wild eyes and agitated breath. He sat on the bed beside the raven-haired woman, who was mentally preparing herself for a peculiar conversation.
"I think I'm crazy," he declared after a moment of silence, looking distressed.
Morgana tried her best not to laugh, delicately placing her hand on the prince's back.
"Of course not, Arthur. A bit late, though," she teased.
The blonde looked at her surprised.
"What do you mean?"
"Well... Let's say you're not the first to find out," she informed him carefully, trying not to alarm him further.
"What?!" he asked, scandalized. "So, there are people who know that I'm... well, that?"
The clairvoyant shrugged, downplaying it.
"The important thing is that you realized it," she smiled, supporting him.
Arthur grabbed his head, signaling profound distress.
"What should I do, Morgana? I can't even control my face when I'm with him... let alone when he smiles at me!"
The blonde's concern amused Morgana, also bringing her tenderness.
Arthur, the brave prince of Camelot, whining about being in love with his clumsy personal servant. Morgana never thought this day would come.
But lucky for her, it did.
"You're so dramatic," the clairvoyant pointed out with a friendly nudge. "It's simple what you should do."
The prince raised his head, looking expectant.
"Tell him how you feel."
Arthur's eyes widened.
"No way! Absolutely not!" he denied frantically. "What if he laughs at me? I mean... that doesn't matter. I can't just declare my feelings like that; he's a servant. He's a sorcerer, for heaven's sake. And I'm a prince, the future king of Camelot. No, not even thinking about it."
The woman sitting next to him pursed her lips, pondering how to convince him, knowing full well that the feelings toward the sorcerer in question were mutual.
"Well, I think you'd make a beautiful couple," she expressed simply.
Arthur looked away, no longer as distressed as before, but rather thoughtful about Morgana's straightforward words. A small smile formed on his face, and his cheeks turned a shade darker.
"Do you think so?"
"Please, obviously yes. Besides, I'm pretty sure Merlin isn't as opposed to your feelings as you think..."
"Really? But Merlin is so... I mean, how can you know that? He couldn't like someone like me, right?" he asked, looking at her with sad eyes. Did Morgana think that Merlin could possibly reciprocate? His chest warmed at the simple thought, although his mind told him it was impossible.
"Arthur," Morgana called, getting closer, as if she were about to share a secret. "There's something you should know."
The blond blinked, then looked interestedly.
"What is it?"
The clairvoyant smiled a little before speaking again.
"If you don't try, you'll never know."
Arthur furrowed his brow, understanding Morgana's message. It was silly since he already knew that. Obviously, you have to try to find out how things are. But applying that to his situation... that did make him nervous. Still, it shouldn't, he thought. He was the heir to the throne of Camelot, brave and courageous. Hopelessly in love? Yes, that too. He should learn to live with it.
"You're right," he said firmly. Morgana looked at him with a surprised smile; it had been easier than she thought.
Arthur raised his gaze to look her in the face with a determined expression when his face suddenly turned puzzled.
"Morgana?" Arthur asked, furrowing his brow, observing her face intently.
The clairvoyant's smile distorted, puzzled by the sudden change.
"What? What's wrong?"
"You have..." he gestured to his mouth, pointing with a finger where her red lipstick had smeared.
Morgana's eyes widened.
"Oh, well, that's because I accidentally smudged it..." she nervously lied, avoiding his gaze.
"And your neck..." the blonde said again, examining a small bruise on Morgana's neck, who started turning as red as a tomato.
"I think I must have been bitten by a mosquito or something..."
Arthur burst into laughter.
"Yeah, I'm sure there are a lot of mosquitoes in the middle of February."
Morgana blushed profusely due to the prince's laughter and pushed him, but he couldn't stop laughing.
"Stop it! You'll be the same soon," she said embarrassedly.
The prince abruptly stopped laughing and looked at her, blushing. Then, both sighed and succumbed to laughter again.
So, they were two fools who seemed to have fallen into the fortune or misfortune of an unconditional love for their servants. Today, they decided to laugh about it.
"Arthur! There you are. I've been looking for you everywhere."
As if he had been summoned, there stood Merlin, standing at the entrance of Morgana's room. Apparently, he hadn't even bothered to knock.
Morgana and Arthur glanced at each other quickly when the prince tensed up with embarrassment. How long had Merlin been there?
"Ah, it seems they never taught you to knock," Morgana emphasized, pretending to be annoyed, though she was dying of laughter inside.
Merlin rolled his eyes and mumbled an apology, then turned back to the blond.
"You should come downstairs now; your father is waiting to tell you something important. It seems he's going to make an announcement, so Morgana should come too."
"What? Another announcement?" Arthur asked, not too excited about the idea. "But the visitors just left; I thought there would be at least some time to rest."
"It almost seems like you have to work," the servant joked before turning away. "Come!" he called before leaving.
Arthur looked at the clairvoyant one last time before getting up, and she smirked at him.
"Let's go, let's see what your father wants this time."
The Old Teenage-Romance
When Arthur entered the throne room, he was surprised to see the entire court there. His father, wearing a strangely excited smile, awaited him at the end of the path.
Behind him stood Morgana and, of course, Merlin, who followed him equally confused.
"Arthur, my son, here you are. I have very important news for you," Uther began, speaking loudly so everyone could hear.
"Father, what is all this about?" Arthur asked, bewildered by the presence of such a large audience.
The king stepped forward, firmly placing his hand on Arthur's shoulder.
"Many years ago, a dear friend of our kingdom disappeared without explanation," he recalled nostalgically, not addressing Arthur but speaking to the others.
"She was the daughter of a good friend of mine, King Bernard. Over the years, she has been sought by numerous knights. Unfortunately, no trace of her was ever found," he said, lowering his head as the audience listened intently.
"However, a few days ago, a citizen arrived, claiming to have seen the missing princess. He provided an exact address, along with others who claim to have seen her." There was a murmur of surprise among the crowd.
Then the king turned his gaze back to the prince, this time gripping his shoulder and smiling proudly.
"You, Prince Arthur, will be the one to rescue the princess. If you succeed, a permanent bond will be forged between the two kingdoms, one that will last forever."
The court began to applaud, hopeful for the princess's reunion. Although her name had not been mentioned, the most loyal and long-standing members of the court knew exactly who she was.
Arthur, amid the applause and before his father's smile, thought of only one name.
For he, like the members of the court, knew precisely whom his father was referring to.
Because he, unlike the courtiers, had met that girl in a different way.
Many years ago, when he was barely sixteen, he had met the one who was called Princess Euphemia.
A distant kingdom, brought together by the friendship of their kings, had come to unite their ties beyond friendship. That was how Arthur came to meet her in person.
And many were the nights they spent walking together, when Arthur overcame his shyness, even holding hands. For Euphemia was beautiful, like a blooming rose, and Arthur was young and loved by all the ladies of the five kingdoms.
And when the two, with smiles on their faces, came before his father with the good news that they wanted to unite their bonds in eternal matrimony, the king had happily accepted. When it was said that the wedding should begin to be prepared.
And the empty altar, where the prince waited with the entire court present for Euphemia's arrival, who never appeared.
The disappointment of the young and inexperienced Arthur, who cried nights upon realizing that his first and great love would never return.
And all of that rushed back into his mind as if struck by an arrow to the heart, for now he knew that his opportunity was presenting itself again.
That which he had wished for so many years ago and had forgotten so many years ago was being offered to him once more.
But instead of smiling back at his father and nodding proudly, he felt a tingling in his back that made him turn and look at him, his faithful servant, with his two oceanic eyes and a dazzling smile, also applauding him.
What would happen when, upon reuniting with his old teenage love, his heart already belonged to another? Because he could not fall in love with Euphemia again, not after the time that had passed and even less after having met Merlin.
For a moment, he couldn't take his eyes off the raven-haired one, for he was applauding him with a smile.
Obviously, Merlin would be happy if Arthur managed to marry a princess.
That was Merlin, always congratulating and celebrating his achievements as if they were his own. It hurt even now to think about it because Merlin was so kind-hearted that he would give his soul for anyone.
He wanted to be as good, even if just to deserve a small part of his love, but no.
What if his fate was predetermined? Written by his blood and his lineage?
And suddenly it was Arthur who would have given up his title and inheritance, his riches, and even the very ground he stood on to be worthy of Merlin's noble love.
But he would be king and would rule with a queen by his side, not with a servant, much less a sorcerer.
He turned his gaze, albeit with difficulty, back to his father and accepted his fate with a simple nod of his head and a smile that, he hoped, looked real enough.
It was then that he knew his plan to tell Merlin everything he felt was slipping through his fingers, just like the raindrops fell hopelessly through the leaves of a tree.
***
"So, where are we going?" Merlin asked, opening his prince's wardrobe and waiting for instructions on what clothes to pack.
Arthur had to shake his head to return to the scene since his upcoming mission kept him absent in his thoughts.
"Uh, I don't know. It will probably be a remote place in the middle of the forest. Make sure to bring my sword; there might be many bandits," he instructed his servant, devoid of emotion.
"Alright," Merlin accepted and began packing all sorts of clothes since it was a completely new and unknown journey, and they didn't know what they might face.
Arthur sighed, almost unconsciously. It was just his thoughts dragging him deeper and deeper.
Merlin noticed that and turned to the blond.
"Don't you feel excited about rescuing a damsel in distress?" he asked, trying to cheer him up. “Isn’t that like every Prince’s dream?”
The prince looked back at him and wanted to tell him that it wasn't just any damsel in distress, but he kept that part of his life silent.
"It's just that I know very well what my father means by 'forging permanent bonds between the kingdoms'," he said instead. He knew for sure that as soon as he returned with the princess safe and sound, he would be the one to propose marriage. He had never wanted to marry without being in love; his father knew that, but now he had no excuse. Uther knew and had been present when Arthur had genuinely fallen in love with Euphemia.
But that couldn't be any different now, after all these years.
"Marriage?" guessed Merlin, sounding indifferent. But indifference wasn't normal for him, so Arthur looked into his eyes and was surprised to find a well-hidden glint of disappointment.
"Exactly," he affirmed, still looking at him. Even if Merlin had no reason to be disappointed, he convinced himself that it was just his mind playing tricks on him.
Merlin returned to his task of packing, oddly distracted. Then he heard his own laughter, which wasn't as animated as usual, and the smile didn't reach his eyes.
"I think a wife would be good for you, Arthur. A little loving affection was already missing," he joked, with his typical mocking tone, and Arthur felt the tension in it, but he still smiled at him.
Between a Prince and his Servant
Hours or minutes might have passed since he got on that horse.
The road ahead, however, felt exactly the same.
Nothing but his servant, his old and silly servant Merlin, rode faithfully by his side.
So this was how it felt to rescue a damsel in distress; he had heard old tales of knights doing so, thus winning the girl's heart eventually.
But he didn't want the girl's heart, not anymore.
If the sixteen-year-old Arthur were told that he would embark on a quest to rescue his beloved Euphemia, he wouldn't have hesitated for a second to mount his steed and begin the adventure.
But thirty-year-old Arthur preferred a thousand times over to joke with his knights and his servant in the castle, with no need for any princess.
Don't get him wrong; Arthur remembered Princess Euphemia fondly; she had been his first love, after all, and the prince would gladly rescue her.
However, the fact that he was forced to propose to her ruined everything.
That word disgusted him, "marriage." What did it mean anyway if it wasn't for love?
He then realized that the road ahead was still long, and if he kept thinking about it, the anxiety would eat him up from inside.
So, he looked to his left and found a sorcerer. Well, it was Merlin. Thinking of him as a sorcerer still felt strange, but he had to get used to it. He cocked his head when he noticed the black-haired man was silent. Well, Merlin hadn't spoken throughout the journey, perhaps even before that. He felt foolish for not noticing it earlier since silence wasn't usual for Merlin.
"Merlin?" called the blond.
"Mhm?" replied Merlin, seeming distracted.
Arthur looked at him with a wry smile, wondering what was going through the sorcerer's mind.
"You didn't utter any of your usual nonsense today," he teased awkwardly, twisting his smile.
"It's you who's been silent the entire journey," accused Merlin, raising an eyebrow.
Arthur looked away, realizing Merlin was right. It hadn't been a good idea to highlight Merlin's silence, given that he had been silent long before.
"Is marrying a princess that terrible?" asked Merlin, his tone oddly forced. "You've been acting as if it were a punishment, and you haven't even met her. Maybe it's not as unpleasant as you think."
Arthur swallowed. He obviously knew her already, and of course, it wasn't unpleasant. Just for those who were in love with someone else.
"Perhaps you're right," admitted Arthur, pretending to consider the idea. "But anyway, I don't want to talk about it now."
Merlin pursed his lips but agreed. "And what do you want to talk about? I can't be silent throughout the entire journey; I might die of boredom."
Arthur smiled slightly, watching as Merlin's horse whinnied due to its rider's restlessness. If he narrowed his eyes and forgot a bit about the present, it could seem as if they were in the old days: embarking on various missions, Merlin and Arthur, forever adventure companions. His smile became nostalgic at the memory.
"I know," he called out, as if it were a game. "Tell me about your magic."
Merlin opened his eyes, unaccustomed to the mention of his magic. But it was okay; the two were getting acquainted.
"Um... well, what do you want to hear?" asked Merlin, a bit unsure.
Arthur put a finger to his chin, thinking seriously. "Hmm... Everything," he said simply. The road was long; they would take days to reach their destination. Arthur was confident they had enough time to hear Merlin's secret adventures.
Merlin opened his eyes again, surprised. "Everything?"
The prince smiled at him, like a child eager to hear a bedtime story, and nodded. "Tell me everything."
His servant looked at him incredulously before bursting into laughter.
So, he told him everything.
***
"So it was never me who defeated the Great Dragon?" exclaimed Prince Arthur, scandalized, with his mouth full of apple.
Merlin's hearty laughter could have echoed through the entire forest, but he didn't care in the slightest.
"No, you fool!" he denied, laughing heartily. "God, when you woke up and started congratulating yourself, it was hilarious."
Arthur stared at him with wide eyes, unable to fully believe it. His apple, which was halfway eaten, slipped from his hands and fell to the ground.
But after watching Merlin laugh for an overly long time, he started to find it amusing too, and he joined in his servant's laughter.
It was already dark, and they had stopped in a spot in the woods to spend the night.
For any other mission, Arthur would have endured much longer on his steed. But unconsciously, he tried to prolong the journey as much as possible.
The prince glanced at his servant, and with his laughter came a pang of guilt.
Merlin was sharing every detail of his secrets, even those that could lead him to the stake. And Arthur couldn't even bring himself to tell him that this rescue wasn't just any rescue. He didn't have the courage, and that made him feel even worse.
Alright, he had decided.
He would tell Merlin about Princess Euphemia and how he had fallen in love with her so many years ago, almost half a lifetime. He would also tell him that he would soon marry her. Now their lives would be different; no more Merlin and Arthur, but Arthur and Euphemia.
When Arthur opened his mouth to speak, no words came out.
Then, without any warning, he saw Merlin, calm as he had never seen him, sighing peacefully. His gaze was of such relief that he would have fought any monster that dared interrupt that tranquility.
"You have no idea how good it feels," confessed the dark-haired man, his chest rising and falling slowly. The light from the campfire illuminated his sharp features, and Arthur found himself mesmerized by them once again. "You have no idea how many years I've been dreaming of being able to talk to you like this, Arthur." That was when Merlin made the mistake of looking into his prince's eyes; now Arthur was doomed. "It's... a tremendous weight lifted off my chest. I don't care about hiding this anymore, as long as I don't have to hide it from you."
Arthur's chest vibrated as he settled on his elbow, the cold earth contrasting with his body's warmth.
"I'm glad you told me," he said because it was the truth.
There was nothing else in the world in that moment other than Merlin's genuine smile, which was meant for him and him alone.
"There have been many times when I've spoken from the heart to you," explained Merlin calmly. "But I've never felt such sincerity between us as I do now."
Arthur's eyebrows lifted slightly, not sure what to say. He wanted to keep his composure, but his cheeks reddened as he realized that Merlin had been constantly looking at his lips.
Stop it. He'll know how you feel if you don't tell him the truth about Euphemia now. Tell him, Arthur!
"I know I'm just your servant, but right now, I feel like we understand each other from the heart," Merlin expressed softly, as if he had found the most beautiful feeling in the world and, with great subtlety, leaned toward the prince.
Oh, Merlin, if he only knew that he was never just a servant.
Merlin, with his two eyes like stars and heart noble like a knight.
Tell him! You can't just be in love with him! You're going to marry Euphemia, for God's sake!
His breath got stuck when Merlin, deliberately, got even closer.
Stop playing around. He believes in you; you're breaking that trust!
"Merlin..." Arthur murmured, his voice trembling, intending to tell him the truth, but it was too late.
Oh, Merlin.
He had kissed him.
The Closeness
Ah, there was nothing worse.
There was nothing worse than that stupid journey, that stupid rescue, and that stupid marriage proposal. And Euphemia, poor Euphemia, but he didn't really care anymore. She didn't know him anymore anyway. They had met at sixteen, for God's sake, everything had changed since then! What was Arthur doing in the middle of the forest, heading for that rescue mission if he didn't even care about that princess?
Oh, about that; he'd have to continue in the morning because he was somewhat busy now.
He would have told him, he swore, he would have told Merlin that his duty was to marry Princess Euphemia, but everything had happened too quickly.
They were close, very close, and there was no other way than to return the kiss to Merlin.
He might say he regretted it, but well, he'd be lying.
How right he was to return the kiss to Merlin.
Those soft lips, what more could a man want? Besides, only his guilty conscience knew how many times he had dreamed of this.
Merlin had kissed him suddenly, but with such passion that Arthur's heart melted.
He felt Merlin's chest vibrating against his own, felt his black locks between his fingers, and his mouth sliding over his.
Well, it was a freezing winter, but with Merlin on top of him, it couldn't be said that he suffered from the cold.
He himself felt his servant's nimble hands, the ones that had once healed his wounds, slipping around his waist and rising beneath his thin red cotton shirt. He felt embarrassed because even that innocent touch gave him chills.
Then Merlin bit his lip, perhaps forgetting about delicacy, and took advantage of Arthur opening his mouth to slide his tongue inside.
This was new to him; he had kissed hundreds of girls, but they had never kissed him, let alone a man.
But submission, after a lifetime of royalty, suited him well.
The tongue in his mouth was wet and warm, but he refrained from it at all.
Again, Merlin's hands went under his shirt, and this time they went up to his chest, where they wandered shamelessly.
Suddenly, his mouth, which had gotten used to the intense heat, felt cold when Merlin pulled away.
Arthur looked at him with confused eyes, already missing the closeness.
Merlin still had his hands on Arthur's body, while breathing heavily. His locks were completely disheveled, and the blond enjoyed the sight.
That was when Merlin looked into his eyes, his gaze darkened by lust.
Arthur waited, but there were no words. Instead, his eyes widened.
"What?" he asked desperately, with emotions overflowing, seeming like the only thing he could hold onto were those raven locks.
Then Merlin smiled, almost imperceptibly, but Arthur was close enough to notice it. He didn't know if that smile was happiness, nostalgia, relief, or sadness; it might have been all at once.
Merlin narrowed his eyes, complementing his smile. There was such a fierce longing in his gaze that there was no way to describe it.
"I’m so glad you were my destiny" he whispered.
And that was the end of the future King of Camelot; vulnerable under his servant's body, condemned to listen to those words and wonder for all eternity if he was worthy of them.
If he was going to return the words, it was either the guilt or Merlin's mouth that didn't let him say them.
Once again, Arthur was silenced in a thousand ways by his servant, but this time he figured it was better.
This time, he preferred to make love and not think that this love would last until morning.
***
That night, Arthur didn't sleep.
Amidst the caresses of his lover and the words of guilt resonating in his head, he couldn't close an eye, not even when Merlin enveloped him entirely with his body.
He might have said he didn't enjoy the intimacy, but the woods would testify otherwise.
He felt awful; every smile from Merlin reminded him of what was being concealed, but what could he do if Merlin was but a pure fantasy?
Prince Arthur was handsome, adored by the kingdom's young ladies, and had enjoyed several nights with different girls, but this was different.
Though the blond was very experienced in matters of intimacy, he had never been under a man's body. To add to it, it was that very man who had captured his heart.
So believe me when I say Arthur's guilt didn't affect what they did that night.
It was only after it all ended, when Merlin fell exhausted and embraced his prince with their sticky skins, when the moans of pleasure were absent to quiet his thoughts.
The silent night was the worst.
In the morning, he carefully slipped away from the comforting embrace, prepared breakfast, dressed as if it weren't Merlin's hands that had undressed him, and fed their horses in the deepest silence.
Not a sound came from Arthur until Merlin woke up.
Then, not a sound from Merlin either.
All that could be heard were the hoofbeats of their horses trotting along the dirt road.
That persisted for three or four hours until they reached an area covered in plants, which turned out to be a secret entrance.
Upon passing through it, even the sun was blocked by the enormity of that castle amidst isolation.
Though that intimidating castle wasn't entirely alone, there were guardians protecting it all around.
Protecting it from the sky.
For once again, Arthur was facing the wyverns.
He felt an uneasy sidelong glance beside him.
Right. Merlin was a sorcerer. He could defeat them.
"Let's go," demanded Arthur with a stony expression, yet his voice contradicted him.
In the tone of his voice, he said, "Please, let's go back home, and let me tell you the truth. Let me say that I love you."
He tried hard not to show it.
Before Merlin could respond, he clicked his horse and headed towards the castle without even considering looking back.
Merlin followed, or maybe not, but Arthur didn't want to know anyway.
He wanted to look into his eyes once more, unsure if it would be his last chance, but he couldn't.
Shame consumed him from within.
In that specific moment, he wished to be anyone else, even a penniless peasant on a farm, anyone but Prince Arthur Pendragon. Anyone, but not a man whose heart belonged to the worst of kinds, the Forbidden.