She wasn’t sure, but maybe it was the noise that woke her from a perfectly dreadful nightmare about digging up her grave. The tip of her shovel had just broken through the coffin with a loud thunk, to reveal her own face staring back at her. The sound it made had snapped her back to consciousness, or so it seemed. How very disappointing. She didn’t even have the opportunity to revel in the disorientation of being awakened abruptly, as her dream clashed violently with reality when a loud squeal erupted from across the cavernous room she and Enid shared, causing her eyes to snap in its direction.
What the…
She flinched, winced, and shut her eyes against the blinding brightness of the unholy scene unfolding before her. She thought she had become accustomed to the other side of the room looking as if a herd of unicorns had barfed up a cacophony of fairies and flowers and rainbows, but this… THIS …
“Sorry Roomy! I didn’t mean to wake you up!” She heard Enid exclaim.
She felt the corners of her mouth twitch unwittingly upwards as a warm feeling blossomed in her chest.
Stop that!
She admonished herself, as she tamped down the feeling and the weakness that came with it, before opening her eyes again. Enid, hands clutched to her chest, holding onto the banner cloth, and buried up to her waist in a sea of diaphanous fabric hearts in many shades of pink and hues of lavender, was vibrating excitedly as she smiled brilliantly at her.
“Happy Valentine’s Day!” Enid practically sang, bouncing on her toes. “Do you have anything special planned?”
“I had planned to sleep a while longer, my nightmare was just starting to unfold horrifically.” She replied while sitting up.
“Wednesday!” Enid whined, “I’m talking about Valentine’s Day!”
She sighed, “You should know I don’t participate in counterfeit holidays created by a greeting card company for people in desperate need of validation and their dependency on commercialized dime-store-novel romance.”
Enid continued to beam maddeningly at her, “Ok Roomy! Whatever you say!” She said with a wink
She was just about to fire off another stinging retort when movement in the rafters caught her eye.
“Thing! What do you think you’re doing?” She demanded, aghast at what she saw.
There he was, hiding among the garishly colored garlands of flowers, and hearts, helping to pin streamers of orange and pink and lavender cupids to the rafters, creating a virtual waterfall of hearts and arrows - and not in a good way.
Thing shrugged and went back to helping Enid decorate.
“Thing!” She glowered, “Come down here right now!”
As he gave her the middle finger, she noticed it was painted with a shining deep red heart on a black background of glittery polish.
“Traitor.” She huffed.
He ignored her, and to make matters worse, Enid giggled into the sleeve of her fluffy, neon pink, heart-covered sweater. That did it! She was going to get up and go find herself some good black coffee, even if she had to raid the teacher’s lounge to “borrow” their espresso machine. It’s not like she hadn’t done that before, in emergencies of course. She could already tell, today was going to be hell. Yes, and today was going to require a lot of coffee or she was going to have to murder someone, slowly.
The snow that covered the fields was bleak against the barren trees and desolate sky. It was glorious! Wrapped in her solitude and the gentle hum of thousands of sleeping bees she watched her breath become crystalline as it hung in the air. It was warmer in the Hummers Shed and protected from the elements, but still cold enough to soothe her jagged nerve endings. Sometimes it all became too much, the noise, the crowded common areas, and the proximity to other people. It overloaded her senses. And ever since her visions had started, it had become more intense too, like having a badly tuned radio on in the back of her head battering her with staticky, prickly, flashes and pops of other people’s thoughts and emotions. How could anybody stand it? She had hoped that Goody would be able to tell her how she could shield herself from it, or at least control it. But alas, Goody was gone. She sometimes wondered if the trade for her life was worth it until she thought of everything else that had transpired. She allowed her thoughts to drift to the sight of Enid in her Wolf state, still wearing that ridiculous pink knit cap. She could feel herself starting to smile. Enid had been magnificent! A warm flush spread, surprisingly not unpleasantly, up her body as the memory of when their eyes met, just before Tyler, the Hyde, struck at the wolf again. She was still begrudgingly embarrassed about how she had gotten his identity so wrong. There had been signs. But she had been so wrapped up in trying to convince herself that she was romantically interested in him, or that she could be, that she had ignored them. If only she were attracted to guys. She groaned softly to herself and rubbed her eyes, as if it would help. That was not something she was ready to think too hard about. Goody had said she was destined to end up alone, which had echoed her convictions that she would never fall in love, and certainly never marry or have children of her own. Other possibilities were far too daunting.
Of course, she wasn’t hiding. That would be stupid. And speaking of stupid, stupid adolescent hormones! Stupid fake holiday! She knew she had to get away when Ajax practically glided across the dining hall to give Enid a bouquet of pink roses so big it almost removed his hat as he set it down, and just missed accidentally freezing half the student population at lunch. Actually, she would have paid money to see that. But never the less, she had felt herself filled with something akin to homicidal rage, as Enid started gushing about how beautiful and thoughtful they were. She barely noticed how Enid’s voice sounded a bit forced and strange, but she dismissed it as Enid having been caught off guard. She really hated being compelled to be subjected to these public displays of affection and teenage courting rituals. She had to get out of there! It was all too much!
The door to the Hummers Shed opened with a sharp crack and the groaning of rusty hinges, breaking her from her reverie.
“Oh hey Wednesday!” Eugene grinned at her while pulling off his glasses to wipe away the fog that was condensing on the lenses with his thick wool scarf.
The corners of her mouth twitched briefly upwards as she turned to face him. Eugene was one of the few people she felt she could relax around. He and Pugsley would have so much fun together next year if she could convince her parents to allow Pugsley to come to Nevermore.
“I didn’t really expect to find you here.” He continued while blinking at her, “But since you are here, would you like to help me check the hives for wax moths, and rub essential oils on their covers for mite prevention?”
“Of course.” She replied.
They moved in compatible silence, Eugene occasionally murmuring quietly to the bees as he checked for moths, Wednesday running a cloth that smelled pleasantly of thyme, and mint, and cinnamon over the baseboards and the inner covers.
“Don’t you think it’s weird that Enid seems to be really into Valentine’s day, but she hasn’t said anything about Lupercalia?” Eugene asked as they finished working on the last hive. “All the other furs seem to be looking forward to it, and now that she has wolfed out I would think she would be really excited about it!”
“Of course, I would prefer a holiday that included bloody ritual sacrifice to the insipid modern traditions, but I am unaware of how this is celebrated in modern Werewolf culture,” Wednesday said.
“I believe they get to wolf out, and feast on goats and sheep they hunt as well as exchanging gifts for good luck with family members and other people they are close to.” Eugene answered, “It is also considered good luck to tag potential mates with bloody strips from the skins of their kill.”
“Interesting..” She mused, “Do you know what kind of gifts are exchanged?”
“I’m not really sure. Like Valentine’s Day, I do believe gifts of jewelry and food may be involved.” Eugene shrugged, “I think it differs from pack to pack. All the furs I know are pretty secretive about Werewolf culture, and besides, mammals aren’t really my area of expertise.”
“Fair enough.” She replied.
Knowing what she knew about how Enid’s family continued to treat her over the break, in spite of Enid’s ability to now wolf out, it didn’t surprise her at all that Enid might not be thrilled with Lupercalia. She had received more texts about how Enid was still a disappointment. About how all Enid’s mom seemed to want for Enid was for her to find herself an appropriate mate, and have a litter of pups. Couldn’t she see how amazing her daughter was, and how Enid might actually have ambitions of her own? No wonder Enid had chosen to celebrate the more upbeat holiday, even if it was in the most disgusting, sappy, rainbow explosion of pop-culture clichés. And now that Enid had a boyfriend, the repugnant public displays of affection, and the misguided platitudes and rituals of teenage courtship would be rampant on this day. She expected no less, really. But still, it pained her every time she thought of Enid and Ajax together. She wasn’t quite sure why, it’s not like she disliked him any more than anyone else. But watching Enid faun over him made her feel like she was being stabbed in the gut with a red hot knife. Even though it would cut into her writing time, perhaps she should avoid another confrontation with them making out on Enid’s bed. In-fact nothing would please her more than to avoid the whole rest of this insipid celebration, and the people in the dining hall, and take herself out to dinner, assuming she could find someplace quiet and devoid of couples making googly-eyes at each other.
It was late when she snuck back into Ophelia Hall from having enjoyed a home-cooked Mexican meal at the El Gato Cafe in Essex. When she had ordered her meal in Spanish, the owners had treated her like long-lost family, much to her embarrassment. Begrudgingly, it was just what she had needed, that and their excellent Chile Relleno platter with extra guacamole. It fortified her to brace herself against whatever she would find back in her room. Thing would be sorry he missed it, she thought. She had even remembered to pick him up some of the fancy bergamot and pachouli hand cream he liked from the apothecary. The room was dark and quiet as Thing gave her a curt little wave from where he was leafing through glove catalogs on her desk. Moonlight streamed in from the central circular window. She was dropping her bag and her coat on her bed when she noticed the silhouette of her roommate leaning on the cold stone railing of their balcony outside, staring at the moon. She could feel the waves of melancholy rolling off of her like a storm approaching on the horizon. Normally she would enjoy the suffering of others, but for some reason, this was all wrong.
“Enid?” She said softly, as she opened the giant pane and stepped out into the snow.
“Oh. Hey. You’re back.” Enid replied dully, barely bothering to turn around.
“Yes, of course, I am.” She said, taking a step closer, “Why wouldn’t I be?”
Enid merely shrugged.
“Not that I am disappointed at the seeming lack of neon-colored hearts and cupids splattered across your living space,” She continued, “But you did seem to be quite excited about them earlier.”
Enid shrugged again. “My mother called.” She said in a voice so small it made Wednesday’s heart contract unpleasantly.
A spark of anger flared and settled to smolder in Wednesday’s solar plexus. She took a hesitant step closer but remained silent as the night.
“She wanted to remind me that even though my wolf is too big, and my scars are too shameful and ugly to be attractive to most fur-boys, that Lupercalia is when even ugly girls can become mated to a high-ranking male if we put our names in the lottery. And that it might be my only chance to be normal.” She stated through gritted teeth.
Rage caused Wednesday’s nostrils to flair slightly. The anger that had been smoldering in her chest made its way up into her eyes. “Enid. What’s the Lottery?” She asked. Her dangerously quiet voice caused Enid to look up at her.
“It's an ancient fertility and mating thing. Young unmated furs, or their parents, can have the Luperci write your name on a piece of paper, there is one big jar for boys and another jar for girls. Whoever pulls your name out of the jar becomes your mate for Lupercalia, no strings. But often times these pairs stay together for life.” Enid said miserably.
Wednesday could feel herself shaking with rage. She had to close her eyes and take a few deep breaths to fight down the urge to simply hunt down Enid's mother and turn her into a fur coat, or a rug.
“Enid. There is nothing wrong with you.” Her voice was cold and calmer than she felt.
“What?” Enid looked up at her vaguely surprised.
She sighed and moved closer still, so their arms were barely touching. “I said,” She began, “As much as it pains me to admit, there is nothing wrong with you.”
Enid choked on a teary laugh, “You still suck at this you know.”
“Where is Agax?” Wednesday changed the subject, “I thought he would be here and the two of you would be making me homicidal right now.”
“He’s gone.” Enid sniffed and wiped her eyes on her sleeve, “We broke up.”
“Do I need to cut his heart out with a butter knife and nail-gun it to our door?” Wednesday inquired
Enid laughed, even though she was pretty sure Wednesday was serious. “No.” She shook her head, still laughing, “No. I broke up with him.”
“Why?” Wednesday asked.
Wednesday’s eyes were like luminous dark pools that Enid was sure she could fall into and drown without caring if she never came up for air again. She swallowed around the lump in her throat and replied, “He’s a nice guy, but I could never feel safe with him. It's like every time we tried fooling around my claws would just come out, and every time he touched my scars, all I wanted to do was run and hide.”
“I think your scars are beautiful,” Wednesday whispered, reverently, as she reached out to trace them with fingers so gentle Enid could scarcely breathe.
She closed her eyes and leaned into Wednesday’s hand. “You do?” She whispered.
“Of course!” Wednesday’s fingers stilled but didn’t pull away. She was pretty sure Enid could hear the beating of her heart as it pounded against her ribs.
“And I knew I couldn’t be with him because..” Enid let the rest of that sentence drop. Her eyes were as blue as lightning before it strikes.
“Why was that?” Wednesday’s voice had become almost horse as her mouth became annoyingly dry.
“Because he isn’t…” Enid sounded frustrated as she let that sentence drop too. She grasped at the wrist of the hand on her face, and the air began to crackle and spark between them. She pulled Wednesday in, wrapping her other arm around her roommate's waist, like a spider going in for the kill.
Oh … OH!
This kiss was nothing like the one she had shared with Tyler. There were no visions as it obliterated her defenses, and gutted her armor as quickly as one swipe of Enid’s Wolf’s claws. The feelings that had been manageable for so long blossomed like blood pouring from her heart as she pulled Enid impossibly closer. She drank her in like a shipwrecked sailor would pure, sweet water.
“That’s why.” Enid breathed into her lips before they both leaned back in.
She refused to allow her knees to give way as she grasped onto Enid’s sweater and pulled her back through the window without breaking their kiss. As the back of her knees hit her bed frame they tumbled in an unceremonious heap. Enid’s weight on top of her was like pouring gasoline onto a fire she never knew she was capable of feeling. If this was why people would die for love, she would gladly let it consume her.
Enid’s eyes were glowing blue with yellow sparks as she rolled off of Wednesday and they finally pulled slightly apart to look at each other. “You are the only one who has ever made me feel safe.” Enid said, “See,” she raised her hand to show Wednesday, “No claws.”
“I trust you too,” Wednesday murmured, pressing her lips to Enid’s palm.
“I should get up” Enid sighed, “My mother expects me to wolf out with some random guy tomorrow. I don’t want to.”
“No!” Wednesday tightened her arms protectively around the girl she loved.
“No?” Enid sounded hopeful.
“I don’t care if you wolf out. You should stay.” She stated, holding Enid as tightly as she could without hurting her.
Enid snuggled closer still as Wednesday relaxed her grip.
“Ok.” Was all Enid could manage through her tears.
Wednesday leaned in to kiss her again, knowing that no matter what tomorrow would bring, they would face it together.