“You’re here! Checkup?” Cove approached the younger with a soft smile.
Max has been staying at Cove’s apartment for two weeks now. It isn’t really a big deal for Cove who lives alone. Max is clean and quiet, just like how Cove likes it.
But these traits don’t really help the fact that Max is staying over because she’s hiding, again. No, she’s not a criminal, she’s not a rebel, she’s not running from a serious debt.
She just wants to run away. From reality.
Again.
I want to run away from everything else but you. I can handle losing all of them once I’m all fine to face the world again. But you? Even just a second, I can’t imagine losing you. Let me in?
Those were the last things that Cove can remember when she heard the desperate cry for help that Max let out in front of her apartment during that night.
Out of all the people that the younger believes would and could hurt her, she trusted Cove.
With her whole soul.
Max hesitated to answer for a second. “Uh yeah, tomorrow? Okay lang? I’m a little tired today” she looked at the latter with a small smile, showing her uncertainty.
“Yeah, of course you are.” The latter scoffed.
It was supposed to be quiet like a whisper scoff, but it went a little too loud for Cove’s liking.
The younger then raised an eyebrow and asked. “What does that mean?”
Aware of the sudden increase of the tension between them, Cove thought that she must answer fast.
“What? Sabi mo pagod ka diba?” that came out a little aggressive.
“Yeah, I am. But what’s with the sarcastic tone?”
Max then took steps towards the older.
Slowly. One.
Two. Slowly.
Three.
“Wala.” Still a little aggressive.
Being cornered isn’t really Cove’s thing, to say that this is new to her is an understatement. She’s overwhelmed.
Cove knows the only buttons that should be pushed, to not cause chaos on her mind and Max’s. She knows her friend damn well.
She can’t just say the thoughts that have been running through her mind just because she wants to, Max is sensitive right now. Especially now. She doesn’t want her friend to be pulled down even lower than she already is.
Cove can resist the urge to let it out tonight, she should.
Max is having a hard time, her thoughts are not the priority right now, Max’s is. Those thoughts that are killing her slowly at night can come after. Max first.
“What is it?” the younger insisted.
“Akala ko ba pagod ka para makipag-usap? Umakyat ka na.” now, that’s better. Not aggressive but firm. “Not until you tell me what’s the problem.”
Pucha, ang kulit naman nito.
“Parang yes or no question lang naman yan diba? Ikaw. Okay na? Umakyat ka na.”
Cove wanted to shrug it off so badly. She thought this was one of those times that the younger would realize that she doesn’t want to talk about it yet. That maybe, pushing this further would make things worse so she would just let it go, she would let her go.
She knows how much Max cared about her; she really does. Because after all, Max is not the only one who trusts her with everything, because she also does with her too.
Maybe it’s the exhaustion that seemed to push her even more.
Max can’t let this one go.
Max took another step forward, with an increased and trembling voice, she asked “Ako? Anong ako? Paanong naging ako?”
Ah shit. Cove internally cursed herself for being so careless. If she did not let that scoff out earlier, they wouldn’t reach this point.
Cove insisted to herself that it’s not the time, yet. So, she tried again.
“Max, ayaw mo makipag-usap diba? Tapos ngayon gusto mong ilabas ko ‘to? Ano ba Talaga? Bukas nalang or kung kailan ka hindi pagod.”
Please naman oh, wag mo na ipilit.
But no, Max is just as desperate as she is.
“Tangina eh kung ayaw ko? Ayaw ko yung checkup na gusto mong gawin pero hindi ko kaya matulog na ganyan ang lagay mo. Kaya magsalita ka, Cove.”
Max was too late to realize that she shouted at the latter, trying to push the right buttons to make her open up. But she can’t take it back now, she just hoped that this would be the last, that this would let the girl speak about the problem.
Their problem.
“Pag nagsalita ba ako, yung mga isasagot mo saakin, may katotohanan ba?”
This made Max even more confused and frustrated.
Max saw how Cove’s fingers started fidgeting, this made her scratch the back of her head.
“Ano? Hindi ko maintindihan, Cove. Ayusin mo nga, nauna ako magtanong, why are you answering me with a question too?” she took another step forward.
Cove took a step back and looked down, making Max stop from moving again.
“Max.”
“Just say it.”
Tangina naman eh, hindi naman kasi dapat mangyayari to kung nag-ingat lang ako. Tanginang bibig to.
She took a deep breath and exhaled loudly before answering the younger,
“Kaya ka naandito sa condo ko kasi nagtatago ka sa mundo. Kaya ka naandito sa condo ko kasi sabi mo ako lang ang hindi mo kayang manahimik sa maingay na mundong ‘to.”
“Yes. Ikaw lang, Covey.” Max stared at the latter’s eyes directly, softly as if trying to show her own mind and soul.
“Sinungaling.” She responded immediately, almost without hesitation.
Max’s eyes widened; she dropped her hands to her side exaggeratedly “Ano?”
“Conyo ka, hindi ka bingi. Sabi ko sinungaling. Gusto mo English para mas maintindihan mo? Ang sabi ko you’re a li-“
“Enough.” She turned her back at Cove and started walking back and forth, caressing the back of her neck. “I can’t believe you’re actually saying this. What the hell did I do wrong now? Anong sinungaling?”
Well shit, wala na. Naandito na eh, paano pa ako tatakbo?
“You keep saying na naandito ka kasi hindi mo kaya na manahimik ako. Pero, you still keep on pushing me away. You keep saying that you’re sure that you don’t want me to leave pero nasaan ako? May lugar ba ko?”
“Cove, an-”
“Max, patapusin mo ako.” Cove said with a firm tone, making the younger shut up for a few seconds.
“Cove, nagkukulang ba ako? I always remind you naman na-”
Sabing patapusin muna ako eh.
“Yeah, remind remind remind. Puro ka remind, Max. Anong magagawa ko sa words of affirmation na yan kung kino-contradict naman ng actions mo?” she managed to ask without screaming and sounding too harsh to the younger.
“Magkasama tayo sa iisang apartment pero hindi kita madama, Max. You always remind me na ako nalang ang kaya mong lapitan pero malapit ka nga ba?” Cove added.
“Is this where the lies start? Kayang kaya mo sa mga taong pinagtataguan mo, ano pa nga naman ba saakin?”
Cove let out a small sarcastic laugh, trying to lighten the heavy baggage being pressed down on her chest.
“No, Cove. You’re way so much different from them, I can’t lie to you.”
Max sounded desperate, which brought the older back to that night.
“Then make me feel like it, Max!” Almost out of breath, Cove knew that she had to. They can’t keep on going in circles.
Nakakapagod pala, akala ko tinitiis lang to eh.
“Kasama kita araw-araw, halos buong araw pero kahit katiting na tungkol sayo at sa araw mo, wala akong alam!”
“This is my own place yet why do I feel like I’m an outsider?”
Immediately, they both felt their hearts drop out of their chests.
Suddenly, Max was grounded, not knowing what to respond while Cove stared at her in disbelief with suppressed tears.
“Covey, please?” she took a step forward.
Cove took a step back. “Save it.”
“Matulog ka na, Im going out for a run.”
Max panicked and started to move swiftly to look at the wall clock and the window “Cove, it’s 10 PM!”
“Max. Upstairs.” Cove started walking towards the shoe rack beside the main door, trying to avoid any physical contact with the younger.
Max held the older’s arms, trying to stop her from going but Cove immediately removed her hands and just stared at her.
She felt a cold tingle run on her spine with the way the older was looking at her.
“Covey, its dark and cold, anong run?” the younger asked worriedly.
“Max, I can handle myself like I always do.”
Cove scoffed loudly and formed a small smirk, making sure that the younger witnessed all of it.
She opened the main door and looked back at Max,
“Besides, outsider na nga ako diba?”